The Cogan Legend (29 page)

“Thank you for asking, but I'd rather not.  I don't feel up to doing anything.”

“That's okay, perhaps tomorrow,” Mary said.  

Saturday approached, and Ann hoped Phillip had received her letter and would arrive at the lodge.  She was anxious to see him, but when Saturday evening came, Ann gave up hope.  She excused herself from dinner and went to her room.

Charles and Mary were also disappointed that Phillip didn't show.  “Mary, I really expected Phillip.  I think he could help Ann.”

“I've been thinking about Ann and her condition and how we could help her.  Charles, I appreciate everything you do for me, but I'm going to ask Ann to assist me in some of my daily chores.”

“Mary, that's a good idea.  Maybe if we keep her mind on other things, it will help.  I'm going to insist she go along to church tomorrow morning, I'll go and tell her right now.”

Charles knocked. “Ann, Mary and I want you to accompany us to church in the morning.  We want to leave by nine o'clock.”

“Father, must I go? I don't feel up to it.”

“Ann, I insist, and there will be no further discussion.”

In the morning, Charles watched the time tick away with no sign of Ann.  “Well, Mary, I was sure Ann would be here by now.  I guess I'll have to see if she's ready.”

“Charles, wait.  I think I heard a door open.”

Charles was relieved there would be no confrontation with his daughter this morning.  He prayed this day would be the day that Ann would begin to recover.

When they returned home from church, Ann excused herself to her room.  Ann participated in the service, but neither Charles nor Mary was able to sense a change in her behavior.   When they were alone Charles told Mary, “Tomorrow morning I'm going to talk to Ann about our plan to have her help around here.”

“So now it's our plan,” Mary said jokingly.

“Yes, Mary, your plan, and it's a good one.  I can see I'll have to watch my words when we get married.”  He gave her a hug.  “I want to be up front with her.  I don't want her to feel this is punishment.  I want her to know how much we care and that we're trying to help.”

 

 

A nightmare plagued Ann's sleep.  The recurring dream always ended with the sound of screaming that woke her, heart thumping, mouth dry and covers drenched with sweat.  Gasping for breath, she would study the room and listen intently, but except for the sound of her heart and breath, the house remained silent and apparently ignorant of her terror.  Shadows from unknown sources crept along the walls in her room until she pulled the covers over her head. She knew it was irrational.  Nothing was chasing her, nothing had screamed during the night. But despite her knowledge, she couldn't escape the terrors that crept into her dreams each night.

Ann suspected the nightmare was due to the guilt she felt.   She never mentioned the dream to her father or Mary.  She couldn't have explained, and she feared her father might keep her from going with them when he went to the trial.  She knew Phillip would understand.     

Monday morning at breakfast Charles cleared his throat. “Ann, I'd like if you would help Mary more around the lodge.  I think it would be beneficial to you in many ways.  The most important of which would be your state of mind.  We love you and don't want to see you like this.”

Ann looked at her father. “How would doing the dishes help my state of mind?”

Her response, tinged with a measure of petulance, angered Charles, but he kept his reply calm and reasoned.  “When I married your mother, we didn't have Katey and Mae to do things.  She, like Mary, had to do everything around the house herself.  And from that experience she knew how to run our house.  If I were to give my blessing for you to marry Phillip, I would expect you to live in your own house, without the help of Katey and Mae.  There's an old saying, ‘you can't live on love'.  There's a lot more to it.”

Ann's expression changed. She hugged her father and then kissed his cheek.  “Father, I'm sorry for what I said.  I want to help Mary, and I want to get out of this frame of mind.  It seems I've lost my way.  I do want to marry Phillip.”       

Initially, Mary decided not to push too many chores on Ann.  She showed her short cuts in the kitchen and was very patient in her explanations.  Ann was a quick learner and seemed to enjoy her new education.  A friendship was growing between them, and as the week passed Mary felt Ann did well.  

When Friday came Ann was looking forward to seeing Phillip; she hoped by now he'd gotten her letter.  Late in the afternoon they heard a horse.

