The Choosing (The Pruxnae Book 1) (20 page)

Ziri stiffened.
“A bride price?”

“Didn’t he tell
you?”

“No, he didn’t.”

Gared shrugged.
“Probably didn’t think to.”

“So what is it?”

“The price he
pays for taking you from your home world and bringing you here. As soon as the
Choosing ends, he’ll open an account in your name and deposit the bride price
into it, and that money will be yours to do with as you please.”

Ziri’s eyes
searched the field and settled on Ryn in deep conversation with Alna and Tyelu.
“What if I choose somebody else?”

“It’s still
yours, a balance demanded by custom in lieu of the life you could’ve had on
your home world.”

Ziri shook her
head. “Wait, you mean he’s actually paying me for kidnapping me? That’s
so…strange.”

“It’s our way,
though more and more, it’s the man the candidate picks that pays the bride
price,” Gared said gently. A man’s voice loudly urged everybody to take their
positions. Gared’s arm fell away from Ziri’s shoulders. “It’s time. Remember,
now. Keep your head clear and on your goal.”

“But I don’t
even know what that is.”

“You will, when
the time’s right.” He smiled and backed up two long paces, facing her with his
back to the rest of his family. “Fight hard, daughter, and remember what I
said.”

She nodded,
though she had no idea which part of their conversation he wanted her to
remember. Was it the part about Enel’s brain being full of molnog or was it
everything Gared had said about Ryn?

A loud clanking
noise rang out from the center of the circular field. Gared nodded solemnly as
the crowd burst into loud cheers, egging on the mostly female candidates
gathered in the outer ring. “Find your heart, Ziri.”

She huffed out a
laugh. Wasn’t that what she’d been trying to do her whole life? Around her,
candidates, mostly women and a few men, began pushing their way through the
outer circle of family members toward the inner ring where Ryn waited. Ziri met
Gared’s gaze evenly. “Will you let me pass?”

“I’m the easiest
of the lot,” he said gently, and opened his arms to her.

She launched
herself into his embrace and buried her face in his broad chest. “Oh, Gared. I
don’t know what to do.”

“Yes, you do,
dearest.” His sigh puffed into the hair on the crown of her head. “Yes, you
do.”

She nodded and
stepped back, sniffing away her tears. He shifted to the side, and she went
around him. People were dashing across the open field, knocking each other out
of the way, vying for the best positions at the front of the pack. Fights broke
out among some of the women, and they were brutal. Ziri flinched away from a
large, blue-skinned woman holding another on the ground, her fist raising and lowering
in a perfect rhythm as she beat the woman beneath her into submission.

Ahead of Ziri,
two women sprinted toward Alna and Tyelu, and Ziri’s breath caught in her
throat.
Ryn
. They’d spied his handsome face and were going after him.
She took two running steps in his direction, then slowed. Is that what she
wanted? Did she want to spend the rest of her life with a man whose affections
for her had already faded?

Another fight
broke out to her left. Ziri glanced around and her gaze was drawn not to the women
writhing around in the snow, but to Enel, strong, steadfast Enel. He was
watching her calmly, waiting for her to make a decision, waiting for her to
choose him. She stepped toward him and halted. Enel was a good man. She’d known
that from the first. She could be happy with him, in spite of his obsession
with molnog. It was such a small thing, after all, and at least he wanted her,
truly wanted her. She’d never doubt that if she chose him.

But she’d never
love him the way he deserved.

She started
walking again, her thoughts whirling through her head faster than a stampeding herd
of winyu. Gared was wrong. She didn’t know what to do, didn’t know where her
heart lay, and she had no idea how to figure that out.

A woman skidded
into her path, and Ziri brushed past her, slapping off hands determined to
fight her. Another woman wasn’t so easily put off. She tackled Ziri onto the
cold earth and pushed her face into the snow. Ziri punched her elbow back,
catching the woman in the ribs, and wiggled her way onto her back.

Onu’s breath,
these women were persistent. Didn’t they understand that she had a decision to
make and didn’t need their interference while she was thinking everything over?

She scrambled
through the snow with the woman, fending off clawed hands, and punched the
woman’s pretty face right in the nose. Blood spurted out of the appendage. The
woman curled away, moaning, and Ziri staggered to her feet, shaking off the
throbbing pain in her knuckles.

First thing
she’d learned from Alna? Never let the pain keep you down.

