The Clan MacDougall Series (35 page)

“Be not afraid. Tell him everything, Aishlinn.” And with that, she gave the frightened lass a hug before she opened the door to send her in. “I’ll be right outside the door if ye need me.”

Aishlinn paused a moment before entering and Isobel shut the door behind her. She stood on trembling legs for her entire future lay in Angus McKenna’s hands. He held the power to allow her to stay or to send her away.

Angus stood behind his desk with one massive arm resting on the wall as he stared out his window. “Be that the lass I’ve heard so much of?” He said without looking at her.

“Aye,” she whispered, too frightened to step forward. He was even more imposing a figure in person than he was when she saw him first from her bedroom window. He was tall with very broad shoulders and arms the size of tree trunks.

Angus remained lost in thought, his gaze frozen as he looked out at his lands. He was trying to make sense of what Duncan had just told him and he felt an overwhelming sense of uneasiness over it.

When he finally turned towards her, a most bewildered look instantly came to his face. His eyes grew wide as he stood in stunned silence, his mouth opened but no sound came from it, and his face had suddenly paled. Aishlinn grew fearful for she had no idea why he looked at her that way and thought perhaps he had suddenly grown ill.

“Laiden,” he finally whispered.

Aishlinn was quite surprised to hear him call her by her mother’s name. “Nay. I am Aishlinn,” she said, wondering if perhaps Duncan had told him of her mother and Angus was confusing their names.

Angus gripped the edge of his desk with both hands. If he let go, he would certainly fall over from the shocking image that now stood before him.

It canna be possible he told himself as utter disbelief took hold of him. He began to wonder if he had not completely lost his mind. A sea of old memories came crashing through his heart and mind and he felt he might drown in them.

“Aishlinn?” he finally asked. His voice was husky for his mouth had gone completely dry. “That was me mother’s name.”

She had never known another Aishlinn before and wondered then why Isobel had not shared that with her. She was growing nearly as confused as Angus looked to be.

“It canna be,” he said, breathless from the shock his system was taking. His face had grown paler. “It can no’ be.”

“Shall I get Isobel for you, m’laird?” she asked, convinced he had become ill and might need the healers.

He shook his head and straightened himself. Not taking his eyes from her, he quickly came around the desk. He towered over her, his face awash in confusion and pain. Aishlinn grew more nervous and frightened.

“Forgive me, but ye look just like a lass I knew a long time ago,” he said with a pained smile. “Laiden be her name.”

Aishlinn cocked her head slightly. “You knew my mother?” she asked, bewilderedly.

He knew her mother. A sense of dread then came to her next, for if he knew her mother then he knew what clan she belonged to. The possibility of being sent away flooded her eyes with tears.

Angus had known the moment he saw her that she was Laiden’s daughter. There was no doubt for she was nearly an exact replica. ’Twas as if Laiden herself stood before him, a ghost from his past; the sight of the lass before him had taken his breath away.

Angus put his unsteady hands upon her shoulders, unsure if he should believe his eyes and ears. He touched her just to see if she was real. When she did not disappear into a cloud of mist, he gave her shoulders a light squeeze. “Aye, I did.”

He guided her to the chair in front of his desk and sat her down. Bewildered and excited, he could not take his eyes from her. He kept shaking his head, muttering under his breath that he simply could not believe she was really here.

When he realized the look on her face had changed from one of curiosity to that of fear, he apologized. “I’m sorry to stare lass, but ye look just like yer mum.”

“I do?” Her mother had died so long ago that all Aishlinn had left were memories of things and small moments about her. She had long ago forgotten what her mother looked like, or the sound of her voice. And no one who had known Laiden had ever told her before that she resembled her. It had always been the exact opposite.

“Och! Aye!” Angus said. “All ye have to do is glance in a mirror lass, and ye’ll see yer mum!” Angus ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head again. His mind whirled as he tried to make sense of it all. “Duncan said ye be an orphan.”

Too afraid to speak, Aishlinn could only nod her head yes. Everyone had told her that Angus was kind, strong, fierce and brave. Unfortunately, no one had mentioned to her that he was daft. Perhaps it was the result of too many battles and wounds to his head.

