The Crossing of Ingo (15 page)

Faro is teaching me to whistle. It’s quite a different skill from whistling in Air. You make sound by blowing the water harshly
from the back of your throat or softly against your palate. It’s one of those things that would be easy if you’d grown up doing it, but is frustratingly tricky if you try to learn it later on. I’m getting a better sound already. At least, I think so. It makes Faro laugh quite a lot.

“It’s easy for you,” I protest. “I’m always trying to do Mer things and you never have to try human things. I bet you wouldn’t make such a great goalkeeper.”

Immediately, I wish I hadn’t said this. Faro is so intensely curious, and he’ll want all kinds of technical detail about football which I won’t be able to supply. And besides, Faro would probably make a brilliant goalie, swiping the ball away with his tail in an exhibition of power and finesse which no two-legged creature is ever going to match. Except of course that football matches are not held underwater …

“What are you thinking about, little sister?”

“Nothing.”

“Shall I try to open your thoughts?”

“No, Faro, you’re not allowed to—”

But at that moment Faro’s face changes completely. “Hush, Sapphire.”

He stops dead, seizing my hand to stop me with him. The others almost swim into us but Faro doesn’t even notice.

“Faro,” I whisper as cold dread steals over me, “is it the sharks?”

“No. It is a Mer voice. Sapphire, he is calling …”

One of Ervys’s men. We were too confident that they
wouldn’t follow us. They must have guessed about the northern route and swum after us to cut us off—

“… for you,” says Faro.

“I hear it too,” says Conor.

I listen. Through the water, faint and faraway, comes a voice that is terribly familiar and terribly out of place.

“Sapphire … Sapphire …”

“He’s calling for you,” says Conor. His voice is without emotion.

“Dad?” I say very quietly, so only the others will hear me.

“I think it is your father, Conor,” says Elvira, but for once Conor takes no notice of her.

“Do you think he’s followed us, Con?”

“How else could he have found us? But we’re not in the Assembly chamber now. He can’t stop us.” Conor sounds as if Dad is a stranger, and a hostile one.

“Shouldn’t we answer him?”

“You can if you want.”

“I’m just as angry with him as you are, Conor. Dad didn’t speak for me in the chamber, either.”

Conor just shrugs. “You’ll never be as angry with him as I am, Saph.”

“Sapphire … Sapphire …”

He’s coming closer. We could still escape if we swam fast, but my arms and legs won’t move.

“You’d better answer him then, if you’re going to,” says Conor.

But I don’t need to. A figure comes swimming towards us
through the gloom of the dark green water. My first thought is that Dad looks much older. He’s swimming strongly but there is none of the joy I remember from our days at the cove, when he would dive and swim and play in the water all day with me and Conor until the tide came in. He slows down, searching our faces. His hair has grown even longer. It is a thick tangle of weed that spreads out behind him. At his temples the hair is grey.

“I’ve found you at last,” he says. “I was so afraid …”

The moment when I should have hugged and kissed Dad has already passed. The truth is that I feel nothing. It’s as if I’ve hidden all my love for Dad so carefully that now I can’t find it, even when I want it. He is such a stranger. The powerful tail, which is so beautiful and natural on Elvira and Faro, looks like a deformity when joined to my father’s familiar torso. Dad’s face looks different too. It’s not just older, but heavier, too. When Dad used to wake us up in the mornings when we were little, we always felt that something exciting was about to happen. We’d go out in the
Peggy Gordon,
or we’d learn to set a crab pot, or Dad would teach us how to frame the image when we took photographs. Or he’d tell us crazy stories about what all the old respectable people in the village had been up to when they were little, or he’d buy marshmallows and we’d spear them on sticks over a fire—

I mustn’t think of all that.
This
is Dad, now.

“Thank God I found you in time,” says Dad.

The four of us have drawn close together.

“In time?” I say.

“The dolphins told me that you were going north.”

“You can’t stop us now, Dad.”

“I’m asking you to return with me.”

“For the sharks to kill us? Or perhaps Ervys?” says Conor.

A flash of Dad’s old spirit shows as he says, “Don’t back-answer me, Conor. I’m your father. I will not let you die on this crazy journey. Why else do you think I was silent in the chamber? I had to protect you. You don’t understand how ruthless a man like Ervys can be. You’ve got to go home, back to the Air, while you still can. If Ervys can be sure you will not come back to Ingo, he will leave you alone.”

