The Complete Rockstar Series (86 page)

“What do I mean?” Adam asks, giving me an incredulous look. “I mean, why are you in New Jersey? Besides acting as menial labor for that tosser over there.” He gestures toward Dax, who scowls in return.

I hesitate telling them why I was passing through New York, not in the mood for another lecture about my “risky behaviors” at the moment. If the two of them knew I was planning on jumping a flight to the Bahamas to do a famous free dive at Dean’s Blue Hole and then scuba dive in the underwater caves, they would badger me until I changed my mind. Which I won’t.

Instead, I save my sanity by being vague. “Nothing specific.” I shrug.

Adam shoots me an odd expression. “You flew across the entirety of the United States for
nothing specific
?”

“Fuck off, Reynolds.”

Adam opens his mouth to give me hell when the front door to the house slams shut and a loud female voice barking in a British accent travels down the hall.

“Dax! We need help bringing stuff inside!”

“Christ,” Dax grumbles. He wipes his hands on paint-splattered athletic shorts and walks over to Adam and me. “The girls are back. C’mon and help me bring in the mountain of useless baby shite they bought.”

My heart stutters and I trip on my own feet. I’m about to come face to face with Abby for the first time in years and I’m not sure how to act, what to say, or what to expect. I’m not even sure how I feel about seeing her again, especially after the way things were left so long ago.

Adam shouts from the front room. “Evans! Get your useless arse out here!”

The insult jolts me out of my own head. “Coming!” I pray I don’t sound as nervous as I feel.

Shit
. I can step out of an airplane at fifteen thousand feet, no problem. Climb the side of a steep cliff? No big deal. But the thought of holding a normal conversation with my ex, the very sexy, highly intelligent, now PhD-holding Abby Kessler, has me freaking the hell out. I’ve always regretted ruining our relationship, not willing to let her get close enough to really understand me.

Well, that and the fact that I’m a fucked-up mess with enough demons to keep me that way for the rest of my life.

Inhaling deep, I follow Adam and Dax toward the front door. Time to face the past.

“You okay?” Kate’s protruding belly bumps into me as she attempts to pull the boxed-up infant car seat out of the trunk of her SUV.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” I swat her hands away, tugging the enormous box to the back edge of the tailgate. “You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep lifting heavy things, Kate.”

“What’s this about you lifting stuff?” Dax comes into the four-car garage, his displeasure with his wife evident in his dark eyes.

Kate backs away, putting her hands on her hips. “What? I’m pregnant, not an invalid, Dax.”

He slides his arms around her shoulders and drops a kiss on her head. “I know, angel. I just don’t want you to do anything strenuous. The doctor said no heavy lifting.”

The love in their eyes as they stare at each other is clear. I look away. Not only is the moment private, but I’m also filled with a profound sadness. No one has ever gazed at me that way. Well, Hawke came close, but there was always something in those unusual eyes holding him back.

“Abby!” Adam Reynolds, charming lead singer for the guys’ very successful band, hurries over to take the bulky car seat from me. “Good to see you, love. But leave the big things to us men.” He winks, then promptly fumbles the box, dropping it on the cement floor of the garage with a loud
thwack
.

“Christ, Adam!” Dax booms.

Kate smacks her husband’s abs, scowling. “Leave him alone, Dax! He’s helping.”

Dax grimaces. “Yeah, helping to break everything.”

Adam laughs, breaking the thick tension. “Fuck off, Davies.”

I’m sure I look ridiculous, my eyes bouncing back and forth between Dax and Adam. They’ve always been this way, arguing and picking on each other. It reminds me of my brother, Nick, during the good times. Before his illness took over his life, we used to bicker and laugh.

“Are you guys going to pick that up or just leave it on the ground forever?”

Electricity skitters down my spine at the sound of Hawke’s teasing voice.
Oh my god.
I close my eyes and silently curse my best friend out. Kate didn’t mention Hawke would be here. Am I ready to see him again? To find out if he’s finally dealt with any of the myriad of issues he used to hide behind a pair of unnecessary glasses and a slew of tattoos?

No, but it’s too late now.

Slowly, I turn around. When I lay eyes on the man I used to love, everything else fades away. He looks the same, yet different. More tattoos, a few more lines around his beautiful eyes—heterochromia—I looked it up once. One eye is light brown, one blue, and both are fixed on me.

