The Confidence Myth (12 page)

Reflect back on times when you trusted your gut sense, and it was right. Also bring to mind times when you knew you should have but did not. What transpired as a result? Now take a fresh look at a challenge you are facing. What is your intuitive sense of how to handle it? Create an action plan based on that.

When our inner compasses tell us that we are making the right decisions, our ability to step up and move forward is boosted. We may still be shaky about what will happen next, but knowing we can trust our instincts and ourselves is the foundation for taking action.

For any decision we have to make, we have at least four options: moving straight ahead, proceeding with caution, waiting to act, or deciding that it's not right for us. The following examples demonstrate how the women I interviewed used their intuition to consider their options and make some tough decisions.

When presented with an opportunity, you may know that you should proceed, whether others agree or not. In the story
below, Jackie Hernández felt strongly about how Telemundo should be rebranded, and she was able to get the market research to support her choice. She moved straight ahead without hesitation.

“We decided to relaunch the brand, and for two years we did a tremendous amount of research. We used to have a beautiful blue
T
—the logo was very traditional. My gut told me to go with red because it's a vibrant color, and we deal with Hispanic culture. We also wanted something that was contemporary and modern. We asked consumers what they thought. I got enough information to back up my gut reaction and went with it. The relaunch was a huge success.”

Some opportunities create doubt, but not enough to stop you from moving forward. Although Jill Campbell of Cox Communications considers herself a high risk taker, she proceeds with caution when necessary. She looks both ways and then takes a leap in the direction of her inner compass. Below is the story of when she took a lower-titled position in order to move ahead. “I actually went backwards for one of my jobs. I was managing a cable system and they asked me to fill the number two spot in a larger one, so I lost the status of being a general manager. But it was the best move I could have made because I was able to learn how to run a big system. That set me up to be the general manager of other big systems. It was a gut feel on that one.”

Sometimes sitting on a decision for a while to gather all the information—including what is
not
being said—and connecting with what your intuition is telling you is important. Such was the case with Susan.

Susan had been with her company for two years as a senior director, and she was one of two people being considered for a promotion to vice president when her boss retired. In conversations with him, the implication was that she was next in line. Around the same time the decision was being made, a recruiter called about an amazing opportunity as president of a pharmaceutical division. Her skills were in demand!

Susan wasn't sure about the new opportunity for a number of reasons. First, she had a good chance of being made vice president at her current company. Second, this new job would be a big jump in levels. She waited an entire week before she accepted the interview for the president position. In the end, she trusted her instincts about who was shooting straight and who had other agendas: “I thought about it a lot. I kept coming back to the fact that I didn't trust my boss—I knew he didn't want to lose me (he did not want to have to train someone else), but I don't think he wanted to promote me either. That's what my gut told me. After several rounds of interviews, I was offered the job, which I accepted—best move I ever made.”

Confidence spark

Think of the person who is your strongest supporter—did you sense at the beginning that you could trust him? Now think of someone you know professionally, a person you keep your distance from. Did you know not to trust him initially? Don't discount your first reaction to people; it is usually right.

If your inner voice is advising no, then it's an indication that an opportunity is not right for you. Even if the opportunity is presented as being in your best interest, have the courage to turn it down if that is what needs to happen. For Kathy Murphy of Fidelity Personal Investing, saying no is a matter of being able to sleep at night because she made the right decision. In the world of financial products, competition is intense, but she has learned to follow her inner compass and only offer products that have a positive value proposition for the consumer.

“My rule is that if we are not comfortable selling it to our own parents, then we shouldn't sell it to anyone. I would take the hit with our sales figures because I didn't want the reputational risk. It's a much better way to grow the business long term . . . and you can sleep at night!”

•
Don't shortchange yourself
. Your intuition is your unique professional edge. Rely on it more.

•
Practice trusting your intuition
for all sorts of choices. Your first reaction to people and the difficult situations that are presented to you is usually right.

•
Let your inner compass decide
which course to take in making a decision: move straight ahead; proceed with caution; wait, then decide; or decide it's not right.

At this very moment, you have everything you need to take a leap—your strengths, talents, intuition, imperfections—all of your different parts. Trust your impulse to make a difference—to speak up and introduce an idea or to go for a bigger position.

Keep moving forward even though mad mind-chatter may be telling you to hold back. Don't accept that negative self-talk as truth. Question it. The truth is that you are talented beyond measure, and the time for personal change is now. The world needs every bit of your resourcefulness.

These last pages will help prepare you to step up in a new way. Let the inspiring words of these risk-taking leaders support you. They took action even when they felt shaky, and each of them is better off for it. I encourage you to do the same.

If you're asked to do a stretch assignment, go for it even if you don't feel ready. If your supervisor thinks you can do it, trust her judgment.

There were times in my career where I was given a job and I felt sick to my stomach. I thought,
I do not have any knowledge that will allow me to succeed in this job.
On one occasion, there were forty people around the table, the smartest people in the business, who had been managing the operation for thirty years. I kept thinking,
I'm sitting at the head of the table and I have to solve this problem.
What helped me get through it was that I told myself, “My managers would not have put me here if they did not think I could do it.”

I went home that night and realized I was brought here because of my set of skills. I told myself, “Go back to those skills that you know you do well, and do it here.”

Changing the way you behave can be difficult as you advance. Give yourself permission to show up as a leader with power and presence.

When you get a promotion and you find yourself at a different level in the organization, you have to respond, act, and react differently in line with the new expectations. You have to mentally promote yourself to that next level.

When you're in charge of a demanding project, you can pull back out of fear or you can grow into your new responsibilities and learn from the experience.

My dad told me to face my fears and dive in. Toward the end of his life, he became very ill, and we would talk about work.
One time he brought up the beach to make his point. He said, “You have to ride the wave or else it'll knock you over.” That was a great piece of advice.

You have to be willing to try new things. You also have to know where you stand and what you will not accept.

Be open to new assignments—it's the only way to grow. But you need guardrails—you need to know the things you want to do and things for which you have absolutely no interest or passion.

In a previous company, I was asked to consider leading technology and operations, but it would have separated me from serving our customers, which is my passion. I knew I could add much more value in a job that was more closely tied to getting results for them. I quickly declined that job and have never looked back!

Giving feedback is a way of paying it forward. Feedback can mean the difference between a person's advancement or derailment.

Even if it's not something the other person wants to hear, you're doing it because you want the individual to develop. You are not giving it from a point of meanness, but a place of respect.

Every battle does not have to be fought. Every argument is not worth winning.

You have to figure out which ones are important enough for you to take a stand. Take those two or three and really stick with them. Have a plan and then execute on that plan.

In order to get your ideas across you need to know where other people are coming from.

You have to get into the mind of your bosses or your junior people—whether you're talking to a group or having an intimate conversation. The more you practice this, the more effective you're going to be.

Being excited about what you do is what differentiates a dynamic career from an unfulfilling one.

Don't look for opportunities just to move up a ladder. You want to be passionate about what you do. I tell my daughters this all the time, “You need to love what you do; if you don't, you're not going to be successful. It's just going to be a job.” We spend too many hours at work for it not to be a passion.

It's important to have women in your life who support and honor your growth. Many of you may already have this, but if not, I encourage you to reach out to new people and mobilize that support for yourself. Gather a few women to discuss the ideas you've read in this book and do some of our exercises. You want to encourage each other to think bigger and take some smart risks. You'll find a lot of tools on my website (
http://www.WomenWorking.com
). And use our social media pages for contacts and inspiration (
WomenWorking.com
on Facebook,
@WomenWorking
on Twitter, and the
WomenWorking group
on LinkedIn).