The Coincidence 05 The Certainty of Violet & Luke (12 page)

‘I’m more muscly because I’ve been taking care of myself and working out more with Kayden,’ he says and as if proving his point that he is indeed taking better care of himself, he picks up his case that carries his stuff for his diabetes to check his blood sugar level.

‘I know you have been.’ I collect a pen from the bed and lie back down on my stomach, trying not to think about how easy this conversation is. How simple.
It’s been so long
. ‘It’s good that are.’

After pricking his finger, he wanders to the dresser to get some clean clothes, but pauses and turns to look at me. ‘You should come with me sometime.’

My gaze flicks up from one of my literature papers. ‘To the
gym
?’ When he nods, I snort a laugh. ‘Yeah, that’s not going to happen. I’m not athletic. At all.’

He grabs a pair of pajama bottoms from the dresser and then flops down on the bed with me. ‘You don’t have to be athletic … Callie comes with Kayden a lot.’

‘Good for Callie.’ I flip the page of my textbook. ‘If I went to the gym, I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself.’

‘It would get you out of the house.’ He slides my books out of the way so he can scoot closer to me then slips his fingers through mine, causing me to drop my pen. ‘I worry about you … you haven’t really left the house since … Well, since you went to the station a couple of weeks ago, nor have you talked about it … and I’m worried.’

‘You’ve said that twice,’ I say then give a heavy sigh. ‘And it’s hard when there’s a mob always waiting around for me.’

He rotates onto his side and combs his fingers through my hair around his finger, gazing off with great contemplation. ‘You can’t let them control your life. And besides, I’ll punch them in the face if they come too close.’ The corners of his lips tease upward.

But I frown. ‘No punching anyone in the face. I don’t need you going to jail.’

‘Please just come with me.’

Clearly this is important to him, although I don’t know why. And if I’m being true to myself about trying to get my acted together, heal all my brokenness besides the bones, I need to start attempting to make up to him for everything I’ve been taking lately. ‘If I go, I’m just going to sit there.’

‘You can do whatever you want.’ He inches closer and his body heat engulfs me and puts me into this temporary state of high where I swear to God I’m floating. ‘Although there is a kickboxing area. Seems like something right up your alley. You could take out your anger aggression on it.’

‘Anger aggression? ‘I narrow my eyes at him, but it’s more playful than annoyed. ‘Are you saying I have anger problems?’

‘Maybe … I mean, you have every right to be angry, but I think it would be good for you to try finding a healthy outlet.’ He glances down at my cast then I catch his gaze flicking to the other wrist where there’s a mark on my flesh hidden beneath a leather bracelet; a mark I put there when I cut my own skin hoping that maybe if I made myself bleed, my emotions would bleed out with the blood.

There’s also a questioning in his eyes, and I get what he wants to know – needs to know.

‘I haven’t done anything since that day.’ I fidget with the leather band self-consciously. ‘I’ve been trying not to.’ But it’s been a rollercoaster of difficultness. Up and down. That’s what I’ve felt like every second of every hour of every day.

‘I know you have,’ he says. ‘I just want you to find something that might help, so maybe won’t have to do it anymore … so maybe it won’t be so hard not to try.’

It’s crazy how much he gets it and how much I want to stop for him and kind of for myself. But if I’m being honest, I can’t picture my life without my reckless behavior and that makes me wonder how long I can go on like this. It’s been so long that it doesn’t even feel possible; even though I never want to have that helpless feeling I had in the water again. And I don’t for one second believe that going to the gym is going to help get rid of my problem, but he’s looking at me with hope in his eyes, so I agree.

‘Fine, I’ll go.’ I force a smile.

He grins from ear-to-ear and it makes agreeing worth it, despite the fact I’m going to look like a dumbass trying to beat up a bag. ‘Good, we start tomorrow at seven o’clock,’ he says.

‘In the morning?’ I give him a disgusted look. ‘What the hell. I don’t get up that early.’

He laughs at me then gives me a kiss on the forehead before sitting up. ‘Yeah, it’s early but I have to pick up my dad and Trevor from the airport and noon and then we’re going to dinner later, remember?’