Charles looked out the window. “Ann, it's Phillip.  Let's go out. I'm sure he's anxious to see you.”

Ann was nervous. “Father, maybe I should stay inside.  I look horrible.”

“Nonsense.  Phillip came to see you,” Charles said.  

He looked so handsome, and the sight of him sparked the love she felt for him and seemed to change her mood.  Phillip was surprised at her condition; he didn't expect to see her like that, but he said nothing.  He lifted her up, hugged and kissed her. “Ann I missed you so much; I couldn't wait to get here.  After I received your letter, the days couldn't go fast enough.”  He still had Ann in his arms when he looked at Mary and said, “I'm sorry. Mary. I'm not ignoring you and Charles. I just missed Ann so much.”  He put Ann down and gave Mary a hug and shook Charles' hand.

Lewey was sitting by the fire when they entered.  Phillip walked over and extended his hand.  “Lewey, it's nice seeing you again.  I have some good news for everyone.  The captain received word from Harrisburg this week.  The trial date is set for the first full week of April.  A circuit judge from Harrisburg will arrive that Monday, and the selection of a jury will begin Tuesday.  Both a prosecutor and defense attorney has already been appointed by the county.  Since we are witnesses, Lewey and I must report to the Prosecutor's office.”  

“What about Tom?” Charles asked.  “He left for Philadelphia a week ago. We need to inform him.”  

“Already taken care of,” Phillip said.  “I sent a letter to his home. Now another matter.  With your permission, sir, I'd like to call on Ann on the weekends I can get away between now and the trial.”

Charles nodded.  “Of course.”  He clapped Phillip on the back, stopping just short of hugging him.  “You bring good news!  We're all anxious to get this behind us.  I look forward to the trial, and we look forward to seeing you whenever you can come.”  He grinned at Ann.  “Now, Ann and Mary have prepared something for us to eat.  If you can let go of her hand, we might get a chance to taste it.”

Phillip smiled.  “I'd rather starve than let go of her hand.” Then a puzzled look crossed his handsome features. “Did you say Ann cooked?”

Charles laughed.  “Ann has been assisting Mary around the house, and she is doing quite well.”  

Ann grinned. “I hope it's satisfactory.”

Phillip reluctantly let go of Ann's hand and sat down at the table.  He sniffed appreciatively.  “I'm definitely not going to miss the cooking at the fort!”

After they ate Charles said, “Phillip, I have some good news for you.  Mary has agreed to be my wife.”

“That's good news.  Congratulations.  When will the wedding take place?”

“No specific date has been set, but sometime after the trial.”

The remainder of the evening was spent catching up.  Phillip couldn't wait to be alone with Ann, and after everyone excused themselves, they remained by the fire.     

“Ann, when I read your last letter I can see your visit to Mrs. Miller was not the reception you expected.  I wished so much I could've been with you.  I wanted to resign that night because I wanted to be there to comfort you.”  

Tears formed in Ann's eyes.  “It made me see that I am to blame for Rachel's death.”

“No, that's just not true!”  Phillip protested. “I know this is a terrible time for you. I feel as guilty as you do because I couldn't protect her.  I couldn't even protect you,” Phillip said bitterly.  “But we can't continue to blame ourselves.  What's happened has happened.”

“Phillip, I'll never be the same person that I was.  I have nightmares.  I look at people differently.  I never had anyone who hated me before.”  She burst into tears.

Feeling helpless, Phillip found a handkerchief and dabbed at her cheeks.  When she leaned against him and closed her eyes, he said softly, “Ann, we could all take responsibility for Rachel's death.  I understand you feel guilt for what happened, and I can see how you could convince yourself that you are responsible. But as a soldier I was there to protect both of you, and I failed.  I know Lewey feels responsible too because Charles trusted him with your safety, and he failed.  I know your father feels guilty that he allowed two young ladies to travel away from the lodge.  He admitted that to me. We all have guilt and will forever, but I don't care how long it takes, I'm determined to marry you and make you happy once again.  Will you let me do that?”

Ann opened her eyes. She felt reassured by his love.  By way of reply, she kissed him on the cheek.  