Conor and Dad look very alike as they glare at each other. Conor has grown so much taller since Dad left. Soon they will be the same height.

“It’s too late for that,” says Conor at last. His tone is not angry as I expected, but it is final. “We might have been little kids when you went away – well, Saph was, anyway – but we’re not now.”

Words prickle in my head like thorns.
You weren’t there for us, were you, Dad? We had to manage without you, and now we can. We don’t need you any more.
I keep silent. There’s too much distress in Dad’s face for me to add to it.

“I can’t let you go,” says Dad, but his expression reveals that even he doesn’t really think he can stop us. No one answers. “Or perhaps I could come with you.”

“You are too old to make the Crossing of Ingo,” says Faro. I am sure that he doesn’t intend to be cruel, but Dad flinches.

“I’ve come a long way to talk to my children,” he says coldly,
as if Faro is some stranger at a family gathering. I’m afraid Faro will snap back, but he holds his temper. Elvira takes her brother’s hand and draws him aside.

“I can never forgive myself for what I’ve done to you,” says Dad in a low voice.

“But, Dad—” I say, shocked.

“No, Saph, let him say what he wants to say.”

“I know how angry you are, Conor. I can’t ask you to understand what’s happened. If I could go back and change things …”

But would you, Dad?
I wonder. Would you really want little Mordowrgi never to have been born? Would you really want to lose Mellina? I’ve seen the tenderness in your face, and in Mellina’s, when I looked into Saldowr’s mirror and watched you greet each other. Even the baby waved his little fists to greet you. They are your family; I understand that now. The words still hurt but I can’t pretend that they aren’t true.

You are Mer now. Even if you could undo it, you’d never be able to wipe out all the memories of your Mer life. You’d wake at night and long to hear Mellina singing again. Or you’d hear the cry of a gull and think it was Mordowrgi crying for his lost father.

It’s taken me such a long time to get here, Dad. I never thought I’d understand you, let alone feel sorry for you. All I could think about was the wrong you’d done to the three of us – Mum, Conor and me.

“What’s done is done, Dad,” says Conor. “Even Saldowr can’t
make time run backwards.” He tries to smile, but it doesn’t work. “Let’s deal with things as they are,” he urges Dad. “Saph and I
have
to make this Crossing. It’s part of … well, it’s part of everything that’s happened since you went away. Maybe it’s the final part …”

“Don’t say that!”

“Oh, Dad, I don’t mean final as in we’re going to die. But the Crossing of Ingo is so huge – we can’t go around it, we have to go through it. If you’d been young – if you’d been in Ingo when you were young, I mean – if you’d been able to make the Crossing then maybe none of this would have happened. You’d have
completed
something and you’d have known where you were, instead of marrying Mum and still not knowing and always wanting something you hadn’t got. I don’t want to be like that, Dad! I want to know where I am. I want to know
who
I am. When I’ve made the Crossing, I’ll know. That’s what it’s about. Besides …” He hesitates, and then I know that he’s not going to tell Dad the deep reasons that we’ve got to complete the Crossing. Instead he lets his voice tail away.

“And does Sapphy think the same?” asks Dad in a low voice.

This is one time when I’d prefer Conor to speak for me, but he isn’t going to. I haven’t really stopped to consider
why
I am making the Crossing. I’ve heard the Call, and answered it. Now, because of what Saldowr’s told us, I know we have a mission that goes beyond our own journey. I’m impressed by what Conor says about completing things and knowing where he is
and who he is, but I have to admit none of it had crossed my mind. From the first time I heard about it, the Crossing of Ingo just felt … inevitable.

“I don’t know what I
think,
Dad. The only thing I’m sure about is that my Mer blood won’t let me do anything else.”

Dad stares at me, then at Conor.

“Go home, Dad,” I say as gently as I can. Now, for the first time, I feel no horror of his Mer nature and his Mer body. I want to put my arms around him and hug him until that terrible lost look leaves his face. “Please go home.” As the words leave my mouth, I realise that I don’t mean “home to Mum” any more, or even “home to the human world”. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but at last I’ve accepted that his home is here in Ingo, with Mellina and Mordowrgi. Maybe Saldowr got it wrong and Dad doesn’t have a choice to make any more.