Honestly, through all the stuff going on the past couple of weeks, I’d forgotten about it. ‘I kinda forgot they were coming,’ I admit, sitting up and reaching for my Calculus book.

‘That’s understandable.’ He heads for the door with the pajama bottoms in his hand. ‘You’ve been under a lot of stress lately.’

‘You’ve been sounding like a psychologist lately. So either Seth’s been wearing on you or maybe that’s what you should major in.’

He releases a cynical laugh. ‘Yeah, that’ll be the day. Me sitting behind a desk, listening to other peoples’ problems and trying to fix them.’

‘You’re better at it than you think.’ My words carrying more meaning than meets the ear.

Luke gives me a thankful smile that chips at my ice-cold heart just a bit, but his happiness quickly turns to hesitancy. ‘So how was the therapy thing today?’ he asks as indifferently as possible, but I can tell he’s worried about asking me.

I shrug, not wanting to talk about the fact that my head is officially being examined. ‘Not too bad I guess.’

‘Do you have to see them again?’ he wonders, his fingers wrapping around the doorknob.

I nod, wondering if I’m going to go through with it – keep going and let Lana dissect me. ‘Yeah, next week.’

‘Until when?’

‘Until the unforeseeable future.’ I shrug, then shrug again, not sure what else to say. Lana never mentioned how much I’d have to go there. What if it’s a really long time? Sitting in that chair, talking about stuff I always avoid no matter what the costs. Can I handle it?

‘Oh, okay.’ Luke drops the subject and opens the door.

All this talk about our futures, I’m reminded of who I am. Like me, Luke has no declared major, but he still plays football and has hobbies so he’s at least got that, unlike me. I don’t have any hobbies, other than my extreme lack of people skills and my adrenaline junkie addiction. I have nothing really.

Maybe Luke’s right. Maybe I do need to declare a major, get out of the house, do something. But I don’t even know where to start. All my life, I’ve felt like I was drifting, drifting through homes, jobs, even classes, passing them but never really getting into anything I was being taught.

Drifting.

That’s all I did – do. My thoughts always stuck in the past.

But now the past might get its justice – my parents might get their justice. And that leaves me with facing the future, whether I’m ready to or not.

‘I saw you, Violet. Saw you in the water.’ A whisper fills my head. It comes in the middle of the night. A voice, floating from somewhere in the dark house. ‘You wanted to hurt yourself.’

‘You’re not getting off that easy.’

Did it come from the bedroom? I’m not sure, but they sound so close … wait where am I
?

I’m startled from my sleep then smothered by the darkness around me. It feels so heavy, so crushing that I can’t breathe.

I’m alone.

Alone.

Alone.

Alone.

In the dark house.

Only I’m not alone.

A stranger is here with me.

‘Wake up.’

This time I know I heard something for sure and I reach for Luke and feel his warmth beside me. ‘Luke, wake up.’ I give him a hard shake, my eyes frantically scanning the room. But there’s no one there. ‘I think I hear someone … out in the living room.’

It takes him a second to come out of his sleep, still dreary eyed as he flips on the lamp and looks at the clock. ‘It’s two in the morning … what’s going on?’

‘I hear someone in the living room,’ I hiss, sitting up and straining to hear the noise as I grip tightly onto the blanket.

This can’t be happening.

Not again.

No.

No one is here.

Thud … thud … thud …

A second later, Luke is out of bed and on his feet, chucking me the phone. ‘Get ready to call the police.’

I grab his arm as he cracks the bedroom door open. ‘Don’t go out there.’ I dig my nails into his flesh, clutching onto him like a terrified child.

‘I need to go check and see if someone’s in the house.’ He slips his arm from mine and walks out of the room in his boxers with no weapon, nothing to protect him.

Panic flares through me like a wildfire and images of that night blaze through my mind.

Darkness.

The Voices.

The noises.

The singing.

The blood.

The fear.

Jumping from the bed, I grip onto the phone and rush after him into the hallway, not wanting to let him out of my sight. Letting him out of my sight means that I may never see him again.

‘Violet, get back in the room,’ Luke hisses, putting his arm out and shoving me back.

I shake my head, my entire body trembling as I hear voices and see lights flashing from outside. The night when my parents died there were fireworks being lit off and I thought the gunshots where firecrackers. It’s happening now.

