The Comfort of Black (28 page)

These were all things Hannah knew, or at least suspected. But she never realized these feelings Justine had were so strong, so much in the forefront of her mind. How could Justine not see what a disease their father was? How weak their mother had been? If Hannah had carried Justine out of a burning home, would she have blamed Hannah for letting her stuffed animals burn?

“She changed,” he repeated. “She changed and I started to pull away from her. I…I began doubting that I wanted to be with her. And the more I pulled away, the more she clung.”

“You're such a weak man,” Hannah said. “How did I never see how weak you really are?”

He kept shaking his head and looking down. He didn't seem to be denying what she said as much as he was putting himself into some kind of trance, forcing himself through the words, taking his mind into a place where he could free himself to tell her everything she wanted to know.

“After Connor was born,” he said, “I fell in love with him. Even as I grew less attracted to Justine, I became more attached to my boy. I love Connor more than anything in this world, and I can't even tell anyone I'm his father. But…but every moment with him, I feel new. Different.
Better
.”

She squeezed the gun, which she held at her side. “I wouldn't know,” Hannah said. “I'm not a parent.”

Yet
.

“I knew I had to divorce you,” he said, ignoring her comment, forcing himself through the rest of the story. “I knew, for better or worse, the truth needed to come out. I had to be Connor's dad, and I couldn't do that behind all the lies. I was going to tell you everything. I knew you were going to hate me. I knew it would be a nasty divorce. But it had to be done.”

Hannah thought back to the months after Connor was born. Were those months worse than any others in the last two years? Hell, she didn't even really remember. Had her drinking been so bad she couldn't even pick up on the turmoil her husband was bringing home every day?

“But you never said a single thing,” Hannah said. “So what happened?”

Dallin finally opened his eyes and looked up at her. Even in the dim light, she could see the streaks of bloodshot against the whites.

“Justine had another idea,” he said.

The door opened and Black peered in, his gaze sweeping the room, finally settling on the gun in Hannah's right hand.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Hannah said. “We're just getting to the good part.”

“You need me in here?”

No,” she said. “I'm good.”

Black strode up to her and leaned into her ear.

“Killing him would be a problem,” he said. “I would strongly advise against it.” He didn't ask for the gun. He didn't even ask that she at least put it down. He just gave the one warning and walked back outside, closing the door behind him.

Hannah turned back to Dallin.

“What was Justine's plan?” She put the tip of the gun on his forehead, not because she thought he'd hold back on her. She did it because she wanted to see what it felt like. Did it make her feel strong? In control? Not really. She no longer needed the gun to control Dallin.

Dallin squirmed in the chair, inching for more comfort, but finally letting his body sag.

“It was a few months ago. I kept telling her I was about to tell you everything. She kept telling me
not yet
. That I'd get screwed in the divorce since I was the unfaithful one. She didn't want me losing all the money to you.”

She lowered the gun. “
Bitch
.”

“She told me she'd been in touch with Billy. Before she and I ever…got together. I guess he'd gotten hold of her after he got out.”

Hannah barely shook her head. “I can't believe she'd talk to him.”

“She has a different opinion of him than you do.”

“He was almost nice to her,” Hannah said. “Because she never showed any ambition. Never cared about anything. I was the one who wanted a life. He hated me for wanting more than what we had.”

“She told him about your wealth.
Our
wealth. It was all her idea. She figured a way to take our money and get rid of you. She roped in Billy, whose job it was to orchestrate everything with Black.”

Hannah took a step back. “Wait, so she
planned
to seduce you? That was part of it?”

He nodded. “And to get pregnant. She told me she was on the pill, which I don't think she ever was. I think the original idea was to get me in a position where I had a financial responsibility to her. If she got pregnant, at the very least I would owe support. But that's nothing compared to the money she would get if I…if I left you and married her.”

“And Billy would have the satisfaction knowing he helped destroy my marriage,” she added. “But that's a lot of patience and planning. Any number of things could have gone wrong.”

Dallin shrugged within the few centimeters the duct tape would allow. “But they didn't,” he said. “You were in your own world,” he said. “She and I…we had flirted before. She was confident I wouldn't say no to her, which I didn't. And once we started…it was just a matter of time before she got pregnant. I think the one thing she didn't account for was having feelings for me. And the closer she got to me, well, I think the more she hated you.”

“I saved her,” Hannah said. “I saved her from our home. I gave her a new start. I never did anything but help her.”

“You had things she didn't,” Dallin said. “You had dreams of something bigger. That's all it took.”

“When did you find out they planned all this?”

“She told me a few months ago. Like I said, just as I got closer to telling you everything. She told me about Billy. She told me everything. How she wanted to be with me, how I was too good for you.”

Hannah's skin tingled with heat, anger creating sweat.

He continued. “She must have thought I would be okay with the fact she'd been conspiring with Billy for all that time. That I would just agree to whatever they wanted. I think she thought I wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with me. Truth is, I just want to be with Connor. But there was no way of achieving that without Justine being involved. She said they came up with another plan, one that would get rid of you without risking all the money in a nasty divorce.”

“Black,” she said.

Dallin nodded. “Billy knew him. Knew he could make all the arrangements. I mean…I mean their plan was
crazy
. The things they wanted me to do. To pretend to be. Jesus, Hannah, believe me that I never wanted it. Our marriage may have fallen apart, but I never wanted to do this to you. I'm a fucking idiot. I
admit
it. But I was going to at least tell you the truth. You at least deserved that.”

“But she changed your mind.”

“I told her I wouldn't do it. By that point I really thought she was crazy. I was worried about Connor then. I was going to go to the police.”

“Oh, please.”

