The Christmas Train (15 page)

“And your son,” she added for good measure. “Paulie is on his way to see you.”

“Paulie?” Miss Eva's fingers began to fidget beneath Anna's.

She was confused, Anna realized. When she was in the past way back before the war she was happy, and even in the present she was pretty happy and only a little confused. But when the past and the present came together she got all mixed up . . . and sad. Now her eyes had lost their sheen and the skin of her face seemed to go slack. She didn't look like herself, and that frightened Anna. It was like Miss Eva's face was getting smoother and flatter. And rosier, like she was going backward, turning into a pink-cheeked little child. Still, Anna knew somehow that this wasn't good.

“Paulie?” Miss Eva murmured, and gave a faint smile before her fingers went limp. “Karl?” Then one of the machines began to beep, a scary, raucous sound.

Within moments a nurse appeared. “Out you go, honey, while I take care of your grandmother.”

She's not my grandmother
 . . . the words came to Anna. But as she backed out of the room, oh, how she wished Miss Eva was. “Don't let her die,” she pleaded in a dry, broken whisper.

“Anna? What's happening?”

At the sound of his voice, Anna whirled around and buried herself in her father's arms.

“If you will just step outside,” the regular nurse ordered as she, too, hurried in. Then she closed the door on them.

Tom was momentarily paralyzed by his normally self-contained daughter's meltdown. “It's okay, Anna. It's okay,” he repeated, holding her tight. When she only cried harder, he hefted her up in his arms and headed down the hall. He didn't know what to do, but when she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head against his shoulder, he started walking, holding her tight as her slender little body shook with her sobs.

He didn't know what was happening with Miss Eva, whether she was dying or what. But he knew Anna needed him. She needed her father to be strong and steady, and all the things his own parents had always been for him. Tears stung his eyes as a deep wave of gratitude welled up in him.

Thank God he was getting a second chance with Anna.
Thank you, God.

Joelle arrived just as the medical team exited Miss Eva's room. She was still furious with him, and disappointed. She'd made that clear when he'd called her, and she didn't smile now when she spied him.

But she was here. And with her first glance at the still-hiccupping child in his arms, Tom watched what anger she held on to dissolve into the antiseptic atmosphere of the hospital hall. Without saying a word, except with her beautifully expressive eyes, she came up to them and enfolded them both in her arms.

“I'm Joelle,” she murmured against the back of Anna's head, all the while locking her gaze with his. “When I was a girl and really sad, my parents would hug me between them, just like this. And then they would give me what we called sandwich kisses.” She took a shaky breath. “I always felt safe with them surrounding me like that with all their love focused on me. Just me.”

Between them Anna had gone very still. She clutched Tom's neck as tightly as before. But she was listening to Joelle. Tom felt the unfamiliar rise of tears in his own eyes. Was Joelle forgiving him? Was Anna?

As if by one accord, he and Joelle each pressed a kiss into Anna's hair.

“I'm never going to leave you, sweetheart. Never,” he swore, meaning those words more than any he'd ever before said. And though he intended those words for Anna, his eyes held with Joelle's.

“Me neither,” Joelle whispered, tears in her eyes, too.

When they finally pulled apart and Tom set Anna on her feet, they were all a little misty and awkward. For Tom . . . he felt like a twelve-year-old kid after going to confession, cleansed, like he'd been given one more chance to do the right thing. And this time he would not blow it.

Then, from down the hall, Miss Eva's nurse called out to him. “Excuse me, but she's calling for you. Well, for her brother, Karl.”

Tom glanced at Anna and Joelle.

“Go,” Joelle said. “Anna and I can hang out here for a couple of minutes. Is that okay with you, Anna?”

Anna nodded, then wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “It's okay,” she said to him. “You go in.” Then she smiled, a trembling, hopeful smile. “Tell her I'll visit her after a while.” She paused, then added, “Dad.”

