The Craving (Rogues of Scotland #1) (8 page)

He was apologizing without knowing if he had even done anything. It would be so easy to love this man, to give him her whole heart and plan a life with him.

It all lay out before her, giving her a glimpse of what she could have.

Meg pulled out of his arms and met his gaze. “Thank you for today. I didn’t think I could let a man that close again, but you proved me wrong. I’ll have a good memory to wipe out the bad ones.”

Ronan’s heart missed a beat. Meg’s speech sounded suspiciously like farewell. Her face was as pale as death, and her gray eyes filled with such sorrow that he searched his mind for a way to make it go away.

“What are you saying?” he asked.

“I’m saying you don’t owe me anything for letting you out of the mirror. Don’t feel obligated to woo me because you think I might get angry and send you back.”

Ronan took a step back he was so shocked. It had never entered his mind that Meg would do that, which was more than odd since that’s normally exactly how he would have approached her.

“That’s no’ what I was doing.”

She backed away, a tight smile in place that didn’t reach her eyes. “It’s all right. I told you. I understand. My aunt is waiting for you.”

Ronan stepped out of his chamber as Meg quickly walked away. He was so befuddled that he stared at her retreating back until she disappeared around a corner.

He had the unnerving feeling that Meg wanted nothing more to do with him. Anger replaced his bewilderment. There was only one person who could have turned Meg against him – Aunt Tilly.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Ronan couldn’t hold back his fury as he rounded the corner and walked into the solar. Only to come to a halt as he recognized the blue eyes staring at him. They were older, but there was no mistaking the kindness he remembered so well.

“Matilda.”

Tilly smiled. “Hello, Ronan. It’s been many years since I last saw you. While you look the same, age has changed me.”

He walked around Tilly taking in the cane, wrinkled skin, and white hair. “I didna think to ever see you again.”

“I’m sure you would rather not have seen me again.”

It was true. “You did put me back in.”

“Ina said I must. She told me that you would be released again.”

He sat, her words muddling his already puzzled mind. “You have no idea what it’s like in that prison. There is only darkness.”

“I know.” Her voice was low, regret in every syllable. “I’m sorry, Ronan, and though you may not believe it, I did it to save you.”

His mother’s and sister’s duplicitous actions filled his mind. They too were always remorseful when they were found out. It never lasted long though. “Is that right? Tell me how.”

“Ina said there was a chance for you to gain your freedom for good.”

This had him sitting up straighter. He held Tilly’s gaze and leaned forward. “How?”

“That I don’t know. Ina wouldn’t tell me. I believe it’s because she doesn’t know herself.”

“Then how can she know this might be my chance?” he yelled. Ronan stood and paced the solar, Tilly’s words battering him like a fierce winter storm. 

Everything within him urged him to go to Meg. It wasn’t something he had ever done before. He didn’t even know what to say to her. He only knew that he had to make right whatever had somehow gone wrong.

“Why did you turn Meg against me?” he asked with his back to Tilly. He couldn’t stand to see the triumph in her gaze.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I asked her if she cared for you. That’s all it took to send her upstairs.”

Ronan leaned his hands against the stone hearth and dropped his chin to his chest. “She said she was ill when she came here.”

“Did she tell you why?”

“Aye.”

There was a beat of silence before Tilly said, “That man broke her. Meg has always been such a trusting, accepting soul. There isn’t a mean bone in her body, and yet the worst kind of man offered for her.”

“Could you no’ see him for what he was?”

“He fooled everyone. Including his own family, who have since disowned him. None of that can change what happened. Meg was given a hard lesson of life, and because of it, she’ll spend the rest of her life here.”

Ronan lifted his head and faced Tilly. “You’re going to allow her to remain here?”

“I’ve already spoken to my son. His main concern is his clan, as it should be, but this is a holding of the Alpins. We don’t want it to fall into the wrong hands.”

“You need to let Meg know.”

“That’s part of the reason I’m here. The other part was to make sure she found your mirror.”

