The Cost Of Love And Sanity (2 page)

Phillip's car was already parked in her driveway. Alex switched off her ignition and looked at his car, then, at the front door. She longed to go inside, eat, take a shower and curl up in bed with the
TV remote instead of feigning interest in conversation with him. Maybe the night wouldn't drag out too long. Maybe she could stop him before he harped on the problems with public education or government. She opened her car door and pushed herself out. Walking past Phillip's silver Audi, she placed her hand on top of the car. The cool hood indicated he'd been there a while.

Upon opening the door, she smelled steak, rice, tomatoes and okra.
I hate okra and he knows this.
She sighed and placed her briefcase on the table in her foyer. Alex rounded the corner to see Phillip bent forward into the cabinet.

“Hey. What's up?” Alex asked, forcing herself to sound chipper.

His face emerged, showing neatly framed facial hair. “Nothing,” Phillip said. He stood straight. “Did you bring some salt with you?”

“No,” Alex said, sitting down on a stool.

He frowned and closed the cabinet door. “I thought you said you would stop to get some on your way home.”

“No, I didn't say that.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I didn't.” Alex furrowed her brow.

“Is it that you didn't say it or is it that you don't remember saying it?”

“I didn't say it, Phillip. I didn't even know I needed any.”

“It's your house! You don't ever check to see what you need in your house.”

Alex's blood boiled to 103 degrees. She pressed her fingertips to her temples and took a deep breath. “I don't have a problem with missing salt. You do.”

He shrugged and tossed his hands up in the air. “Fine. I hope you don't mind the tomatoes and okra being bland because there wasn't enough seasoning.”

“Since you didn't go to the store to get it, I'm sure it's fine.” Alex rolled her eyes. She hated it when Phillip overdramatized things. It was salt. Not gold.

Phillip turned off the stove and they fixed their plates. They moved in silence with the tension of their argument still lingering in the air. Alex and Phillip sat down at opposite sides of the dining room table, allowing the sound of the TV to serve as a soundtrack.

She glanced up at Phillip and saw him focused on his steak. Pressing on his knife and fork, he cut his steak into bite-sized pieces before eating it. She cleared her throat. “So, how was work today?”

Phillip continued to study his steak. “Fine. They're implementing new computer software.”

“Oh. Is it gonna be easier or better?”

He smirked. “Not really. Half of our staff barely knows how to use computers as it is. I can see them hitting my department up a million times a day.”

“Well, if it gets too strenuous, maybe you guys can ask for a raise.” Alex chewed on a piece of steak.

He snorted. “They are not gonna give anybody any more money. The employees didn't even get cost-of-living raises this year.” He regained eye contact with Alex. “But I'll bet the head honchos got their bonuses.”

What else could she say? He had a negative comeback for everything as usual. Alex nodded and sipped her water.

“What about you?” Phillip mumbled between bites.

“What?”

“What about you?” he repeated in a booming voice. “How was your day?”

She sighed. “I guess it could have been better. They called an emergency meeting and told us they are planning to let someone go.”

“Really?” Phillip asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah.”

“That sounds bad but you don't sound worried. You don't think they're gonna do it?”

She shook her head. “No. I'm not worried. I've always been a top employee at the company. So, I'm sure I'll keep my job.”

Phillip picked up his napkin, wiped his mouth and placed it back on the table. He leaned forward in his chair. “You can't count on that. Maybe it's time you look for something else.”

“Like what?”

“I don't know. Something with less hours. It can't be healthy to work so much.”

Alex frowned. “You work just as much as I do.”

“Yeah, but I'm a man.”

“Excuse me. What does that have to do with anything?”

He rolled his eyes. “As a woman, you shouldn't have to work so hard. You should be able to let your man do all the work.”

Alex couldn't believe her ears.
What an idiot?
“And what should a woman be doing?”

“Enjoying her life. Shopping. Cooking. Whatever makes her happy.”

