The Collected Short Stories (40 page)

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Authors: Jeffrey Archer

BOOK: The Collected Short Stories
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“You certainly have,” said Simon. “It's always a letdown when you sell everything off the walls on the first night. Then you haven't got anything left for your old customers, and they start grumbling.”
Sally's mouth opened wide.
“Mind you, it was a rather good photo of Natasha, even if it was an awful one of you.”
“What are you talking about, Simon?”
“Mike Sallis got his exclusive, and you got your break,” he said, patting her suspended leg. “When Natasha bent over your body in the street, Mike began clicking away for dear life. And I couldn't have scripted her quotes better myself: ‘The most outstanding young artist of our generation. If the world were to lose such a talent …'”
Sally laughed at Simon's wicked imitation of Natasha's Russian accent.
“You hit most of the next morning's front pages,” he continued. BRUSH WITH DEATH in the
Mail
; STILL LIFE IN ST. JAMES'S in the
Express
. And you even managed SPLAT! in
The Sun
. The punters flocked into the gallery that evening. Natasha was wearing a black see-through dress and proceeded to give the press sound bite after sound bite about your genius. Not that it made any difference. We'd already
sold every canvas long before their second editions hit the street. But, more important, the serious critics in the broadsheets are already acknowledging that you might actually have some talent.”
Sally smiled. “I may have failed to have an affair with Prince Charles, but at least it seems I got something right.”
“Well, not exactly,” said Simon.
“What do you mean?” asked Sally, suddenly anxious. “You said all the pictures have been sold.”
“True, but if you'd arranged to have the accident a few days earlier, I could have jacked up the prices by at least fifty percent. Still, there's always next time.”
“Did Tony buy
The Sleeping Cat That Never Moved?”
Sally asked quietly.
“No, he was late as usual, I'm afraid. It was snapped up in the first half hour, by a serious collector. Which reminds me,” Simon added, as Sally's parents came through the swing doors into the ward, “I'll need another forty canvases if we're going to hold your second show in the spring. So you'd better get back to work right away.”
“But look at me, you silly 'n,” Sally said, laughing. “How do you expect me to—”
“Don't be so feeble,” said Simon, tapping her plaster cast. “It's your leg that's out of action, not your arm.”
Sally grinned and looked up to see her parents standing at the end of the bed.
“Is this Tony?” her mother asked.
“Good heavens no, Mother,” laughed Sally. “This is Simon. He's far more important. Mind you,” she confessed, “I made the same mistake the first time I met him.”
The two men had first met at the age of five when they were placed side by side at school, for no more compelling reason than that their names, Thompson and Townsend, came one after each other on the class register. They soon became best friends, a tie which at that age is more binding than any marriage. After passing their eleven-plus examination they proceeded to the local grammar school with no Timpsons, Tooleys, or Tomlinsons to divide them and, having completed seven years in that academic institution, reached an age when one either has to go to work or to the university. They opted for the latter on the grounds that work should be put off until the last possible moment. Happily, they both possessed enough brains and native wit to earn themselves places at Durham University to major in English.
Undergraduate life turned out to be as sociable as at primary school. They both enjoyed English, tennis, cricket, good food, and girls. Luckily, in the last of these predilections they differed only on points of detail. Michael, who was six feet two, willowy, with dark curly hair, preferred tall, bosomy blonds with blue eyes and long legs. Adrian, a stocky man of five feet-ten, with straight, sandy hair, always fell for small, slim, dark-haired, dark-eyed girls. So whenever Adrian came across a girl that Michael took an interest in or vice versa, whether she was an undergraduate or a barmaid,
the one would happily exaggerate his friend's virtues. Thus they spent three idyllic years in unison at Durham, gaining considerably more than a bachelor of arts degree. As neither of them had impressed the examiners enough to waste a further two years expounding their theories for a Ph.D., they could no longer avoid the real world.
Twin Dick Whittingtons, they set off for London, where Michael joined the BBC as a trainee while Adrian was signed up by Benton & Bowles, the international advertising agency, as an accounts assistant. They acquired a small flat in the Earls Court Road which they painted orange and brown, and proceeded to live the life of two young blades, for that is undoubtedly how they saw themselves.
