The City of Lovely Brothers (15 page)

The lantern the stable hand was carrying did not shed enough light for him to see that Caliban blushed to the roots of his hair. Nick noticed his embarrassment and added, "It must be hard on your hip, sleeping on the ground."

"Yeah, I guess I am a little stiff," Caliban said.

Nick gave Caliban a hand up. "I gotta take a piss before I wet myself," he said.

Caliban followed him outside, and they relieved

themselves on the wall of the barn. Nick glanced at the flow of urine Caliban was releasing and said under his breath, "A little stiff, you call that thing! Ha! Sure you ain't sore?"

"No, my ass feels just fine."

"That's good. Sometimes you don't realize you're getting sore 'cause it feels so damn good."

"It'd be worth it if I was sorer 'n hell."

"If you feel up to sitting in front o' me in the saddle, I'll ride you home."

"And the sled?"

"Caleb can bring it back when he gets off work."

"Yeah, I'd like to ride home with you."

Nick got his horse from its stall and put on the saddle. "Caliban's feeling kinda groggy from staying up all 18night," he told the stable hand. "I'm gonna ride 'im back to his place. We better take a couple o' them blankets. It's cold out."

The sky was light grey with the first light of

morning when they set out, each with a blanket around his shoulders. The horse moved slowly through the snow, lifting its legs high. It would take over two hours to reach Caliban's house. As soon as they had passed the last house, Nick lifted Caliban, slid forward in the saddle, and sat him on this lap. Then he wrapped the two blankets around both of them and put his arms around him. Caliban leaned back into Nick and rested his head against his chest. "I wish you were riding me, all the way home," he whispered.

Nick kissed him. "This is how I woulda wanted to sleep after what we done, up close tight to you, only naked."

"D'ya think we'll be able to?"

"Maybe, sometimes."

"You know how I feel? Complete. Like a whole part o' me was missing, and now I found it. I been wanting to do it a long time, but it was just wanting. I didn't realize I felt empty."

Nick unbuttoned Caliban's fly and slipped his hand under his long johns. "You're nice and warm between your legs. I bet my hand's cold, though." "Yeah, it's like ice, but it'll warm up quick enough.

Keep it there."

"Happy, Cal? Do you mind if I call you Cal?"

"Call me Cal, Nick. I like you to have a special name for me no one else calls me by. And I'm very happy."

"Me too. I had sex with guys before, alot o' guys, but I ain't never felt this close to none o' them. I want you more'n ever. We gotta grab every chance we get, but we gotta be careful, too."

"Maybe when you take me for my weekly ride."

"You're riding me now. Can't ya feel it?" Caliban nodded. "And even out on the range you never know who's gonna come by, and it ain't gonna give us all the time we want."

They rode across the silent, empty range, Caliban clinging to Nick, as the sun rose. The day grew light between a grey sky and the lustrous white snow that blanketed the earth, the only sounds the crunch of their horse's hooves and Caliban's quiet whimpering as Nick gently masturbated him. When he came in Nick's hand, Nick brought it to his mouth for him to taste.

When they arrived at the house, they found Caleb up and cooking his breakfast. "Did she foal?" he asked.

"Yeah, but me and Nick was up more'n half the night. I ain't going in to work today. He oughtta catch a few 18winks, too, before he heads back."

"No problem. He can have my bed. You fellas hungry? I can throw in a couple more eggs."

Caliban and Nick sat down at the table, and the

three ate breakfast together. Only Caleb was in a talkative mood; the other two said next to nothing. "You boys really are wore out, ain't you?" he remarked.

After Caleb left, Caliban said, "Go look if his bed's unmade, and mess it up some if it ain't."

Caleb had left his sheets and quilt in a jumble. They went into Caliban's room and made love. This time Caliban took the active role and did so with as much confidence and authority as he had been submissive in the loft. It surprised them both how limber his hip could be for that particular activity. It seemed to Nick, who had never taken anyone that big, that getting fucked had never felt so good, and his vocalizations were louder and more prolonged than Caliban's the night before. After Caliban came, he said, "Jesus Christ, Cal! It feels like I'm the one who lost my virginity."