Alex dropped her fork on her plate. She didn't go to college, work her way up the corporate ladder to sit at home and cook for him. She was a grownup—one fully capable of taking care of her own responsibilities, despite whatever he thought she should be doing.

“Phillip, if you have a problem, why don't you say it?”

He crossed his arms. “I don't have a problem. I only like a woman that can chill out and let her man lead sometimes. You know, be a woman.”

Alex anger rose even higher. She'd had enough of this. “So, what are you saying? I'm not a ‘woman'?” she yelled.

“Yes, you are but…I mean you're the type of woman that's super defensive and overambitious. You spend all this time on your
little
career. You can't even remember to restock your kitchen.” He pointed toward the cabinet.

Alex scowled. “I'm fine in my
little
career. I like my life. But since you're the one with the problem, maybe you should start looking elsewhere.”

“We'll see how great your life is when you're old and alone without anyone to care if you're sick or alive. It's gonna get real lonely staring at the four walls.”

Is he trying to scare me?
Alex's heart rate increased, as her chest swelled. She pointed her finger at him. “I think you need to go.”

Phillip huffed and stood up from the table. “That's just as well. We should stop wasting our time anyway, right? We obviously don't have much in common.” He walked over to the counter to pick up his keys. “You don't have to worry about me anymore, Alex. Goodbye.”

With those words, Phillip stalked around the corner and stormed out the door.

“C
an you believe this? Can you believe Phillip?” Alex frowned in disbelief at her best friend, Izzy Parker, while the winter air escaped her mouth.

Groups of people stood throughout Mark's Landing waiting for the fireworks to indicate the start of a new year. Some ate candy apples, hot dogs or funnel cakes. Others people watched. Alex chose to talk her sympathetic friend's ear off. She must have told Izzy the breakup details twenty times but she could not resist lamenting on it once again. The spinning in her head began, as Alex replayed her and Phillip's argument like a DVD. Each time, she heard his words, saw his movements and seethed in her own anger. Complaining to Izzy helped her deal.

“I know,” Izzy said, scanning the crowd.

“I mean, how could he do that? And he had the nerve to try and scare me into thinking his way of thinking is right. Like if I don't ascribe to being Mary Poppins, I'm destined to be alone forever. Was he high?”

Izzy broke into laughter. “Okay. That
was
kinda weird.”

“I tell ya. You date someone for months only to find out that they're crazy.”

Izzy chuckled. “Well, look at it this way. You said he was a little chauvinistic. From his argument, that's obvious. This should be a relief.”

“It would have been if he hadn't made me so angry.” Alex tugged the knot she tied on her coat, bracing herself for the extra wind picking up.

“Aww. I'm sorry it had to happen this way.” Izzy patted her on the shoulder.

Alex shrugged and frowned. “At least it's over.”

“Exactly. And the best way to get over somebody is to find somebody else.” Izzy nodded at the man a few feet in front of them and nudged her.

Alex glanced over at the medium-height man with kind eyes. He looked her way and nodded. She smiled in response but remained unmoved. She couldn't imagine anything worse than sitting through a dinner with someone she didn't know and didn't care to know.

Alex shook her head. “I don't think so.”

“Oh, c'mon,” Izzy said.

Alex rolled her eyes.

A man's booming voice burst through the nearby speakers. “All right, everybody. It's time to count down!”

People bustled around, hunting for the best spot to see the fireworks.

“Five…four…three…two…one. Happy New Year!”

Alex watched the multi-colored fireworks light up the sky. The noise from party favors and cheers should have deafened her but she barely noticed. Images of her life flashed in between the blue, green and red bursts in the night. She closed her eyes and tried to think positive thoughts about the year ahead. Instead, she heard Phillip's prediction of loneliness. She couldn't help feeling a little disheartened.

She hated the way she and Phillip ended but, at the same time, their personalities clashed too hard. On top of that, he didn't respect
her accomplishments. That meant he didn't respect her. And that would always be a problem.

