The Cowboy's Baby Bond (6 page)

“This is our best choice.”

She wanted to argue, urge him to continue, but she knew it was useless. He wouldn't bend when it came to principles. Not that she wanted him to. She just wanted to find her sisters. “I shouldn't have sent them tickets. I should have gone and got them myself. Why didn't I?”

“I'm sure you did what you thought best.”

“Celia is fourteen and a big girl. She's always been resourceful. I thought they'd be safe traveling together. It gave me time to sort out my own affairs and put them in order before I met them. But it was a mistake.” Willow's words ended in a wail. “Am I doomed to always make choices that I regret?”

He patted her arm. “Perhaps you didn't make a mistake.”

Her runaway thoughts stilled as she waited for him to explain. If only he could offer reassurance that she hadn't acted foolishly.

“Maisie is always saying that God uses the unexpected to do something good and wonderful in our lives. Maybe this is one of those times.”

“I can't see how that's possible. My sisters are missing and could be in all sorts of trouble. What good could come of that?”

“'Fraid I can't say, but God sees and knows.”

Again he spoke as if he trusted God to take care of them. “How can you be so sure? Was He doing something good and wonderful when Trudy did what she did?”

Willow regretted the words the moment she said them. He'd told her his greatest sorrow and here she was, throwing it back in his face. “I'm sorry. I have no right to talk like that.”

“You have every right.” He spoke calmly, as if unaffected by her accusation. “I confess I have struggled with those very thoughts. I suppose one good thing about it all is I learned the truth about her before I married her.”

“But you got hurt in the process. What's good about that?”

“I don't know.” He'd been staring down the road and slowly brought his gaze to hers.

She blinked at the force of his look.

“But I pray I will someday find out.”

His faith shook her. “If you do, will it make you able to trust again?” Where had those words come from? She answered her own question.
From a place of longing and emptiness deep inside.
Was it possible to let go of the past and see a bright future? Or was she simply looking for something that came with a price she wasn't willing to pay?

She reached for one of Adam's hands and held on. One price she would never, ever pay? Anything that would jeopardize her son's happiness.

“I'll pray the same for you.”

“For me?” She didn't need or want him to pray for her. Or did she? “My parents said they prayed for each of us daily even before we were born. That ended two years ago.”

“Their prayers will not go unanswered.”

She couldn't decide if his assurance annoyed her or encouraged her. Though thinking of her parents' prayers made her realize they would be disappointed in how she'd pushed God out of her life. She said as much to Johnny.

“Do you think that's possible?” he asked her.

“I don't understand.”

“Do you really think you can push God anywhere?” He pointed to the mountains. “Don't suppose you could shift those a fraction of an inch. God is the Maker of heaven and earth. Seems it would take more than one measly man or woman to make God do anything.”

The picture Johnny's words produced so surprised her, she laughed.

He grinned at her. “Seems pretty silly to think you might have pushed God out of your life, doesn't it?”

She nodded.

He turned his attention back to the road and pointed. “There's where we'll spend the night.”

She made out a few buildings ahead. “Doesn't look like much.”

“It will have to do.”

Willow settled back, content to believe the place was suitable. Something about Johnny's acceptance of things he couldn't change eased a whole load of worry from her shoulders. She couldn't make the horse go any faster, couldn't put her sisters back on the train, couldn't undo her sinful actions with Adam's father, couldn't stop her parents' accident. But she could rest at this way station and let God take care of her sisters. For now, she'd ignore her doubts as to whether or not He cared about her.

They turned off the road and stopped in front of the wide veranda of an unpainted, weathered building.

The door opened. “How do. You're welcome as sunshine. Put your horses in the barn. Ma'am, come right in.”

Willow blinked and tried not to stare at the speaker, whom she'd taken for a man at first sight. But as soon as she spoke, Willow realized it was a woman dressed like a man, her hair stuffed under a hat.

Johnny helped Willow from the wagon and handed Adam to her, then drove toward the barn. His departure left Willow feeling alone and vulnerable. She shook it off. She would not allow herself to be dependent on anyone.

“How do,” the woman said again. “Name's Esther. Esther Owen.”

Willow gave her name and Adam's.

“That there is my pa.” Esther jabbed her finger toward the tree line.