A huge smile filled Tom's face. His whole world had turned upside down in the best possible way, and he felt like his real life was finally starting. Joelle was miraculously here. And Anna, this adorable, fragile, bighearted little girl, was his now. His to raise, and his to love. He headed toward Eva's room, joy bubbling up inside him. Inside, the machines attached to Miss Eva were back to their normal rhythms, the colored lines marching in irregular lockstep across the monitor's screen. To his surprise, her eyes were open.

“Eva?” He ventured closer. She lay as still as death. Yet the hiccups of the monitor attested to life. “Eva?”

She blinked, then tilted her head slightly to see him better. At once the monitor kicked up with the effort it took her to do anything more strenuous than breathe.

“Hi, there. You doing okay?” His eyes flicked from her to the monitor and back again. “You gave us a pretty good scare just now.”

She let out a sigh that turned into a dry, rattling cough. “I . . . I was scared, too.”

Tom swallowed hard. How did it feel to know you were probably dying? And how did you comfort someone in Eva's situation? One thing he knew, he would never again take even one day of his life for granted.

He lowered himself into the chair beside her bed and placed one hand over hers. “You're in good hands here. I like the doctors and nurses.”

“
Ja
. They are nice. I am not afraid here.”

He cocked his head. Scared but not afraid? She was obviously confused.

As if she followed his thoughts she smiled. “This is a good place.” She paused for another breath. “When I was afraid, that was long ago. Back in the war.”

So she was clearheaded right now, remembering the past but rooted in the present. He shifted a little closer to her. “Miss Eva, I need your advice. Are you up for that?”

Her eyes brightened and her smile widened to display a hint of dimples, revealing the pretty young woman she'd once been. “I know. You worry about Anna, yes?”

“Yes.” He nodded in surprise. “I want to be a good father to her, to make up for the years I wasn't around.”

“You love her?”

He hesitated. Then, “Yes. Yes, I think I do. But . . . I don't know how to do this. And my parents—” He broke off.

“
Ja?
Your parents? You have a good father and mother?”

“The best. The thing is, they want Anna to live with them.”

Her pale brows drew together. “No. You are the father. They are the
Oma
and
Opa
.” She broke into a cough that seemed to exhaust her. Her eyelids drifted down. “You will be a good father.”

He stayed beside her, considering her words as she slept. He would do it, make a home with Anna. And hopefully he would have Joelle with him. But if he ever weakened in his resolve, he had only to think about this tiny little woman lying in front of him. She understood the value of family, of love and responsibility and the devastating repercussions of losing the people you most loved. If Eva could search to the last days of her life for the family she loved, then he could damn well do the same.

“Thank you, Miss Eva.” He stood, then pressed a light kiss to her forehead. She'd slid into his life by accident, just a day or two to know each other. But he'd never forget her.

He was about to leave the room when the nurse came in. After a glance at her patient and then the monitor, she turned to him. “How was she?”

“Actually she was pretty clear. We talked, and for once she didn't confuse me with her brother, Karl.”

“Really? I'm surprised. Unfortunately she'll probably slip more and more into her past as she declines.”

“But she could recover, at least from her lung infection. Couldn't she?”

“I suppose anything is possible.” She hesitated a moment. “I know you're not family, but I think you should know that we just received a fax from her personal physician. Her son called him and asked him to forward his mother's medical records to us. Among them was an Advanced Directive.” She said that with an odd inflection in her voice.

“What does that mean?”

She held out a placard to him. “It means I have to post this DNR order above her bed. “Do not resuscitate.”

“What?” Tom's heart leaped in his chest. “You mean you're just going to let her die?”

The nurse's gaze never wavered from his. “It means she decided some time ago exactly how she wanted to be treated as her life came to an end.”

“So . . . so you just let her die.”

“What we do is follow the patient's wishes. Some people include more restrictive treatment options in their Advanced Directive if they also suffer from Alzheimer's or other types of dementia. It's a quality-of-life issue. She's now officially under hospice care. And as per her wishes, all we can do is administer medicines for pain or discomfort.”