It’s happening again.

‘Are those fireworks?’ My voice doesn’t even sound like my own, lost in a traumatizing memory I’ve been thrown back into.

Luke shakes his head. ‘No … it’s the police I think … Violet, go back to the room.
Please
,’ he begs.

I shake my head again, hugging the phone to my chest. Rattled, rattled, rattled – my insides are rattled and I can’t think straight.
It’s so dark. It’s so loud. I’m so scared
. ‘I can’t … I can’t leave you … I don’t want to be alone.’

I can’t see his face, but I feel his fingers lace through mine and hold on tight as he peeks around the corner into the living room. ‘I promise I’ll be right back,’ he says then his fingers slip away from mine.

I start to cry.

Bawl like a little baby as I collapse to the floor.

I’m not going to see him again.

It’s the most painful thought I’ve ever had, aching in my bones, muscles, veins, heart – everything. I never want this to happen – can’t live without him. The fear consumes me, feels like it’s burying me alive. I need to get it out of me. Need to go somewhere – do something. I’ve never felt this much pain before and I can’t even begin to think about what it means, because I know that going there will kill me right now.

No, God, no. This can’t be happening.

Moments later, the living room light flips on and I’m no longer in the dark. It makes it easier to breath, but my heart is still slamming violently against my chest until finally Luke returns to me.

He appears frazzled and unnerved. ‘I want you to stay inside.’

Hot tears stream down my eyes and all I want to do is grab him and hug him. ‘Where are you going?’

He pretends to be calm, but I can see right through him – he’s worried. ‘The sliding glass door was open and the police are outside with their siren on. Someone’s at the door. I need to step outside and talk with him.’ He crouches down eyelevel with me. ‘Violet, listen to me. I’m not going anywhere.’ He cups my cheek. ‘I promise.’

I nod my head up and down, stunned by what’s happening inside me. Something’s different, something’s changing and it both scares the living daylights out of me and excites me in the most fearful way ever.

I let Luke steer me back to the room and into bed. I sit on the edge as he pulls a shirt on then disappears out of the room again. I watch the clock tick. Listen to the wind outside. Watch the blue and red lights flash outside. It feels like an eternity passes by before finally Luke returns to our bedroom.

‘What was it?’ I ask, the phone still in my hand.

He takes the phone from me, sets it aside on the nightstand, then climbs in bed beside me. His arms encircle me then he pulls me close and lies us down on the mattress.

Safe.

I feel so safe.

‘Someone came into the house … the police saw him … turned on their lights.’ His muscles go taut, his embrace so tight I feel like I’m being pressed into him. ‘They think it scared whoever it was off. They’re searching around but can’t find them.’

I swallow the lump in my throat. ‘It was him.’ I’m afraid, yet I ‘m not. Because this time I’m not alone.

I’m not alone?

‘Violet, it wasn’t …’ He trails off because he knows I’m right. It was Preston. Preston was inside my house. And I don’t think it was the first time.

Everything had been going so well. I’d gotten her to agree to go to the gym, get out of the house, hoping that maybe she could discover another way to release her pain and anger. But then a very terrified Violet wakes me from my sleep.

As soon as I saw that damn sliding door open, I knew someone had been in our apartment. We haven’t been that careful about locking it, since we’re on the second floor, but apparently we should have been. I’m getting a fucking alarm system – I can’t take it anymore. This helpless feeling that I’m going to wake up and find Violet hurt by that fucking piece of shit.

The fact that he scared the shit out of her was enough to make me want to beat the shit out of him. If he would have still been in the apartment when I walked out there, I’d have lost it. I could tell she was thinking of that night her parents were murdered, could see the fear in her green eyes. She thought something was going to happen to me and that she’d never see me again. It fucking hurts, seeing that in her eyes, makes me want to do anything to take the pain and fear away from her. But again, all I feel is helpless.

I watch her sleep for the rest of the night and finally fall asleep around five in the morning. About an hour later, I’m woke right back up by a knock on the door. The sun is starting to rise and the light is shining through the window, making it feel a little safer, but I still have a hard time leaving Violet in the bed alone, even if it’s just to answer the door.