A roar rippled
through the crowd. Ziri spun around, heart in her throat. A man had made it
into the inner ring and hefted a laughing woman high against his chest. His
mouth captured hers, and Ziri glanced sharply away, stung by the happiness the
couple exuded.

Somebody
stumbled into her and Ziri whirled, automatically punching out. Her balled up
fist caught the other woman in her shoulder and Ziri growled, “Do I look like
somebody you want to fight?”

The woman raised
calloused palms and backed away slowly, her ice-like eyes wide.

“That’s what I
thought,” Ziri groused.

She pivoted on
her heel and strode toward Ryn, irritation spurring her into action. By the
gods, he’d put her in this mess. Wasn’t that the way their entire relationship
had gone? First, he’d kidnapped her, then he’d chained her to his bed. Ok, so he’d
brought her things with them, but that didn’t make up for everything else. And
the Sweepers. That had been a mess on its own and one rightly placed squarely
on his head. What had he been thinking, jumping them into a nest of hostile
aliens?

A blue fist
appeared of nowhere and grazed Ziri’s jaw, and agony burst through the bruised
bone. She staggered to the side, searching for the fist’s owner, and froze. The
large, blue-skinned woman grinned, flashing a jagged row of pointed teeth. Ziri’s
anger withered under that bloodthirsty stare. Onu’s breath. And here she’d been
worried about getting past Tyelu.

The woman’s fist
lashed out and, without thinking, Ziri ducked to the side, barely avoiding the
blow. The woman followed with a lightning fast series of jabs. Ziri blocked most
of them, grunted at the ones that broke through her defenses, and circled
around as the woman closed in, her hammer-like fists pounding out in merciless
waves. One caught Ziri in the stomach, knocking the breath out of her. She
stumbled backward and her feet skidded on the snowy ground. Panic shot through
her. No, she couldn’t fall. If she did, this woman would pounce on her and
bludgeon her to death.

She managed to
find her footing, though her breath was long gone. The woman bared her teeth
and lunged, and in a flash, calm settled over Ziri and time slowed. Her breath
rushed back in, filling her lungs with sweet air, and she sucked it in, setting
her stance, biding her time as the woman moved ever closer.

When the woman
was almost on her, Ziri burst into action. She ducked under the woman’s
outstretched hands and plowed her shoulder into the woman’s hard stomach
muscles. Her arms slid around the woman’s waist and she lifted her opponent
high with the force of her legs. As soon as the woman’s feet left the ground,
Ziri fell backward onto the hard earth, taking the woman with her, and landed on
top of the blue behemoth.

She scrambled to
her feet and peered down at the woman on the ground. Her breath was knocked
out, but it wouldn’t keep her down for long. Ziri sighed. “I would say I’m
sorry for what I’m about to do, but I saw the way you beat that other woman. No
thanks.” And she arched her foot back and kicked the blue-skinned woman hard in
the jaw.

The woman went
limp, and Ziri nodded, satisfied. At least that was one less thing she’d have
to worry about.

Behind her, Alna
grunted, and Ziri whirled, homing in on Ryn’s mother. She and Tyelu were
engaged in a fight with the two women Ziri had seen racing toward them earlier.
Without thinking, Ziri shot forward, sprinting across the remaining distance
between her and them. She leapt onto the back of the woman fighting Alna and
wrapped an arm around the woman’s slender throat, squeezing hard, holding on as
the woman staggered and clawed at Ziri’s arm. Eventually, her struggles
faltered and she staggered slowly to the ground under Ziri’s weight. Ziri
dropped away and crouched on the ground, her gaze following Tyelu’s fight.

“Ziri,” Alna
said.

Ziri swung her
gaze toward the other woman. “What is it?”

Alna beckoned
her forward. “Come on, Ziri. Now’s your chance.”

Ziri pushed
herself off the ground. Her gaze sought out Ryn standing as still as a statue
behind his mother. His expression was as cold as the air, his beautiful, dark
eyes so devoid of emotion, her heart cracked.

“Ziri!” Alna
hissed. “What are you waiting for?”

“I don’t know
what I want,” Ziri murmured, but that wasn’t right. She knew exactly what she
wanted, just as she’d known exactly what to do to take the blue-skinned woman
down. She’d stopped thinking and found her heart, just as Gared had counseled
her to do, and she’d known.