Ronan ran a hand through his hair. “She thinks I’m beholden to her for releasing me. She thinks that’s why I...spend my time with her.”

“I know exactly what you two have done. I shouldn’t condone it, but Meg needed what you’ve given her, Ronan. And I think you needed what she has given you.”

He wasn’t sure what to say, so he remained silent. While his imprisonment had changed him, it hadn’t changed his view of women. Meg had done that all on her own. She had also wormed her way into his soul, embedding herself there so that no other woman would ever compare.

“You told Meg of your view on women. I know I factored into that as well, because I told you that I would keep you free, and then sent you back. Do you view Meg in the same light as other women?” Tilly asked.

“Never. Meg is...different. She could have done a great many things to get me to do whatever it was she wanted in return for staying out of the mirror. But she didna.”

“Are you beholden to her?”

“She let me out. Fed me, conversed with me, and told me she would never send me back. Of course I’m beholden to her. Just no’ in the way she thinks.”

Tilly’s astute blue eyes narrowed on him. “And you taking her innocence? Was that your way of thanking her?”

If he answered honestly, Ronan could very well find himself back in the mirror because he was talking to Meg’s aunt. Yet there was no other choice.

“Part of my punishment from Ilinca was a constant, aching need that only another’s touch could relieve. When I fell out of that mirror I wanted three things. The sun, a goblet of ale, and a woman. And no’ necessarily in that order.”

“So you used my niece?”

“I wanted her, aye. It was a yearning clawing at me, persistent and ever present. Her easy smile, her guileless gray eyes, and her sweet voice. That first night I went looking to ease myself on a willing woman. I found one, but I couldna go through with it. I kept thinking of Meg. What happened between us wasn’t planned. I might have wanted her, but I wasn’t going to use Meg in that way.”

Tilly’s white head cocked to the side. “Interesting. Would you say you care about her?”

Panic set in. Was Tilly cornering him into marriage? As much as he didn’t want to hurt Meg, he wouldn’t be forced. “I care about my freedom.”

“I’m not talking marriage,” Tilly said angrily. “I’m merely asking if you care about my niece. Even if I wanted you two together, that’s not my decision to make.”

Ronan swallowed. Did he care about Meg? Caring meant the woman had some measure of control over him. He refused to turn out like his father.

Even as he opened his mouth to say no, he remembered his last conversation with Meg. She had cried no tears, nor had she tried to wring any promises from him. She had simply walked away.

The feeling was...crushing. He wanted to go to her and shake her. Just before he kissed her. 

“I know that look,” Tilly said with a slight smile that would normally have set him on edge. “You do care for her, but you don’t want to admit it. She’s ready to give you up, Ronan. Are you ready to let her go?”

“Nay.”

The word burst from him. He wasn’t done with Meg – wasn’t done kissing her, touching her...knowing her. 

By the saints, how had he come to this? How had he fallen for an auburn haired beauty without even knowing it? More importantly, what did he do about it?

“Have you ever loved, Ronan?”

He looked at Tilly and frowned. “My three friends. I loved them like brothers.”

“Then you know what it means to care that deeply for someone. Is it enough, though?”

“Enough for what?”

“To win Meg. She won’t settle for anything other than all of you.”

Ronan knew that meant marriage. He had been so adverse to it for so long that he wasn’t sure he could go through with it. 

“I had a long, happy marriage,” Tilly said. “Oh, we fought. Everyone has their spats, but there’s nothing better than a long night of making up.”

He smiled in spite of himself. “You could be lying.”

“I could be. Look around, Ronan. You’ve been at Ravensclyde for a month. You’ve seen unhappy people as well as happy ones. That is life. It’s up to each individual to make the most out of what they have. You,” she said as she climbed to her feet with the help of her cane, “have a second chance. So does Meg. The two of you better not muck things up.”

She slowly walked to the doorway before she turned to him. “Because if you do, you’ll be back in the mirror, and she’ll have a very lonely life.”