"Did I hurt you?"

"Nah, I just never felt this stretched out before.

Whattaya like best, fucking or getting fucked?"

"I like 'em both. Getting fucked is more exciting, but I felt more love inside me when I was fucking you." "Yeah, I feel the same."

They could not risk falling asleep until after

nightfall and Caleb finding them together, so Nick kissed Caliban a short goodbye and lay down on Caleb's bed in his clothes to sleep, the doors to both bedrooms closed.

* * * *

Caliban's hip would not let him ride more than once a week, unless he was riding Nick, but they could not always find a place where he could ride it, though he would have liked to ride it all the time and would have let Nick ride him as often as he wanted to. It was all so easy when they were alone together. What was difficult was finding a time and place to be alone together; and then Caliban left the ranch for two years, and they only saw each other in summer.

As for Nick, until they were living together and he was getting it every night, every time Caliban took him seemed like a deflowering. He felt the presence of Caliban's penis below for several days and could feel it thrusting into him when his horse bounced him in the saddle. If people noticed that he was walking funny, however, the reason for it never crossed their minds, since all cowboys are a bit bowlegged. 192

In Laramie, Caliban missed Caleb and Jaggers. And he missed Nick. In a sense he missed all three equally. The absence of any one of them made him feel lonely. But the loneliness he felt for his dog and his brother was a kind of nostalgia. His loneliness for Nick he felt as an unbearable ache.

Nick missed Caliban more. Caliban's studies and

living as part of a family in a lively city kept him busy and his mind occupied. Nick was busy, too, and worked hard, but for him work was a routine, and he had no close friends at the ranch besides Caliban. Only once, however, did he express his feelings in a letter. Toward the end of May of Caliban's first year in Laramie, he wrote:
Your coming back in a month. I cant wait to see
you. I cant say how lonely I been. I lie up thinking about
you at night and I cant fall asleep and when I do I dream
about you. It aint having sex I miss. We aint had it that
often, maybe five or six times in two years and I dont see
how that's gonna change. I miss you as a friend. OK, I miss
the sex too. Dont you? I think the hardest thing when you
get back is going to be not hugging you so tight and not
wanting to let go, but we cant let nobody see that, can we?
Sometimes I wish the whole world knew about us since just
being with you makes me so happy it hurts keeping it
bottled up inside me and I feel like I gotta tell it to everone
I see.

Nick's estimate of how often they had made love is accurate. It is no estimate, of course; both of them must have kept count. They made love only once the summer between Caliban's two years in Laramie. Finding an opportunity for two men to make love on a populous and closely knit ranch in eastern Montana was no easy matter at the turn of the last century. A quick grope on the sly they could have managed, and probably did, and a pat on the butt they would not have had to hide if they did not do it too often. A hasty blowjob in some obscure corner or behind a building would not have been impossible either, nor even a cursory pull-down-your-pants-and-bend-over fuck—"Wham, bam! Thank you, man." But not real lovemaking, which was what they longed for.

So it is evident how living together must have

changed their lives entirely. They would sleep in the same bed almost every night for the next thirty-one years, and they made love on most of them. We can imagine how eagerly they looked forward to Caliban coming home and Caleb getting married so Nick could have his room—that is, that people would think he had taken Caleb's room—but 19their letters do not mention it.

* * * *

If Caliban left for the ranch right after graduation, he would arrive a few days before the wedding. A couple of days before he took the stage, he got a letter from Caleb laying out his plans for the wedding and how he would start out married life. It was the longest and most detailed letter he had ever written — three sheets of paper. He was obviously excited about getting married. He had already moved into the new house. He said he got it up and all furnished a lot sooner than he thought it would take him.

He told him for the fourth time that he had painted it grey and pink, like Calhoun and Julia's old swing that Calvin had built for the kids, and how he had sunk the well right beside the house, and the pump was over the kitchen sink, like the one Calvin had had installed for Darcie the year before Hester was born. Everything was ready. Amanda would come live at the ranch a week before the wedding to move all her things into their new house and set it up the way she liked it, and then would stay at the Johnson house with Calhoun, Julia and their boys until they were man and wife. Clay and Jared would share a bedroom for a week.