Now she had another problem. She was 35, single with no children. She didn't even have a man anymore. It hurt to be back at square one all over again. She still believed in real love. Where should she find it? It felt like with everything she'd accomplished professionally, she was still failing in life.

Alex finally opened her eyes and looked up at the lights in the sky. The anxiety of another uncertain year almost suffocated her but she stuffed it back down before it could fully take hold. She took a deep breath and exhaled, just as Izzy grabbed and shook her.

“Whooo! Can you believe it? Last year went so fast but we made it. Yay!” Her friend bubbled over with her usual infectious brand of energy. “I can't wait to get started,” Izzy said, smiling so wide Alex thought she could see all her teeth.

Despite her somber mood, Alex laughed. She admired Izzy's eternal optimism. No matter what life or relationships threw at her, she always looked forward to the next day.

After the fireworks ended, Alex and Izzy headed back to her car. Alex tightened her black trench coat around her fitted blouse and skirt. As soon as the two women jumped in, Izzy asked party questions.

“Where are we going next?” Her medium-brown curls bounced with excitement.

“I don't know, girl. You know, I don't do the party scene too much, unless it's a company event. Have any ideas?” Alex asked.

“I hear Club Aqua is supposed to be lit up.”

“Aww. I'm not in the mood to dodge some guy with bad skin and stanky breath. Any other ideas?” she asked, with a pleading look in her eyes.

“Not really. I mean, a club is about the only route right now. What do you have against clubs?”

“They're boring.” Alex shot her friend a frustrated look.

“No. What's boring is going home, changing into your pajamas and climbing into bed with your laptop and work scattered all over your comforter.”

Alex raised her eyebrow. “I don't know what you're talking about,” she lied.

“Or maybe you'll mope around the house, feeling lousy about the way things ended with Phillip.”

A wave of shame threatened to overtake Alex. Fifteen minutes into the New Year, and she already had plans to slide back into her old routine. She needed to move forward, not backward.

Suddenly remembering that her best friend sat right next to her, Alex snapped out of her thoughts with the shake of her head. “I'm tired of the same ole, same ole.”

“How do you know a club is the same ole, same ole? Doing what you've been doing is the same ole, same ole,” Izzy said.

Alex's brow furrowed. “I don't sit in bed and work all the time. Look, if I want to do something different, I can.” She straightened her posture. “And I will.”

Izzy smiled. “I know you will, Alex.”

She threw Izzy a weak smile back. “Thanks.” She sighed. “Okay, I guess you win. We'll go to Club Aqua.”

“Yay!” Izzy shot her hands up. “I promise you won't be sorry.”

“We'll see.” Alex waited to pull into the sea of cars, hoping she would at least be able to avoid the stanky breath guy.

C
lub Aqua had all the components of a New Year's Eve party. Drinks. Party favors. Lights. A ton of people. There were so many people that it was difficult to walk from one end of the room to another. On top of that, Alex could barely see anything in the smoke-filled space. Slight pathways through the dance floor made it a little easier to maneuver. She concentrated on finding those pathways so she could find a place to sit down. It looked like the only place to sit was up on the second floor. Alex longed to make her way to a comfortable chair up there. Izzy, on the other hand, was ready to get on the dance floor. The only thing that kept her from joining the other dancers was the drink in her hand.

“Isn't this great?” Izzy said.

Alex shook her head. “Not really.”

Izzy tooted her lips up. “You need a drink.” She proceeded to suck on the straw protruding from her glass.

Alex leaned closer to her ear. “I need a seat.”

“You can't meet anyone sitting down,” Izzy said.

“I don't care.”

As they continued to wade through the bodies on the floor, Alex turned to her right. She saw a girl dancing with two guys. One in the front of her, the other in the back of her. While they danced, the guy in the front attempted to move his hand up the woman's shirt. He had almost accomplished his goal before the girl finally
moved his hand. Alex rolled her eyes in disgust.
Why did I let Izzy talk me into coming here?