The Consequences of Forever (1) (22 page)

             
I brushed my teeth and washed my face and changed into a pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt. It was only around nine o’clock, early for bed even for me, but I decided to go ahead and sleep anyway. Tomorrow might be the only day of school for more than a week, but that didn’t mean it was going to be easy to get through. Ms. Freeman had announced she was handing out our winter break assignment that day, as an initiative to get kids to actually show up for school, and knowing her, it was going to be a bit of a challenge. I hadn’t admitted my pregnancy to her yet, but I had a feeling she was starting to catch on, and I wanted to make sure to impress her one last time before her opinion on me was shattered for good.

             
I had just climbed into bed and shut off the light when the door began to open slowly. “Are you asleep already?” I heard Adam ask. I sat up and turned the light back on. He was still dressed from dinner, though his jacket was gone and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone.

             
“No,” I said, patting the spot next to me. He came in and closed the door behind him.

             
“I wanted to apologize.”

             
“For what?”

             
“Arguing with my brother at dinner. It was unnecessary and I know you’ve probably got a lot going on in your mind right now, you didn’t need to deal with that.”

             
“It’s fine,” I told him, reaching up and touching the side of his face. “I know he frustrates you.”

             
“I shouldn’t have been surprised by the way he reacted,” he admitted. “I don’t even think Greg’s had a semi-serious girlfriend in his life. He has no idea what it’s like to be in love.”

             
“That’s unfortunate for him,” I remarked.

             
Adam grinned and rested his forehead against mine. “Yeah, it is, huh?”

             
“Definitely.” I pulled Adam closer and kissed him. He tasted faintly of mint. I pulled him closer.

             
“Can I stay in here tonight?” He asked, breaking the kiss off.

             
“It’s your house,” I reminded him. “You don’t have to ask.”

             
“It’s yours now, too. I didn’t know if you wanted a break from me or not.”

             
“Never.” I unbuttoned the rest of his shirt for him, running my hands over the smooth skin underneath. He slid off his pants and then got under the covers with me, pulling me close to him so that my head rested just underneath his chin.

             
“I don’t want to do anything tonight,” he told me. “I just want to hold you while we sleep. Is that okay?”

             
I kissed his throat in response. We both fell asleep within minutes.

Chapter Nineteen

              When it was just my dad and I, we never had traditions, even on Christmas Eve. We would usually just heat up whatever frozen dinner we had sitting in the freezer and find something on television that would hold our interest until it was time to go to bed, and when we woke up the next morning, we would exchange gifts. I grew up knowing Santa wasn’t real.

             
That all changed after he met Nora. They married in December, so the first Christmas was the most special. We’d just moved into Bella Vista and it was still in disrepair, so we more or less all lived in the living room, sleeping in sleeping bags and always together, except when Hannah and I were away at school.

             
That Christmas Eve, Nora made a huge dinner, probably the biggest feast I’d ever seen in my life. It was far too much food for four people, but the leftovers came in handy the following week when construction began and Nora didn’t have the time to prepare lunch and dinner for everyone. We didn’t have a table yet, so we sat around the living room, the food in between us, eating off of Nora’s fine china, a leftover wedding gift from her marriage to Hannah’s father, and talking about our future and what it held for all of us now. That night is one of my favorite memories, and one I found myself holding onto tighter than usual as Christmas Eve rolled around again.

             
A year from now, I’d be the mother of a six month old infant. I knew next to nothing about babies, but I assumed six months was too young to care very much about presents or really understand what was going on. But it would be so momentous, anyway. Baby’s first Christmas.

             
It still didn’t feel real to me. I could accept my pregnancy as a medical condition, but the reality of an actual human being growing inside of me still felt impossible. I wasn’t sure that was something I could ever fully comprehend, although Julia assured me I would. For the past few days she’d been reassuring me to enjoy my pregnancy the best I could, especially now that the morning sickness was fading and I wasn’t big enough yet to feel too uncomfortable in my own skin. It wasn’t ideal, she reminded me, but it was still amazing. Pregnancy was a beautiful thing.

             
She said the last part with a bit of wistfulness, leaving me to believe that maybe she regretted not having any more children after Adam. She’d admitted she always hoped for a girl, but then added that gender didn’t really matter so much. She was more than happy with her two boys, and maybe she’d get a granddaughter. I told her I hoped not.

