The Christmas Wish (13 page)

“Hmmm.” Brinn was conflicted. Part of her was so excited with what was going on with her and Tyler and another part of her was really worried that she was a complete fool to believe that this was real and not just a fling. He didn’t act like it was a fling. Nor did she. So what was this nagging sensation that she couldn’t get out of her mind? A remnant of her heartbreak? A lack of self-confidence? A fear of committing? Whatever it was, she wished she could banish all those thoughts full of doubt and simply enjoy being with Tyler.

“You’re blushing. Oh my goodness, Brinn. I do believe you may in fact have it bad for this man.”

“He’s fun. We’re just having fun.”

“Mmhmm. I can just imagine what kind of fun Tyler might be able to provide. Brinn Bartoli is sleeping with Tyler Emerson. Mmhmm, that
is
fun.”

“Shh.” Brinn eyes roamed the empty bakery. “We live in a small town.”

“My oh my, but you two are moving fast.”

Brinn’s smile slipped from her face.
Fast
? Were they moving
fast
? She’d known Tyler her entire life and this relationship just seemed so easy and so comfortable, as though they’d slipped into something that was warm and wonderful. She didn’t feel like they were moving fast. Did Tyler?

“Wait until your mom finds out just how much
fun
you’re having with him.” Alison clucked her tongue.

A sigh passed over Brinn’s lips. “I don’t think she’s happy with the idea of me seeing Tyler.”

“Too public for her?”

Brinn nodded. She couldn’t even begin to say the real reason. That her own mother didn’t think she was good enough for Tyler Emerson. She’d been avoiding Ma. When they crossed paths at the bakery, they nodded and said hello. The Bartoli way. Stuff those emotions down and don’t talk about anything unpleasant.
Ever
.

“Your mom definitely values her privacy. Kind of explains how she handles her own life, right?”

Brinn pulled her eyebrows together. She tore her thoughts away from Tyler and tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

Alison shrugged, grabbed a counter towel, and walked out into the seating area.

“Wait? What?” Brinn followed Alison from behind the counter. Alison’s lips clamped closed and she bent over a four-top, really making certain with her determined wiping that there were absolutely no crumbs on the table.

“Nothing.”

“No, it’s something. What is it?”

“I’m not going to gossip about your mother.” Alison turned to Brinn. “It’s something I thought you knew but didn’t discuss. Me and my super-big mouth. Don’t worry about it.” Alison scooted a chair beneath one of the tables and then brushed by Brinn to fluff the pillows on the love seat in the corner.

“I’m not worried. And you’re not gossiping, but you have to tell me now.”

Alison closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She turned away from the couch and looked at Brinn. “Just small-town gossip, I’m sure that’s all it is.”

Brinn started to ask Alison another question, but the bell above the bakery door jingled. The Christmas saying flew through Brinn’s mind. Her and Alison’s conversation was cut short by a flurry of customers entering the bakery.

They stayed busy for the next three hours taking orders and serving customers. When the burst of activity was finished, Brinn turned to Alison. “I need to drop off with today’s donation at the food bank. I’m going to load up the car and head over there.”

“The castle?”

“A couple more days and I think we’ll be done. The ceremony is on Friday. You coming?”

“Yeah, of course. I think your mom might even close the bakery for a couple of hours.”

“Sacrilege.” Brinn pressed her palm over her heart. “Mom never closes the bakery.”

“For this, she will. She’s been crowing about the Christmas castle ever since you and Hans started drafting the design.”

“She doesn’t crow to me.” Brinn tossed her apron into the laundry bag.

“That’s just her way. You know she’s proud of you, right? I mean she talks about you all the time. Of course you’re never here when she does, but she raves about you.”

A warm feeling settled around Brinn’s heart, thawing the ice that had formed with regards to Ma. A few minutes later, Brinn loaded the back of her car with the food bank donation. She couldn’t really forgive Ma for her words, but she wanted to believe that Ma’s worries came from a good place, that Ma was simply trying to save Brinn from more pain. The same fears danced through Brinn’s brain, but the more time she spent with Tyler, the more she believed that theirs was a true romance with real feelings and that no matter how insecure Brinn felt about her looks, and the fact that Tyler’s ex-wife was shockingly beautiful, Tyler liked the way Brinn looked. He liked every bit of her. She still couldn’t keep those unpleasant thoughts from swimming around in her head though.

