The Circle (19 page)

Now she feels incapable of telling her anything. The secret has regained its hold over her. She gets up and grabs her bag.

‘Excuse me, I have to go,’ she says.

‘Wait!’ she hears the principal say as she shuts the door behind her.

She runs down the corridor to the main staircase. Gustaf is waiting for her at the front entrance. Waiting to make everything good again. But she can’t see him now. Not with the panic still throbbing inside her. She needs to be alone.

Rebecka continues up the main stairs and down a corridor. Then it’s as if her strength gives out. She leans against a wall and glides down on to her haunches.

Only now does she become aware of how fast her heart is beating.

Only now does she realise where she is.

She’s sitting opposite the door leading to the toilet where Elias died.

Ever since he was found it’s been locked and blocked off. It’s covered with notes and inscribed messages.

R.I.P
.

We miss you!!!!!

It’s better 2 burn out than 2 fade away

Sorry

Live fast, die young & leave a good-looking corpse

Sorry for everything, Elias

Forgive me

And, scratched deeply into the wall, clearly legible despite someone’s attempts to cross it out:

The only good faggot is a dead faggot

Rebecka reads the messages one after another. Down by the floor, something is written in beautiful black lettering:

The good die young

The fluorescent ceiling lights flicker with a tinny electrical sound. Then they go out.

That’s how it is
.

It’s a voice that isn’t really a voice, more like one of her thoughts, and yet not. It sounds nothing like the voice that had filled her head that first night, when she was given the task of leader. That voice had been a guest. This voice has
forced
its way into her consciousnesse.

What’s written there is true
, it continues.
The good can’t survive in this world. You’re too good, Rebecka
.

She recognises the fear that takes hold of her. It’s the same as the fear she felt when she was being stalked on the morning after Elias’s death. The same fear as she felt yesterday when she knew she was being watched.

It’s you
, she thinks. Her pulse is throbbing in her ears.
Who are you?

Get up
.

Rebecka’s body stands up immediately, as if she herself had issued the command.
Open the door to the attic and go up the steps
.

Her feet start moving automatically. The attic door is ajar. She tries to focus her powers on closing it. But suddenly there is resistance: something is blocking her with a power much stronger than her own.

Her vision blackens and she feels a trickle of blood run from her nose to her upper lip and into her mouth. It tastes of metal, earth and sweetness.

Don’t fight it
, the voice says gently.
There’s no point
.

She mounts the narrow stairway leading to the attic.

What do you want?
she asks, but she knows the answer all too well. This was how Elias died.

She’s reached the top of the steps. There are two doors: a rickety wooden one leading to the attic storage room, and a metal one leading outside. On to the roof. She sees her hand reach out and press down the handle of the metal door. The wind buffets her face when it swings open. The sky is blue, with white clouds chasing each other.

Elias was suffering. I released him from pain. I’m doing you a favour, Rebecka
.

Please
, she begs.
Please, I don’t want to die. I’ve got four little brothers and sisters. My parents … Gustaf … Minoo
… Panic makes it hard for her to formulate her thoughts.

They’ll get over it. Better to disappear now and remain perfect for ever in their memories
.

Rebecka’s feet step over the threshold. The roof is laid with glittering black tar paper that crackles under her feet as she walks towards the edge.

You won’t have to suffer any more
.

The voice inside her head is seductive now. It sounds like the only voice in the whole world that really cares about her, and she has to force herself not to listen to it.

But I want to suffer!
she shouts inside herself.
I want to live! I want to live!

Her feet stop just one step from the edge. She can see the playground down below, the dead trees and the black tarmac that has been used to fill in the long crack. From up here it looks like a scar. She sees the road where the bus has just driven past, a few students running for the stop. If one of them could just look up …

Please
, she begs.
Please, let me live
.

Suddenly she feels the presence hesitate in her body. Her legs are no longer rigid. If she tries a little harder she can turn away from the edge. If she concentrates …

Rebecka clenches her fists. She’s regaining control.

No. I have to do it
.

The voice is there again. The hesitation is gone. She feels it trying to regain control of her. She feels the pressure of the intruding will. But this time she has two advantages. She has hope, because she’s seen a weakness in the enemy, and she’s ready.

She pushes back. Her head is in excruciating pain, as if her
brain
is expanding to bursting point. Tension builds inside her skull. She puts her hands to her head, as if to stop it exploding. Yet another line of blood trickles from her nose.

The intruding presence is buckling and Rebecka is teetering on the edge of the roof. Her stomach clutches when she looks down to the playground far below.

She backs away from the edge and crumples to the roof. She doesn’t have the strength to stand up, much less walk down.

Rebecka fumbles in her bag for her mobile. At first she thinks of calling Gustaf, but she’ll never be able to explain what she’s doing up there. She has to call Minoo.

She hears footsteps coming up the stairs and turns. The sun blinds her and she has to shade her eyes with her hand to see who’s standing in the doorway.

Rebecka smiles uncertainly. ‘Hi,’ she says. ‘How did you know I was up here?’

18

A COLD WIND
is blowing across Storvall Square. Minoo is thinking about Rebecka’s words, scribbled on her notebook:
Someone was following me yesterday
.

She shoves her hands into her pockets and hunches her shoulders. She hurries towards the light yellow house on the other side of the square.
Engelsfors Herald
shines across the façade in big neon lettering.