“Hi.”

That’s what I come up with to say after almost seven years apart? Hi?

“Hey,” he mumbles, his gaze dropping to the box on the ground. “I’ll get this one, Reynolds. Since it seems your arms are too spindly to hold on to it.”

Hawke scoops up the large package and quickly leaves the garage. I stare after him, wondering if that was perhaps the most awkward conversation to ever take place.

“Let’s get the rest of the stuff. Ugh, my feet are so swollen. Abby?”

Kate’s voice pulls me from my daze. “Sure. You probably need to lie down and put your feet up.” I give her a weak smile, one she can tell isn’t genuine, if the confused look on her face means anything.

Once everything is in the house, Kate immediately announces how hungry she is.

“Hawke, can you and Abby run and pick up some dinner? I’m calling an order into Gino’s.” She has her phone to her ear and turns her back on us, effectively dismissing us to do her bidding.

Really, Kate?

I’m going to kill her for this. She knows what happened between Hawke and me way back when and is putting us together on purpose. Forced into a car alone isn’t exactly how I want to reconnect. Not after so long and not after the way we left things when we broke up.

But I’ve learned one thing since arriving in New Jersey. You deny a woman who is eight months pregnant, you do so at your own peril.

I glance at Hawke and can tell he is as horrified as me. Resigned to our fate, I give a weak smile. “Sure thing, Kate.” Using as much courage as I can manage, I turn to the beautiful man I used to know intimately. “Let’s go. I don’t have a car. If you drive, I’ll bring up Gino’s on my GPS.”

Hawke reacts slowly, obviously a little shell-shocked by the sudden turn in events. I can tell his mind is racing to come up with a way out of going. He must come up empty, because all he says is, “Okay.” Without another word, Hawke fishes the keys to his car from his pocket and heads out the front door.

I glance at Kate, frowning when she raises a calculating eyebrow at me.
You little sneak.
“We’ll be right back,” I grumble.

“Make sure you get extra garlic bread,” Dax calls out as I reluctantly walk outside to reunite with my past.

The tension in the car is heavy, awkward, and totally foreign to me. Hawke and I always got on so well and conversation came easily—when we weren’t fighting, that is. I study his handsome profile as he concentrates too hard on following the directions floating up from my phone.

“Turn right in five hundred feet.”

This is awful. My need to fill the silence overtakes my professional training to let people speak at their own pace, when they’re ready.

I take a deep breath and go for it. “So…”

He licks his lips, stopping to pull that sexy lip ring into his mouth. Hawke worries it between his teeth, waiting for me to continue.

And my brain goes completely blank.

So much for fixing the awkwardness. Instead, I made it a thousand times worse. Aaaaand I’m
still
staring.

“Sooooo?” Hawke asks, curious enough to hear what I was going to say to prompt me out of my stupor.

Only… “I have no idea what I was going to say.”

Hawke laughs, his lips pulling back to reveal two perfect rows of teeth. “Good to know. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t know what to say to you either.”

“Oh my god. I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” I admit, then immediately groan at my repeated foot-in-mouth behavior. I drop my head into my hands, my face blazing hot.

“Hey.” Hawke’s warm, tattooed hand lands on my knee, giving it a quick squeeze before retreating back to his side of the car. Desire flares and I shiver from his touch, praying he didn’t feel my response before pulling away. How can I still feel this way?

“What?” I ask warily.

“We were friends once, right?” Hawke worries his lip ring between his teeth again, a sure sign he’s nervous.

“We were,” I respond, my voice husky. I clear my throat, hoping to hide the lust with a cough.

“I’m game for a do-over if you are.” His eyes dart to mine briefly before returning to the road.

A hint of insecurity flashes across his beautiful face and everything that didn’t work between us—all the butting heads and snapping at each other—falls to the wayside. If he can put it behind him, surely I can too?

“Sure. Sounds good.”

Hawke’s hand moves back across the center console, hesitant, hovering over my leg. Are his fingers trembling? I suck in a breath and hold it, waiting to see what he does next.

“You have reached your destination.”