At first, Willow did not see anyone, then she made out a man hunched down on the butt end of a log, staring into the nearby trees. She wanted to ask why he was there, but it would be rude.

“He sits there every day, all day, since my ma died. Says he's regretful because he didn't realize how sick she was. I say he's trapped unnecessarily. I tell him he's no different than the rest of the world. Everyone has regrets and failures. Trick is to use them as building blocks, not stumbling blocks.” Esther crossed her arms and stared at the immobile man. “He doesn't listen to me.”

“How long is it since your mother passed?”

“Nigh on six months.”

Adam squirmed to get down and Willow released him on the boardfloors of the veranda. He grabbed the nearby bench and walked around it, chortling with pleasure.

Esther watched his every move. “I sure would like to have a man of my own and some children, but I'm stuck here. Can't leave my pa until he snaps out of this mood.”

Johnny returned and introduced himself.

Esther greeted him with a quick handshake, then continued talking about her pa. “I pray every day that something will happen to bring him back to the land of the living.” She looked skyward. “Please, God, what good is a wasted life?”

Willow couldn't tell if she meant hers or her father's. Both, likely.

Esther brought her attention back to Adam and then Willow. “Is there anything you need at the moment?”

“No. I'm fine, thanks.”

“Then I'll get on with my chores.” She hurried off the veranda and headed for the corrals, pausing to call over her shoulder, “Make yourselves at home.”

Willow stared after her, then looked at Johnny. He appeared as startled by the woman's sudden departure as she.

“Let's take Adam for a walk.” Johnny took the boy by one hand.

Seeing his intent, Willow took her son's other hand and together they set out on the little trail that led between the barn and the trees.

She knew the minute the man on the stump saw them by the way his chin lifted off his chest. Apart from that he didn't move, though his eyes followed them. She stepped ahead enough to shield Adam from the man's insistent stare, and glanced at Johnny to see if he'd noticed.

“I expect he's harmless,” Johnny said, but he, too, edged closer to Adam.

They passed the man, then followed the path that circled toward the barn.

Willow glanced over her shoulder. “He's following us.” She increased her pace.

Johnny scooped Adam into his arms and they hurried in the direction of the house.

Esther stood in front of the barn, her gaze going past them to the man in their wake. “Pa? Glory be, my prayers are answered. Pa got off his stump without being bullied to do so.” She lifted her face toward heaven. “Praises be. You've answered my prayers.”

Realizing what this meant, Willow and Johnny turned to watch the man's progress.

He stopped before them. “How do. Name's Sid Owen. Pleased to meet you.” He shook hands with Johnny and nodded toward Willow. “Nice-looking boy you have there.” He turned to Esther. “Ain't it about time you got yourself a good man and gave me some grandchildren?” And with that, he went inside.

Esther pulled her hat off, letting a mass of black curls fall down her back, and slapped her knee with the hat as she laughed. “Just like that he joins the land of the living again. Who'd have thought it would be so easy?”

“Maybe you could pray for my sisters. It would be nice if finding them was as easy as that.” Willow could not believe those words had come from her mouth, but if Esther's pa could come round because of his daughter's prayers, Willow was more than willing to let her pray for the safety of her sisters.

Esther demanded an explanation and when she'd heard the tale, she looked upward. “You hear this gal's need. Might it be You could protect those little sisters and help her find them real quick. Okay?”

Could it really be that easy? Esther seemed to think so.

Willow raised her questioning gaze to Johnny. At the way he grinned at her, his dark eyes flashing, her thoughts stalled. What kind of world had she entered? One where a woman talked to God as if He was but a few feet away. One with a man who snapped in and out of reason. And another man who, despite his painful past, remained unflappable and steady. A man of principles. At least on the surface, she warned herself.

“Come on in and join us for supper.” Esther waved toward the door. Seeing Willow about to refuse, she added, “I owe ya for bringing Pa back.”

“How can we say no?” With Adam still in one arm, Johnny guided Willow forward, his free hand on her elbow. To her amazement, she let him do so, and quite enjoyed the feel of his fingers. She had not thought a man's touch gentle since... Well, she might have thought Peter was gentle, but he wasn't principled. If her father had been alive, Peter would have been forced to marry her. Sort of like Bertie was forced to, and look how that had turned out. Perhaps, like Johnny, she should count herself fortunate to have escaped two men who didn't want her. Would any man ever want her?

