The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (491 page)

By God, that sounds good; well said.

Host

Let us wag, then.

Let's go then.

DOCTOR CAIUS

Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

Exeunt

Follow on behind, Jack Rugby.

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE

SIR HUGH EVANS

I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man,

and friend Simple by your name, which way have you

looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?

Now I ask you, good master Slender's servant,

who I understand is called  Simple, whereabouts have you

looked for Master Caius, who calls himself a doctor of medicine?

SIMPLE

Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every

way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town

way.

Well, sir, in the church district, the park district, every

place; out towards old Windsor, and everywhere except

for the town.

SIR HUGH EVANS

I most fehemently desire you you will also look that

way.

I certainly want you to look there

as well.

SIMPLE

I will, sir.

Exit

I will, sir.

SIR HUGH EVANS

'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and

trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have

deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog

his urinals about his knave's costard when I have

good opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul!

Sings

To shallow rivers, to whose falls

Melodious birds sings madrigals;

There will we make our peds of roses,

And a thousand fragrant posies.

To shallow--

Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.

Sings

Melodious birds sing madrigals--

When as I sat in Pabylon--

And a thousand vagram posies.

To shallow & c.

Re-enter SIMPLE

Goodness me, how full of sadness I am, and

my head is spinning: I will be glad if he has

dodged me. How sad I am! I will

wrap his balls around his filthy head when I

get a chance. Bless my soul!

To shallow rivers, by whose falls

sweet birds sing madrigals;

there we will make carpets of roses,

and a thousand fragrant bouquets,

to shallow–

Dear me! I feel as though I'm going to cry–

Sweet birds sing madrigals–

when I sat in Babylon–

and a thousand sweet bouquets,

to shallow, etc.

SIMPLE

Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.

He's over there, coming this way, Sir Hugh.

SIR HUGH EVANS

He's welcome.

Sings

To shallow rivers, to whose falls-

Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?

He's welcome.

To shallow rivers, to whose falls–

May God help the righteous! What weapons is he carrying?

SIMPLE

No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master

Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over

the stile, this way.

He has no weapons, sir. Here comes my master, Master

Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore,

over the stile, coming this way.

SIR HUGH EVANS

Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.

Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER

Please, give me my gown; or hold it in your arms.

SHALLOW

How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.

Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student

from his book, and it is wonderful.

Hello there, master Parson! Good day, good Sir Hugh.

Keep the gambler away from the dice, and a good student

away from his books, and all will be well.

SLENDER

[Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page!

Ah, sweet Anne Page!

PAGE

'Save you, good Sir Hugh!

God bless you, good Sir Hugh!

SIR HUGH EVANS

'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!

May he show you all his mercy!

SHALLOW

What, the sword and the word! do you study them

both, master parson?

What, the sword and the word! Are you a student of

both, master parson?

PAGE

And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this

raw rheumatic day?

And you're still young! Wearing your shirt and stockings

on this bone chilling day?

SIR HUGH EVANS

There is reasons and causes for it.

I have my reasons for it.

PAGE

We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.

We have come to do you a good turn, master parson.

SIR HUGH EVANS

Fery well: what is it?

Very good: what is it?

PAGE

Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike

having received wrong by some person, is at most

odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you

saw.

Over there is a very holy gentleman, who, probably

because somebody has treated him badly, is as

out of sorts with his own temper and position as anyone

you ever saw.

SHALLOW

I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never

heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so

wide of his own respect.

I have lived eighty years and more; I never

heard of a man of his position, seriousness and learning, who was so

different to his usual self.

SIR HUGH EVANS

What is he?

Who is he?

PAGE

I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the

renowned French physician.

I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the

famous French physician.

SIR HUGH EVANS

Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as

lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.

By God, and the passion he puts in my heart! I would

care as much if you told me it was a bowl of porridge.

PAGE

Why?

Why?

SIR HUGH EVANS

He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,

--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you

would desires to be acquainted withal.

He has no knowledge of medical texts,

besides he is a scoundrel; as cowardly a knave

as you could wish to meet.

PAGE

I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.

I'm telling you, he's the man you're going to fight.

SHALLOW

[Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

Oh sweet Anne Page!

SHALLOW

It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:

here comes Doctor Caius.

Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY

It would seem so from his weapons. Keep them apart:

here comes Doctor Caius.

PAGE

Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.

No, good master parson, keep your sword in its sheath.

SHALLOW

So do you, good master doctor.

You do the same, good master doctor.

Host

Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep

their limbs whole and hack our English.

Disarm them, and let them argue: let them keep

their limbs whole and just hack our language about.

DOCTOR CAIUS

I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.

Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?

Please, let me have a word in your ear.

Why will you not fight me?

SIR HUGH EVANS

[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you, use your patience:

[Aloud] in good time.

Please, remain calm. [Aloud] All in good time

DOCTOR CAIUS

By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.

By God, you are a coward, a useless dog, a dirty monkey.

SIR HUGH EVANS

[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you let us not be

laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you

in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.

Aloud

I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb

for missing your meetings and appointments.

Please don't let's be

at the mercy of other men's moods; I want to be

friends, and I'll find a way of making it up to you.

I will smash your balls around your knave's head

for not keeping your appointments.