The Crown Affair (12 page)

‘Are you all right?' Laura breathed against his mouth.

‘I'm not entirely sure.'

‘Where do you hurt?'

‘Why?' What was she going to do? Torment him further?

‘Maybe I can kiss you better.' Oh, yes, definitely torment him further.

‘For God's sake, Laura,' he muttered. ‘I'm not made of stone.'

‘So I can tell.'

He gripped her head and kissed her so long, so thoroughly and so hard he couldn't think straight.

‘Condoms,' she gasped.

Thank God someone was still faintly in possession of their faculties. ‘In the drawer.'

She leaned away from him, fumbled for a second, then rolled one over him. Nearly passing out with the effort of not climaxing right then and there, Matt gritted his teeth and lifted her onto him.

Laura moaned and bit her lip and Matt's hands curled into fists with the strain of letting her take charge. She closed her eyes and rotated her hips and panted. Matt's head swam. His penis throbbed deep inside her. His heart thundered and as her pants became quicker, shorter,
more and more ragged, her movements jerkier and more out of control, he couldn't stand it any longer.

Rearing up, he clasped her against him and flipped her over. Swallowing her gasp of shock he anchored her legs around his waist and mindlessly drove into her.

Shock flashed in her eyes and then vanished as they glazed over with passion. Laura's nails raked his back as he kissed her. She clutched at his shoulders. Threw her head back and groaned. He swallowed her whimpers and broke off the kiss to explore the soft skin of her neck with his mouth.

Clinging on to his control by his fingertips and on the point of losing his mind, Matt pulled out of her and then thrust again, utterly unable to stop himself from burying himself as deep inside her as he could.

And then he heard her cry out his name as shudders racked her body. She convulsed around him, drawing him in deeper and tighter. With that last remnant of control spiralling off, Matt drove into her once more and hurtled into oblivion.

It took several minutes for his heart to slow and his breathing to steady. When they did, it was as if the whole room had been tossed in the air and had settled differently. Almost the same but not quite.

A smugly satisfied smile curved her lips and his pulse began to speed up all over again. ‘Oh, I
knew
this was a good idea.'

Matt wasn't so sure. Something suddenly made him think an affair with Laura was a very bad idea. However no-strings.

‘You,' she said, fluttering her eyelashes up at him, ‘are incredible.'

So was she. Pretty irresistible, too. And a dozen other things he really didn't want to think about.

‘I really do have to go,' he said, leaning away from her, picking up his watch off the floor and frowning.

‘Now?'

‘Yes.'

‘Oh. Well. Of course,' she said lightly, pulling the sheet up over her chest and tucking it beneath her arms. ‘Maybe we could have lunch?'

Matt shook his head and got up. ‘I have a meeting.' Lunch, or any kind of interaction that wasn't of the horizontal and naked sort for that matter, wasn't an option.

Her face fell and a flash of disappointment flickered in her eyes. ‘Sure,' she said, with a smile that he thought looked a little forced. ‘Fine. I guess I'll see you around, then.'

That wasn't what he'd meant, either. Feeling like a heel, Matt leaned down and gave her a long slow kiss. ‘What are you doing tonight?' he said, pulling back before he could decide to cancel his meeting and spend the rest of the afternoon in bed with Laura.

‘Nothing.' A relieved grin spread across her face and his heart suddenly thumped with something that felt weirdly like alarm.

‘I'll see you later,' he muttered, telling himself not to be ridiculous. A casual affair with Laura was nothing to get alarmed about.

‘Great.'

 

Except it wasn't all that great, thought Laura, sitting in the library and idly flipping through a book of old photographs and plans a fortnight later.

At first she'd been only too happy with the arrangement. It had been her idea after all, and as they'd seen each other every night since Matt had returned from
Athens she didn't really have anything to complain about. Her horizons had been broadened considerably and the sex had been getting better and better. And as a bonus, her body, having never been put to such energetic use, was more toned than ever before.

Her fling with Matt was exactly what she'd wanted. Hot hassle-free fun.

So why was it leaving her feeling increasingly dissatisfied?

Laura closed the book with a thump, sat back and frowned. Why did it hurt that he didn't ever seem to want to meet up for lunch? Or dinner, or on any of the other occasions she'd suggested? Why did it hurt that he never asked her to do anything other than spread herself across the nearest available flat surface?

When had hot casual sex become not enough?

Suddenly finding the library stifling, Laura got up and stepped out onto the terrace. The breeze caressed her skin as she wandered across the stone, leaned her elbows on the balustrade and gazed over the gardens.

