The Chance: A Novel (8 page)

“You don’t need a kiss from Peyton Anders, Carrie. You need marriage counseling.”

Their conversation didn’t end until Lena dropped her off. Caroline figured that was that, but she was wrong. Peyton’s first phone call came at two in the morning. Caroline was awake, on the far side of the bed, reliving every minute of the concert. Since it was Friday night, Alan had been home. Caroline grabbed the phone and glanced at her husband. He was still asleep. She hurried out of the room and into the kitchen at the other end of the house. “Hello?” she whispered, looking
over her shoulder. Even now she remembered being terrified Alan would wake up.

“Baby, it’s me. Peyton.” His words ran together as if he’d been drinking. “Tonight was heaven. When can I see you again?”

In a decision she would question until her final sunset, Caroline thought about Alan in the other room, about how she had once loved him and longed to be married to him. Then she thought of how he’d left her lonely so often. She clenched her teeth for half a second and rattled off a different number. The doctor’s office where she worked. She told Peyton three things. First, he could call her only at work. Second, she was married, so they had to be careful. And third, she couldn’t wait to see him again.

From that moment there was no doubt about their feelings. The intensity of their passion, the impossibility of it, brought them closer every time they talked. Caroline never could really believe Peyton Anders was calling
her
. He must’ve had dozens of groupies in every city. Why would he seek her out? She let herself be carried away by the thrill of it all, convinced nothing would come of it. The phone calls went on for a year until Peyton came back to Savannah the following January. Peyton arranged for her to be backstage during the show, and she said nothing about it to Lena. After the concert, Caroline and Peyton made out for half an hour in a private room backstage. Caroline remembered telling Peyton she needed to leave, that she couldn’t lose control. It was one thing to flirt with the singer by phone, one thing to kiss him backstage. Those things were only a diversion for her otherwise nonexistent love life.

But she cared about Alan too much to have a real affair.

When she said good-bye to Peyton that night, he whispered, “One of these days I’ll quit touring, and it’ll be me and you. I’ll move you to Nashville, and we’ll start a life together.”

Caroline only smiled. She never would have considered such a thing, but she didn’t owe Peyton an explanation. The fascination with him was nothing more than a fantasy.

The next day at the office, Lena called. “You went to his show last night, didn’t you? To the concert?”

“Lena, this isn’t the time for—”

“Listen. You’re gonna go destroy everything that matters, Carrie. Think about Ellie . . . and Alan. You promised that man forever.” She waited. “You listening?”

“Yes.” Caroline sighed. “How was your dinner with Stu?”

“Carrie.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. He left town this morning. He’s just a friend.”

“You can’t lie to me.”

And so it went. Later that spring when Alan told her he still loved her and that they should get counseling, Caroline felt a ray of hope. But six months later, they still hadn’t found the time or the counselor.

On their next anniversary, Alan took her to dinner, but the whole night he looked defeated. She was sure her expression wasn’t much different. “I feel . . . like I’m losing you.” He sat across from her, struggling to make eye contact. “Like we’re losing us.” He reached for her hands, and for a moment they both seemed to remember how much they’d lost. “If I’ve been a terrible husband, Caroline, I’m sorry. I never meant to be.”

She tried to smile. “I keep thinking things will get better.”

“You deserve better.”

Caroline thought about Peyton. Yes, she and Alan both deserved better. That night he promised things that made Caroline forget anyone but her husband. But come morning he was gone again, another week of work. A month later his promises were all but forgotten. By then, Ellie spent more time at Nolan’s house than she did at home. Some nights Caroline looked at her wedding photos and cried for the love they’d had back then, the love they’d lost along the way. They were both to blame, and the answers didn’t seem to exist.

The phone calls from Peyton continued, and when he came to town the next time—just four months ago—he insisted she come to the show early. They texted right up until she arrived and he met her at the backstage door. They stepped inside the arena and hugged for a long time. “I love you, Caroline. I think about you constantly.”

His words frightened her. “Love, Peyton?” She drew back, searching his face. “This isn’t about love.”

“It is. I love you. I do.” He looked hurt. “There’s no one in my life like you, baby. You’re on my mind every hour, every day.” He kissed her, a dangerously passionate kiss that made her forget anything but the man in her arms. He stared at her, breathless. “You have to believe me, baby.”

Over the next ten minutes, her defenses fell. She hadn’t pictured this, never imagined it. But long before he took the stage, he convinced her he was telling the truth. She wasn’t a diversion or a fantasy or a game. Peyton Anders actually loved her.

Then he dropped the news. “I have four days off.” He raised his brow, nervous and tentative. He trembled as he looked deep into her eyes, straight to her weary soul. “I booked us a room.”

“What?”

“A room.” He moved closer to her. “Come on, Caroline. We can’t stop this.” He kissed her again, longer this time.

The combination of her ice-cold marriage and Peyton’s passionate kiss pushed Caroline over the edge. She drew back, breathless and beyond her ability to reason. “After the show . . . take me there.”

And so he did.

They found a routine. She spent every daylight hour with him and they never left his room, as if nothing and no one but Peyton existed. She called in sick and came home late each night. During her few hours at home she would make lunch for Ellie, and in the morning talk to her for a few minutes, as long as the shame would allow. Then she would head for the hotel.

It was just four days. She figured she would never get caught.

But that Friday, Alan returned from the base early and questioned Ellie. When he found out Caroline hadn’t come home until ten o’clock for the last three nights, he took up his position by the front door. His eyes were the first thing she saw when she crept into the house that night.