“But what about her son? Is she going to—” He broke off, looked down at Eva, and then lowered his voice. “Is she going to die before he gets here?”

The nurse smiled at him, then gently adjusted the sheet covering her. “I hope not. But . . . she might. It's not our call anymore.”

It's not our call anymore.

It was hard for Tom to keep the worry out of his face when Anna came in to see Eva.

“Darn, she's asleep.”

“We can come back later,” he told her. “But for now she needs to rest.”

Anna looked up at him, anxiety plain on her little face. “But what if all those beepers start going off again? What if she . . . you know . . .”

“Dies?” Joelle said when Tom couldn't force himself to say the word.

Anna looked over at her and gave a tiny nod. “Yeah. Like Nana Rose. Is she going to die, too?”

Joelle's gaze locked with Tom's as she waited for him to respond to Anna this time. And as clearly as if Eva had said them aloud, he heard the echo of the old woman's words.
You are the father
.

He squatted in front of Anna. “She may die, Anna. In fact, she probably will. But . . . I think she's ready to go. To be with her husband.”

“And with Karl?” Anna said, her eyes huge in her face. “He's not here in Ennis, is he?”

“I don't think so. He and her parents probably died a long time ago, most likely in Germany during the war.”

Anna was silent a long while. “It made her happy when she thought you were Karl.”

He nodded. “Yeah, it seemed like it did.”

She gave him a small smile of approval. “That was nice, that you pretended for her.”

Joelle smiled, too, and Tom saw her blink back tears. “That's because deep inside,” she said, “your father is a big softy.”

“I'm beginning to figure that out.” Then Anna sat down on the chair next to Eva's bed. “I want to stay with her for a little while, okay? Just in case she wakes up. Why don't you two go have coffee or something?”

“Are you sure?” Tom asked. “It's been a long day, and tomorrow's Christmas Eve, probably another long day. After we go to my mother's Santa Supper, I thought we might go with them to midnight mass.”

“Midnight mass?” Anna's eyes got big and she sat up straighter. “Nana Rose and I always used to go to midnight mass on Christmas Eve.”

“You did?”

“Of course.” She pursed her lips and folded her hands primly. “And I would have gone to St. Peter's Catholic School except Nana Rose couldn't afford it.”

Tom couldn't help grinning. “So, do you want to go to Catholic school here?” When she hesitated he added, “I can afford it.”

She wanted to. He could see the sparkle of excitement in her eyes. But all she said was “I think Nana Rose would like that.” Then with one hand she shooed him away. “Go have coffee. I want to talk to Miss Eva. In private.”

Once outside the door, Tom and Joelle shared a look.

“Wow, she's really something,” Joelle began.

“You like her?”

“Oh, yes. Very much.”

“So . . . am I forgiven?”

“No.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “You are
so
not forgiven.”

He paused. “But eventually I will be, right?”

She looked away, and for an endlessly terrifying moment he thought she was going to say no, that she would never be able to forgive his massive lie. Or his neglecting this innocent child for ten long years.

But then she sighed and slanted her eyes at him. “Eventually,” she said.

It took all his willpower not to swing her up in his arms and shout with joy. “And eventually,” he said, his voice trembling with emotion, “eventually you will marry me, won't you, Joelle?” He held his breath then added, “Please say yes, Joelle. Please say you'll marry me.”

I
N
Miss Eva's hospital room Anna crept on silent feet to the door. Had her father just proposed to Joelle? She couldn't see them, so she pressed her ear to the narrow gap between the door and the jamb. She liked Joelle, so far. But Anna had just found her father, and she wasn't sure she wanted to share him with anybody just yet.

“I have been so ready for you to ask me that,” Anna heard Joelle answer in a voice that shook. “And I'd hoped that this Christmas you'd have a ring for me.” She paused and cleared her throat. “Surely you've known for ages that I would say yes.”

“So . . . so are you saying yes now?” Anna could hear the hope and love in his voice. Love for Joelle.