Both men spent a further five years in this blissful bachelor state, until they each fell for a girl who fulfilled their particular requirements. They were married within weeks of each other: Michael to a tall, blue-eyed blond whom he met while playing tennis at the Hurlingham Club; Adrian to a slim, dark-eyed, dark-haired executive in charge of the Kellogg's Corn Flakes account. Each officiated as the other's best man, and each proceeded to sire three children at yearly intervals, and in that again they differed, but as before only on points of detail, Michael having two sons and a daughter, Adrian two daughters and a son. Each became godfather to the other's first-born son.
Marriage hardly separated them in anything as they continued to follow much of their old routine, playing cricket together on weekends in the summer and football in the winter, not to mention regular luncheons during the week.
After the celebration of his tenth wedding anniversary, Michael, now a senior producer with Thames Television, admitted rather coyly to Adrian that he had had his first affair: he had been unable to resist a tall, well-built blond from the typing pool who was offering more than shorthand at seventy words a minute. Only a few weeks later, Adrian, now a senior account manager with Pearl and Dean, also went under, selecting a journalist from Fleet Street who was seeking some inside information on one of the companies
he represented. She became a tax-deductible item. After that the two men quickly fell back into their old routine. Any help they could give each other was provided unstintingly, creating no conflict of interests because of their different tastes. Their married lives were not suffering—or so they convinced each other—and at thirty-five, having come through the swinging sixties unscathed, they began to make the most of the seventies.
Early in that decade, Thames Television decided to send Michael off to the United States to edit an ABC film about living in New York, for consumption by British viewers. Adrian, who had always wanted to see the eastern seaboard, did not find it hard to arrange a trip at the same time as he claimed it was necessary for him to carry out some more than usually spurious research for an Anglo-American tobacco company. The two men enjoyed a lively week together in New York, the highlight of which was a party held by ABC on the final evening to view the edited edition of Michael's film on New York,
An Englishman's View of the Big Apple
.
When Michael and Adrian arrived at the ABC studios they found the party was already well under way, and both entered the room together, looking forward to a few drinks and an early night before their journey back to England the next day.
They spotted her at exactly the same moment.
She was of medium height and build, with soft green eyes and auburn hair—a striking combination of both men's fantasies. Without another thought each knew exactly where he desired to end up that particular night, and, two minds with but a single idea, they advanced purposefully upon her.
“Hello, my name is Michael Thompson.”
“Hello,” she replied. “I'm Debbie Kendall.”
“And I'm Adrian Townsend.”
She offered her hand and both tried to grab it. When the party had come to an end, they had, between them, discovered that Debbie Kendall was an ABC floor producer on the evening news. She was divorced and had two children who
lived with her in New York. But neither man was any nearer to impressing her, if only because each worked so hard to outdo the other; they both showed off abominably and even squabbled over fetching their new companion her food and drink. In the other's absence each found himself running down his closest friend in a subtle but damning way.
“Adrian's a nice chap if it weren't for his drinking,” said Michael.
“Super fellow Michael, such a lovely wife, and you should see his three adorable children,” added Adrian.
They both escorted Debbie home and reluctantly left her on the doorstep of her Sixty-eighth Street apartment. She kissed the two of them perfunctorily on the cheek, thanked them and said goodnight. They walked back to their hotel in silence.
When they reached their room on the nineteenth floor of the Plaza, it was Michael who spoke first.
“I'm sorry,” he said. “I made a bloody fool of myself.”
“I was every bit as bad,” said Adrian, “we shouldn't fight over a woman. We never have in the past.”
“Agreed,” said Michael. “So why not an honorable compromise?”
“What do you suggest?”
“Since we both return to London tomorrow morning, let's agree whichever one of us comes back first …”
“Perfect,” said Adrian and they shook hands to seal the bargain, as if they were both back at school playing a cricket match and had to decide on who should bat first. The deal made, they climbed into their respective beds and slept soundly.
Once back in London both men did everything in their power to find an excuse for returning to New York. Neither contacted Debbie Kendall by phone or letter, since it would have broken their gentleman's agreement, but when the weeks grew to be months, both became despondent, and it seemed that neither was going to be given the opportunity to return. Then Adrian was invited to Los Angeles to address a
media conference. He remained unbearably smug about the whole trip, confident he would be able to drop into New York on the way to London. It was Michael who discovered that British Airways was offering cheap tickets for wives who accompanied their husbands on a business trip: Adrian was therefore unable to return via New York. Michael breathed a sigh of relief, which turned to triumph when he was selected to go to Washington and cover the president's State of the Union address. He suggested to the head of Outside Broadcasts that it would be wise to drop into New York on the way home and strengthen the contacts he had previously made with ABC. The head of Outside Broadcasts agreed, but told Michael he must be back the following day to cover the opening of Parliament.