He glared at her, his teeth clenched, and called her things that stayed with her like skin. Names she couldn’t escape. And every day since then, they’d fought and thrown accusations at each other like so many hand grenades. Tension filled the house, and Ellie stayed away more than ever. She had grown up, and now she was a beautiful reminder of all that Caroline herself had been as a teenage girl. But the closeness they shared when she was little was as gone as yesterday.

Caroline turned her heart and hopes toward Peyton. With everything in her, she knew her actions were wrong, but she couldn’t help herself.

He was no longer a diversion, a reason for getting up in the morning. He was her future. His calls continued, and she cared less and less whether Alan found out. For that reason she wasn’t terribly worried when her period was three weeks late. If she were pregnant, she and Peyton could simply start their life together sooner. Not until she called Peyton to tell him did her world fall apart. He was silent for half a minute before he said something she’d never forget. “You could never prove it’s mine. No one would believe you.”

And just like that, the game between her and the famous Peyton Anders was over. She took a pregnancy test and stared at the positive results. In a blur of fear and terror and uncertainty, she couldn’t remember how to breathe because the test stood for two things. The start of a new life.

And the end of her own.

Chapter
Three

A
lan Tucker thought about getting in his car and finding Ellie, bringing her back from the place where she hung out with Nolan Cook. The park near the boy’s house. But if he did that, she would know her life was about to change. In the end, that was why he didn’t go. Ellie deserved one last night before the start of the rest of her life.

The one in a new location. Without her mother.

Tonight’s news had changed everything. He would not raise Ellie in a town where people were forever talking about her mother, about her terrible affair and who she’d had it with. Tonight Alan finally had answers to the questions that had plagued him for so long. He still struggled to believe the reality. Peyton Anders.

Alan sighed, and the sound rattled through his aching chest. Of all people, Caroline had been cheating with a famous country singer. Worse, they’d been going behind his back for two years. He lay on top of the covers and stared through the darkness at the patchy bedroom ceiling. He wasn’t sure which was worse—the fact that Caroline had cheated on him or the
truth that she’d given her heart to the guy two years ago. Two years. He exhaled and rolled onto his side. He wanted only the best for his family. In all the years of spending weekdays at the base, he had never so much as taken a sip of alcohol. When the guys went out drinking, Alan stayed in his room and read his Bible or watched reruns of
Gilligan’s Island
and
I Love Lucy
.

He had asked Caroline more than once who she was spending time with, but he never really expected this. That the only woman he’d ever loved would find someone else. Or that she would lie to him. Betray him so completely. His stomach churned, and he wondered whether he would ever feel good again. True, he and Caroline hadn’t slept together in months, but before their intimacy waned, they’d had their good times.

Now, now he hated remembering even one of those moments. She would sleep with him at night and then flirt with Peyton the next morning from work. He never should have fallen in love with someone as beautiful as Caroline. Especially with his career as a marine. A few of his friends had warned him sixteen years ago, when he announced he was marrying her. Even his mother had been worried. “She’s very pretty.” She looked doubtful. “Does she understand you’ll be gone a lot? Women like her . . . well, some of them can be self-absorbed.”

Alan clenched his jaw. He had been angry at his mother for her comment back then. And now . . . He couldn’t finish the thought, couldn’t bring himself to rehash in his mind the truth about his wife. But this much was certain: Caroline would regret what she’d done to him. She would regret it as long as she lived. He already had a plan. Weeks ago his commander had told him about a promotion—one that would take him to San Diego’s Camp Pendleton Marine Base. He would continue his work as a drill instructor, but for larger classes. If
things went well, he would wind up working at the adjacent military brig, the one run by the navy.

The San Diego drill instructor position was open immediately. Until tonight, he hadn’t really thought he’d do it. Ellie was a freshman at Savannah High, and Caroline had her job at Dr. Kemp’s office. Life had a certain rhythm to it.

But all that had changed tonight.

Five minutes after Caroline pulled away, he called his commander. “How soon can I start in San Diego?”

“Next week.” The man didn’t hesitate. “Tell me when, and I’ll set it up. They have temporary housing on base until you find something.”

Alan did the calculations. He and Ellie could pack tomorrow and leave Sunday morning. If they put in long hours on the road, they could reach California in three days. “I could report Wednesday. Be ready to work that Monday.”

“Done.” The man sounded surprised. “They’ll be glad. Pendleton’s hurting for instructors.” He hesitated a couple seconds. “You’re the best, Tucker. Glad you’re moving up, but I hate losing you.”

If only his wife felt that way.

Yes, she would be sorry. He would move with Ellie and raise her by himself. Let her try to sue him or fight for custody. She wouldn’t dare, not with the sordid details of her last few years. No, she wouldn’t fight him. If she could do this to him and Ellie, then she didn’t care, anyway. He wouldn’t subject their daughter to a life of shame. Caroline didn’t want to be a mother, not if she could do this.

His heart felt heavy in his chest. He still had to tell Ellie. She might be mad at first, but in time she would understand. She would miss Caroline, of course. But when she got old
enough, he’d tell her the truth. How her mom had at one time been a wonderful person, kind and caring, the love of his life. But eventually she had chosen another man over being a wife to him or a mother to Ellie. Those future conversations would be heartbreaking, but Alan could see no other way. Ellie would have to understand. The only other person she wouldn’t want to leave was Nolan. Her best friend. But eventually she would get over him, too.

San Diego would have a whole new world of friends for her.

Alan felt his determination harden like fresh cement on a summer day. Whatever Ellie thought and however upset she might be, they were leaving Savannah. There was no other way. He heard the sound of her bicycle in the driveway, and he looked at the clock. It wasn’t quite eleven, Ellie’s curfew. He listened as the front door opened and closed again. For a single instant he started to get up. Better to tell her now so she would have the right mind-set. More time to prepare.