The Couple who Fooled the World (13 page)

“When…when I was in high school, I got this idea that I might like to go to prom. And my mother was thrilled because it was the first time I’d shown an inclination toward being ‘normal.’ All she’d ever wanted was a daughter who cared about shopping and boys, but I just wanted to program text-based adventure games and reenact fantasy battles in the park with other geeks. As you can imagine, no one was lining up to be my date. But right before the dance, Michael Coleman asked me to be his date. I said yes. He was handsome and popular and it seemed too good to be true. It was, by the way. It was too good to be true.”

She swallowed. She hadn’t realized how hard it would be to tell the story. She’d never told anyone, not the whole thing. “We spent hours choosing the dress. It was very pink. It was like bubblegum. And my date was handsome. He danced with me, spent time with me. It was great. And then…after the dance we got in the limo my parents had rented for us
and he started…He kissed me, only I’d never kissed a boy before and he was going too fast. I asked him to stop and he wouldn’t. He tore my dress, grabbed my breasts. He was so rough and it all just hurt. And I can’t even explain how he looked. Like he was angry at me. Like he blamed me. And I kept saying no, but he kept going and he pushed my dress up and put his hand between my legs. And I hit him. As hard as I could. In the nose. Then he hit me across the face with the back of his hand. My nose was bleeding and…and then he said ‘you stupid bitch. I was doing you a favor. No other guy would ever touch you. You should be thanking me. I’m only here because your mom paid me to be. After forcing me to dance with you all night I deserved to have you put out.’ That was when the limo driver realized something was happening and intervened. He didn’t…call the police or anything he just unrolled the divider and had me come up to the front seat. It’s amazing how little people do in those situations, because no one wants to believe it happened.”

“Dio, Julia that’s…”

“That’s why I don’t see dirt on you, Ferro, because I understand what it feels like to have someone else try to own your body, to have someone act like they have a right to you. I understand that you were a victim.”

“I wasn’t.”

“He told me I should thank him, Ferro. Because no other man would ever want to touch me. He told me I should thank him for holding me down and trying to force his way into my body. Should I have thanked him?”

“Cazzo.”
Ferro’s voice was rough, raw. “No, Julia. Of course not.”

“How is it any different? She held food and shelter over your head. Your very survival. And I’m sure she acted like you should be grateful, or like you were business partners, or whatever she made you believe, but you don’t have to thank
the person who abused you. She could have just given you money, if she cared she could have. She could have put you to work in her kitchen, but instead she took a sixteen-year-old boy and demanded the use of his body, sold his body. I fail to see how you, as a boy, had any more control than me at sixteen in the back of that limo.”

“But you punched his face. You walked away.”

“I had somewhere to go.”

“It doesn’t matter…it doesn’t make it okay.”

“No. Not for either of us. Especially not for you. But we were the victims here. And it’s a horrible word, I know. I hate it, but it’s the truth. I want you to know I look at you and I see a man who earned his success. A man who deserves everything he has. A man who doesn’t deserve to be defined by what he did to survive.”

“A nice thought, Julia, but even if I believed I didn’t need to be defined by it, I can’t simply make it go away.”

“I know that, too.”

He leaned forward. “I would kill him. I want you to know that. Any man who touched you like that…who hurt you. I would kill him.”

“I believe you.”

“It’s important that you know.”

It made her want to cry. Because her parents had asked why she was bruised the next morning, but they’d also believed her lies about why. Feeble lies about tripping over her feet. They’d accepted it without batting an eye.

And when she’d started spending more and more time in her room, they just stopped asking her to come out.

Ferro made her feel like it mattered. Like she mattered.

“I really think you’re a pretty good man, Ferro Calvaresi,” she said.

He slid his thumb over her cheekbone, his eyes intent on hers. “I’m not, Julia. I don’t want you to lie to yourself. That’s
just another reason we need these rules. I need to make sure you understand what this is. What this really is.”

“I accept your terms,” she said, an echo of the agreement she’d made with him the first time they’d made love. “But you have to agree to mine.”

“And they are?”

“Don’t leave me after. I want to sleep with you. I need that.”

He searched her face. Unwilling to disappoint her, not now. She could read it, clearly, in his expression. “I will stay in bed with you at least until you fall asleep. I would not be able to sleep with another person.”

She nodded, even though she didn’t like his answer. She wouldn’t push.

“Don’t fake charm me. I’m not one of your clients. We might be making a deal, but we’re not selling our bodies, do you understand? I want you. The real you.”

