The Color of Us (College Bound Book 2) (19 page)

“How was your Christmas, Stacy?” I sipped my coffee and pushed a Danish, about the size of my head, into the middle of the table. “I got this for us to share.”

Stacy grinned widely. “Or we could each get our own.” She pulled the pastry closer to her side of the table. “These are my favorite!” She tore a piece off and popped it into her mouth.

No sharing pastries. Just cheese fries. Noted.

As I watched Stacy enjoy her treat, I looked around the Union. I was so happy to be back in school after spending winter break at home. And I felt so guilty for feeling that way. The fact was, being at home was hard. Dad was in pain and getting worse every day. My normally capable mother was crumbling under the pressure. She was using every reserve she had to stay positive for him, but when Dad was in bed and we were alone, she wept. She was scared. She was sad. She was broken by his illness, and I didn’t know how to hold her together. I’d never had to do that before.

I was all those things too, but here at school I could close that box and focus on other things. And hanging out with Stacy McGee definitely lifted my mood.

She wiped her mouth and sipped her hot chocolate. “My Christmas was good. I got a new bowling ball. Neon yellow!”

I sat back in my chair. “I didn’t know you bowled. We should do that sometime.”

Stacy clapped her hands together. “Yes! I am in a bowling club. We meet every Saturday. I love to bowl. I am very good. Bad part is I have to watch Terence suck face with Jane.”

I grinned, and some of the built-up tension in my shoulders eased. “Well, clearly Terence is taken. There’s nothing you can do about that. Aren’t there any other boys you’re interested in?”

Stacy shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. My dad says that dating is not a part of my world.” She stood up and cleared her trash. She wore her customary purple shoes with red laces, and blue-framed eyeglasses. A multicolored crocheted vest was buttoned over a white shirt and high-waisted blue jeans.

I cocked my head to the side. “What do you mean, ‘part of your world’?”

Stacy sat back down and frowned. “I went to a regular school. I want to be like everyone else. I want to do what the other kids do. But my dad says I am not regular. I am special. He said no dating.”

My lips twisted to the side. I wasn’t sure what the right response was. Stacy
was
special. But she also deserved to experience life just like anyone else. I had yet to meet her parents, and I wasn’t sure crossing them by giving her contrary advice was the best bet for my future friendship with her.

“You are special, Stacy. And that’s exactly why you deserve to be happy.” I chewed the inside of my lip, trying to think of some way to help her, to bring happiness to her life like she did for me. “How about this? If you ever meet a guy you’d like to date, you let me know, and maybe we can talk to your parents together?”

Stacy beamed. “Thank you, Lex. That is so cool. I am glad we met. I like you.”

I grinned back. “I like you too.”

She stared at me, and I felt a blush creep up my neck. “You are special too. People usually look away when they see me.” She motioned to her vest. “They look at my clothes and my face and see that I am different. Then they look away. My dad says it is because I am so colorful.”

I swallowed hard and waited for her to get out her thoughts.

“Not you. You never look away. You smile when you look at me. Why?” Stacy’s eyebrows pulled together as she finished.

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. “Looking at you reminds me of my sister. I don’t think I ever told you, but she and I used to chase rainbows with our dad. It was one of our favorite things to do as kids. Now that my sister is gone and my dad is sick, I have to look for rainbows by myself. But I do it because they make me think of her. When you wear all your bright clothes, you remind me of a rainbow. You make me think of good memories of my sister. You’re such a sweet, caring person. Being with you makes me happy.”

Stacy grinned, and we stood up to walk back to the meeting room. She slipped her hand into mine. “I remind you of rainbows. I like that.”

I liked that too.

***

“And he forgave me. We’re back together.” Taren sighed, a dreamy smile drifting across her face.

“I’m so happy for you.” I reached over and hugged her. Julie jumped on top of us, and we fell to the floor in a pile.