Adrian phoned Michael's wife and briefed her on cheap trips to the States when accompanying your husband. “How kind of you to be so thoughtful, Adrian, but alas my school never allows time off during term, and in any case,” she added, “I have a dreadful fear of flying.”
Michael was very understanding about his wife's phobia and went off to book a single ticket.
Michael flew into Washington on the following Monday and called Debbie Kendall from his hotel room, wondering if she would even remember the two vainglorious Englishmen she had briefly met some months before, and if she did whether she would also recall which one he was. He dialed nervously and listened to the ringing tone. Was she in, was she even in New York? At last a click and a soft voice said hello.
“Hello, Debbie, it's Michael Thompson.”
“Hello, Michael. What a nice surprise. Are you in New York?”
“No, Washington, but I'm thinking of flying up. You wouldn't be free for dinner on Thursday by any chance?”
“Let me just check my diary.”
Michael held his breath as he waited. It seemed like hours.
“Yes, that seems to be fine.”
“Fantastic. Shall I pick you up around eight?”
“Yes, thank you, Michael. I'll look forward to seeing you then.”
Heartened by this early success, Michael immediately penned a telegram of commiseration to Adrian on his sad loss. Adrian didn't reply.
Michael took the shuttle up to New York on the Thursday afternoon as soon as he had finished editing the president's speech for the London office. After settling into another hotel room—this time insisting on a double bed just in case Debbie's children were at home—he had a long bath and a slow shave, cutting himself twice and slapping on a little too much aftershave. He rummaged around for his most telling tie and shirt, and after he had finished dressing he studied himself in the mirror, carefully combing his freshly washed hair to make the long thin strands appear casual as well as cover the parts where his hair was beginning to recede. After a final check, he was able to convince himself that he looked less than his thirty-eight years. Michael then took the elevator down to the ground floor, and, striding out of the Plaza toward a neon-lit Fifth Avenue he headed jauntily for Sixty-eighth Street. En route he acquired a dozen roses from a little shop at the corner of Sixty-fifth Street and Madison Avenue and, humming to himself, proceeded confidently. He arrived at the front door of Debbie Kendall's little brownstone at five past eight.
When Debbie opened the door, Michael thought she looked even more beautiful than he had remembered. She was wearing a long blue dress, with a frilly white silk collar and cuffs, that covered every part of her body from neck to ankles, and yet she could not have been more desirable. She wore almost no makeup except a touch of lipstick that Michael already had plans to remove. Her green eyes sparkled.
“Say something,” she said smiling.
“You look quite stunning, Debbie,” was all he could think of as he handed her the roses.
“How sweet of you,” she replied and invited him in.
Michael followed her into the kitchen, where she hammered the long stems and arranged the flowers in a porcelain vase. She then led him into the living room, where she placed the roses on an oval table beside a photograph of two small boys.
“Have we time for a drink?”
“Sure. I booked a table at Elaine's for eight-thirty.”
“My favorite restaurant,” she said, with a smile that revealed a small dimple on her cheek. Without asking, Debbie poured two whiskeys and handed one of them to Michael.
What a good memory she has, he thought, as he nervously kept picking up and putting down his glass, like a teenager on his first date. When Michael had eventually finished his drink, Debbie suggested that they should leave.
“Elaine wouldn't keep a table free for one minute, even if you were Henry Kissinger.”
Michael laughed and helped her on with her coat. As she unlatched the door, he realized there was no baby-sitter or sound of children. They must be staying with their father, he thought. Once on the street, he hailed a cab and directed the driver to Eighty-eighth and Second. Michael had never been to Elaine's before. The restaurant had been recommended by a friend from ABC who had assured him: “That joint will give you more than half a chance.”
As they entered the crowded room and waited by the bar for the maître d', Michael could see it was the type of place that was frequented by the rich and famous and wondered if his pocket could stand the expense and, more important, whether such an outlay would turn out to be a worthwhile investment.
A waiter guided them to a small table at the back of the room, where they both had another whiskey while they studied the menu. When the waiter returned to take their order, Debbie wanted no first course, just the veal piccata, so Michael ordered the same. She refused the addition of garlic butter. Michael allowed his expectations to rise slightly.
“How's Adrian?” she asked.
“Oh, as well as can be expected,” Michael replied. “He sends you his love, of course.” He emphasized the word “love.”

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