The Chocolate Lovers’ Wedding (8 page)

The mammogram wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as Chantal had feared. It was never going to be the best time of your life, but the nurse was brisk and efficient and the scan had literally taken a few minutes to complete.

Now she was back in the waiting room and nibbling her nails anxiously. ‘They said they’d give me the results right away.’

‘Wow,’ Lucy said. ‘What service.’
‘Are there any of those biscuits left?’
‘No,’ Lucy admitted. ‘Do you want one? I can pop out for

more. There was a shop by the entrance.’
Chantal shook her head. ‘I just noticed all the empty packets.’ ‘What can I say? I eat when I’m nervous.’
‘It’s
me
who should be nervous,’ Chantal pointed out. ‘I’m coming out in sympathy with you.’
‘Thanks,’ Chantal laughed.
‘You’ve nothing to worry about,’ Lucy said. ‘The consultant

Lucy was probably right. If there was something untoward there, then surely they would have felt it during the scan. Yet the radiographer had given absolutely no indication that there was anything amiss.

‘I’m jittery enough,’ Chantal admitted. ‘Better not add to it with a caffeine hit.’
A few minutes later a petite, pretty doctor strode into the reception and shouted out Chantal’s name.
Nervously, Chantal stood up.
‘Hello, I’m Livia Davis.’ She held out a hand to her. ‘Come on through.’
‘Can my friend come with me?’ she said.
‘Yes, of course.’ She shook Lucy’s hand, too. ‘Always good to have some moral support.’
They went into her office and she closed the door behind them. It was a functional room with a tired desk and equally tired chairs. The NHS certainly wasn’t squandering any money on furnishings for consultants. Chantal wondered idly about the patients who’d passed through here before her. For some of them, it wouldn’t be good news. The consultant sat behind the desk and opened Chantal’s folder while she and Lucy took the other chairs. Lucy gripped her hand.
‘Well,’ Livia Davis said. ‘I won’t beat about the bush, Chantal. There is a lump in your left breast.’
Chantal felt her mouth go dry. Lucy’s hand tightened on hers.
‘It’s flat, disc-shaped and is sitting quite high.’ She indicated where on her own chest. ‘You haven’t felt it?’
‘No.’ Chantal shook her head. ‘Nothing.’
Livia stood and put her scan pictures in a light box on the wall to point it out. ‘Can you see it here?’
She nodded, unable to find words. Lucy was saying something, soothing words, but she couldn’t tell what. It sounded as if she was speaking underwater. All she could hear was the word ‘lump’ on repeat in her head. She touched the place on her chest that corresponded with the shadow on the screen. Even now she couldn’t feel it. How long had it been there, lurking unseen?
‘Are you OK, Chantal?’ That was Lucy. Her friend stroked her cheek.
She nodded.
‘I’d like to do some more tests right away,’ the consultant said. ‘I’ve requested an ultrasound scan, some blood tests and a biopsy. Then we’ll know exactly what we’re dealing with. Does that sound OK?’
‘Yes. Of course.’
‘Can you stay now?’
‘So soon?’ Chantal had expected to wait days, at least, maybe even weeks. Was it an indicator that something was seriously wrong that she was being sent for more tests straight away?
‘I’d like to organise it today, if possible.’
‘We can stay,’ Lucy said to her. ‘I’ll sort everything out.’
‘I’ll stay,’ Chantal agreed, dazed.
‘There’s nothing to worry about,’ Livia reassured her as if reading her thoughts. ‘But I’d like to strike while the iron’s hot. The quicker we move, the better the outcome.’

We’re sitting in a restaurant down the road from the hospital. There’s too much noise in here, too much cheerful chatter. But we’re committed now. I’ve ordered some food, which is on the table between us. Neither of us is hungry.