And now, what
she wanted filled her with the same certainty as snow in winter. She wanted the
friendship she and Ryn had been building before he’d left her. She wanted to
see if she could really love him the way a woman should love a man and she
wanted him to love her back. But was that what he wanted? Would he accept her
if she crossed the line into the inner ring or would he shun her again, as he
had three nights ago?

If she didn’t
try, she’d never know.

Tyelu swung her
elbow across the jaw of the woman she was fighting, sending her spinning to the
ground, and stepped back, shaking her arm. “I don’t know why people think they
can get through me.”

“You’ll let me
pass,” Ziri said.

Tyelu jerked her
gaze up and smirked. “What makes you think that?”

Ziri waggled her
thumb over her shoulder. “Because I’m not afraid to do to you what I did to that
blue-skinned woman.”

Alna covered a
smile with a red-knuckled hand, and Tyelu scowled.

“Let her pass,”
Ryn said softly. “She’s earned the right to choose.”

Tyelu threw her
hands up in the air. “Fine, but when she breaks your heart, don’t blame me.”

Ziri brushed
past Ryn’s prickly sister. Alna stopped her and whispered, “You’re making the
right decision, Ziri.”

“I don’t know if
I am or not, Alna, but I have to try.”

Alna nodded and
stepped aside, and Ziri faced Ryn for the first time in days. “I’ll move on if
you don’t want me.”

Ryn’s sensual
mouth turned down at the corners. “I never said I didn’t want you.”

“You walked away
from me.”

“You said you
wanted Enel.”

Ziri pressed
numb hands to her eyes. “I said I wanted to know what it would be like to kiss
him. I wanted to see if I could love him.”

“And could you?”

She shook her
head. “I’ve never felt for him even a sliver of what I feel for you.”

“But you don’t
want me.”

Her hands fell
to her side. “I miss you, Ryn. I miss our friendship.”

“That’s not the
same thing as wanting me.”

“No, it’s not,
but there was no guarantee I ever would. You knew that when you stole me from
my home.”

He nodded
solemnly. “I did.”

“And you were
willing to take that risk.”

“I was.”

“Then give me
that chance now, Ryn. Give me a chance to take a risk.”

His breath
shuddered out of him. “If that’s what you want.”

She bit back the
words springing to her mouth.
I don’t know what I want
, but she did. She
wanted to take a chance on Ryn, had wanted to all along, and now, that chance
was right in front of her, waiting for her to grab hold of it. She crossed the
distance between them, stood on tiptoe, and pressed her lips to his in a gentle
kiss. “I choose you, Ryn.”

“So be it,” he
said, and misery clogged her throat. Never in her life had she ever thought
gaining what she wanted would make her feel as awful as she did right then.

The Dragon’s
Tail was packed from wall to wall with the cheerful faces of Hrelum’s
residents, come to wish the candidates and their mates good fortune after the
Choosing’s completion. Ryn shouldered through the crowd toward the bar on the
far side of the room, accepting congratulations and well-meant slaps on his
back as he went. Ziri was close behind, her fingers tight around the hem of his
jacket, her head bent under the weight of everybody’s attention.

She hadn’t said
a word since she’d chosen him, though that might’ve been due to the bruising
blow another candidate had delivered to her jaw. Already, the skin there was
purple and swollen, and had to ache.

Maybe it was the
cold or maybe it was the excess of emotion, but he was numb from head to toe,
too sore-hearted to care that she’d picked him or worry what would happen when
they were finally alone again.

The people standing
at the bar scooted aside, creating a spot for him there. He banged his palm on
the worn wooden width dividing Bellyn, the barkeep, from the alehouse’s
customers and ordered a stout and a cup of Wode’s Blood. Ziri wedged herself
into the narrow space between him and a rowdy Hrela and tucked her hand into
the crook of his arm. Her nose and cheeks were still red, and her fingers
chilled him through the layers of her gloves and his clothing.

He brushed his
mouth against her ear and caught a whiff of her fragrance, soft, womanly, inviting.
“I’ve ordered something to warm you up.”

She nodded and
glanced away. Had all her courage been used to topple the women standing
between her and him on the Choosing field?

Bellyn set a mug
of stout and a cup of Wode’s Blood in front of Ryn, then wandered away to help
the next customer.

Ziri’s hand
tightened on Ryn’s arm. “Should I pay?”

