The Certainty of Deception (18 page)

I cut my eyes between my brother and Jared, giving them a ‘go to hell’ look.  Anyone who knew
me knew I hated to dance.  Not that I couldn’t dance.  Hell, I could do nearly every kind of dance known to man.  Let’s face it, when your twin sister starts studying dance at the age of three, well, you get forced into becoming her partner.  Maybe that’s why I hated it so much.  Usually when people asked if I danced, I told them I didn’t know how.  That was exactly what I told Olivia when she wanted to go out dancing.  It worked too, but that little piece of information apparently had trickled down the gossip chain.

McKenzie eyed me curiously.  “I thought you didn’t dance?”

I leaned in and whispered into her ear, “I thought you loved to dance?”

A beautiful red hue colored her cheeks.  “I do.” 

“Well, then.  Let’s dance.”

McKenzie looked at me then down to my hand.  She glanced around the table at her family, who all pressed for her to go. 

“Okay, let’s dance.”  She shook her head, laughing softly and accepted my hand. 

I turned back to my adoring audience.  “Better?”

“Much better,” Gavin noted.

“It’s a start,” Jared chimed in.

“Knock ‘em dead,” Glenda shouted.

I escorted McKenzie into the middle of 6th Street, where a makeshift dance floor had been set up.  A trailer turned stage vibrated with the music of the live band playing a fast-paced song that would’ve kept us moving.  Once we reached the center of the dance floor, the song changed. 

A middle aged man, wearing extremely tight jeans, a brush popper, and a black cowboy hat, started to sing a haunting melody.  His gravelly voice crooned with regret and sorrow.  The lyrics carried a sense of nostalgia. Almost as if the song had been chosen specifically for me.  He sang of how he was happy that he didn’t know how things would end, because if he had, he would’ve missed the dance.

I tried to block out the lyrics, as McKenzie turned to face me and wrapped her arms around my neck.  I placed my hands around her tiny waist, drawing her closer to me.  We swayed silently to the slow beat of the music.  The more the cowboy sang, the stranger I felt.

“So,” I mumbled, breaking the silence.

“So,” she repeated.

An awkward silence encompassed us.  It felt as if this moment in time was fleeting and if I didn’t grab it, I would lose everything I held dear.  I looked up at the sky, searching for something, anything to say to her.  “You look really pretty today.”

Brilliant!
I mentally slapped myself.  What was I? Twelve? 

She hid a smile, not meeting my eyes.  “Thanks.”

Our feet shuffled across the wooden flooring.  Most women struggle with allowing a man to lead, but not McKenzie.  She matched me step for step.  I twirled her out, smirking at the utter surprise that appeared on her face when I drew her back into my chest. 

“I thought you said you couldn’t dance,” she said with a hint of sarcasm.

“And I thought you knew better.”  Slowly, I dipped her back. 

Pulling her back up, she flattened her hands to my chest.  I wondered if she could feel how fast my heart was racing.  I flashed her my best smile and winked.  “You have danced with me before, if you recall.”

Red heat surged her cheeks, but sorrow filled her eyes.  “That I have.”

Our dance at the beach was nothing like this one.  That dance had been about two souls finally coming together as one for the first time.  It was alive and full of passion.  A moment stuck in the time that would remain a vivid memory for all of eternity.  This dance, however, carried hurt and sorrow.  There was no passion, only regret.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that this felt almost like a goodbye. 

A mass of conflicting emotions flickered across her face.  Anger, hurt, need, want, passion, love.  It was all there.  Yet, which part of her was winning, I couldn’t tell.  She rested her head to my chest and the world melted away.  In her arms, nothing else mattered.  All the pain we’d caused each other; the running away, the lies told, our past, none of it mattered.  We’d fix this.  I’d fix this.  That’s what I was here for.  To make what was wrong, right again.

I tangled my fingers in her hair, breathing in her in.  That urge to hold on overwhelmed me. 

Stay.

McKenzie looked up at me, as a single tear trickled down her cheek.  With the pad of my thumb, I gently wiped it away.  “What’s wrong?” I murmured.

She shut her eyes tight, trembling in my arms.  “Nothing,” she breathed.