“I think I got it all.” Brinn grabbed a travel mug full of coffee Alison had filled for her. “I’m going to stop by Ma’s on my way to the food bank.” Brinn wanted to get the anxiety she felt around Ma cleared away. They’d gone long enough without really speaking. She was going to continue seeing Tyler, and while Ma might be worried, Brinn didn’t want these uncomfortable feelings hovering around the bakery.

“See you tomorrow afternoon.”

Brinn walked to her SUV and climbed behind the wheel. The Rocky Mountain day had been beautiful with a bright blue sky and crisp cold air, and while it was quickly slipping into evening, remnants of the day’s gorgeousness were still apparent. A golden light from the setting sun cast a glow on the snow. A few minutes later, Brinn pulled into the driveway at Ma’s house. She used her key to enter her childhood home.

Ma’s house was spotless. The entire house always looked as though no one lived here. Brinn set her keys on the table next to the front door and wandered into the kitchen. Two steaks lay on the broiler pan with the two potatoes ready for the oven.

Maybe she was having company? They’d stopped their usual Sunday dinners until after the holidays because she and Ma had agreed they needed Sunday afternoon to rest. Once she stopped at the food bank, Brinn was going to Nonna’s for burgers and a movie.

Brinn went to the refrigerator. A habit she’d had since elementary school was to walk into the house and check out what was in the refrigerator. She opened the door. Wine chilled in the fridge beside a fresh chocolate torte. Ma didn’t drink often and didn’t bring home food from the bakery unless she was having company. Ma was obsessive about watching her figure. Hmm, where was Ma?

Brinn walked up the stairs and past the room she and Deborah had shared when they were kids. Then she stopped.

Giggles
? She heard giggles from her parents’ room. Ma didn’t giggle. Or at least Brinn never remembered hearing Ma giggle. Laugh, yes, on occasion. But
giggle
? Giggling really wasn’t in Ma’s repertoire. Brinn paused just outside Ma’s door. She held up her fist in midair, ready to knock when she heard—

“God that was good, Barbara. I’m starved.”

Brinn’s heart stalled in her chest. That voice… oh my goodness… she knew that voice. Frozen. Frozen beside Ma’s door. Like an eight-year-old walking in on her mother and father, Brinn couldn’t knock, she couldn’t move, she could barely breathe. Ma’s door flew open.

Brinn gaped. Ma, in a bright red silk robe with a satisfied smile on her face and a mess of wild black hair stood before her. And behind Ma?

Dom.

Ma froze. The smile dropped from her face.

“Barbara, what is it?” Dom, in a red flannel robe—Brinn’s father’s old robe—looked past Barbara and his gaze locked with Brinn’s. His eyes clouded. Dom, her father’s best friend.

“Brinn… I…,” Ma started, but Brinn held up her hand. She couldn’t… she couldn’t have this conversation with Ma now.

“I can’t.” Brinn turned and walked down the stairs.

“Brinn, please wait.”

Brinn paused at the front door.

“It’s not what it looks like. This is… this is just something we do. Dom and I, for a while now… it’s… I mean…” Ma pushed her disheveled hair into submission. “Please, this is very private. I would appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to anyone.”

“Private? So a relationship is okay as long as it’s private? I know you think that Tyler would never want a woman like me—”

“Brinn, I never said such a thing, I never meant such a thing. This”—Ma waved her hand toward the staircase—“this is nothing like you and Tyler. Tyler is recently divorced, he has a child with that woman, things like that are complicated. They can be messy, it could—”

“It could be what, Ma? It could be embarrassing to you if I actually put my heart out there and it didn’t work? Humiliating? Is that what it would be? Well, don’t worry about me, Ma, okay? I’m all grown-up and can face the consequences of decisions I make.”

Brinn looked past her mother to the staircase where Dom now stood, his hands at his side. Worry creased his face. Dom had been a constant in their lives since before Brinn was born. Since before her dad died. Since forever. Brinn liked Dom. Had always liked Dom. She’d taken comfort in the fact that he’d helped Ma run the bakery for years. This, this thing between Ma and Dom was probably a great thing. She just wished her mother had trusted her enough to tell her about it.

“Ma, I’m just sad that you feel like you have to hide your life. Hide who you are.” She looked at Ma’s face, which was filled with embarrassment and something like shame. “I’m not going to live that way. No matter how much you need to.”