“Bellyn runs a
tab for locals.”

“Oh.”

“Nobody expects
you to do anything tonight, Ziri,” he said gently. He picked up their drinks
and handed the cup to her. “Drink this. You’ll feel better.”

She sniffed it
and wrinkled her nose. “What is it?”

“Wode’s Blood.”

She jerked back
and narrowed her eyes at him. “There’s blood in here?”

He bit back a
laugh. “No blood. It’s a hot tea.”

She sniffed the
steam rising from the mug again. “Are you sure? It smells kind of…odd.”

“Drink the tea,
Ziri.” He lifted his stout toward the table Alna and Gared had commandeered.
“Come on. They’re waiting for us.”

He led her
through the room, endured sly references to the night ahead, and settled into a
chair next to Gared. Ziri perched on the edge of a chair on his other side and
set her cup on the table, apparently fascinated by the warmth radiating out of
it, judging by the way her eyes clung to it.

Gared slapped
Ryn on the back, knocking him into the table. “Was a good Choosing. Our Ziri
did well.”

“She did,” Ryn
murmured.

“I thought she’d
never learn to fight.” Alna clucked her tongue around a smile. “But she managed
to take down the largest candidate there and she wasn’t the first to try.”

Ziri’s shoulders
hunched around her ears. “I stopped thinking. Soon as I did, I knew what to
do.”

Gared swigged
from his mug of ale and dashed the back of his hand across his mustached mouth.
“So you took my advice.”

“I just stopped
thinking so hard, that’s all,” Ziri said softly. She took a tentative sip of
her tea. Her breath whooshed out and she turned accusing, blue-gray eyes on
Ryn. “You said this was tea.”

Ryn hid his
smile behind his mug. “It is, Ziri, with a little extra oomph.”

“Is that what
you call liquor on Abyw?”

Alna laughed and
patted Ziri’s forearm. “There now, daughter. You’re officially a Pruxnæ, now
that you’ve had a sip of our local spirits.”

“What was I
before, a winyu’s diced up internal organ?” She smacked the heel of her hand against
her temple. “Kraden autolearner. Next time, I’m learning a language the
old-fashioned way.”

Enel slid into
the empty chair between Ziri and Alna. “What are you doing the old-fashioned
way?”

Ryn’s heart
plummeted into his gut. Beside him, Ziri paled and huddled over her cup, her
fingers stiff around the crockery. “Enel,” she said softly. “I…”

Her lyrical
voice faltered and broke, and Enel’s rigid features softened. “Did you think
I’d hate you for not choosing me?”

“I didn’t know
what to think.” She peeked at him, then Ryn, and dropped her gaze to her cup.
“Please don’t be angry.”

Enel’s brow
furrowed and his hand knotted into a massive fist where it rested on the table.
“You did what you thought was right. I won’t lie. I’m not happy about it, but I
can’t blame you for following your heart.”

Ziri hid her
eyes behind one hand and her lower lip trembled. Ryn curved his own hands
around his mug. Already, she regretted claiming him. Not even a full day after
the Choosing and she wanted to be rid of him.

Enel’s hand
unclenched and he leaned back in his chair. “Have you figured the cargo costs
for my wood yet?”

Ziri inhaled a
shuddering breath, and when she spoke, her voice was thin and strained. “That
depends on the travel time. Once I know how long it’ll take, I can figure the
costs as a percentage of the fair market value.”

Gared propped
his elbows on the table and gave Ziri an estimate of the time and number of
jumps needed to go from Abyw to Tersi. Ryn casually eased away from the table,
letting the conversation flow along without him. Alna’s gaze met his over
Gared’s head. She smiled and patted her heart, and he understood. She thought
he’d be happy, now that he was one step closer to making Ziri his, but the
emotion eluded him, edged out by the certainty that he was never going to hold
Ziri’s heart the way she held his.

* * *

It was one of
the longest nights Ziri had ever endured, on top of the hardest trial she’d
ever faced. Her muscles ached and twinged, and her jaw hurt so much, she could
barely open it. Open it she did, though. The
Yarinska
was half hers and
she was duty bound to help it turn a profit. So, she negotiated a percentage of
the profits for hauling Enel’s wood to Tersi, based on estimates of fuel and
other shipboard costs and on haggling for a deal when she and Ryn got there,
and she did the same when others stopped by their table. Between the cargo they
were promised and the people needing passage off-world, Ziri was sure their
trip was going to earn a tidy profit.