“I’m telling you, you looked so hot in that dress I would have banged you myself.” Julie waggled her eyebrows at Taren, and I smiled. “A little girl lovin’ might be just what I need to finally get band boy’s attention. It’s either that or shoot glitter out of my ass.”

Taren covered her face with her hands. “For the love of God, Jules. Control yourself. You don’t need to switch teams for this guy. And no one needs to see anything come out of your ass.” They both continued to laugh as they settled back down on the floor, our books scattered around us.

They looked so lighthearted. So happy. And all I could think of was all the dark, sad things I kept to myself. At that moment it hit me hard that they didn’t really know me. They didn’t know what kept me up at night or drove me to work hard in my classes. They didn’t know about all the times I snuck off to cry by myself. They didn’t know that I felt so alone. And it was all my fault.

I wrapped my arms around my legs, pressing my forehead on my bent knees. Why had I been trying so hard to keep them out? Would it be so bad if they knew all my deepest, darkest secrets? Why was I acting like I was ashamed of my summer with Liam?

“Lex?” Julie stopped laughing and crawled across the floor to me. She rested her hand on my back. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Alexis.” Taren spoke into my ear, her arm around my shoulders. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

I sniffled but refused to look up. “Because I’m hurting. And I’m so tired of trying to hide the fact that I’m hurting. I want to be able to laugh and be carefree and be close with both of you. I want you to know the real me, even the ugly parts. Especially the imperfect parts,” I added, lifting my eyes to Julie.

Julie looked at Taren, her face as serious as I had ever seen it. “Then tell us. You know we’ll be here for you no matter what.”

I nodded. They each held one of my hands, and I started the only way I knew.

“Almost two years ago my sister, Sam, died in a car crash…”

***

A bag of Twizzlers, two bags of Doritos, and approximately one thousand peanut butter cup wrappers were scattered around us.

“It’s official. We ate our feelings.” Julie sniffled and folded another Twizzler into her mouth.

“There was no other choice to make.” Taren wiped her hands on a napkin and then moved to sit next to me, thigh pressed to thigh. “I can’t believe how much you’ve gone through. God, Lex. I’m so sorry.”

My confession took nearly two hours, but I got it all out. I told them every detail of my life since Sam died. They were shocked. They cried with me. They got pissed for me. And then they just… loved me. They loved me through it all. I felt stronger and more whole than I had since Liam left my life.

“Thanks for listening. I’m sorry it took me so long, but you both—and college in general—have been my escape. I guess I just didn’t want to mix the sad parts with the happy parts. That’s why I never wanted to tell you. As my dad gets worse, though, I realize there is no more escaping. I don’t think I can get through this alone. My mom is a wreck, and so am I.” I rested my head on Taren’s shoulder. I was too wiped to shed any more tears. “I don’t know how I’m going to survive.”

Julie squeezed my hand. “You’ve got us. We’re sisters, and we love you, girl.”

I loved them too.

***

“I hate dining hall food. Why are we here?” Julie lifted her nose into the air and sniffed as we looked for a table.

I linked arms with her and Taren. “It’s Stacy’s birthday, and I have a gift for her.”

“That guy, Gary, I dated last week took me to the dining hall for a date. He ordered cookies. Ate like that big blue puppet, Cookie Monster. Friggin’. Crumbs. Were.
Everywhere.
Needless to say, we’re done.” Julie shrugged as Taren and I rolled our eyes at her. “Seriously, we couldn’t have met somewhere with better food?” Julie’s eyebrows were furrowed in annoyance as we wove our way around tables.

“Stacy works here, and she asked me to come visit her today,” I explained.

Julie stopped and lifted her nose into the air to sniff again. “Wait a minute. I smell corn dogs. Never mind. I approve. Dining hall it is.”

Taren pointed to an empty table, and we headed in that direction. “That’s sweet that you’re so close with Stacy,” she said. “I feel the same way about William. Doing the Good Buddies program has been so rewarding.”