‘You have to eat something,’ I say. ‘We could be at the hospital for a while this afternoon.’
‘I feel sick.’
‘Maybe this will settle your stomach.’ I just got a sharing platter of cheese and bread. To be honest, I’m in such a state of shock too that I didn’t know what I was choosing. I just pointed to the first thing I saw.
At the table next to us there’s a children’s birthday party. The little girl is in a pink dress in a highchair, which she’s currently banging with her spoon. There are balloons all around. I should have asked them to seat us somewhere else. Chantal takes in the scene disconsolately. Fuckfuckfuck.
‘She thinks I’ve got cancer, doesn’t she?’
How do I answer this one? ‘Not all lumps are cancer,’ I try. It doesn’t ring true, even to my own ears. ‘It could be . . . ’ I run out of words as my medical knowledge of lumps is scant. ‘As the doctor said, she can tell us more this afternoon.’
‘I can’t have cancer, Lucy. I haven’t got time. Who will look after Lana?’
Tears fill her eyes, then they spill over onto her empty plate. I take her hand and squeeze it. ‘It will be all right,’ I say, soothingly. ‘I promise you. Let’s wait and see what the doctor says before jumping to any conclusions.’
‘It must be bad if they’re doing more tests this afternoon.’
‘We don’t know that,’ I counter. ‘They might just be really efficient.’
‘I should ring Jacob.’ Chantal reaches for her phone.
‘Have a drink first,’ I urge. ‘Settle yourself. He’ll only be more upset if you are.’ I push the cup of chamomile tea towards her.
Much as I feel we could both do with a big glass of wine, I don’t think it’s right if we’re going back to the hospital. Though I’m not sure chamomile tea and a cheese platter is quite the right combo.
‘Have some bread.’ I butter a tiny slice and put it on the edge of Chantal’s plate. ‘Go on. You should have something inside you.’
She picks it up and chews. I do likewise to show solidarity. It tastes like cardboard. ‘Bread was a bad idea.’
We both laugh.
Chantal wipes away her tears, but more come in their place.
‘Do you want me to get you some soup or something instead?’
‘No. Nothing, Lucy.’
‘I’ll get them to wrap this up in case we want it later.’
A waiter brings a cake to the next table and they start to sing ‘Happy Birthday’.
‘I need to speak to Lana,’ Chantal says. ‘That will give me the courage I need to face the tests this afternoon.’
‘This isn’t the place,’ I say. ‘Go out into the sunshine. There was a bench just across the road. Sit there and I’ll be out in a minute.’
Chantal dabs her eyes again and then leaves. I pay the bill, get them to box up the cheese and bread. I have no idea why, really. At the moment, I feel like I’ll never eat again, so I can’t imagine how this must be affecting my dear friend. I call Crush and leave a message to tell him what’s happened and that I might be back late. I think about calling Autumn and Nadia but don’t want to worry them just yet.
By the time I get outside it isn’t sunny, it’s cold and cloudy. I try not to shiver. Chantal is already speaking to Lana. I drop onto the bench next to her.
‘Hello, baby girl,’ she coos. ‘Have you been good for Jacob?’
I can hear Lana’s scribble talk in the background and it brings a smile to Chantal’s lips.
‘Mummy loves you very, very much,’ she says and a sob catches in her throat.
I slip my arm round her shoulders.
‘I’ll be home soon.’ Jacob takes over the phone. ‘See you later,’ Chantal says. ‘I’ll call you as soon as I’m done.’
I hear him say, ‘I love you.’
‘I love you, too,’ Chantal responds. Then she hangs up.
I hand her a tissue and she blows her nose. ‘Better?’
‘Yeah. Much.’
Glancing at my watch, I say, ‘Ready to do this?’
‘Do I have any choice?’
‘No, but you’re made of strong stuff. You can cope.’ I’ve never seen my friend look quite so afraid.
‘I’m glad you’re here, Lucy. I don’t think I could face it without you.’
I wish I was having the tests instead of her. I hook my arm through hers and together we stand. Then we exchange a glance and head off back towards the hospital.

First Chantal had some blood taken and an ultrasound scan and now, less than two hours later, she found herself lying on the bed in a tiny room waiting for a biopsy. She’d told Jacob not to worry. If she was honest, she was doing enough worrying for both of them. The speed at which everything was moving was quite alarming.

‘This is terrifying,’ Chantal whispered to Lucy, who sat at the other end of the bed.
‘You’ll be fine,’ Lucy said, sticking determinedly to her view that all this would produce a positive outcome. Now Chantal wasn’t quite so sure. ‘The doctor said it won’t take long.’
When the doctor came he produced some sort of implement that looked like a gun and took tissue samples of the breast tissue. But it wasn’t fine. It hurt like hell. Lucy gently stroked her feet to distract her as she winced in pain while he punched enough holes to turn her into a colander.
When it was over, she and Lucy sat in the waiting room for another half an hour. Lucy got them both tea from the machine and they sat in silence. At this point, even Lucy had run out of comforting things to say. They both felt and looked drained. Chantal’s fingers trembled as she drank the scalding, weak tea.
Shortly they were called back into Livia Davis’s office and she sat behind her desk. Her face was grim. ‘I believe in straight talking, Chantal, and I’m sure you do. This is never easy to say, but I’m afraid that you do have cancer.’
Chantal felt her head swim and Lucy gripped her arm tightly.
‘I can’t believe it,’ she managed.
‘I know everyone hates that word and it’s a big shock to hear it. Cancer isn’t the death sentence it once was. We have excellent success with treatment now.’
The brutality of it hit her all over again. Livia certainly wasn’t dressing this up. ‘What does that mean?’
‘It means that even with the more aggressive cancers we can often give people five to ten years of good-quality life. Many survive much longer.’
Chantal felt her world cave in.
‘I can’t die,’ Chantal said. ‘Not even in five or ten years. Never. I have a baby. She’s not yet a year old.’ She thought of the little girl in the restaurant having her birthday party, the balloons, the cake and candles. She wanted to do that for Lana. Not once, but for years and years to come. ‘I have to be here to look after her.’
‘And I’ll do absolutely everything in my power to make sure that happens,’ Livia said.
There was no way that she’d seen this coming. Despite all the tests, in the back of her mind, she’d still somehow expected that the scan would find nothing and that the consultant would be cross with her for wasting her time. Inside she was going hot and cold. Her brain had completely imploded and there was no space for rational thought. Turning to Lucy, she saw that her friend’s face was as white as a sheet and she suspected her own mirrored that. Chantal tried to stop herself from shaking, but couldn’t.
‘Fuck,’ she said, clutching at Lucy. ‘What do I do now?’