“Well, that's a start.”

“We better turn in. It's getting late.”  

Phillip accompanied Ann to her room, and as they entered, he put his arms around her and passionately kissed her.

Again that night Ann began dreaming; she heard screaming, but this time she saw Rachel's face in agony.  She awoke in a sweat and went into Phillip's room.

“Phillip,” she whispered.

She startled him. “What's wrong, Ann?”

“I've had a horrible dream.”

“Let's go to your room. We don't want to wake Lewey.”

Once they were in her room, Ann related her nightmare. “The other night it happened, and then I was fine until tonight.  I've had different flashes in my mind.  I remember hearing screaming, but tonight I saw Rachel's face.  She was in agony, and that's all I can remember before I awoke.  I was fine in Philadelphia, but the first night we arrived here it started.”

He hugged and held her to his body.  “I think you're trying to remember that day.  I hope I'm around when you finally do.”

“I hope you're here, too.”

Then he kissed and held her until they both fell asleep.

Ann's dream concerned Phillip.  He feared it would become something that Ann couldn't handle, driving her deeper into her depression.

The following morning at breakfast, Ann and Phillip sat next to each other.  Phillip took her hand, and she responded with a smile. “Ann, why don't we take a walk after breakfast?” Phillip smiled as he looked at Ann.  “I really haven't seen much of the surroundings.”  

“Phillip, that's a good idea.  Ann could use some fresh air,” Charles said.

“Perhaps Mary and I could join you,” Charles added.

“Charles, you can help me clean up the dishes,” Mary said quickly.

Charles gave her a baffled look and then realization dawned.  He smiled.  “Kitchen duty again?”  But his smile gave them the truth.  

The day passed quickly, and at supper it seemed to everyone, even Lewey, that Ann's outlook appeared to improve.

“Ann, because Phillip is here, I will again assist Mary with cleanup.  But don't forget your chores will resume when Phillip leaves,” Charles chuckled.

The days seemed to be warmer, and the bitter cold of winter was slowly ending.  Mary's encouragement and Phillip's visits every weekend helped Ann.  Charles saw improvement in her attitude and condition, and it gave him promise she was coming out of that deep depression.  Even Ann felt better and slept better.  The nightmare still came but not as frequently.
  
 

Charles was glad to see Ann and Mary enjoy each other's company.  “Mary, I'm so pleased that you and Ann are becoming closer.  I know you'll never take her mother's place, but you're what she needs.”

Mary nodded; her face reflected the pleasure that went beyond Charles' words. “I enjoy her company, Charles.  She's making a lot of progress.  She seems to take pleasure in it.”

Charles became more impatient as the trial date drew closer.  “Mary, I'm anxious to get this whole ordeal over.  I hate sitting around doing nothing.”

“Be patient. You'll be back at work soon enough.  I'm glad you're here with me.”  

By Thursday Ann was in good spirits.  She looked forward to Phillip's visit the next day.

For Phillip the week passed quickly and he was looking forward to seeing Ann.  It was early April, and the weak winter's cold persisted.  A front blew in on Wednesday and dumped five inches of fresh snow on the area.  Phillip had to dress as if it were early March.   

Late in the afternoon Phillip arrived, and Ann thought he looked more handsome than ever.  As soon as he got in the door, Charles questioned him, “Phillip, were you able to reserve three rooms as we discussed?”

“Yes, I did.  This trial is going to draw a lot of people, and all the rooms are filling up fast.”

“Is the trial still on schedule?”  

“Yes, everything is fine.”

“We're still going to leave early Sunday morning,” Charles reiterated.  

After everyone finished eating Mary asked, “How did you enjoy your meal?”

“Mary, it was delicious as usual,” Charles said.

Mary beamed as she looked at Ann. “I want you all to know Ann prepared everything; I had nothing to do with it.”  

“Ann did all this?”  Charles asked as he smiled at his daughter.  “Mary has taught you well.”

“If this is what I have to look forward to, I can't wait to get married, Ann.”

Charles glanced at Phillip, but his expression remained neutral.