Ever since Minoo started school, she has been dropped by her father’s office at least once a week. Usually he barely has time to say hello, but it’s still nice to sit at the table in the coffee room, do her homework, browse through the magazines and feel the energy of the editorial desk.

Minoo turns before she opens the front door. There’s not a single person on the square.

Nope, not a single
person
.

One of the town’s three banks stands next to the
Engelsfors Herald
. The building is one of the most impressive in town: a heavy nineteenth-century construction with marble columns at either side of the entrance. A mangy cat is lying on the steps leading up to the entrance. It is staring straight at Minoo with its one green
eye
. It climbs awkwardly to its feet – not cat-like in the least – and walks up the steps. Then it walks back down, up and then down, before it returns to its original spot and lets out a single miaow.

When Minoo enters the lobby, she is met by the smell of coffee from the news desk. Her father often says that if the
Engelsfors Herald
were ever to close down, the town’s consumption of coffee would be halved. That’s probably true. Sometimes Minoo wonders if her mother and father could survive on coffee alone, like cars and petrol.

Cissi and her father are standing and gesticulating at each other inside his office. It’s obvious that they’re in the middle of an argument. Cissi’s big blue eyes are wide and her short ash blonde hair is sticking up more than usual, like a hedgehog’s quills. Minoo can’t see her father’s face, but his neck is bright red. He’s furious.

Cissi is a recurring topic of conversation at the dinner table. On the one hand, she’s quick and expresses herself well. On the other, she’s far too prone to sensationalism and lazy fact-checking. Her article about Elias’s suicide wasn’t the first that Minoo’s father had had to pull.

Minoo stands outside the office. She can hear their voices, muffled by the glass, and can just make out what they’re saying.

‘You’re out to sabotage me!’ Cissi says. ‘I have a unique opportunity to be first on the scene. The paramedics called it in just two minutes ago.’

‘You can do whatever you like, but I won’t print a word of it.’

Her father is incensed. Minoo doesn’t think she’s ever heard him so angry before.

‘This concerns the entire community,’ Cissi says.

‘It concerns no one but the girl’s family!’

Minoo sees how Cissi changes her tactic.

‘I can understand how difficult it is for you to look at this objectively,’ she says, in a softer tone. ‘You’ve got a daughter the same age—’

She breaks off when she catches sight of Minoo.

Her father turns. ‘Minoo …’

Something has happened. Something awful. She can see it in their faces. Her father moves to the door and opens it. ‘Come in,’ he says.

Cissi looks at her with an expression that is intended to convey pity and compassion, but her greedy curiosity shines through. Minoo’s father lays a hand on her shoulder. He casts a pointed glance at Cissi, who leaves the office.

‘There’s been an accident …’ he begins, then looks around furtively.

It’s hot in the office, Minoo thinks. Hot and stuffy. Cissi’s perfume hangs in the air.

‘Your friend Rebecka … has died.’

‘
What?
’

‘She’s dead.’

Instantly Minoo wants to reassure him. It’s just a misunderstanding. Someone has died, and that’s terrible, but it’s not Rebecka. She’d said goodbye to her friend just before she went to her meeting with the principal. ‘It can’t be her,’
she
says, and smiles to prove that there’s nothing to worry about, that he’s wrong.

‘I know it’s difficult to take in—’

‘No. It really can’t be her. It’s impossible. We saw each other just a few moments ago.’

‘It’s only just happened,’ her father says.

Minoo’s smile is making her jaw ache.

‘I didn’t want you to find out like this,’ her father says. ‘I thought …’

Minoo shakes her head. ‘It can’t be her.’

‘It seems she … was depressed. As if she’d made up her mind that she didn’t want to go on living.’

Minoo remembers what Linnéa said that day in the playground:
He didn’t kill himself
. She hadn’t believed her. She had thought Linnéa just couldn’t accept the truth. ‘What happened?’

Her father hesitates.

‘I’ll find out anyway,’ Minoo adds.

‘She jumped. From the school roof. I’m so dreadfully sorry.’ Her father grabs hold of her shoulders and looks into her eyes.

And Minoo knows it’s true.

‘Sweet child.’ Her father hugs her hard and long. At first all she can do is stand there motionless, but then she clings to him. She’s suddenly so close to breaking down and telling him everything. About Elias. About Rebecka. About the Chosen Ones. About how they’re all going to die, one by one.

But what could her father do about it? What could
anyone
do? Nobody can help them. Except, perhaps, one person.

She feels a switch flip inside her, and all her emotions are turned off. She has to act, solve the problem, warn the others. ‘Is there a computer I can use?’

Her father gives her an odd look. ‘This has to be kept secret until her family has been informed,’ he says. ‘You understand that, don’t you?’

She nods and he takes her to a work station. She does a quick search for a home address, memorises it, then erases the history from the browser.

‘I have to go to the Ladies.’ She feels her father’s eyes on her back as she heads for the toilets.

As soon as she’s out of sight, she opens and closes the door without going inside and continues along the corridor towards the emergency exit. She emerges on to the street through a side entrance.

Minoo casts a quick glance towards the windows but can’t see her father. He’ll worry once he realises she’s disappeared, but that can’t be helped.