“I’ll give you what I can on that score, Julia, but I don’t know if it will be enough for you.”

“And why is that?”

“Julia, I had to work at separating my mind from my body, what I wanted, from what I needed to do. I don’t just connect with people and that’s not by accident. I learned something very quickly in my life. It’s easy to survive if you realize you always have control of your mind. The harshest street doesn’t seem so bad if you can go into yourself and imagine you have a bed, imagine you’re safe. Sex with a stranger you don’t even want touches your body, but you can close it out in your mind. You can go so far inside yourself that nothing touches you anymore. My problem has been finding the way back out. Honestly, I don’t even want to most of the time. Except when you touch me. Then I want to feel it all.”

Her heart crumpled in on itself. “I want to try to help you.”

“You can help me. In my bed. I feel the most with you,
when I’m in you, that I’ve ever felt in my life.” He reached and she extended her hand to him, let him take it, let him draw her to him. “Kiss me.”

She bent down and pressed her lips to his.

“You will come home with me tonight,” he said, a command, but she knew it was her choice.

She nodded, not caring that it was impractical and that she didn’t have her things. Not caring about much of anything but Ferro and her need for him.

“Whatever you want.”

“As per our agreement,
cara.”

And she couldn’t help but feel like she’d made a deal with the devil. But she had a hard time feeling too bad about it. And the strange thing was, she didn’t feel trapped anymore. Not by the media, not by her past.

She felt free.

F
OR THE FOURTH
night in a row, when Ferro got home after work, Julia was at his house. And for the fourth night in a row he told his chef to have dinner delivered to his room in an hour. And for the fourth night in a row, he picked Julia up and took her upstairs where he made the best use of that hour possible. Naked and beneath the covers.

Then he answered the bedroom door in his robe, closed the door, discarded it and served them both dinner in bed with nothing between them.

The past four days had been like nothing he’d ever experienced before. A woman he wanted, in his home, in his bed, answering his cravings and desires.

It was such a pleasurable arrangement it made him wish he’d put one together years ago. Except, then the woman wouldn’t have been Julia. And he couldn’t find it in him to be interested in the idea of having a woman other than Julia.

But that was simply because she was his lover. It was normal, he was sure, to possess a certain amount of fascination with her, to the exclusion of others. He imagined. He had never had a lover before Julia.

Her admission to him in his office, about her date, had made him feel protective of her in a way he’d never felt protective of anyone. Had made him crave violence. Had made him feel…connected. It was so very strange.

But then, the entire relationship was.

“It’s a gorgeous night out.” Julia climbed out of his bed and walked to the windows that overlooked the ocean. She was naked, and not at all embarrassed. He had loved watching her self-consciousness fall away. Now she seemed completely at ease with him, with or without clothes.

“It is. Do you like the stars?” He didn’t know what had compelled him to ask. Why he felt compelled to share this part of himself. But he did. Because he had never shared himself with anyone. The people who had cared for him until he could care for himself were a blur. There was no love or affection from them. Only food and blankets, which, for a child on the street was enough.

Then there were his clients. Women who didn’t care for him personally at all. He shared nothing of himself with them. Nothing at all.

And Julia…wonderful Julia with her excitement for life, shared her smile with him. Her happiness and joy. He wanted to share this. Something personal. Something real.

“Sci-fi geek. Love them.”

“Yes, well, my love for them is not sci-fi related but, perhaps you’d like to come up to the roof and see my telescope anyway?”

Her eyebrows shot up and she looked down. “Telescope, eh? Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Calvaresi? Because you don’t have to try that hard.”

He got out of bed and crossed the room to her, taking her into his arms and kissing her on the lips. “Didn’t I promise not to charm you?”

“You did. But I have to confess, I’m charmed.”

He wanted to tell her not to be. To warn her away. But he also wanted her to keep looking at him like that.

She went back to the bed and grabbed a blanket. “I think
this will do.” She wrapped it around her shoulders and opened the door to his room. “After you.”

He reached down and picked up a pair of black briefs, tugging them on before going out into the hall. “This way,” he said, holding out his hand. She took it, lacing her fingers through his.

Another thing he’d never done when it wasn’t for show. He just wanted to touch her. Just wanted his skin against hers.