She would’ve
felt better about that if Ryn weren’t so indifferent to her.

Since their kiss
on the Choosing field, he’d barely touched her. The hope she’d held that
accepting him would mend their friendship withered in her heart. Was this what
life for them would be like from then on, him turning away, her always yearning
for more? Hadn’t she had enough of that before he’d swaggered his way into her
life?

They left the
alehouse well after dark. Alna dropped a tipsy Gared off at their house, then
drove Ryn and Ziri home in the hovercar. Ziri slumped into herself on the seat
and gave in to the exhaustion consuming her, only dimly aware of Alna and Ryn’s
quiet conversation or their arrival at his house. She kissed Alna on the cheek
and said goodbye, and trudged wearily behind Ryn through a fresh layer of snow.

The cabin’s
interior was almost too warm after the frigid chill of the night air. Ziri
unwrapped her scarf and hung it and her hat on top of her coat on a hook next
to the front door. Ryn squatted in front of the fireplace, still dressed for
the outdoors, and stoked the dying embers into a lively blaze.

“You don’t have
to do that on my account,” she said softly.

He closed the
fireplace’s metal door and stood, shrugging out of his coat as he crossed the
room. “I’ll be sleeping in here tonight. Besides, the house will get too cold
without a fire.”

Her heart
squeezed painfully in her chest. “You’re not sleeping with me? But Ryn, we’re…”
What exactly were they? Alna had said Ryn would need to release his seed into
Ziri three times before they were officially mated, but surely they were
already considered a couple. She twisted her bruised fingers together and
stared helplessly at him. “I thought we were together now.”

“Not quite.”

“Alna said we
had to, you know, three times. Do we have to do that first?”

“We have a year
and a day to take care of that.” He hung his coat up and held a hand out to
her. “I’ll show you where you can sleep.”

She grasped his
larger hand with hers and followed him to the bedroom she’d explored the day
Tyelu had brought her there. It was exactly the way she remembered it, right
down to the cargo crates stacked against the far wall between the entrances to
the bathroom and closet. She faltered to a stop and stared at them. They were
locked tight. Beyond them, the space where her clothes had rested in the closet
was empty.

She released
Ryn’s hand and plopped onto the edge of his bed. “You repacked my things.”

“I thought you
were going to choose Enel.” He shrugged and thumbed the lock on the top crate.
It clicked open, and he raised the lid and rummaged through its contents.
“There’s hot water if you want to bathe.”

Her skin was
sticky and her muscles burned. Both could use a good dose of hot water, if she
could manage to undress. She untied her boots and pulled them off, wincing when
the bruises she’d accumulated throbbed. Her ribs hurt something fierce. The
blue-skinned woman had probably landed more blows than Ziri remembered. She
stumbled past Ryn into the bathroom, lifted the hem of her tunic, and stared at
the mottled bruises dotting the skin stretched over her ribs.

Yup, the
blue-skinned woman had gotten her own during their skirmish.

Ryn crossed the
threshold and jerked his chin toward her ribs. “Need help?”

She let the
fabric fall. If she told him the truth, that she could barely lift her arms and
wasn’t sure she could get her clothes off by herself, would he have pity on her
and help her undress, or would he walk away from her again?

An odd pressure
swelled inside her chest, filling her to the brim, shoving its way into her
throat. Tears stung her eyes and she whirled away from Ryn, hiding them from
him. She didn’t want his pity. She didn’t want him to look at her and see the
weakling Tyelu did, not after fighting for him, not after claiming him in spite
of her reservations and his recent callous attitude.

The bathroom
door squeaked shut and Ziri waited, hoping he’d speak, praying he’d touch her
and make everything right between them, the way it had been before he’d left with
Gared and come back not wanting her anymore. The silence stretched thin, broken
only by the jagged sounds of her breath, and finally, she turned.

She was alone in
the small room.

A tear slipped
down her cheek. She scrubbed the back of her hand over it and swallowed past
the hopelessness clogging her throat. So it was true, then. He’d really had his
fill of her, just like every other man she’d ever known. The difference was,
she couldn’t move on, couldn’t find somebody to truly love her the way she’d
always dreamed. She was stuck with Ryn and him with her, all because he’d
kidnapped the wrong woman the day he’d raided her planet.