Then he, Caleb, was going to move all his belongings to the 19new house and live there two or three days "
so as when I
bring her home it'll be to a house that's already mine
." He was leaving the cookware, plates, bedding and the tools for Caliban, "
cause me and Amanda bought evrything new
."

Caliban showed his sister Caleb's letter and asked,

"Won't you change your mind and come for the wedding, Callie? Caleb's moved already; his room will be empty.

You can stay a few days with me, and I can return your hospitality."

"Ain't your friend Nick moving in?"

"Not before the wedding, I think. You can stay for the wedding and go back to Laramie the day after."

"Well, I s'pose… Sure. For Caleb's wedding, since he's my twin."

* * * *

When the stage dropped them off in town, they

hired a shay for a week and drove to the ranch. They stopped by the main house to say hello before going on to Caliban's. Only Darcie, Julia and Amanda were there. "It's nice seeing you again, Darcie, and you, too, Julia, under happier circumstances," Callie said. "We'll go unpack now and then rest up for what's lefta the day. It was a long trip in the stage, and we're all tired out. I'll be staying with 19Caliban, o' course, so I won't be getting in your hair."

"But…" Darcie began, "but we got a room for you here, Callie. You won't be in nobody's way."

"Caliban wants to return my hospitality."

"Well, if you're sure that's where you wanna stay.

You two'll come back for supper, I hope."

"'Course we will."

When they got to Caliban's, they saw a horse tied up in front of the house and a grey and black puppy lying curled up in the sun next to the pump. It wagged its tail and came over to be petted.

Callie asked her brother if he knew whose horse it was.

"It's Nick's. He must have stopped by to drop off a few of his things. Come inside and meet the best friend I've ever had."

Nick was in the kitchen. He had moved in two days ago. On the table was a little box wrapped in pretty paper.

Caliban introduced Nick to his sister. "Maybe I oughtta take that free room at Darcie's," Callie said.

"That won't be necessary. Nick and I can bunk together for a few days. I didn't think you'd have moved in this soon, Nick."

"No, I really think it'd be better if I went to Darcie's." "Well, we ought to rest up first. We don't have to turn back right away since we're going there for supper."

Nick was put out he had brought Callie, but his first impression of her was favorable in spite of it, so he hid his feelings. Her smile made it clear she wanted to like him, and she had called Calvin's house Darcie's and had offered to stay there.

"I s'pose that's a wedding gift for Caleb," Callie said, pointing to the box on the table.

Nick looked embarrassed. "Well, no, actually. It's for Cal, to celebrate our new living situation. One o' them. I guess you're already acquainted with Jaggers Jr. What I'm giving Caleb and Amanda's in my room, Caleb's old room.

I ain't wrapped it yet."

"Should I open mine now?" Caliban asked.

Callie saw Nick's embarrassment. "No. You should wait till you're back from supper and open it then, when you're alone together. Nick bought it in honor o' him coming to live with you."

"I bought you a gift too, Nick. It's in my bag, but I didn't wrap it."

The three stood at the table looking at each other.

Every few seconds, Nick would glance nervously at the box. After an uncomfortable silence, Callie said, "Look, I don't know if what I'm thinking is right, so I ain't gonna say 19it. But if I am right, I hope you two will be very, very careful."

The men did not answer her, not with so much as a nod.

At five o'clock, Callie and Caliban drove the shay to the main house for supper. Nick had not been invited.

Before they left, he said, "I been thinking you oughtta stay here, Callie."

"Why?"

"Well, if you change your mind now and stay with Darcie, the others might think what you're thinking."

"You're right, Nick. I'll stay here."

Then Nick went to the kitchen and fried the pork chops he had bought for his and Caliban's first supper together.

That night, when they were getting ready for bed in Caliban's room, Nick asked, "Are you going to show me my present now?"

"No, I'll wait till you give me mine after Callie goes home. I'm really sorry about this Nick. It's awkward for all of us."