The Case of the Exploding Loo (19 page)

“You listened to my phone call.” I smile.

“Of course. I’ll always listen to you.”

I glance across to where Manly Officer is securing Dad’s arms. “Then can I ask you a favour? Will you look out for my dad? I think the brain ray sent him a bit crazy. Maybe
it’ll wear off.”

PC Eric nods. “He will be treated as he deserves.”

That doesn’t sound good. But Holly’s right – Dad had to be stopped.

“There’s one final, official duty we’d like you to perform.” PC Eric leans forward and whispers in my ear.

“My pleasure,” I say, resting my hands on Holly and Porter’s shoulders. “I would like to formally declare The Case of the Exploding Loo officially closed.”

Dad/Great Leader, Wacky Scientist/ Professor Brian “Big Brain” Hawkins . . .

was arrested and remanded in custody. However, because the brain rays mysteriously disappeared and Mr Kazinsky’s indoor bonfire destroyed key evidence, there was
insufficient proof to charge him with anything connected to his time as Great Leader of LOSERS. Instead, they gave him a two-year sentence for “aggravated criminal damage and endangering
life” by blowing up a public portaloo.

I visit him once a week. We’re getting on better now I know where he is and what he’s doing.

Ms Grimm . . .

disappeared after the police announced they wanted to question her in connection with Gemma Gold’s enforced stay at LOSERS, but I don’t think she’s gone far.
Last time I visited Dad, the prison warden said Dad’s sister was a regular visitor – which is weird because Dad doesn’t have a sister.

He does have a sister-in-law, but Vigil-Aunty says she wouldn’t visit him if he was the last man on the planet (which makes sense because Vigil-Aunty has been banned from driving, so if
there was no one else left on the planet then there would be no one to drive her to the prison).

When I asked the warden to describe Dad’s sister, he said she looked like “Frankenstein’s monster after the villagers caught it with their pitchforks.” Sounds like the
Grimm Reaper.

Holly …

won’t come with me to visit Dad in prison. She says she’s not bitter; she just liked Dad better when she thought he’d spontaneously combusted. In contrast,
Holly and Porter are getting on like a house on fire. (Not literally. Setting buildings on fire is illegal as Mr Kazinsky discovered when they locked him up after the explosion.) And with Porter
acting as negotiator, Holly and I are, well, not exactly friends, but she doesn’t kick me as often.

Porter . . .

managed to get through to Gemma by phone. Once. But when her parents discovered he was Ms Grimm’s son, they banned all further contact. Mum was so moved by the tale of
star-crossed love (and so surprised I’d made a friend) that she invited Porter to move in with us until his mother turns up again. It helped that he offered to pay rent. He can afford it.
Following Dad’s trial, Porter’s Exploding Portaloo movie went viral with over a million hits on YouTube, swelling the number of portaloo spotters from approximately four to tens of
thousands.

Mum . . .

left the sofa for several days to help with the police investigation. During this time, she built a huge bonfire in the garden for Dad’s picture, the brain-washing iPod
and the Curry in a Hurry leaflets (which we no longer need as Curry in a Hurry rapidly relocated, shortly after Dad’s arrest). But, after that brief flurry of activity, Mum decided life was
far more relaxing when viewed from the sofa and returned to her sedentary lifestyle.

LOSERS . . .

shut “for refurbishment” and many parents removed their kids altogether. But some were so impressed with the improvement in their children’s test results they
re-registered them after Mr Kumar (maths) agreed to act as temporary head.

Me . . .

My life is good. Now Dad’s a famous “banged-up” criminal, I have even been invited to join the Toilet Trolls. But I don’t need new friends. Not when
I’ve got Holly, Porter and Meccano Morris – who has become a bit of a celebrity after helping to save the day with his Faraday cage. Besides, if I had more friends then I wouldn’t
have time to look for new cases to solve . . .

With thanks …

To my little Know-Alls for making me smile and checking this book contains the right amount of poo – Jodie, Dylan, Hugo, Amber, Sami, Ruby, Oscar, Maisie, India and
Kristiaan.

To my big Know-Alls for being wise in the ways of brain rays, police cordons and portable toilets – Cousins Chris & Giles, Eloise and Stuart Payne (who are not
related), Adam McCarthy, Matthew Bage, Omar Ismail and his very clever wife who doesn’t like to be named.

To my friends who read the book and said nice things about it. That would be you Ellie, Charlie, Tracy, Alice, Annabel, Maria, Svenja, Sam, Tony, Jack and The Other Rachel.

To teachers everywhere, because people don’t thank them enough. But particularly to Emma Hall, Lynne Doyle and Kelly Wass for making a quirky kid proud to be
different.

To the Emirates Lit Fest folk, Luigi Bonomi Associates and Montegrappa. Because I like prizes.

And to my mum, my sisters and my husband. For everything.