The Circle (48 page)

‘I’m not going to do this,’ Ida says, and pops another painkiller. ‘I’m sick. And I’ve been taking paracetamol. I might get side effects.’

‘Come on,’ Linnéa says, through another spoonful of macaroni. ‘We have to test it before we can use it on Gustaf.’

‘Easy for you to say when you don’t have to—’

‘Excuse me, but don’t you think I’ve done enough for one night?’ Linnéa asks.

Ida shuts up.

Three small coffee cups full of juice stand on the table. Linnéa has poured a drop of the truth serum into one.

‘Let’s all drink them at the same time,’ Minoo says, looking terrified. ‘Linnéa, have you thought of a question? Nothing too personal.’

‘No, of course not,’ Linnéa says, with a smile that makes Vanessa nervous.

She doesn’t have any secrets. Or does she? What if she’s the one who gets the cup that will leave her mind wide open for Linnéa to rummage around in? What if Linnéa asks something that Vanessa doesn’t even know she wants to keep secret?

Vanessa reaches for the middle cup, but Ida beats her to it. Vanessa takes the left one and Minoo takes the right.

‘I can’t believe I’m going along with this,’ Ida mutters.

‘Okay,’ Linnéa says. ‘One. Two. Drink!’

Vanessa empties hers in one go and puts the cup back on the table. She runs her tongue round her mouth, checking for any weird aftertaste. Ida burps.

‘Minoo,’ Linnéa says, smiling widely. ‘What are you most afraid I’ll ask you right now?’

Minoo smiles back. She looks relieved. ‘I’m not telling you,’ she says.

Linnéa’s dark eyes bore into Vanessa’s. ‘And you, Vanessa? What are you most afraid that you’ll be forced to reveal?’

‘I’m not afraid of anything.’ It’s only when she hears herself lie with such conviction that she’s sure she’s made it.

They all look at Ida. It’s the moment of truth. If it doesn’t work on Ida it doesn’t work at all.

‘And you, Ida?’

‘What the fuck?’ Ida says. ‘I can’t believe this is happening to me for the second time. I think it’s
sooo
unfair that I’m the one who ended up drinking the truth serum – Anna-Karin forced me to tell the truth that time at the fairground, and I really don’t want to tell you all that I’ve had, like this, enormous crush on G since year four.’

She claps a hand over her mouth, her eyes widening in horror.

‘Looks like the serum works,’ Minoo says.

‘What did I say?’ Ida asks.

‘That explains a lot,’ Vanessa says, and starts laughing.

‘What? Tell me!’

‘The serum’s made you forget straight away. It’s better like that, don’t you think?’ Linnéa asks, with a grin.

Ida gets up and wraps her cardigan tightly around her. She gives an exaggerated sniff, as if to remind them that she’s ill and that they should be nice to her. ‘Whatever I may have said, I can stand by it,’ she says. ‘And now I’m going home to bed.’

‘Get better soon,’ Minoo says.

Ida snuffles again and twiddles her necklace. ‘If any of this gets out at school you’ll all be in big trouble,’ she says.

‘Don’t worry,’ Linnéa says. ‘We won’t let anyone know that you’ve actually got feelings.’

When Anna-Karin steps into the hall she’s met by a barrage of laughter from the TV. She doesn’t have to look into the living room to know that her mother is lying on the sofa.
Maybe
she’s fallen asleep with a cigarette in her hand again, but Anna-Karin can’t be bothered to check.

She goes into the kitchen, takes out a box of chocolate balls from the fridge and a bag of white buns from the bread box. She eats her chocolate-ball sandwiches standing up, washing them down with a glass of milk. But they don’t give her the nice dozy feeling they usually do. They just make her feel sick.

She looks through at the window at Grandpa’s cabin. As if he might suddenly be sitting in his usual spot, beckoning her over.

She wonders if he’s noticed that she hasn’t been to see him in hospital.

Suddenly she feels something warm and soft pressing against her calf. She bends down and meets Pepper’s green gaze. ‘Hello, sweetie,’ she whispers. She sinks down on to the kitchen floor and lifts the cat up in her arms, massaging its soft fur.