Julie made a sound of annoyance. “Whatever. That’s because you don’t have to do paperwork every damn week.”

I scrunched my nose in apology. “Kate hasn’t found you a buddy yet?”

Julie rolled her eyes. “No. Just more paperwork.”

We sat down, peeling off our winter coats and dumping backpacks on the floor.

“I’m going to load up on food. Be back in a few.” Julie headed to the food station, swiping a tray off the stack near the doorway as she passed.

I looked around for Stacy and caught a glimpse of her across the room, clearing trash off tables and then wiping them down with a rag. I waved, and her smile was enormous in return.

She emptied the trash on her cart and walked to our table. “I am going to wash my hands. I will be right back,” she announced before heading into the restroom.

“I should introduce her to William,” Taren said when Stacy was out of earshot.

“I don’t know.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Julie returning with a loaded tray. “Her dad doesn’t allow her to date.”

Taren raised one eyebrow. “Uh, they could be friends, Lex. You know, like you and Asher.” She winked, and I wrinkled my nose in return.

She was teasing, but I worried about Asher and the way our relationship was changing. I’d made it clear to him that I wasn’t interested in a relationship, but he made comments sometimes that made me think he wanted more. He didn’t date anyone else or, as far as I knew, hook up with any other girls no matter how many times Pickles suggested it. I wished he would. That way our friendship could go back to the way it was when we first met. Easy. Uncomplicated. No expectations. Whenever I suggested that Asher should date around, though, he was always defensive.

I should just cut him loose completely. I knew we didn’t want the same thing anymore, and I wasn’t being fair. I was holding on to him when I knew there wasn’t a future for us. It was like getting the milk for free with no intention of ever buying the cow.

Jesus.
Did I just compare Asher to a farm animal? What was wrong with me?

Before I could respond to Taren’s comment, four corn dogs, a plate of loaded mashed potatoes, a basket of onion rings, and four cups of soda were placed in the middle of the table.

“Hungry, Jules?” Taren teased, stealing an onion ring from the pile.

Julie took a huge bite from one of the corn dogs. “Eat up. I got enough for everyone.” She spoke through a mouthful of highly processed, questionable meat product.

“I love corn dogs!” Stacy pulled out a chair and joined us.

Julie handed her a corn dog. “Happy Stacy Day!”

Stacy grinned at the use of her name. “Thank you!” She took a bite, and I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

I pulled a box from my backpack and slid it across the table to her. “Happy birthday!”

She placed her corn dog on a napkin and used another to wipe her fingers. “Thank you, Lex.”

She carefully pulled the tape away from the wrapper, opening the box without tearing any of the bright blue paper. She lifted the top of the box, and her mouth formed an O shape. “This is so beautiful!” She pulled out a hair clip with a jeweled rainbow on it. She reached up, fastening it onto her hair.

“That’s so pretty on you, Stacy.” Taren smiled, looking between us. Julie nodded as she plowed her way through the mashed potatoes.

“Lex says I remind her of rainbows.” Stacy grinned again, looking shy. “I started a collection of rainbow things last week. So this is perfect.”

“Why does Stacy remind you of rainbows, Lex?” Julie managed to ask after swallowing her spuds.

I opened my mouth to answer, but Stacy beat me to it. “Because I dress like a rainbow. And Lex loves rainbows because she chased them with her sister and her dad. And you know since her sister died, and her dad got sick, and Liam joined the Army, rainbows make her happy. So I like being her rainbow.” Stacy took another bite of her corn dog.

Julie had started in on her second corn dog.
Excuse me. MY corn dog
. She paused mid-bite and looked at Taren, and then me, and finally at Stacy. “Exactly when,” she pointed her mangled stick of meat at Stacy’s face, “did our dear Lex tell you about her sister, and Liam, and her dad?”

Uh oh. Crappola.

Stacy scrunched her face, her eyes focused on the ceiling. “When we met. In October.” She grinned and took another bite.