Oh, God. Maybe, despite all her efforts to convince herself otherwise, she just wasn't cut out for an affair. Maybe Kate had been right, and she was more of a commitment fiend than she'd realised.

And if that
was
the case, she thought, following the path of a butterfly as it fluttered from one exotic flower to another, where did it leave her? Her mind whirred. Did that mean she
did
actually want a relationship? With Matt?

Her heart sank. God, she hoped not. Because what a disaster that would be. She could still recall the look on Matt's face when she'd suggested their fling. His relief when she'd told him she wanted nothing more from him
than mind-blowing orgasms couldn't have been more transparent.

Wanting a relationship with Matt would bring nothing but pain and she'd be an idiot to hope for more than a fling.

But the more she thought about it, the more undeniable it became. And the more undeniable it became, the faster her heart plummeted.

Uh-oh.

Who'd she been trying to fool?

She
did
want more than just mind-blowing sex. She wanted to know what Matt was thinking. What he was feeling. All the time. She wanted to know what had made him the man he'd become and what his dreams were. She wanted to know how he felt about the death of his father and why he was so driven. She wanted to share her life, her dreams with him.

She wanted everything.

Which so hadn't been part of the deal.

Laura pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. Matt would never agree to accommodate her on any of that. That night he'd spilled out all the stuff about himself had been a blip. One he clearly regretted making, judging by the way he'd vanished to the other side of Europe at first light.

Ever since then, he'd revealed absolutely nothing. And neither had she. The last thing he'd want would be her poking and prodding at his psyche.

Unless, of course, he'd been thinking the same…

No. Laura straightened and planted her hands on the balustrade. That was nuts. Nothing more than extremely wishful thinking on her part. Because she was pretty sure that Matt was
not
sitting at his desk right
this second wanting to share his dreams with her and figuring out what she wanted.

That kind of thinking could only lead to heartache.

But it didn't stop her mind racing. Wondering if he
might
. Wondering what would happen if he did.

Her heart pounding, Laura set her jaw. Whatever Matt's frame of mind, whatever he might or might not be thinking, a casual fling was no longer what she wanted and she couldn't carry on pretending it was.

So she therefore had two possible courses of action. She could either take the cowardly way out and board the next plane home or she could pluck up her courage, risk everything, and ask him.

‘S
O HOW
was your day?'

Matt lay back and felt a warm kind of satisfaction steal over him. His day had been tougher than most. He'd had to authorise the arrest of a number of government officials and there was a problem with the funding of the new hospital. The only thing that had kept him going had been the thought of losing himself in the soft warmth of Laura's body. And it had been every bit as amazing as he'd expected.

‘Fine,' he said, rubbing his eyes and tucking her in closer.

‘Surely it can't be fine every day.'

Matt sighed as a wave of fatigue washed over him. ‘What do you want me to say, Laura?' he murmured against her hair. ‘Do you really want to spend the time we have together discussing the intricacies of Sassanian politics?'

She wriggled away from him and propped herself up on her elbow. ‘Well, why not?'

‘Because, frankly, I have enough of that during the day.'

‘Then maybe we could talk about something else.'

‘Why do we have to talk at all?'

‘Because we never talk,' she said calmly, ‘and I don't think it's natural.'

We never talk. All you do is work.

Despite the lingering heat still flickering through his body, Matt's blood ran cold as echoes of Alicia's hurt-filled accusations reverberated around his head. And just like eight years ago, his brain switched into neutral and his body filled with the familiar hammering instinct to escape.

‘I don't have time for this,' he muttered, throwing back the sheet, getting out of bed and reaching for his jeans.

But Laura got there first, yanked them from him and snatched them out of reach. ‘Now who's running away?'

Matt froze. He wasn't running away. Was he? Still? Realisation slapped him in the face. God, he was. Look at the way he'd gone to Athens just because Laura had managed to wangle a few snippets of information out of him. And now look how desperate he was to dash back to his suite just because she wanted to talk.

And what was so dangerous about talking anyway? People did it all the time.

‘Fine,' he said, pulling on what few clothes still remained within his grasp and lying back on the bed. ‘What do you want to talk about?'

He heard her take a deep breath and all the hairs on his body quivered in alarm. ‘Us.'

Matt frowned. ‘What about us?' As far as he was concerned there wasn't an ‘us'.

‘Where do you see this going?'

‘Why does it have to be going anywhere?'

There was a long silence. ‘I'll take that as a “nowhere”, then, shall I?'

‘What's wrong with carrying on the way we are?'

‘Aren't you getting bored?'

‘No.' And then a horrible thought struck him. Maybe
she'd
had enough. ‘Are you?' As the possibility that she might say yes flashed into his head something in the region of his chest began to ache.