It wouldn't matter if one did, she firmly reminded herself. She would never remarry.

She stepped into the house and breathed deeply, enjoying the succulent aroma of stew. What a day this had been, from leaving the Sundown Ranch early in the morning to this little way station.

Her insides quivered as a dozen uncertain thoughts raced through her mind. How had she gone from knowing exactly what she wanted and how to get it, to wondering about something entirely different? What was she doing, almost trusting Johnny, when she'd vowed to never again trust a man?

She rubbed her lips together and tried to untangle her thoughts. Was she running from something or running to something?

Chapter Six

J
ohnny watched Mr. Owen. He seemed perfectly normal now, but any man who sat on a stump for six months could not be considered normal. At the first sign of odd behavior, Johnny would drag Willow and Adam from the house and drive away. Even if they had to drive all night. Better a ruined reputation than facing the actions of a crazed man.

Mr. Owen grabbed a pot of coffee and filled mugs for the adults.

Johnny held his breath until the pot stood again on the stovetop and the man sat down.

“I'll ask the blessing.” Mr. Owen prayed like a man of sound mind.

Willow sat across the table from Johnny, Adam pressed to her side. Johnny would feel a lot better if the pair sat beside him with the door at their back, should they need to escape quickly.

Esther passed around stew and fresh bread.

“Gal,” Mr. Owen said, “you're as good a cook as your mother was. God rest her soul.”

“Thank you, Pa. That's the best praise you could offer me.”

“Business been okay?” he asked his daughter.

“Fair to middlin'. It'll pick up now that you're back.”

As the Owens talked, Johnny glanced at Willow and found her gaze on him. She smiled as if to inform him she wasn't worried. For the first time since they'd arrived, he began to relax.

“Esther, do you have the room made up for our guests?”

“Yes, Pa. Willow and Johnny can sleep in the big bed and little Adam can sleep in the trundle bed.”

If Johnny hadn't been watching Willow at that moment, he would have missed the shock and horror that widened her eyes. Shock, he understood and shared. But horror? Did being linked with him deserve such a reaction?

She turned to Esther. “I'm sorry if we gave you to misunderstand, but we aren't married.” She rushed on. “Mr. Harding is helping me find my sisters, then we will go our separate directions.” She shook her head as her expression hardened. “Neither of us is interested in marriage.”

Esther covered her mouth with her hand and stared from Johnny to Willow. “I'm so sorry for my mistake. It's just—” She shook her head. “Seeing how you are together, how you are with Adam...well, I just assumed—”

Johnny jumped in before she could say anything more. “I plan to sleep under the wagon. That way I can guard it in case some scoundrel sneaks up and tries to steal from it.”

The only sound for several minutes came from Adam, who babbled cheerfully, completely unaware of the awkwardness of the adults.

“You aren't married?” Mr. Owen asked, looking from Willow to Johnny.

“No, sir.” Was that fact only now getting through to this odd man?

“You're clean enough and seem intelligent enough. You're not bad looking for a man, I guess.”

Johnny grinned. It seemed like praise, but he wasn't certain. “Thanks.”

“So my question is, is there something wrong with you?” Mr. Owen's gaze took in every inch of what he could see of him above the table, bringing heat to Johnny's cheeks.

“Got other things on my mind.”

“There's always time for love and family.”

Johnny kept his attention solely on Mr. Owen. He would not glance at Willow to check her reaction, fearing another look of horror. Nope, he did not need to see that. Once was quite enough. “Might be I'm not interested in love.” He couldn't say
or family
because seeing little Adam had stirred a deep longing for children.

Mr. Owen nodded. “Ah. Now I understand. Some gal's hurt you.”

Johnny left the unasked question unanswered.

“Ain't fair to paint all women with the same brush.”

Johnny made a noise that might be taken as agreement or not.

“My Minnie, God rest her soul, had her faults, but then so do I. We forgave each other. That's what love does.”

It took steely determination not to argue, not to glance at Willow to gauge her reaction to this discussion.

“You take a good look at my daughter here. She's beautiful, useful and pleasant. You could do worse.”

Johnny's heart sank to his toes. The man expected him to court Esther? Yes, she was all of the above, but he wasn't interested. “Sir, I have other plans.”