We’re all in a state of shock when we meet up for coffee the next morning at yet another crappy café. This one is too busy, too bustling, the tables too close together. And, no matter where Chantal positions it, every time someone walks past they knock Lana’s buggy. Another place to be ticked off the list as unsuitable.

It’s also totally the wrong place to discuss the fact that our friend is too young and too beautiful to have anything as awful as breast cancer. It’s too bright and cheery to talk about the bruises on Nadia’s face, her split lip. The man whistling away behind the counter is too happy as a backdrop to Autumn’s news that Willow didn’t turn up to their arranged meeting. Everything about it is wrong. The whole situation is wrong.

While we’re reeling from Chantal’s news, a text pings into my phone. Marcus.
My pining for Chocolate Heaven has reached epic proportions and, of course, Marcus is texting me ten times a day asking me to go back.
Ping. Yet another one arrives.
All the girls look up. ‘Marcus,’ I confirm.
This is inappropriate in the midst of our misery, but then Marcus’s timing was always questionable. Ping. Ping. Ping. I ignore them all.
‘Are you weakening, Lucy?’ Autumn asks.
‘I am,’ I admit, ‘but Crush isn’t. He doesn’t want me anywhere near Marcus.’
‘You can’t really blame him,’ Chantal adds.
‘No.’ Can’t argue with that. ‘But who cares about Marcus and Chocolate Heaven? We have more important things to discuss.’
Chantal has breast cancer and it’s beyond awful.
‘What’s the next step with your treatment?’ Nadia asks her.
‘I’ve got another appointment soon. Jacob will want to come with me to that one, I’m sure. Livia, the consultant, told me that she’ll give me a plan of action then.’
We’re all shaken to the core, not least of all Chantal.
‘It will be fine,’ I tell her. ‘Livia was very positive.’
‘She was,’ she agrees, but I can see the fear in her eyes. And who wouldn’t be scared?
I don’t mention that all that’s sticking in my head is that Livia also said that most people can survive another five to ten years. That’s nothing in the scheme of things. Nothing. Chantal can’t go so soon. She has too much living still to do.
‘How did Jacob take the news?’ Autumn asks.
‘We cried a lot,’ she says and then her face crumples and she cries a bit more. ‘No one expects to be hit with this. It happens to other people.’
We all huddle round and I hug her.
‘It’s Lana I’m worried about,’ she adds tearfully. ‘If anything happens to me, who’ll look after my baby?’
‘You’re going nowhere.’ I’m absolutely certain in my conviction. Five to ten years, pah! ‘You’ll fight this and come out the other side. If anyone’s got the strength to face this down, then you do.’
‘Look at the state of us,’ Chantal says. ‘What a sorry bunch. It’s a good job they’ve got decent chocolate-chip muffins here or we’d have fallen to pieces. Anyway, enough of my woes.’ She turns to Nadia. ‘How are you feeling, sweetheart? What a bloody awful thing to happen.’
Nadia touches her lip, gingerly. There’s shadowy bruising round her mouth and even though she’s drinking her coffee through a straw, it’s clearly painful. She looks up self-consciously. ‘I know. And so close to my own home. My front door was literally in sight. I think that’s what’s so scary.’
‘It must have been terrifying,’ Autumn agrees. ‘I remember when one of my brother’s dodgy friends threatened me outside my flat. I was a wreck for weeks.’
‘Thankfully, the locksmith came and changed the locks this morning. It was an expense I could have done without but I hated the thought of someone out there with a set of my keys. He didn’t seem to follow me, but I was in so much of a hurry to get indoors that I’m not sure if I checked properly. You begin to doubt yourself.’
‘You did the right thing,’ Autumn says. ‘You can’t be too careful. There’s no price on peace of mind.’
‘I’ve had to cancel all my credit cards,’ Nadia continues. ‘I was just about to book a ticket to go up to see James, too.’
‘I’ll pay for it,’ I volunteer. My credit card might protest, but I don’t want Nadia to miss out on this chance.
‘I was wavering,’ Nadia admits, wincing as she takes another sip of her drink. ‘But after this, I just want to get away for a few days. I think it will do us good.’
‘We’ll book it on my phone before you go.’
‘Thanks, Lucy. I feel a bit shaky but I’m going to go into work later. I think it will take my mind off things. If I stay at home, I’m sure I’ll just dwell on it.’