“Hannah, it's true. That's…that's when I met Billy.” A cough, another strain against the tape. “Billy came to her house one night when I was there. I couldn't believe it. Here was the man I'd heard so much about. The man you…you tried to kill.”

All she had to do was flick that lighter
.

“He told me, ‘Son, you're going to do what we say, and I'll tell you why.' He had Connor in his lap, stroking his hair. God, it was awful. Seeing Connor in the lap of the man who… Anyway, he said if I didn't do what they said, they'd kill you. Not only that, they would make sure all suspicion would be thrown on me. Husband having an affair with his wife's sister. A baby. A potentially ugly divorce. I would have lost everything, even if they couldn't prove it. You would have lost your life. And I'd never see my son again.”

Hannah didn't know what to say. She tried to understand the position Dallin had been in, but all that stood out was he mentioned he would
lose everything
before mentioning Hannah would
lose her life
.

“Dallin, you
shoved
me. You
choked
me.”

Then his face changed. The muscles keeping his cheeks and forehead taut went completely slack. His face fell, pulling his eyes open wider. The look on Dallin's face was one of true dismay, the realization that everything one believed in was definitely disproven in a lightning bolt of a moment. He seemed to choke, but the choke turned in to a hacking sob, and then to tears, flowing tears, unstoppable.

She said nothing as he cried. As his body shook and the waves of despondency gutted him. When the sobbing stopped, he looked to the floor for moments longer, and then lifted his head to her.

“I would take it all back if I could,” he said.

“And yet you can't.”

“You're right. I can't. I went along with it. I convinced myself they had me in a corner. But I could have stopped it. I have money. Power. I could have put an early end to it.” She realized he was not just confessing to her, but to himself. “But I didn't. I got caught up in it. It seemed…tidy, somehow. Black had everything perfectly planned, and I could hide in the excuse that I had no choice. I had my role, which…” His eyes searched hers, but he was no longer Dallin. He was someone Hannah didn't know, perhaps the real Dallin. “I don't know,” he said. “I hated it. But once I started I was…I was
into
it. I liked the aggression. The dominance. Maybe that's who I really am.”

“You're a horrible person.”

He nodded and his eyes welled again. “I know.”

“You had my psychologist
killed
.”

The nod turned to vehement shaking. “I had nothing to do with that. That's when it all turned. Billy acted alone on that. He thought she was a risk.”

“He
murdered
her,” Hannah said.

“I know. I swear to God nothing like that was supposed to happen.”

“I don't give a shit who you swear to.”

“Hannah…he changed the plan. I didn't want you killed.”

Hannah switched the gun to her left hand. Then she walked up to him, balled her right hand, and smashed her fist across his face as hard as she could. The impact felt like a hammer blow to her knuckles and his head snapped to the right. She had never hit anyone in her life, and the impact shot blood lust through her body. She immediately wanted to do it again, but held back.

The motel room returned to silence.

“
Jesus
, Hannah.” He lifted his head to her and she could see the welt blossoming next to his eye.

“In the car you asked where I was, as if you expected I was dead.”

“But it wasn't what I
wanted
,” he said. “I had no idea what was going on. I would never want you dead.”

“Wish I could say the same for you.” Hannah switched the gun back to her right hand and held it against his head. Her breathing was fast, her heart beating like a rabbit's, and the sweat rising through her pores itched her skin. Dallin pulled his head as far away as he could, which was no more than a few inches.

As much as Hannah wanted to believe she wasn't capable of something like this—shooting someone who couldn't even defend himself—she couldn't escape the overriding desire in her mind.

She wanted to do it
.

The door opened and Black walked back inside the room. The temporary shaft of sunlight perfectly illuminated Hannah's arm, outstretched, the gun in her hand pressed against Dallin's left temple.

“Take it easy, Hannah,” he said.

Hannah kept her gaze focused on her husband. “Told you we needed a few minutes,” she said.

“I gave you a few minutes. And I told you not to do anything stupid.”

“Why? Seems to me everyone else gets to do stupid things. Dallin gets to fuck my sister. Even has a baby with her. That's pretty stupid. You get to plan my demise along with everyone else. So I figure, maybe just pulling this trigger gets to be my act of stupidity.”

She saw Dallin look to Black with pleading eyes.

“So it's true?” Black asked. “About Justine?”

Dallin nodded.

“And you didn't know?” Hannah asked Black.

“No,” Black said. “I didn't know she was a part of it. But it makes sense.”

Hannah pushed the gun deeper into Dallin's temple, hoping it hurt. “And he says this plan, this whole plan, was Justine's idea. She conspired with Billy, who was out of prison. Told him how I was a rich girl now.”

“Give me the gun, Hannah.”

Hannah shook her head. “No.”

Black was close, and he could have probably taken the weapon away from her if he wanted, but he didn't. He just said, “Okay, but if he's dead it makes things a lot more complicated.”

“Why?” she asked. “We're disappearing anyway, aren't we? Might as well do anything we want. What's a murder charge anyway if we're gone for good?”

Black's voice was steady, his words slowly paced. “Because when you kill someone, they look a lot harder for you,” he said. “But that's not why you shouldn't do it.”

Her head throbbed with the blood pulsing through it.

“I killed a man who couldn't defend himself,” Black said. “I murdered the man who took my wife from me. And you know what? In the moment, it felt good. It felt
right
.” He took a step closer to her but didn't make a move for her weapon. “I felt justified in what I did, but it wasn't long before that went away. And it was replaced by a guilt that sits like a rock on my chest. Every day it's there, and I suspect it will be until I die. No matter what he did to me, I didn't have the right to take his life.”

She felt her hand shaking. Dallin squeezed his eyes shut.

Hannah said, “You're a better person than me, then.”