Esther pushed herself to her feet. “Pa, don't make me regret you left that stump out there.”

Mr. Owen waved his hand in a quieting motion. “Settle down. You can't fault me for trying. If she's not to your liking, fine. We'll find someone else.” He likely expected Esther would find his suggestion comforting, but with daggered looks at her father she resumed her seat.

Finally Johnny allowed himself to look at Willow, bracing himself for her horror. Instead, her eyes brimmed with amusement and she covered her mouth to muffle laughter.

Esther looked her way, too, saw the humor of the situation and chuckled. “Methinks you'll never forget meeting the Owens.”

Johnny grinned. What he'd never forget was the way Willow's gaze reached into his chest and grabbed his heart, filling it with shared pleasure such as he'd never known. For several seconds that thought cheered and warmed him. Then he jerked his gaze past her to the wall behind. What was there about her that made him momentarily forget he meant to never again look at a woman with longing?

The meal over, he pushed himself to his feet. “I'll get settled for the night.” Only, fleeing was not as easy as he hoped.

Before he got two steps from the table, Adam scrambled from his mother's grasp and scooted toward him on his bottom in a funny little crab-like motion. “Man,” he said, reaching Johnny and grabbing his pant leg to pull himself upright. “Man.”

Johnny could not ignore the insistent demand and picked up the baby.

Adam gurgled with pleasure and bounced in his arms.

Despite his annoyance seconds earlier, Johnny chuckled, finding it impossible to feel anything but joy in this little boy's company.

Willow stood before them, rubbing at the hollow of her throat, regret and caution brimming in her eyes.

He shifted Adam to one side and lifted a hand toward her, thinking to still those worried fingers, to soothe away the uncertainty in her gaze. Except he couldn't be sure if she was reacting to his sudden departure from the table, if she was dealing with her own fears and regrets, or if she wished her son wasn't so friendly with him. He didn't know and placed his hand on one of Adam's legs instead of his initial intent. His chest muscles clenched with an emotion that felt surprisingly like regret.

“I'll take him.” She reached for Adam. “It's time to prepare him for bed.”

Adam clung to him, but Johnny shifted the baby into Willow's arms. “I'll bring in his bag.” He hurried from the house and raced across the yard as if he could flee the swirling longings and wishes that warred with his caution and his vow to never again care for a woman.

Plain and simple, he cared for Willow only to the extent that she and Adam needed help and he was able to provide it. And to a large extent because he and Adam seemed to have an unexpected fondness for each other.

But it was only temporary, Johnny told himself. He'd best guard his heart and thoughts more closely in the day or two they would be together.

He retrieved two valises, dropped them on the floor in the house and backed away before anyone could say anything. He carefully avoided looking at Willow, but Adam's pleading call tugged at his heart and nearly weakened his resolve. Forcing himself not to look back, Johnny sped to the barn and stepped inside, where he leaned against the door frame to catch his breath.

He recalled how Esther had prayed for them to find Willow's sisters, and now added his own petition. “Father God, I beseech You, help us find them tomorrow. Help me get them back to Granite Creek safe and sound.” He said
them
but he really meant him.
He
wanted to get back safe and sound.

He grabbed his slicker from his saddlebag. He had no other bedding, having planned to spend his nights at the cabin. But he'd been in less favorable conditions before. He curled up under the wagon, pulling the slicker around his body. Being a little uncomfortable served as a timely reminder of what life could be like sometimes. Hard and unsettling.

Yet as he drifted toward sleep it was not memories of Trudy walking out of his life that filled his thoughts, but rather memories of a gurgling, downy-headed little boy and his protective, determined mother with expressive brown eyes, flyaway brown hair and an easy smile.

He woke as dawn stole across the sky, and lay quietly listening. Had a sound wakened him? Did he hear Adam crying? Johnny crawled out from under the wagon, stowed his slicker and went to the pump to splash water over his face, then trotted to the house. He swung the door open to discover the household up. Willow paced the floor with a crying baby.

As soon as Adam saw Johnny, he reached for him.

Willow looked only too relieved to shift her son into Johnny's arms.

“Is he sick again?”

“No fever and he doesn't grab at his ears. I think he's just fussy because of all the changes. I can't wait to get him settled in our new home.” Willow scrubbed at the back of her neck.