“Mordowrgi’s lovely,” I say aloud. “I can’t wait to see him again.”

A gleam of hope shines on Dad’s face.

“You’ll be in my mind and my heart day and night,” he says.

Not very restful for Mellina,
I catch myself thinking, although my throat aches and I can hardly bear to look at him.

“See you, Dad,” says Conor. He puts out his hand as if he’s intending to shake hands with Dad – which would be improbably weird as the two of them have never shaken hands in their lives – but halfway through the gesture he changes his mind, or else Dad changes his. Something happens, anyway,
because for a brief second Dad’s arms are around Conor and Conor isn’t fighting free.

“Goodbye, Dad,” I say. I daren’t kiss him or hug him now in case it breaks my resolve.

“Goodbye, my girl,” says Dad. He hesitates. I hesitate. There’s so little water between us but it feels like an ocean. I can’t move. I never feel the cold in Ingo, but I’m frozen now.

It’s Faro who breaks the silence. He has left Elvira’s side and drifted close to me again.
Sapphire,
he says very quietly,
he is your father.

No one else responds. It’s as if Faro hadn’t spoken, and all at once I realise that he said nothing aloud. His thoughts have touched my thoughts, as they’ve done so often.

I know,
I answer silently,
but—

You don’t know. He’ll be gone, and you might never see him again. You know the risks that lie ahead of us. If you haven’t said goodbye, it will hurt you.

I am taken aback by the certainty in Faro’s mind. How does he know these things?

Because it happened to me.

But, Faro—

There’s no time for buts, little sister. Say goodbye to him.
Dad is looking at me with such hope in his face, and such pain.

“Dad …” I say aloud.

I don’t have to do any more. His face lights up. I don’t even see him move but the next second his arms are around me,
crushing me so tight that my ribs hurt. I’ve been so afraid of his Mer self but when he hugs me I don’t even notice that he is Mer. His body is different, but he is still Dad.

“Sapphy,” he mutters in my ear.

“What?”

“Come back safe. Promise me you’ll come back safe.”

“I’ll be all right, Dad.”

I can tell he wants to cling on to me, but he lets go. I am back with the other three again, and Dad is separate.

“You’d better go now,” he says to all of us. He doesn’t want to swim away. He doesn’t want to be the one who leaves, not this time.

“See you later, Dad,” says Conor as if he’s going up to Jack’s for a couple of hours.

“See you later,” says Dad. He used to say it like that when he walked off up the track on a summer evening for a drink in the pub. But this time we are the ones who move. I stretch out my arms and kick through the water. First one stroke, then the next, and then the next. This time we’re heading north through unknown waters, and Dad is the one who stays behind. I look back over my shoulder as we swim away, gathering speed. I look once and then a second time. The last time I look it’s hard to see him, but I know he is still there, not moving, looking after us until we are out of sight.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to scare you. In the end we had to do the jump. Jack was in front of me so he went first and I had to watch him. Worst moment of my life. Well, nearly the worst.”

“But he didn’t fall.”

“Course he didn’t, idiot. He’s still alive, isn’t he? After that bit, it was easy.”

“So once we set out it’ll be easier.”

“Maybe.”

“I
have always longed to see the world of ice,” says Elvira happily.

“Have you?” I look at her in surprise. I’ve never thought of Elvira as adventurous. But her usual rather annoying air of mysterious calm has vanished. Her eyes sparkle with suppressed excitement. For the first time, her expression is like her brother’s.

Elvira goes on eagerly, “Yes, Sapphire, always. When I heard stories about the North, it was like listening to tales of somewhere that I had travelled in another life.”

“But when we first suggested going north, you didn’t seem too happy about it.”

“That is because I thought we should not break with the tradition of the Crossing of Ingo. But now I believe that we have no choice, and so I’m free to think of the North.” Elvira laughs, showing her perfect teeth. “My mother would tell me about Mer people who lived in the North. Their hair was silver and their skin was as pale as the moon. She said they had learned to see in the dark because their world was dark for months on end in winter. When the light came back in summer, they never slept
because the sun never slept either. I was so curious. I wanted to make friends with a Mer girl like that. I was only little and did not understand how far away the northern ice was, so one day I thought I would set out to find the world of ice for myself. I went off alone – I did not even tell Faro. I was about six years old. But perhaps Faro has told you about it?”