Angus jumped to his feet and began pacing back and forth. Occasionally he would stop, look at her and shake his head. Aishlinn stayed frozen in her chair completely baffled by his behavior.

After pacing back and forth for a long time, he went and stood before the window, and stared out at the lands before him. For a time he was quiet, as if he were entranced by something that lay beyond the room, beyond the windows. When he finally spoke again, his voice was low and he suddenly sounded quite tired.

“He came to me,” Angus began. “Twenty years ago he came to me, with her dress, drenched in blood. Said a band of thieves had killed her as she traveled to see her father.”

The pain was as fresh in his heart as the day he had learned she was dead. The same intense anger and guilt returned with those memories.

“She had gone there to see her father—her father was an Englishman, ye ken.” He shook his head as he closed his eyes.

“She said she had to see her father one more time. I begged her not to go, to wait until I returned, but she was a strong-headed woman!” Laiden had been that and so much more. Sweet, bonny and kind, yes, but what a temper the lass had!

“She was beautiful, like ye are. And more strong-headed than anyone I had ever ken. Or have kent since.” He let out a long heavy sigh.

“I believed him. He had her dress and it was covered in blood.” He took a deep breath and righted himself before turning to look at her. “I should no’ have believed the lying bastard!”

He was growing angry at the realization he had been lied to. “I should have insisted he take me to her, show me where she was buried. I was so devastated that I fell into the bottle for months before comin’ out again.”

Aishlinn listened silently. She had no idea whom he spoke of and was afraid to ask.

“When did yer mum die, lass?” He stood still at the windows his jaw clenched as his hands began to shake with a burning anger.

“’Twas winter. I had just turned five years,” she answered him quietly.

“Who raised ye, after yer mum passed?”

“My step-father,” she answered, sensing the anger building in him.

“His name, lass!” Angus shouted. “What was his name?”

Aishlinn sank in her chair, growing more and more frightened. “Broc,” she managed to whisper. She wished Duncan were here to offer his support and strength, for it appeared the man before her was quickly losing his mind.

A blank stare came to his face. He tilted his head back and a deep, guttural howl of anger came from some unfathomable part of his soul. He sounded like a wounded animal in an unparalleled amount of pain and anguish. Aishlinn sank still deeper into her chair and prayed that Duncan or Isobel would hear him and come to see what was the matter.

When he was finished, out of breath and with so much anger upon his face that Aishlinn was certain he was going to lash out at her, tears burned her eyes. As he came around the desk, his face contorted into an expression she had never seen before on any human, she threw her arms over her head, afraid that he was coming to beat her. Though she had developed an inner strength and resolve over the past fortnights, the instinct to protect herself kicked in.

He knelt before her, taking her hands in his. “Aishlinn. Do no’ be frightened of me!” he pleaded. “’Tis no’ ye I be mad at lass! I swear it!”

She was not certain if she should believe him. “Do ye no’ understand what I’ve just told ye lass?” he asked, lowering his voice.

“Nay, I do not,” she whispered. She could not stop the flow of tears that trailed down her cheeks.

“’Twas Broc who lied to me, lass, lied to me about yer mum. He was the one who told me the thieves had killed her.” His eyes pleaded with her for understanding.

Why would Broc have lied to Angus? How had they known each other? “I don’t understand.” Her mind reeled, trying to make sense of it all.

He took a deep breath. “Aishlinn. I was in love with yer mum. I loved her more than anythin’ in this world. Broc loved her as well, but she loved him naught. He wanted to possess her, to break her spirit. ’Twas me she was to marry, no’ that son of a whore!”

My mother was to marry Angus? Her head swirled and she was certain she would faint at any moment. Her mother was to marry Angus, but she married Broc instead. Why would she have done that? Why would Broc tell Angus that Laiden was dead? To keep her to himself? And where in this story did Aishlinn fit? Her mind was swimming with a hundred questions she had no answers to. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to breath.

“Yer mother and I were to marry. She went to talk to her father, to tell him the news, Aishlinn, that we were to be married. I was off fighting a clan to the south of us, gone nearly a fortnight I was. I begged her not to go, but she was gone when I returned. Broc came to me, not but two days after I returned, and he told me that she was dead. He had her dress, covered in blood and told me that thieves had killed her.”