Pepper purrs. The people on the TV laugh.

‘At least you like me again,’ she murmurs.

But despite Pepper’s best efforts she feels more alone than ever. Linnéa’s words chafe at her. She’s told herself that she withdrew for everyone else’s sake. She’s dangerous. She can cause injury. But is Linnéa right? Is she just being selfish and cowardly?

48

MINOO IS STARING
at the numbers in front of her. A quadratic equation that ought to be a cinch. But she can’t get anything to add up.

The lunch bell rings, setting off a cacophony of chairs scraping, books slamming, zips opening and closing. Minoo glances at Max, who gives her a little smile. He hides it behind his coffee mug. Her heart leaps. The secret understanding between them is back.

She’ll soon turn seventeen. In a year she’ll be of age. An adult in the eyes of society. A year is nothing, he’d said. He’s prepared to wait.

It’s almost unbearable to have to see him every day now that she knows he loves her, too. One fine day she won’t be able to stop herself running up to his desk and kissing him in front of everyone. It’s just as well he’s leaving by the summer.

Minoo follows the flow of students out into the stairwell. She’s checked Gustaf’s schedule. They have lunch at the same time. Should she speak to him when she sees him in the cafeteria? Or should she wait until after school?

She’s managed to avoid him ever since that afternoon by
the
viaduct. He’s tried to approach her a few times at school, but she’s always slipped away. Now she’s been racking her brains for what she should say to him, but she decides it’s impossible to plan a conversation. She’ll have to improvise.

When she reaches the ground floor and turns down the corridor leading to the cafeteria, she spots Linnéa.

She’s standing with her back to a row of lockers. Erik Forslund and Robin Zetterqvist are in front of her. When Linnéa tries to leave, Erik’s hand flies out and hits the locker next to her with a bang. She’s trapped.

The other students pretend not to notice as they walk past. No one seems to remember any more Erik wetting himself in the playground or Robin begging for crumbs from Anna-Karin’s table. They’re back on top.

Minoo adjusts her backpack and moves closer.

‘How much do you want, then?’ she hears Erik ask.

‘Get out of my way,’ Linnéa says, and tries to shove him aside.

‘Or maybe you’ve started doing it for free now.’

Suddenly Minoo is afraid. Everyone else has disappeared into the cafeteria. She moves closer, tries to get her footsteps to sound resolute.

‘Answer me!’ Robin says.

‘Leave her alone!’ Minoo shouts.

The words echo in the deserted corridor. Erik turns and looks at Minoo in disdain.

‘I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,’ Robin says to Linnéa.

‘What – are you jealous?’ Linnéa says. ‘You know you’ll never get to see a pussy in real life.’ She smiles at him.

For a moment Minoo thinks Robin’s going to hit her. It’s obvious he’s dying to wipe the smile off her face with his fist. Instead he grabs Linnéa’s bag and dumps the contents on the floor. Makeup, cigarettes, mobile, pens, schoolbooks and Linnéa’s black notepad scatter everywhere.

Linnéa tries to throw herself over her things, but Erik holds her fast while Robin kicks them around. He stamps on her mobile so the screen cracks.

‘Let her go,’ Minoo says.

Robin picks up the black notepad and flips through it. Minoo glimpses densely written pages, red, blue, green and black ink. Drawings and patterns.

‘What’s this?’ Robin asks. ‘Your diary?’

Linnéa tries to break free of Erik’s grasp, and when she doesn’t succeed, she throws her head back in a failed attempt to headbutt him. That pisses Robin off even more.

‘Now let’s see …’ he begins.

Minoo goes up to Robin and tries to snatch the book, but he laughs and easily holds her at a distance with one outstretched arm while he flips through it with his other hand and starts to read: ‘All the others were sitting with their eyes twinkling, like perfect little children on Christmas Eve and AL was Santa Claus. I can’t take it much longer. M is the worst, always so fucking eager to be the best in the class. She gives me a headache.’

Minoo has no doubt who ‘M’ is. It stings, but the most important thing is to get hold of that book before it exposes them all. She makes another lunge at Robin and manages to touch it. A page is almost ripped out under
her
outstretched fingers, but Robin shoves her away.