That wasn’t an acceptable answer for me.  She’d pushed me away one
too many times.  I cupped her face in my hands, forcing her to look in my eyes.  Those walls, dark and heavy, stared back at me.  “It is something.  Mickie, talk to me.”

She shook her head, focusing her watery eyes into the sky.  “It doesn’t matter anymore, Andy.”

“It matters to me.”  The band stopped playing.  Around us, the crowd clapped and cheered.  McKenzie stepped back from me, crossing her arms over her chest.  “Mickie, please,” I pleaded.

As if she couldn’t stop herself, she rubbed her thumb across my lips.  A hint of a smile appeared on hers, but it didn’t reach her eyes.  “You know, that song’s right.  Even if I’d known then what I know no
w, I wouldn’t change a thing, because if I had, I would’ve missed out on something truly amazing.”  Unshed tears brimmed at the corners of my eyes.  “Thank you for the dance.”  She pushed up on the tips of her toes, gently kissing my cheek.  Her hand lingered against my neck for a moment longer.  Then, with a heavy heart, she walked away, leaving me on the dance floor.

I stood there, watching as she disappeared into the crowd.  What just happened?  None of this made sense.  I pressed my hands against my skull, squeezing it tight between my hands.  Anger welled up inside me.  This had to stop.  “Mickie, wait!” I called out.  I dropped my hands to my sides and started to shove through the masses of people.  When I reached the middle of the street she was already gone.

Rain poured from the sky in a dark, constant torrent.  In the distance, sharp streaks of lightning crackled toward the ground.  The day had long since disappeared giving way to the night.  Goosebumps formed over my skin from the cold air conditioner blowing through the car.  Or maybe it was from the flood of emotions that overloaded my system.  Either way, my body shivered.  I rested my head against the cool window.  My fingers ran down the glass, tracing the drops of rain that drifted with the wind as we drove.

Not a tear was shed.  The sky cried enough for the both of us.  I’d lasted as long as I could at the festival after McKenzie left me stranded on the dance floor.  She never returned.  No one, not even her parents, knew where she’d gone.  Many people tried to call her, but she didn’t answer.  And I was sick of all the worrisome stares coming from her family and my companions.  It’d become ridiculous.  You’d have thought someone died.

“Are you sure he’s okay?” Jared asked Gavin, as though I couldn’t hear them talking about me.  I mentally rolled my eyes, but didn’t have it in me to comment.

I’d given the keys to Gavin to drive us back to the hotel.  He thought I was joking at first, but when I got into the backseat, he quickly realized how serious I was.  Driving held little attraction to me at the moment.  Nothing did.  All I wanted to do was get back to the hotel and disappear into the abyss of my mind, and maybe a bottle of rum. 

A drink.  That’s what I needed.  Something to kill the pain.  Who was I staying sober for anyway?  It certainly wasn’t for McKenzie, and why would I stay sober for myself?  Things were better when I felt no pain.  The question was how to get rid of the two knuckleheads in the front seat and find a bottle.  After what I just did, it was the only thing that would help me make it through the night.

Next to me sat my new cell phone.  What neither Gavin nor Jared knew was when I got into the car; I sent a text that would probably haunt me for the rest of my life.  It was the hardest thing I’d ever done, but following in McKenzie’s footsteps, I texted her a goodbye. 

If she could do it, then so can I. 
I comforted myself with that thought.

My greatest fear had come to fruition.  McKenzie was gone, and no amount of truth or love would bring her back to me.  It was over, and I needed to learn to live with that.  I’d given it my best try, but my best wasn’t good enough.  And I wasn’t about to beg her to take me back.  If she wanted to run away again, that was her prerogative.  I gave chase once and she refuted me.  Enough was enough.  Goodbye was my only option. 

She didn’t respond, so, I took that as her answer.  She was letting me go.

“I don’t know.”  A cadence of concern betrayed my brother.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.”

You think genius?  What tipped you off?  The fact that McKenzie left me again. 

“You said she was ready to patch things up,” Gavin argued.

Jared removed his hat and ran his fingers through his tousled hair.  “She was, Gav.  All she’s talked about lately was how much she missed him.  I don’t get it.  I remember how she was with Nate.  She hung on to him for dear life.  None of this makes sense.”