             
Somehow the idea of having a boy seemed easier. Adam would be there to teach him all about sports and cowboys and whatever else little boys enjoyed, and I’d be there to clean up after them and feed the baby and whatever other practical things needed to be done. I had no idea how to be a mother to a little girl. I never really remembered being one.

             
As the day progressed, I kept wondering if Nora was going to keep up the Christmas Eve tradition. There were no guests at Bella Vista as far as I knew, now that Teagan was gone. Hannah wouldn’t so much as look at me at school the day before, and I’d given up on trying to talk to her. It was clear she was mad at me, and there was nothing I could do about it.

             
The Montgomery’s were having a Christmas party the next day, but Julia explained that their Christmas Eves were usually pretty quiet, just the four of them. Sometimes they would watch Christmas movies; sometimes they would just sit around and discuss whatever was on anyone’s mind. When Adam and Greg were little, they would sing Christmas carols, but they’d since grown out of that tradition and refused to go back to it, even for old time’s sake. I had to admit that was a little disappointing; I wasn’t even sure if I knew a full Christmas carol, but it might be fun to try.

             
After lunch, Adam, Greg and Ned all left in search of a Christmas tree, and I retreated to my bedroom to start working on the winter break project Ms. Freeman had assigned. We were supposed to write a five page essay on someone we admired and why, and I’d chosen Harper Lee. It seemed like an easy enough task, and I wanted to get it done as quickly as possible so I wouldn’t have to worry about it for the rest of break.

             
A knock sounded on the door, and Julia stepped into the room. “What are you doing?” She asked, noticing me writing in a notebook.

             
“Outlining the assignment I have due for English,” I explained.

             
“It’s Christmas Eve!”

             
“I know, but it needs to get done, better sooner than later.”

             
Julia walked over and sat down next to where I was laying. “Well, I think you should give it a break, at least until after Christmas is over. What are you writing about, anyway?”

             
“Harper Lee. She wrote
To Kill a Mockingbird
and never published again, but she led a pretty interesting life, regardless.”

             
Julia smiled. “I know who Harper Lee is.”

             
“A lot of people don’t.” By a lot of people, I meant Hannah. But then, I hadn’t had a chance to mention who I was writing about, since she wouldn’t talk to me; but I was pretty sure she wouldn’t know, and she’d give me that look that told me she thought I was crazy. I never thought I’d miss that look, but suddenly I did, very much.

             
Julia removed the pen and notebook from my hands and placed them on the nightstand beside me. “Well, not everyone is as smart as you are, Lainey. Remember that, okay? You’re a smart girl. You don’t always need to go above and beyond your expectations for yourself. It’s Christmas Eve, try to relax and enjoy it.”

             
“There’s nothing to do,” I pointed out.

             
“Have you considered going over to visit with your dad and Hannah? And even Nora?”

             
“No.”

             
“Why not?”

             
“Hannah is mad at me, Nora hates me, and I’d rather not know what my dad is up to.”

             
Julia laughed, but there was sympathy hidden in it. “All good reasons, but not good enough to not see your family on Christmas Eve. You should at least stop by; let them know you’re thinking of them. Give them any gifts you might have already bought?”

             
“I left all their gifts there,” I replied. “Hannah will find them and hand them out.” Or keep them all for herself. I didn’t care much, either way.

             
“Even if she’s mad at you?”

             
“Most of them are for her. Of course she’s going to open them.”

             
Julia ran her hand over my hair. “I just hate the thought of you not seeing your family for Christmas. If you don’t go over tonight, will you go tomorrow?”

             
I shook my head. “I don’t want to. I’d rather just stay here.”

             
Julia considered my words, and nodded. “Okay, I can’t force you to. But let me know if you change your mind, okay? I’ll be more than happy to drive you over, no matter what time it is.”

             
I nodded and she planted a kiss on the top of my head before leaving the room, closing the door behind her.

Was I doing the right thing, staying away? I didn’t know the answer to that. It seemed the older I got, the less I knew. I didn’t want to see Nora or my dad, that was for sure. But I missed Hannah.

              I picked up my cell phone off the nightstand and pressed in her speed dial. The phone rang for a while before Hannah answered it, sounding grumpy.

             
“I don’t want to talk to you,” she said.