The stairs that led to the roof curved tightly, leading up to a small garden set into the edge of the rooftop. It all overlooked the ocean and gave a brilliant view of the crystal clear sky. Out away from The city, there was no light pollution, and so many stars were visible to the naked eye, so many more than he’d imagined as a boy. The big ones, always there, helping him find his way through the dark streets, helping orient him, giving him a sense of direction.

But now, here, he could see them all. From the largest ones down to the stars that were no more than diamond dust.

He tugged her onto the white divan that was set up there, the perfect place for him to look out at all he had achieved. But that wasn’t why he’d brought her here. It wasn’t a show of wealth or status. He wanted to show her something of him.

“I’ve always been fascinated with the sky at night. I spent a lot of time looking at it when I slept out on the streets. In doorways, alleyways, wherever I could find that wasn’t occupied by another homeless person. And when I had to get somewhere quickly in the dark, I used the North Star to find my way.”

“You were always smart,” she said, her voice soft, her fingers trailing lightly over his bare chest.

“It is what saved me. Of that I’m certain.” He paused, hesitated. “When I first started making real money I got a telescope, and I started looking at the stars. It was exciting. Like meeting a friend for the first time, if that makes any sense.
But I was very alone, Julia, for most of my life. My surroundings were my only constant. My companion and my enemy.”

“I can’t even imagine, Ferro, but I do try.”

“I know you do.” It made his throat tight. What Julia did for him was more than any person had ever done.

“So show me your favorite places,” she said, gesturing to the telescope.

He got up and positioned it, bending down and looking, searching. “There,” he said. “The Orion nebula. I took particular joy in being able to see that. Once I got the telescope.”

“New discoveries opened up to you,” she said.

“Yes.”

She stood up, dropped the blanket. He stepped aside and went back to the divan while she bent and looked through the telescope.

“Such a fantasy, Julia. A naked woman who takes joy in looking at the stars. I should think that’s a very rare thing for a man to possess.”

She straightened and looked at him. “And I have a mostly naked man who understands the sheer beauty of an eight core processor. That is also fantasy material.”

“I love it when you talk nerdy to me.”

She laughed and joined him on the divan, tugging the blanket up over both of them. “It’s beautiful,” she said.

“What is?”

“The nebula. All of it. This place. Your place. What you’ve done with your life, Ferro, it’s not a small thing. When I first read your biography—”

“That damned book.”

“I know. But when I first read it, I didn’t think it could be true. Because how could a boy with no education, who had been through everything you’d been through, transcend it all and reach the place you have. You’re truly amazing, and
now that I see you as something other than my enemy I realize that.”

“When this is over,” he said, “we will still be competition. Everything is going back to how it was before. It’s part of our bargain.”

Something flashed through her eyes. Sadness. Deep, heartbreaking sadness. “I know. But you’ll never be my enemy again, even if I’m yours.”

He put his hand on her cheek, felt her skin, soft beneath his. He wanted to make her promises. Wanted to find a way to fuse the pieces of himself, as they’d been in that moment following the time they’d made love in his office. For one, brief flash of time, he had been whole, and he wanted it again so badly. So he could even begin to understand what he wanted to say. What he should say.

But he had nothing. No words. So he leaned in and kissed her, because it was what he knew. Because he knew it would cover his inadequacies.

She kissed him, sweet, giving. Giving in a way he could never hope to be.

He pushed her onto her back, kissed her neck, her collarbone, the curve of her breast. He tugged the blanket away so he could look at her body, bathed in the moonlight.

“You are without a doubt, the most beautiful thing I have seen beneath the night sky.” He lowered his head, ran his tongue over her nipple and watched as it peaked in the cool outdoor air. “Without a doubt.”

She put her hands on his cheeks, her eyes boring into his. “You are an amazing man, Ferro. The most amazing I have ever known. If I could make you feel what I feel. If I could give the feelings I have for you to you, I would. So you would know how incredible you are.”

Her gaze, unflinching, honest, made him feel far too exposed. Made him feel like he was naked for the first time
with her. Yes, he’d been naked with her many times over the course of the past week, and before that, there had been other women he’d been naked with.

Not like this. Never like this.

He lowered his head, kissed her neck, inhaled the sweet scent of her skin.

“Ferro—”

He cut her off with a kiss, moved his hand down between her thighs and started stroking her damp flesh until her words turned into sighs of pleasure. He watched her face as he pushed a finger deep inside her while stroking her clitoris with his thumb. He could do this. He could do sex. He could give her pleasure, take pleasure.

It was the talking that was causing the unbearable pressure in his chest. There could be no more talking.

“Please,” she whimpered. “Please.”

