The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (648 page)

That it is possible for the soul of our grandfather to be inside a bird.

Clown

What thinkest thou of his opinion?

What do you think of his opinion?

MALVOLIO

I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.

I think well of the soul, and do not approve of his opinion.

Clown

Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness:

Farewell. Stay still in darkness:

thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will

you shall hold the opinion of Pythagoras before I will

allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest

think you are sane, and be afraid to kill a bird, in case

thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.

you destroy the soul of your grandfather. Farewell.

MALVOLIO

Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

SIR TOBY BELCH

My most exquisite Sir Topas!

My most wonderful Sir Topas!

MARIA

Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and

You might have done this without your beard and

gown: he sees thee not.

robes: he does not see you.

SIR TOBY BELCH

To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how

Go to him in your own voice, and tell me how

thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this

you find him: I would rather we were finished with this

knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I

trickery. If he may be conveniently rescued, I would

would he were, for I am now so far in offence with

like him to be, for I am now so far in offense with

my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this

my niece that I cannot safely continue with this

sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.

prank. Come soon to my room.

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA

Clown

[Singing]


'Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,

'Hey Robin, jolly Robin,

Tell me how thy lady does.'

Tell me how your lady is.'

MALVOLIO

Fool!

Clown!

Clown

'My lady is unkind, perdy.'

'My lady is unkind, birdie.'

MALVOLIO

Fool!

Clown!

Clown

'Alas, why is she so?'

'Oh dear, why is she that way?'

MALVOLIO

Fool, I say!

Hey, Clown!

Clown

'She loves another'--Who calls, ha?

'She loves someone else' - Who's calling me?

MALVOLIO

Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my

Good fool, as ever you will deserve good things from me,

hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink and paper:

help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper,

as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to

as I am a nobleman, I will live to be thankful to

thee for't.

you for it.

Clown

Master Malvolio?

Mister Malvolio?

MALVOLIO

Ay, good fool.

Yes, good fool.

Clown

Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

Oh dear, sir, how did you lose your five senses?

MALVOLIO

Fool, there was never a man so notoriously abused: I

Fool, there was never a man so terribly treated: I

am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.

am as well in my senses, fool, as you are.

Clown

But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no

But as well? Then you must be crazy, if you are no

better in your wits than a fool.

better in your intelligence than a fool.

MALVOLIO

They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness,

They have here imprisoned me; keep me in darkness,

send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to



face me out of my wits.

trick me out of my senses.

Clown

Alas, sir, be patient. What say you sir? I am

Well, sir, be patient. What do you have to say? I have

sent for speaking to you.

been asked to speak to you.

MALVOLIO

Good fool, help me to some light and some paper: I

Good fool, please get me some light and some paper: I

tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.

tell you, I am as well as any man in Illyria.

Clown

Well-a-day that you were, sir

I hope you are, sir.

MALVOLIO

By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper and

By my hand, I am. Good fool, bring me some ink, paper, and

light; and convey what I will set down to my lady:

and take what I write down to my lady:

it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing

it shall be of more advantage to you than any other carrying

of letter did.

of a letter ever did.

Clown

I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you

I will help you to it. But tell me truly, are you

not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?

sane indeed? Or are you just faking?

MALVOLIO

Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.

Believe me, I am not; I tell you truly.

Clown

Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his

No, I will never believe a madman until I see his

brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.

brains. I will go get you a light and paper and ink.

MALVOLIO

Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I

Fool, I'll repay it in the greatest amount: I



prithee, be gone.

beg you, go.

Clown

[Singing]


I am gone, sir,

I am leaving, sir

And anon, sir,

And soon, sir,

I'll be with you again,

I'll be back with you again,



In a trice

In a moment
,

Like to the old Vice,

Like sin,

Your need to sustain;

You need to keep going,

Who, with dagger of lath,

Who, with a weapon

In his rage and his wrath,

In his anger,

Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:

Yells at the devil:

Like a mad lad,

Like a crazy man,

Pare thy nails, dad;

Trim your nails, man;

Adieu, good man devil.

Farewell, good man devil.

Exit

Enter SEBASTIAN

SEBASTIAN

This is the air; that is the glorious sun;

This is the air; that is the beautiful sun;

This pearl she gave me, I do feel't and see't;

This pearl she gave me, I do feel it and see it:

And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus,

And though it is amazement that wraps around me,

Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio, then?

Yet it is not madness. Where's Antonio, then?

I could not find him at the Elephant:

I could not find him at the Elephant Inn:



Yet there he was; and there I found this credit,

Yet there he was at some point; and there I found out

That he did range the town to seek me out.

That he wandered all around the city to look for me.



His counsel now might do me golden service;

His advice might now do me some service;

For though my soul disputes well with my sense,

For though my soul argues with my senses,

That this may be some error, but no madness,

That this may be some mistake, but not insanity,

Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune

Yet this strange turn of fate

So far exceed all instance, all discourse,

Is so far beyond anything I've ever heard of

That I am ready to distrust mine eyes

That I am ready to distrust my own eyes

And wrangle with my reason that persuades me

And wrestle with my reason that persuades me

To any other trust but that I am mad

To any other conclusion but that I am insane

Or else the lady's mad; yet, if 'twere so,

Or else the  lady's mad, yet if it were that way,

She could not sway her house, command her followers,

She could not rule her house, command her followers,

Take and give back affairs and their dispatch

Take and give back business and carrying things out

With such a smooth, discreet and stable bearing

In such a capable and noble fashion



As I perceive she does: there's something in't

As I see she does: there's something in it

That is deceiveable. But here the lady comes.

That could involve trickery. But here the lady comes.

Enter OLIVIA and Priest

OLIVIA

Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean well,

Do not blame me for rushing things. If you mean well,

Now go with me and with this holy man

Now go with me and with this priest

Into the chantry by: there, before him,

Into the church: there, in front of him,

And underneath that consecrated roof,

And underneath that roof that has been made sacred,

Plight me the full assurance of your faith;



That my most jealous and too doubtful soul



May live at peace. He shall conceal it



Whiles you are willing it shall come to note,



What time we will our celebration keep



According to my birth. What do you say?

Marry me, and we will celebrate. What do you say?

SEBASTIAN

I'll follow this good man, and go with you;

I'll follow this priest, and go with you;