Hawke jerks his hand back to his side to yank the keys out of the ignition. I blink, looking at our surroundings for the first time since we got in the car. We’re in a parking space in a rundown strip mall. In front of us is a red and green neon sign that proclaims Gino’s has the best pizza in all of northern New Jersey.

Knowing how many first and second generation Italians live around here, I’d suspect Gino is being a tad optimistic.

Hawke holds the door for me as we enter the restaurant. The shy smile he gives me has my heart aching to reach out to the sad, tortured man I remember. I forgot how fragile he really is underneath all those shields—the tattoos, the glasses, the piercings in his lip, tongue, ears, and eyebrow.

I hope I’m not making a mistake by letting him in again. I can’t save him. I can’t fix him. I learned those lessons the hard way seven years ago.

Only… I don’t have to let him in. We’re just friends. This time, I can keep my feelings out of it. My gaze flicks up in time to see Hawke give me a playful wink and my pulse skitters.

No. I can’t keep my feelings out and I shouldn’t be friends with him. But without a doubt I know despite all that, I will do both, and when it comes back to bite me in the ass, the pain will be spectacular.

“
W
ell
, this fat lady is going to bed.” Kate stands up and stretches, her enormous belly protruding comically as she bends back. “Ugh! I can’t wait until she arrives.”

I giggle at her frown. “Then you’re going to lose all of that precious sleep you love so much.”

The guys laugh at my joke. By the time Hawke and I returned to the house, overloaded with bags of Italian food, Dax had lit the fire pit in the sprawling backyard. We sat outside and ate as we reminisced and the guys entertained everyone with stories from their last tour, including some scary ones about the stalker who’d been threatening the only bandmate missing from the fun tonight, Gavin Walker.

Kate snorts. “I hardly sleep now as it is. There isn’t a single comfortable position when you’re as big as a beached whale.”

“You’re gorgeous, angel. Don’t say such horrible things.” Dax caresses her belly with his big hand. “Besides, your loud snoring is like music to my ears every night.” A mischievous grin splits his face in two.

“Wanker!” Kate playfully jabs her husband in the stomach with her elbow. “I’m off. See you tomorrow.”

“Right. Me too. I’m knackered. Too much slaving away for my lovely wife.” Dax cracks his neck and follows Kate into the house. “Hey, make sure the fire is out before you go to bed,” he tosses out over his shoulder.

“No worries,” Adam calls back.

Hawke is in the middle of telling me about Gavin’s boyfriend, Mitch, when we both notice Adam twitching as he falls asleep, repeatedly jerking his drooping head back up.

We exchange looks, grinning. Hawke lifts a foot and uses it to shove Adam’s knee. “Hey. You’re exhausted. Why don’t you go inside. I’ll kill the fire,” he offers.

“Huh?” Adam blinks tiredly. “Right. Yeah. Good idea.” He stands and claps a hand on Hawke’s shoulder, then bends to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. “Be good.”

I’m thankful for the dark night and the orange glow of the fire; otherwise, Hawke would see the prickly blush spreading up my neck over Adam’s warning. When Adam leaves, I glance over at Hawke. He’s scowling, his hands balled up into fists, glaring at Adam’s retreating form as he closes the glass door leading into the house.

What happened? Is he mad at Adam?

Confused, I curl up in my chair and replay the last few minutes. With my degree and my ability to read people’s emotions, I quickly pick out the reason for Hawke’s sudden hostility. Before he can catch it, I drop my eyes and hide my smile behind my hand.

He’s jealous that Adam kissed me. On the cheek.

While that makes me irrationally happy, I wonder if I can go there again with Hawke. We’re like oil and water at the best of times, codependent at the worst. Him being jealous means I’m not the only one with lingering feelings—feelings that will get us into trouble. But it’s been seven years; surely we’ve both matured enough to either remain friends or work out any problems between us like adults.

When I glance back up, my eyes meet Hawke’s hungry stare, and any chance of staying “just friends” vanishes in an instant. Desire mixed with nervous excitement sizzles through my veins. The sparks crackling between us are almost as loud as the real ones crackling in the fire pit a few feet away.

“Abby,” Hawke whispers, reaching out to grab my hand. With a sharp tug, he pulls me out of my chair and onto his lap to straddle his narrow hips.