“I know you're anxious to be on your way, so sit down and eat.” Esther waved at the already-set table.

Adam nestled into the hollow of Johnny's shoulder and stayed there as he sat. As soon as he started to eat, the baby opened his mouth. Johnny's breath stalled halfway up his throat.

“He wants you to feed him,” Willow said, her voice guarded.

“I've never fed a baby. What if I choke him?”

Her expression softened. “Oatmeal is easy for him to swallow.” Willow handed over a small bowl of cooked oats with milk stirred in.

So under her watchful eyes, Johnny fed a baby for the first time in his life and discovered it took a little skill not to get food all over Adam, himself and the table. The boy smacked his lips after every mouthful, making Johnny chuckle.

“He sure does enjoy his food.”

Willow nodded. “He's always been a good eater.”

When the bowl was empty, Johnny looked at the mess on the table and on Adam's face. “Did he get anything in his stomach?” He didn't realize how serious he sounded until Willow laughed.

“He's done all right. So did you.”

Feeling particularly pleased with himself, Johnny grinned at Adam. “You hear that, boy? We did all right. All right? Huh. I think we did a mighty fine job, considering it was my first attempt to feed a little guy like you.”

Adam laughed and waved his hands, flinging bits of oatmeal on Johnny's shirtfront.

“Goodness, you're a mess. Let me clean you up.” Willow brought a wet cloth over and washed Adam's hands and face, then started wiping the spots of oatmeal from Johnny's shirt. Suddenly, her hands stilled and her gaze caught his. The look went on and on, and it seemed as if time waited, as if Mr. Owen and Esther no longer existed. Adam was but a warm weight on Johnny's knee. His heart glowed as if his chest had opened to allow summer sunshine in.

Willow drew in a little gasp, lifted a protesting Adam from Johnny's lap and hurried into the bedroom where she'd spent the night.

Johnny pressed his palms on his knees and waited for his world to return to normal. He was still waiting when Mr. Owen spoke.

“It was nice having you visit.”

* * *

What had she done?

It had been pure instinct to wipe the spatters of oatmeal from Johnny's shirt. But when she'd felt his indrawn breath, her fingers had curled, just as her heart had begun to unfurl. She did not need a man's company, she told herself staunchly. Look where thinking she needed a man had taken her. She was a widow with a child and a secret she must protect.

Adam toddled over to the bed, where she sat and pressed his face to her knee. “Mamamama,” he babbled.

She lifted him and cradled him to her chest. “Yes, I'm your mama and I promise you I will never do anything to hurt you.”
Especially give anyone opportunity to call you illegitimate.
And that was likely the kindest term he would be called if people knew the truth. Never mind that Jesus Himself had been conceived out of wedlock. Not that she, in any way, thought there was any similarity apart from the shame Mary must have faced.

Willow would not ever put Adam's happiness and future at risk.

Her resolve firmly in place, she changed Adam's diaper, gathered up her things and returned to the kitchen, where she offered to help clean up after the meal.

Esther waved Willow away. “No need. I know you're anxious to find your sisters.”

“Thank you for everything.” Only then did she allow herself to look at Johnny, to see if he was ready to leave.

At the watchfulness in his dark eyes, Willow found her thoughts slipping sideways. Had he been aware of her unguarded reaction to him? Had he caught the fire in her cheeks? If so, the journey would be uncomfortable. Determined that wouldn't be the case, she smiled woodenly. “I'm ready if you are.”

“I am.” He took the valises she held. “I'll carry these to the wagon and drive it over here.”

It crossed her mind to argue, but then she nodded. A few minutes away from him would allow her to settle her thoughts. “Very well. Thank you.”

He held her look a second longer, then turned and left the house. Mr. Owen followed.

She slowly released her pent-up breath.

Esther planted on hand on Willow's shoulder. “Father in heaven, go with these people and guide them to Willow's sisters. 'Twould be nice if these two fine people also found some happiness. I know You know how to give them that. I just want You to open their eyes to it when You send it. Listen, I hear the wagon.”

It took a moment for Willow to realize she had stopped talking to God and now spoke to her.

Esther leaned over and kissed Adam on the cheek. “Such a lovely little boy.” She raised her eyes toward the ceiling. “Maybe You could arrange for me to find a man and have a passel of little ones.”