The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (436 page)

The evil that you make happen
That is thy means to live. Do thou but think

Is you means of making a living.  Do you think about
What 'tis to cram a maw or clothe a back

What it means to feed a belly and cloth a back
From such a filthy vice: say to thyself,

From such a filthy sin: say to yourself,
From their abominable and beastly touches

From the whore’s horrible and beastly touches
I drink, I eat, array myself, and live.

I drink, I eat, I dress myself, and I live.
Canst thou believe thy living is a life,

Can you believe your living is a life,
So stinkingly depending? Go mend, go mend.

Supported so hideously? Go make amends, go make amends.

POMPEY

Indeed, it does stink in some sort, sir; but yet,

Indeed, it is somewhat hideous, sir; but still,
sir, I would prove—

Sir, I would prove--

DUKE VINCENTIO

Nay, if the devil have given thee proofs for sin,
No, if the devil has given you evidence for sin,

Thou wilt prove his. Take him to prison, officer:
You will prove his sin. Take him to prison, officer:

Correction and instruction must both work

Punishment and instruction most both work on him
Ere this rude beast will profit.

Berfore this lowly man will benefit from it.

ELBOW

He must before the deputy, sir; he has given him

He must go before the Governor, sir; he has given him
warning: the deputy cannot abide a whoremaster: if

A warning: the deputy cannot tolerate a whoremaster: if
he be a whoremonger, and comes before him, he were

There is a man who searches out whores, who goes before him, he would
as good go a mile on his errand.

Rather be doing anything else than that.

DUKE VINCENTIO

That we were all, as some would seem to be,

If only we were all, as some would seem to be
From our faults, as faults from seeming, free!

Free from our faults, and faults from seeming otherwise!

ELBOW

His neck will come to your waist,--a cord, sir.

His neck will have a rope around it life your belt, sir.

POMPEY

I spy comfort; I cry bail. Here's a gentleman and a

I see a good thing; I call out for bail money.  Here’s a gentleman and a
friend of mine.

Friend of mine.

Enter LUCIO

LUCIO

How now, noble Pompey! What, at the wheels of

What’s this, noble Pompey! You following
Caesar? art thou led in triumph? What, is there

An officer like disgraced prisoners paraded behind Caesar? Are there
none of Pygmalion's images, newly made woman, to be

No ideal women, young women, to be
had now, for putting the hand in the pocket and

Had now, to put enough money in your pocket
extracting it clutch'd? What reply, ha? What

To grab a fistful? What’s your answer, huh? What
sayest thou to this tune, matter and method? Is't

Do you say to these words, their meaning and reasoning? Is it
not drowned i' the last rain, ha? What sayest

All gone, huh? What do you say,
thou, Trot? Is the world as it was, man? Which is

Old boy? Is everything as it used to be, man? What is
the way? Is it sad, and few words? or how? The

It now? Is it miserable? Or what? How
trick of it?

Is it?

DUKE VINCENTIO

Still thus, and thus; still worse!

It’s all the same; and worse!

LUCIO

How doth my dear morsel, thy mistress? Procures she

How is my little thing, your lady? Does she still find
still, ha?

Whores, huh?

POMPEY

Troth, sir, she hath eaten up all her beef, and she

To be honest, sir, she has worn out all her whores, and she
is herself in the tub.

Is also suffering from venereal disease.

LUCIO

Why, 'tis good; it is the right of it; it must be

Well, that’s okay; it’s the right thing to do; to must
so: ever your fresh whore and your powdered bawd:

That way: always a fresh whore and a heavily made-up matron:
an unshunned consequence; it must be so. Art going

An unavoidable result; it always happens that way.  Are you going
to prison, Pompey?

To prison, Pompey?

POMPEY

Yes, faith, sir.

Yes, it’s true, sir.

LUCIO

Why, 'tis not amiss, Pompey. Farewell: go, say I

Well, that’s not wrong, Pompey.  Good bye: go, say I
sent thee thither. For debt, Pompey? or how?

Sent you there.  For not paying your debts, Pompey? Or something?

ELBOW

For being a bawd, for being a bawd.

For being a procurer, a procurer of whores.

LUCIO

Well, then, imprison him: if imprisonment be the

Well, then, take him to jail: if prison is the
due of a bawd, why, 'tis his right: bawd is he

Punishment for a procurer, well then, that’s what he gets: he is definitely
doubtless, and of antiquity too; bawd-born.

A whore procurer, and has been for a long time; born to be on.
Farewell, good Pompey. Commend me to the prison,

Good bye, good Pompey.  Speak well of me in prison,
Pompey: you will turn good husband now, Pompey; you

Pompey: you will become a good housekeeper now, Pompey; you
will keep the house.