He pushed his underwear down his hips and positioned himself, testing her readiness, sliding into her slowly, so slowly he thought the pain of want would kill him before he was all the way home.

Then he lost himself in her. In her body, her breath fanning against his cheek, wet kisses on his neck, her nails in his shoulder blades. He lost himself in Julia and he never wanted it to end. Here with her it made sense. Life seemed to make sense. And he felt more at peace, he felt more whole, he simply felt more, than he ever had before.

Orgasm rushed over him like a wave and as she arched beneath him, crying out her release, he found his own.

When it was over, he held her against his chest, smoothed her hair. Wondered if his heart would ever slow down. If it had slowed down at all since that first night they were together.

Julia reached down and picked up the blanket, drawing it over their bodies.

“We should go in,” he said.

“I don’t want to,” she said. “Too sleepy.”

“The only alternative is sleeping out here.”

“And what’s wrong with that? It’s a beautiful night, and we can look at the stars.”

Terror expanded in his chest, pushing out the comfort and well-being he’d felt only a moment before. “I don’t like being cold.”

“I’ll keep you warm.”

“Julia,” he said, sitting up. “I have not spent one night outside since I could first afford to put a roof over my head.”

“But you’re not back there, Ferro, it’s not the same. You’re not in Rome. You’re not on the street. And you aren’t alone.” She sat up and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, her breasts pressing into his back. “I promise I won’t let you get cold.”

Ferro relaxed, followed Julia’s gentle tug back down to the divan. He lay on his back and looked at the stars, while Julia rested her head on his chest, her body heat seeping through his skin.

Her heat chased away the cold. The fear. And he slept.

It wasn’t until he was in the office the next day that he realized what he’d done. He’d been so desperate to get Julia to stop talking, to get her to stop making him feel, to be inside her, that he’d forgotten about condoms.

That had never happened in his life. Never. Condoms were the most important thing in his sexual encounters when he’d been a prostitute.
Dio
, but he hated that word. It still had the power to flay his skin from his bones. To make him feel like less than a man.

And yet it was the truth about him. A truth he was trying to ignore, by replacing those memories with memories of Julia. He clung to her as if her touch had the power to clean all the dirt from his skin.

But far from that, he was starting to wonder if he was just spreading the dirt to her. No matter what she said. No matter what she claimed to see when she looked at him.

Actions like his didn’t come clean.
I wish you could see how amazing you are
.

No, she was wrong. He wasn’t amazing. He was just a man selfish enough, without conscience enough, to do whatever he’d had to do to get where he wanted to go.

And now he’d brought her into it, compromised her. After all that had already happened to her…would he hurt her, too?

Damn. They had the meeting with Barrows today, too. He stood up and stalked out his office door. “No one calls me,” he growled at his assistant as he walked past, contacting his driver from his phone as he did so.

He got into the elevator and took it down to the lobby where his car was already waiting, idling against the curb.

“Julia’s,” he said to the driver. He didn’t have to say more. Everyone knew now that they were lovers. Everyone knew who Julia was.

The drive across town in the afternoon traffic was unbearable. Too hard to wait that long. He couldn’t wait. When his driver was a block away, Ferro jerked open the door and got out, striding the rest of the way down the sidewalk, his focus straight ahead. He ignored the tourists, the few people who recognized him who were gaping, the sun, the palm trees that lined the walk. He ignored them all.

He walked into Julia’s building and made his way up to her office.

“You can’t go in there she’s prepping for a mee—Oh, Mr. Calvaresi.” Julia’s assistant offered him a toothpaste-white smile.

“I need to see her.”

“She said she didn’t want to be disturbed.”

“She did not mean me.”

“I already got in trouble for the salmon.”

“She didn’t mean it. She loves it. I need to see her now. I’m going to, even if I have to break the office door down, you might as well buzz me in.”

Thad smiled again and pressed a button on the desk. “Ferro Calvaresi to see you, darling.”

He didn’t return the other man’s smile as he walked toward Julia’s office doors and swung them open.

She jumped up. “Ferro.” She rounded her desk and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him quickly. Such a normal, couplelike gesture. So strange to him. “I wasn’t expecting you yet, we weren’t supposed to meet until later.”

“That is for business, this is a personal call,” he said.

“Oh, really?” Her expression turned suggestive.

“No,” he bit out. “Not that.”

“Oh.” She was hurt, and it was his fault. Because he was short with her. Much more than he’d intended to be.