‘It’s probably a good idea, but be kind to yourself, too.’ I pick at the cake in front of me. ‘You’ve had a shock. Don’t underestimate how that can make you feel. If you take a turn for the worse, come home. Ring me and I’ll be right round.’
‘Thanks, Lucy.’ Nadia manages a smile and then winces as it splits the cut on her lip again.
‘I went to the agency this morning,’ I tell them. ‘I think they were quite annoyed that I’d been sacked from the last job.’ Bit of an understatement, really. The woman rolled her eyes and tutted a lot. She told me it was a wonderful job and that they’d struggle to place me elsewhere. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and tut back. It wasn’t a ‘wonderful job’, it was really boring and, if I hadn’t been sacked, I’d have left anyway. Probably. ‘They gave me the details of three jobs to think about, but none of them really float my boat.’
‘You need the money for the wedding,’ Nadia reminds me. ‘Just think of that.’
‘I know. I’ll ring them and get some interviews fixed up. I can’t stay at home with my dad under my feet. He’s driving me potty.’
‘No sign of him moving out yet?’ Autumn asks.
‘He’s looking far too comfortable on my sofa,’ I say. ‘It’s worrying. He keeps assuring me he’s heartbroken, but he’s looking
way
too perky for my liking. He’s on the phone to my mother every ten minutes. I could kill her for telling him he could stay with me. What was she thinking? The place is barely big enough for two.’
‘Fingers crossed that it won’t be for long,’ Autumn says. ‘How’s Aiden coping with having him there?’
‘They’re sharing a couple of beers every night, watching football on telly. It doesn’t seem to be wearing thin for Crush, despite the fact that we can’t have any . . . erm . . .
conjugal relations
due to the fact that my old man is in the next room and the walls of the flat are like tissue paper. You can’t have sex when one of your parents is in the next room, can you? It’s wrong on every level. He’ll have to go soon.’
Chantal laughs. ‘Oh, Lucy. You are a tonic.’
‘My problems are minuscule compared to everyone else’s,’ I say, feeling ashamed that I’m concerned about such trivialities when my mates are really suffering. ‘I shouldn’t be so selfish.’
‘That’s the last thing you are,’ Nadia says.
‘So what if I never grace Chocolate Heaven again? It’s not the end of the world, is it?’ Though inside it feels as if it is. ‘Nations won’t fall. Marcus will find someone else.’ Don’t even think about weeping.
‘He will, Lucy,’ Chantal tells me, softly. ‘You shouldn’t feel guilty about not doing exactly what he wants. I know what you’re like.’
‘We’re all in a sorry state,’ Nadia agrees. ‘We need something to cheer us up. Autumn, tell us some good news. Any progress with Willow?’
‘I hope so. Mary’s going to try to set up another meeting soon. I’m so glad I saw her. It cleared the air a lot between us. She’s a lovely lady and I was so relieved to hear that they’d given Willow a good life. She’s very loved.’
‘Did you get a photograph of her?’
‘No. The only current one Mary had was on her phone. But she looks identical to me. Same hair.’ Autumn picks up a strand of her own locks. ‘She’ll really be delighted I gave her this. Poor girl.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘We look like two peas in a pod, even down to the way she dresses. I was a Goth too at her age. She’s all black eyes and moody face. She still looks adorable to me, though.’
‘We can’t wait to meet her.’
‘Me neither. I think Mary was worried that I wanted to steal Willow from her or that I was unsuitable in some way to be in her life. I can’t blame her. I suppose all sorts of things go through your head. But she’s happier now she knows that isn’t my intention at all. I can only wait and hope now that I can meet my daughter soon.’
‘Keep us posted,’ Chantal says. ‘We’re all rooting for you.’
Autumn glances at her watch. ‘I’d better be going. Miles isn’t working this morning, so we’re taking Flo to the park.’ She stands up and kisses us all. ‘Are we going to meet up tomorrow?’
‘Hopefully,’ I say. ‘Should we come back here?’
They all shrug.
‘It’s not the best, is it?’ Chantal says.
‘No.’ I shake my head. We know where the perfect place is and it’s unavailable to us. Until we find a new home, we are the Wandering Chocolate Lovers’ Club.
‘Promise me that you won’t go near the place,’ Nadia says.
‘I won’t.’ I hold up my hands in submission. ‘I’m not completely stupid.’
My friends exchange a knowing look.
Then another text comes in. I hold up the screen to them. Marcus.
Chantal shakes her head. ‘Don’t do it. You’ll only regret it.’ And, sadly, the others seem to agree.