Will clean the house.

POMPEY

I hope, sir, your good worship will be my bail.

I was hoping good honorable sir, that you would bail be out.

LUCIO

No, indeed, will I not, Pompey; it is not the wear.

No, indeed, I will not, Pompey; that’s is not the way of things.
I will pray, Pompey, to increase your bondage: If

I will pray, Pompey, to lengthen your time in prison: if
you take it not patiently, why, your mettle is the

You do not take it patiently, well then, your spirit
more. Adieu, trusty Pompey. 'Bless you, friar.

Is strong.  Farewell, loyal Pompey.  Bless you, friar.

DUKE VINCENTIO

And you.

And you.

LUCIO

Does Bridget paint still, Pompey, ha?

Does Bridget still wear a whore’s makeup, Pompey, huh?

ELBOW

Come your ways, sir; come.

Come this way, sir; come on.

POMPEY

You will not bail me, then, sir?

You won’t bail me out, then, sir?

LUCIO

Then, Pompey, nor now. What news abroad, friar?

I said I wouldn’t, Pompey, and I still won’t. What’s the news from elsewhere, friar?
what news?

What’s the news?

ELBOW

Come your ways, sir; come.

Come this way, sir; come on.

LUCIO

Go to kennel, Pompey; go.

Go to prison, Pompey; go on.

Exeunt ELBOW, POMPEY and Officers

What news, friar, of the duke?

Is there any news, friar, of the duke?

DUKE VINCENTIO

I know none. Can you tell me of any?

I don’t know any.  Do you?

LUCIO

Some say he is with the Emperor of Russia; other

Some say he is with the Emperor of Russia; others
some, he is in Rome: but where is he, think you?

Say he is in Rome; but where do you think he is?

DUKE VINCENTIO

I know not where; but wheresoever, I wish him well.

I don’t know where he is; but where ever it is, I wish him well.

LUCIO

It was a mad fantastical trick of him to steal from

It was a crazy bizarre idea of his to leave
the state, and usurp the beggary he was never born

The state, and take on a normal life that he was never born
to. Lord Angelo dukes it well in his absence; he

Into.  Lord Angelo governs well in his absence; he
puts transgression to 't.

Punishes people for their crimes.

DUKE VINCENTIO

He does well in 't.

He is good at it.

LUCIO

A little more lenity to lechery would do no harm in

A little easygoingness towards sexual crimes wouldn’t be a
him: something too crabbed that way, friar.

Bad thing: he’s a little too harsh with that, friar.

DUKE VINCENTIO

It is too general a vice, and severity must cure it.

That sin is too widespread, and harshness will fix that.

LUCIO

Yes, in good sooth, the vice is of a great kindred;

Yes, in all honestly, that sin is committed by many people;
it is well allied: but it is impossible to extirp

It has many followers: but it is impossible to get rid of
it quite, friar, till eating and drinking be put

It completely, friar, until eating and drinking are
down. They say this Angelo was not made by man and
stopped as well. They say this Angelo was not created from a father

woman after this downright way of creation: is it

and mother the way most babies are made: is that
true, think you?

True, do you think?

DUKE VINCENTIO

How should he be made, then?

How else should he have been made, then?

LUCIO

Some report a sea-maid spawned him; some, that he

Some say he was born from a mermaid; some, that he
was begot between two stock-fishes. But it is

Was conceived from two common fish.  But it is
certain that when he makes water his urine is

Certain that when he urinates his pee is
congealed ice; that I know to be true: and he is a

Solid ice; that I know is true: and he is just a
motion generative; that's infallible.

A male puppet; that’s the truth.

DUKE VINCENTIO

You are pleasant, sir, and speak apace.

You are funny, sir, and speak quickly.

LUCIO

Why, what a ruthless thing is this in him, for the

This is such a cruel thing that he’s doing,
rebellion of a codpiece to take away the life of a

Taking a man’s life for his penis acting out!
man! Would the duke that is absent have done this?

Would the absent duke have done this?
Ere he would have hanged a man for the getting a

Before he would hand a man for having
hundred bastards, he would have paid for the nursing

A hundred children out of wedlock, he would first have paid for the nurses
a thousand: he had some feeling of the sport: he

For a thousand: he had some understanding of sexual passions: he
knew the service, and that instructed him to mercy.

He knew the business of it, and that made him merciful.

DUKE VINCENTIO

I never heard the absent duke much detected for

I never heard the absent duke accused of having sex
women; he was not inclined that way.

With women; he was not like that.