Of course she hung on to Nate.  He didn’t knock up her best friend.  I was a fool to believe that we could work past this.  That our love was enough.

Gavin glanced over his shoulder at me.  I didn’t move.  My eyes remained trained on the trickles of water running across the window.  Each drop started out large and full but as the velocity of the wind took its toll on
them; they turned into mere shadows of themselves.  Much like how I felt. 

“Maybe something happened that he’s not telling us about.  Drew’s notorious for doing that shit.”

Yeah.  Blame me for her running away.  Like I have control over her actions. 

“Possibly,” Jared hesitated.  “I don’t know what to think, really.”

The two of them grew silent, leaving only the hum of the motor and the sound of the pouring rain to fill the void. 

“Gav,” Jared paused. 

“Hm?”

“Do you still have the key to the liquor cabinet in his room?”

Ah, yes.  My good old friend alcohol.  Let’s take the only solace I have away.  Were they really so daft to believe that if I wanted liquor they could stop me?

“Yeah, but he wouldn’t,” Gavin responded.

“Are you sure?”

A deep sigh escaped my brother.  “No.”

Jared turned his head, looking out the window.  Neither of them uttered another word until we reached the hotel.

Gavin parked the car in front of the hotel and cut the ignition.  A young couple walked along the sidewalk in front of the car, heading to the hotel entrance.  The man’s arm wrapped around the young woman’s shoulder.  She rested her head against his chest, allowing him to guide her.  Watching them together broke me.  All of my control shattered into a million pieces.  Every nerve in my body electrified with rage and despair.  This entire trip had been a waste of time.  I’d put myself out there and for what?  For her to leave me again.

I struggled to breathe.  The roof of the car felt as if it was caving in on me.  My nose flared with each inhalation.  I could feel the veins pulsing in my forehead and neck.  “Fuck!” I grabbed the handled, throwing the car door wide open and sprang from the vehicle.

“Drew?” Gavin scrambled to get out of his seatbelt and jumped out the car.  “Drew!” he called out.  “Talk to us, little brother.”

The rain had slowed to a mere drizzle.  I tilted my head back, allowing the water to splatter against my skin.  It felt good in contrast with the humidity.  My hands shook with anger and the desire to drink.  I could almost taste the rum sliding down my throat and that initial burn in my system as it hit my stomach.  My tongue parched with the need to calm my rage and anguish.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I growled through gritted teeth. 

“Bullshit,” Jared protested.  He bounded out of the car. “You’ve kept your brother and me in the dark this entire weekend.  We’ve played along because we figured you needed some privacy, but this is ridiculous.  What happened?”

I dropped my head against my crossed arms on the roof of the car, leaning into the opening.  “You want to know what happened?  I’ll tell you.”  I sighed in resignation.  “McKenzie left me.  She left me two months ago when I needed her most and she did it again tonight.  That’s all that’s happened.”

“Drew, it’s not like that.  Believe me.  She’s just upset,” Jared said, as he closed his car door.  “Give her time, then the two of you can talk.”

I slammed my door shut, rounding on Jared.  “Time?” I yelled.  “I gave her time.  I’m sick of giving her time.  She’s made her position clear on this matter, and I refuse to chase her any longer.”  A sickening smile curled my lips.  “You should be happy,” I spat.  “Now you can swoop in and save the day.  That’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?  To be her hero.”

Jared took a step forward, his jaw clenched in anger.  “I’m going to let that slide because you’re upset.”

A dark, sickening chuckle escaped me.  “Right.  You know you’ve wanted to take me on since the day we met.  Don’t think I never noticed how you balled up your fists every time I stepped on your turf.  You want her and you hate that I got her.”

“Drew, stop this.”  Gavin darted around the front of the car, ready to break us apart if need be.

Face to face Jared and I stood, neither willing to back down.  “Stay out of this, Gav,” I informed my brother, rolling up my sleeves.  I was ready to pummel this moron. 

The screeching of tires stopped me from throwing a punch.  All three of us turned to find a silver Prius peeling through the parking lot on a direct course toward us.  If I wasn’t so pissed, I would’ve laughed.  Who would’ve ever thought a Prius could squeal its tires?  That had to be some sort of defiance against laws of physics or something.