             
“Then why did you answer?” A brief stretch of silence followed.

             
“I don’t know,” she said finally.

             
“Hannah, I’m sorry.”

             
“You left, Lainey. I get that you and Adam are really serious now, but you left. We were supposed to survive the reign of my mom together.” Her voice was accusing, but there was a hint of that same Hannah humor in there. I smiled to myself.

             
“I know, and I’m sorry, but I didn’t have a choice. My dad even agreed with it, and I didn’t exactly hear Nora protesting.”

             
“They’re both jerks. How am I supposed to survive the next two and a half years without you here? I won’t, that’s how.”

             
“You’ll be fine. And it isn’t like I’m far. Julia said you can spend the night whenever, even after the baby gets here.”

             
“I don’t want to spend the night there,” Hannah argued grumpily. “I just want things to go back to normal.”

             
“But things will never go back to normal,” I said softly. “Even if I moved back in, I’d still be having a baby in five months.”

Hannah sighed. “Growing up sucks.”

“I know. Do you want me to come over for a little? We can exchange gifts, if nothing else.”

“Would you?” She asked, her voice sounded more upbeat now, almost chipper.

“Of course. I’ll ask Julia to drive me over. I’ll see you soon, okay?” We hung up and I hurried downstairs to find Julia. She took one look at me, smiled, and grabbed her car keys.

“What time do you want me to pick you up?” She asked as we got into her car.

“Is seven okay?”

“Perfect. Sylvia froze some sort of casserole for us before she left, so I was planning on serving that around seven.” Sylvia was the Montgomery’s housekeeper. I’d met her on a few occasions, but only in passing.

We got to Bella Vista and Julia parked the car. I turned to her. “Thanks so much for driving me over here,” I said.

“You don’t have to thank me for anything, Lainey. I wanted this for you. Try to have a good time, and if you need me to come earlier or later, just call, okay?”

I agreed, and gave her one last smile before getting out of the car and heading to the front of the house.

It had only been two days since I was last there, but I was still overcome with nervousness as I reached for the doorknob. Did I just walk in? It was never locked during the day, in case of surprise guests. But I wasn’t a guest, and I wasn’t completely sure I was welcome.

The door opened before I could decide, and Nora stood there, looking as shocked to see me as I was to see her. She was a little dressed up, like she was headed out somewhere in particular.

“Lainey,” she said.

“Hi.” I had no idea what else to say; even ‘hello’ seemed like a struggle.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to see Hannah. We’re going to exchange gifts.”

“Fine. She’s upstairs in her room.” Already it had become her room, and not ours. Nora stepped past me.

“Where are you going?” I asked, unable to stop myself.

“I don’t believe that’s any of your business, Lainey,” she replied, and continued her trek to the car. I stood there, watching her go and feeling alone and a bit rejected.

My dad was nowhere in sight, which was actually a relief, and I hurried up the steps and to Hannah’s door. I debated on whether or not I should knock yet again, and decided it was probably safer that way. Hannah opened the door and raised her eyebrows at me.

“Why are you knocking?” She asked.

I sighed. “I don’t know.”

“Whatever. Get in here.”

I stepped into the room and pulled my jacket off, tossing it onto the bed. I noticed Hannah had pressed the two together, making one big bed. “Where was Nora going?” I asked.

“I didn’t know she left.” Hannah got onto her knees and started digging around under the bed, pulling out a few packages. “Don’t get mad, but I already opened the stuff you got for me. I was really mad when you moved out.”

“I’m not mad,” I said, smiling. “Did you like them?”

“Yeah, they were all great.”
             

I’d gotten her a pack of different perfume samples, a sweater she had been drooling over since seeing it at the mall on Black Friday, and a gift card. I’d spent more money on her than I had on anyone, but that was pretty much normal.

“Here,” she said, taking one of the packages and handing it to me. “Open that one first, and don’t yell at me.”

I raised my eyebrows and opened it slowly, almost scared to see what was inside. Under the wrapping paper, there was a white box. I opened the box and immediately laughed.

“Oh, Hannah,” I said, pulling the miniature ballerina outfit from the box. “I can’t believe you actually bought this.”

Hannah grinned, looking pleased with herself. “I couldn’t help it. I know it’s going to be a girl, and every little baby girl needs to have a ballerina outfit.”

“What if it isn’t?”