‘Not exactly.'

The force of the relief that lurched through him nearly winded him. ‘What does that mean?'

‘Well, the sex is fine—'

‘Fine?'

A tiny smile flashed across her face. ‘OK, much better than fine.' The smile faded and his stomach clenched. ‘But it's all we ever do.'

‘What's wrong with that? I thought that was what we agreed. What you wanted?'

Laura let out a sigh. ‘It was. I did.'

‘But?' He turned his head to look at her, and then when her eyes met his and he saw what was in them wished he hadn't.

‘I want more.'

In the silence that followed Matt's heart plummeted. He should have known a no-strings affair with Laura was too good to be true. For, despite all her protests to the contrary, hadn't he had the niggling suspicion that she was no more cut out for a casual fling than he was for a full-blown relationship? Yes, he had. She was a relationship kind of girl.

But had he listened? No. Because it had been easier not to. And now he was suffering the consequences of his one moment of weakness.

He had to put the record straight. In no uncertain terms, because the tiny flame of hope flickering in her eyes was making his stomach churn. He wasn't about
to casually knock down eight years of carefully built up barriers of self-preservation. For anyone.

‘I thought you weren't interested in more,' he said flatly.

‘So did I.' Laura lifted her shoulders. ‘I was wrong.'

‘Well, I can't give you more.'

At the rigidity of his expression and the bleakness of his tone Laura's heart wrenched. Oh, God. She should have taken the first course of action and simply got on the first plane out of here. Because this conversation wasn't looking good. In fact she was pretty sure that continuing it would only end in pain. Her pain. Yet she wanted to know why he was unable to give her more. Badly. ‘Can't or won't?'

Matt's jaw clenched. ‘Either.'

‘Why not?'

‘It wouldn't be fair on the Sassanians.'

Laura blinked. ‘What on earth do they have to do with anything?'

‘If I got into a relationship there'd be talk of queens and heirs and I won't let them get all excited about that when I'm not planning to stay.'

What?
That
was his excuse for his emotional obstinacy? Gossip? She'd never heard anything so ridiculous in her life. And then the last few words sank in and Laura fought not to gape. ‘You're not planning to stay?'

‘No,' he muttered, suddenly scowling as if furious he'd let that slip. Well, that was tough. Curiosity spun through her, briefly nudging the need to find out why he was so reluctant to commit to one side.

‘Why?' she asked.

‘I have a global business. My general manager can't run it for ever. I need to get back to it at some point.'

‘But what about Sassania? And the Sassanians?'

‘It'll be fine. They'll be fine.' A muscle began to hammer in his jaw. ‘I'll leave it in the best state possible. I'm very good at what I do.'

‘I don't doubt it. But this is a country. Not a business.'

‘Same principles. CEO… King… They're just titles.'

Laura frowned. ‘Surely it's more than that.'

‘Not really.'

‘But what about the people? Don't you feel some sort of duty towards them? Some sort of loyalty?'

Matt stiffened. ‘I'm here to do a job. Nothing more, nothing less.'

‘It's just a job?'

Matt glowered at her. ‘What else would it be? A hundred years ago, the Sassanians executed my great-great-grandfather and sent my family into exile. I've never been here. Why would I have any sense of loyalty?'

Laura blinked. ‘Well, I suppose I don't really know. I just assumed you would. Why else would you put such a lot of effort into the role?'

‘I'm a perfectionist. Sassania has a smaller population than the workforce of some of the companies I've worked with, and an infinitely smaller budget. It's no big deal. Once the country's back on its feet the people can decide how they want to continue and who they want to take over.'

‘And they know this is your vision, do they?'

‘I've made no secret of the fact that I intend to return to my company. I've spent years building it up. Years of hard work and sacrifice. I'm not just going to give it all up because of some ancestral thing I had no influence over.'

‘Well, I think that's awful.'

Matt's jaw tightened. ‘I don't care what you think and I don't need to have my decisions questioned.'

‘Well, you should.'

Matt's eyebrows shot up. ‘What?'

‘You're good at the king thing. I've heard people talking about you. They have high hopes of you and like it or not if you leave you'll be letting them down and leaving them far worse off than any dictator. And you know, you say you don't care about duty and loyalty and the people of this country, but you do. Why else would you have spent so much time working for it over the past fortnight?'

‘To avoid precisely this kind of conversation,' Matt snapped.

Laura felt as if someone had thumped her in the solar plexus. Her breath shot from her lungs and her head went fuzzy.