The car flew into the spot next to ours, wedging Jared and me between the two vehicles.  The driver slammed on the brakes, jerking the car into place.  Barely in park, McKenzie flew out of the car, slamming her door shut. 

McKenzie was the last person I’d expected to see tonight.  But there she stood under the glow of the fluorescent light, seething.  Her tear streaked face pinched in agony.  Gone was the adorable outfit she’d worn to the festival.  In its place were denim cutoffs and a white tank top.  Her hand clenched tight around something that I couldn’t quite make out. 

She looked from me to Jared, to Gavin, and then back to me again.  Placing her fists on her hips, she growled, “Jared, Gavin, go inside.  Now.”

Jared stepped forward, his hands outstretched.  “McKenzie, hold up.  You’re upset.  Just calm down.”

McKenzie jabbed her finger into Jared’s chest.  “Don’t you dare tell me to calm down.  This is between Drew and me.  Now go.”

I stood there, my mouth gaped open.  This wasn’t my McKenzie.  The women I knew kept the peace.  This woman was wild, vicious, and out of control.  Venom laced her tongue and fire burned behind her eyes.  In short, she was pissed.

Wait!  What did she have to be pissed about?  I was the one who had every right to be mad.  She left me again!  My rage resurfaced, stronger and more vicious than before.  She had no right to react this way.  It’s true that I might’ve hurt her with the whole debacle involving Olivia, but I wasn’t the one who left her alone.  I put the effort to keep us connected with the flowers and flying out to bring her home.  And she had the audacity to be angry with
me
?  No, I wouldn’t allow it.  Not this time.

Gavin stepped backward, grabbing Jared by the arm.  “C’mon, Jare.  Let’s give them some privacy.”  There was a sense of irony to his statement. 

Jared hesitated.  I placed my hand on his shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze.  “Go upstairs with Gavin.  I can handle this.” 

Jared bowed his head, his brow furrowed tight.  “If you need us…”

“Now they’re all buddy-buddy,” McKenzie snarled under her breath.  She had a point.  Only seconds ago, I was ready to beat the crap out of Jared.  Now, here he was offering me help. 

“I know,” I assured him. 

Jared put on his hat and turned to McKenzie.  “The same goes for you,” he reiterated.

“Go!” she shouted, motioning toward the hotel.  Jared sighed and followed Gavin into the building. 

Once they were out of sight, McKenzie slapped me across the face.  The crack of her hand against my skin echoed through the air.  It sounded like thunder.  A strange shiver made its way down my spine, as her skin made contact with mine.  Never had I felt so much anger infused with resentment and panic before in my life.  I hated the way she made me feel, and yet being without her meant never breathing again. 

Her body trembled with her anger.  My eyes raked down her wet form, stopping at her closed fist.  It was wrapped around something, but the dark of the night hid the object from me. “What the hell is wrong with you!” she screamed.

I staggered back and clasped my hand over my face.  A whelp of stinging pain radiated across my cheek where I was certain her handprint now resided. I rubbed my palm across my cheek, moving my jaw back and forth.  “What’s wrong with
me
?  What the fuck is wrong with
you
?”

Lightning crackled, lighting up the blackened sky.  Huge droplets of water seeped from the heavens.  McKenzie blinked several times, knocking the water from her lashes down her cheeks.  Under different circumstances, I would’ve found the situation to be quite erotic.  Especially with McKenzie in a wet shirt, but there was nothing sexy about this.

“Everything, you stupid bastard!” she screamed, throwing the object in her hand at me.   I lunged to the side, barely catching the object. “Take it.  I don’t want it!” My eyes dropped to the object, instantly recognizing it as the necklace box from her nightstand.

I stared at the box in dismay.  “Fine,” I hissed, shoving it in my pocket.  “Is that all you want?”

McKenzie rubbed the water from her eyes.  “Yes.  That’s all!”

She might as well have slapped me across the face again, because the pain of those three little words hurt worse than any bodily inflictions she could’ve caused.  I wanted to scream at her to hit me again, to make the pain go away, but none of that would’ve fixed what was wrong between us.  It was over.