‘Doesn’t it say anything about how she fucks for heroin?’ Erik asks.

‘Wait a minute, wait a minute …’ Robin says, and continues flipping through the notebook.

Linnéa twists, jerks and pulls at Erik’s arms in a wild attempt to dislodge him. He just laughs and holds her closer.

‘You like this, don’t you?’ he pants in her ear.

‘Let go of me,’ Linnéa barks.

Robin carries on flipping. ‘“I’ve got to tell the others,”’ he reads. ‘“Everything’s so fucking complicated.”’

He looks at Linnéa and smirks mockingly. ‘Oh, I think I’m gonna cry soon,’ he says, and returns to the book. ‘“I should have said something from the beginning. Now it would just ruin everything. They’d hate me if they knew.”’

Linnéa lets out a loud, maniacal scream. It echoes down the corridor. Everything comes to an abrupt stop. That’s enough. Linnéa kicks Robin between his legs with her steel-toed boot. Hard connects with soft. Robin howls and drops to all fours. The book falls out of his hand and slides across the floor.

Minoo bends down and catches it.

‘FuckingcuntI’mgonnakillyou,’ Erik hisses, as if it were one word, and twists Linnéa’s arm behind her back.

Minoo has never been in a fight, not even as a child. She has no brothers or sisters to fight with, and at nursery she was always a good girl. Now she wriggles out of her backpack.

It’s heavy. Full of books.

Linnéa cries out when Erik twists her arm even harder. Minoo shuts off her brain and lets her instincts take over.

She swings her bag in a wide arc. It hits Erik’s head so hard that he stumbles backwards into the lockers.

Linnéa breaks free of him. She throws herself to the ground and gathers up her things. Her jar of face powder breaks, sending up a cloud of white dust.

‘The book!’ she shouts to Minoo.

The adrenalin starts pumping through Minoo’s body when she sees Erik climbing to his feet behind Linnéa. She almost doesn’t register what Linnéa says.

Linnéa gets to her feet with her bag in her hand. She grabs the book from Minoo and runs.

Minoo is running, too, but Linnéa is a lot faster and has soon disappeared through the front doors. Minoo dashes down the steps to the cafeteria.

‘Fucking dykes!’ Erik shouts, somewhere down the corridor behind her.

Vanessa is sitting in Wille’s car looking at the Lingonberry Nursery playground with its monkey bars and snow-covered sandpit. Five lumpy snowmen are standing to attention in front of the familiar building.

Vanessa looks at the clock on the dashboard. She should have just enough time. As long as Nicke or her mother hasn’t decided to pick him up early today …

‘I’m so nervous,’ she says.

Wille leans across the seat and kisses her cheek. ‘Should I wait for you?’

‘No, it’s okay.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes. It’ll only stress me out knowing you’re sitting out here.’

That’s only half the truth. The other half is that she wants to be alone afterwards.

‘Okay. I’m going to Jonte’s place,’ he says. ‘I’ll see you tonight.’

Vanessa swallows a comment about there being a thousand things Wille ought to do instead of going to Jonte’s place. But she’s sick of hearing her nagging voice.

She feels like an adult in the worst way whenever she’s with Wille, these days. She’s never sighed so much in her whole life as she has since they started living together. It’s as if she’s turned into her mother.

Wille still hasn’t mentioned the email she sent him the day before yesterday, with links to the few job listings on the homepage of the Engelsfors employment office. She can understand that it wouldn’t be much fun to work at the saw mill, or clean offices overnight at the town hall, but it would be temporary. As soon as she’s left school they can do whatever they want. Together.

She climbs out of the car, and he waves to her through the windscreen after she’s slammed the door. She loves him. But she doesn’t know if that’s enough any more.

‘Vanessa! We haven’t seen you for ages! Are you picking up Melvin today?’

Amira had been working there when Vanessa was at nursery, and she was Vanessa’s favourite teacher. She still
wears
the same suspender-skirts now as she did then, and every time Vanessa sees her she gets flashbacks of story time and rosehip soup, and of when Amira caught her and Kevin in the Wendy house.