Brinn walked out the door and got in her SUV. She needed to do the food bank drop-off and get to Nonna’s because Nonna was expecting her burger.

Brinn pulled the two burgers from the bag and then three orders of french fries. Nonna always wanted a double order from Around the Block.

“Smells good.” Nonna set two plates on the table beside the catsup and the salt. “Will you grab the pitcher of margaritas?” Nonna called as Brinn put the take-out bag in the trash.

“It’s seven degrees outside and you made margaritas?”

“Doll, at my age, you never know if you’ll make it to margarita season, so if I want them, I make them. Don’t forget the limes—they’re sliced in a bowl on the counter.”

Nonna lived life. She did what she wanted and didn’t give a damn about what anyone said or anyone thought. Even when Brinn was a kid, Nonna did whatever the hell she wanted. Ma had sour looks for Nonna. Nonna could make Ma mad by wearing white after Labor Day or parading around at the lake in a bikini well into her fifties, or the time Nonna showed up at Brinn’s middle school culmination with pink streaks in her hair. No, Ma never said anything to Nonna, but then Ma never needed to. Ma’s icy glare over things she didn’t like was enough for anyone to know when Ma wasn’t happy. Brinn sat at the dining room table.

“Your mother called before you got here.” Nonna dipped a fry into her catsup and took a giant bite.

Brinn took a bite of her burger. She didn’t want to discuss what she’d seen in Ma’s house. Nor did she want to talk about her feelings or how she was angry with Ma.

“You angry about her sleeping with Dom?”

Brinn looked up at Nonna. “You knew?”

“Oh babe, the whole town knows.” Nonna wiped her lips with her napkin. “I’m surprised it took you this long to figure it out.”

“For how long? I had no idea. Has it been going on for very long?”

“Started about a year after your dad died.”

Heat fired in Brinn’s chest. “Are you kidding me? How did I not know this?”

“You were away, and nobody really talks about it.”

“Deborah knows?”

Nonna nodded. “I think so. I mean, who knows? Deborah is more like your mother. Doesn’t discuss much, keeps pretty tight-lipped, pretends things she doesn’t like aren’t really going on.”

Brinn closed her eyes, “We seem to all have that ability.”

“What? With Marco the ass?”

“Looking back, I should have known. I ignored the signs. I just didn’t want to see them.”

“The heart provides blinders for the eyes.” Nonna bit into her burger, then took a long drink of her margarita. “Here’s the thing, you can’t let the events that hurt you in your past prevent you from having a happy future. Unhappy people never learn that lesson.”

Nonna was right. As hard as it was for her to trust that she wouldn’t make the same mistakes again, she had to believe that what happened with Marco wouldn’t happen again. Otherwise, how could she ever allow herself to love?

“Your ma, she never quite learned that one. Or maybe she did but just can’t live it.”

“I don’t understand. If everyone knows, then why does she pretend like nothing is going on?”

“Perhaps you’ve noticed your ma has some control issues? She lives by creating the illusion of control. Everyone in town may know that she’s been sleeping with Dom, but since she doesn’t tell anyone, in her mind it’s simply speculation and she’s being private and discreet and careful. Controlling her world.” Nonna sighed. “I blame myself.”

“How so?”

Nonna jutted her chin out. “Just wait, doll, till you have your own children. You’ll find a way to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in their lives whether that blame is justified or not. I mean, I’m a bit of an eccentric. My flavor of crazy didn’t come with my old age. Your ma found it to be humiliating and embarrassing from about the tender age of eight until, well, even now.”

“You’re just living your life the way you want.”

“And so is your mother. You understand me, because you are more like me. You’re open and out there and you’ve never pretended to be something you’re not. Never wanted to, but your ma? Well, appearances have always meant something to her. Even when she was little. She didn’t want the bright pink shoes with the big silver bows, she wanted the brown penny loafers because that’s what everyone else was wearing. She wants to fit in. To be part of the crowd.”

Brinn tilted her head to the side.

“I know it’s hard to believe, but she does. Hates drawing any unnecessary attention to herself. And today, when you walked in on her and Dom? Boy howdy, talk about unwanted attention! And with the daughter who actually talks about things? Today was your mother’s worst nightmare come true.” Nonna smiled a little bit. “Sorry. I love her, but sometimes I just think she’s wound a little tight. I get a tiny kick when her apple cart tilts a little to the left.”