Her mouth and eyes flew open as the most intense feeling of anger began to boil in her stomach. For a moment she thought she would retch and had to take deep breaths to settle her stomach. Broc had lied. He had lied to keep Laiden to himself. Hatred, even more than what she had felt toward the earl or toward her brothers, swelled. How many other lies had the bastard told?

Angus could see that it was all beginning to make sense to her. He could see the anger as it flashed in her eyes. “Broc had to have lied to Laiden as well, or she certainly would have returned to me.”

“I never knew!” Aishlinn said. “I did not learn of it, until the day we buried her, that he was not my real father.” The tears burned at her cheeks.

“Moirra was begging him to let me live with her and he refused! He would not allow it!” She wiped tears on the sleeve of her dress. “He said he owed it to Laiden to raise me. All the while I was growing up, he would say that, he owed it to Laiden to raise me.”

It made sense to her then, that it wasn’t out of loyalty to Laiden he had raised her, ’twas out of guilt or a sick madness in the man’s mind and heart.

Angus stood again, anger and rage coursing through his veins. “He may have said that, but that wasn’t the real reason why he did it.”

Aishlinn lifted her head to look at him. “Why then?”

“Because he hated me more than he loved yer mother. He did it to keep ye from me.” With clenched jaws, he tried to maintain his composure. Had she not been there in the room he might very well have torn the entire castle apart with his bare hands, for the anger in him was so intense.

“Keep me from you?” she asked as she wiped more tears from her cheeks. For so many years, she had longed for answers, longed for her mother to be alive and tell her why she had married Broc. Now, as she learned more pieces of the story of her mother’s life, she was not certain if she could bear more of it.

“Why? What am I to you?” She was not sure she wanted to know the answer.

Angus’ heart melted when he looked into those dark green eyes. A tender smile came to his face as he tried to fight back his own tears, his own agony. He put his hands on her shoulders, his voice cracking from the pain in his heart. “Because yer me daughter.”

Aishlinn sat in stony silence for a long while as anger, fury and heartache built inside her. Angus was her father. How many years had she wondered? How many nights had she laid awake wondering and dreaming that she would someday learn the truth? Nothing she could have imagined could have prepared her heart for this moment.

Finally finding her voice, she began to mutter aloud as she paced. She clenched her hands into fists and wished for something to hit. Her voice rose as her anger simmered like grease in a fiery hot skillet.

“He lied. All those years he lied to me. He lied to everyone.” What lie might he have told Laiden that would have convinced her to marry him?

“He had to have told her you were dead,” she said. “’Tis the only explanation as to why she married him. Pregnant, young, alone and thinking she had no other choice.”

Angus sat upon the corner of his desk watching Aishlinn as she paced and swore and cursed Broc.

“That evil, lying, cheating whoreson!” she yelled. “’Tis a good thing he is dead now, or I would travel back to Penrith and kill him with my bare hands!”

Angus had to squash a smile of admiration.

“I would crawl through the bowels and fires of hell on my belly at this moment for a chance to kill him!”

With that temper flaring and those deep green eyes of hers burning with anger, ’twas no doubt of it, she was Laiden’s daughter.

How differently his life would have been had he not been lied to. So in love with Laiden he was. He would have gone to the ends of the earth and back for her had she asked him to.

His thoughts turned then to Isobel. How she must be hurting! He loved his wife immeasurably. She and Bree were everything in this world to him. She must have known the truth the moment she laid eyes upon Aishlinn. How her heart must have ached with the knowledge. He felt guilty now, for not being here for her when she first learned of Aishlinn’s existence.

He needed to go to Isobel, to hold her close and offer her comfort. Together they would help heal each other’s hearts, just as they had done some twenty years ago. They had found a comfort in each other then, as they had both grieved the loss of Laiden.

Angus had not ever expected to love again after losing Laiden, so convinced he was that his heart was broken beyond repair. But somehow, gradually over the following year, he had realized he had fallen in love with Isobel. He had felt a great deal of guilt over it. But he knew in his heart that Laiden would not have wanted him to suffer and grieve all his life for her. She would have wanted him to be happy and to move on without her. He married Isobel nearly two years after Laiden’s death. They were blessed with Bree less than a year after.