CHAPTER NINE

Meg sat atop her bed without any candles lit and listened to the sounds of the castle. She had never minded the dark. It shielded her from prying eyes and hid the worst of her tears. She might welcome the darkness, but Ronan didn’t.

She couldn’t stop thinking of him, no matter how much she tried. Now, in the dark, she wondered how he had survived two hundred years trapped in the mirror without going daft.

He hadn’t aged, hungered for food, or needed water. Whatever magic used must have made sure he wouldn’t go insane either.

She let her mind wander over conversations she had with Ronan throughout the month. He was always quick with a smile and his charm. More often than not he made her laugh. 

Little by little, he had become a constant in her life until she found herself wanting him with her. That want had somehow, inexplicably become need. He had shown her true desire. She recalled the story of his mother, and how he was cursed into the mirror.

Always it came back to that damn mirror. Without it she would never had met Ronan, and as long as the threat of him having to return to it hung over his head, she would never know if he was with her because he really wanted to be.

When the castle grew quiet, Meg rose and silently made her way out of her chamber to the stairs that led to the attic. She walked to the back room that held the mirror.

It stood as tall as a pillar and as eerie as an abyss. And yet Meg walked right up to it. She looked into the glass, but nothing of the room behind her was reflected.

She lifted her hand to the glass, ready to touch it, when she was suddenly spun away. Meg looked up into green eyes she had come to know so well.

“Doona test it,” he whispered.

“The curse wasn’t for me.”

“It’s no’ something I want to prove. What are you doing up here?”

She shrugged, much too comfortable in his arms. When she tried to move out of his hold, he tightened his arms, preventing her. “When I can’t sleep, I walk around the castle. What are you doing up here?”

“I came to see something.”

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

“I’m no’ sure yet.”

Meg flattened her palms on his chest. “I better return to my chamber.”

“Wait,” he said hurriedly, almost nervously. “Just a few moments more.”

She hesitated before she gave him a nod. This was a side of Ronan she hadn’t seen before, and it intrigued her. 

“Meg,” he said, and then cleared his throat. “Have you spoken to your aunt again?”

“Nay.”

“I’m sure she’ll tell you in the morn, but your cousin is going to allow you to remain at Ravensclyde indefinitely.”

Meg blinked at him. She didn’t have to leave? She could call Ravensclyde her home? It seemed too good to be true. “Are you sure?”

“It’s part of the reason your aunt came to visit.”

Meg dropped her head against his chest, and felt as if a huge load had been taken off her shoulders. “I won’t have to go to a convent or worry about finding relatives to allow me to stay with them.”

“You get to make your own destiny. Including taking a husband.”

She stiffened and slowly raised her head. If she could find a man who would take her without a dowry, then yes, there was a chance. But none of them would be Ronan. He had ruined her for any other man.

No one could give her that mischievous, wicked smile like he did. No one could make her toes curl with a single kiss like he did. No one could make her heart race uncontrollably just by being near her as he did.

“I don’t think so.” Was that dejection she saw on his face? Surely not.

“I see.”

She frowned, wondering at the odd tone in his voice. “What about you? Will you leave the castle now?”

“I couldna even if I wanted to.”

Meg ignored the little thrill that shot through her. “What do you mean? It’s the mirror, isn’t it?”

Ronan wouldn’t tell her that it had been pulling at him for a week now. He had been ignoring it, but then he found himself in the attic that night. Imagine his surprise when Meg walked right up to it.

Fear knifed through him, and he had reacted instantly in pulling her away. Even now, looking at the hated mirror, he wouldn’t chance Meg being drawn in.

How much longer did he have before the mirror had him again? A day? An hour? Less?

He didn’t want to go back into that dark prison without at least letting Meg know that she had changed his life. If only he had realized the chance he had and not ignored the feelings that had been growing.

But it was too late for him and Meg now. She no longer trusted him.

“I’m staying because I want to. I’m staying because of you, because I...love you, sweet Meg.”