He'd immersed himself in his work specifically so he wouldn't have to spend time getting to know her? Something inside her began to shake. Did he
really
think all she was good for was evening entertainment?

Oh, God. How could she have got it so wrong? Hadn't she secretly been hoping that that wishful thinking wouldn't be quite so wishful? That he'd listen to her and give her that thoughtful little look he often gave her when he was tossing something around in his head, and agree? That he'd lean over, tell her she was right, give her a long slow kiss and suggest they give it a shot?

Laura's heart began to ache. She was such an idiot. Would she never learn? ‘Oh,' she said eventually. ‘I see.'

Matt frowned. ‘Have I ever given you the impression I was interested in anything else?'

‘No.' He hadn't. She'd got it wrong all on her own.
Complete and utter fool. Why had she ever embarked on this conversation? Why couldn't she have stayed happy to carry on until their fling ended? Why had she ever been on that assertiveness course?

‘So why can't you give me anything more?'

And why was she such a masochist?

Matt rubbed a hand over his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘I just can't.'

He vibrated with tension and Laura suddenly felt as if she were skating on very thin ice miles from the safety of the shore. But she had to know.

‘That is not an answer to the question, Matt. If you really think you're leaving,' she said, thinking about the excuse he'd given her, ‘you're deluding yourself.'

‘Frankly, I don't really care what you think.'

Oh, that hurt. The pain that scythed through her nearly made her pass out. ‘You bastard,' she breathed.

Matt flinched as if she'd struck him. ‘OK, fine,' he bit out, his eyes suddenly blazing. ‘You want to know the real reason why I don't want a relationship? Because relationships are messy,' he snapped. ‘They sap your energy, your time and they screw up your judgement.'

The bitterness in his voice cut right through her and her heart clenched at the bleakness of his face. ‘What happened?'

‘I don't want to talk about it.'

‘I know you don't. But you're going to have to, because I'm channelling Module Three, and without your jeans you can't escape.'

The ghost of a smile flickered at his mouth and then vanished. Matt rubbed his hand over his face and let out a heavy sigh. ‘The last relationship I had was with my then fiancée, and it didn't end well.'

In the silence that followed his words you could have heard a pin drop.

Matt had been engaged?

Laura's brain began to pound. To whom? When? How? And what had gone wrong? God, there was so much she didn't know about this man.

‘You were engaged?' she said faintly.

‘I was.'

‘When?'

‘Eight years ago.'

‘What happened?'

Matt shrugged as if he couldn't care less, but his face was tight and a tiny flicker of turmoil flashed in the depths of his eyes. ‘Nothing spectacular. We were young. We simply drifted apart and eventually split up.'

‘If it was nothing spectacular then why haven't you had a relationship since?'

‘I haven't had the time.'

She didn't believe that for a second. ‘What was her name?'

‘Alicia.'

‘Did you love her?'

‘I asked her to marry me.'

‘Not quite what I asked.'

His eyes flashed. ‘Yes, I did.'

Laura ignored the stab of jealousy that struck her chest. ‘So what went wrong?'

‘Do you ever give up?'

Laura gave him a tiny smile. ‘Not any longer.'

‘My work got in the way.' Ah. ‘The business was at a fragile stage. On the point of taking off. I had to devote a lot of time to it.'

‘And Alicia didn't appreciate that?'

‘Not particularly. Apparently we stopped communicating.
I
stopped communicating.'

‘Fancy that,' murmured Laura.

‘The less we communicated, the more we argued. The end was inevitable.'

‘Does it still hurt?'

His jaw tightened. ‘No.'

‘So why still be so against relationships? They don't all fail.'

‘I'm well aware of that,' he said tightly.

Laura took a deep breath and put her life in Matt's hands. ‘So why don't we do this properly?'

‘Do what?'

‘You and me.'

‘No.'

‘Why not?'

‘I still don't have the time.'

‘That's such a cop out.'

‘What?'

‘Well, it is. You could make time. You know what? I think that deep down you're scared.'

‘Rubbish.'

‘Is it? I think you're scared that if you allow yourself to try a real relationship it'll hurt.'

‘If that's what you want to think, be my guest.'

Why was he being so stubborn about this? Would she ever get through to him? Would he ever give them a chance?

And why did it matter so much that he did?

The inescapable truth smacked her in the face and her heart stopped. And then began to thunder.

Her head went fuzzy and a cold sweat broke out over her entire body.

God. No. That was impossible. She couldn't be…

She thought about the way up until now he'd made her feel. The giddy anticipation with which she'd looked forward to their nights together. The admiration and respect she had for the work he was doing, for the man he was.

She thought about the idea of leaving, of never seeing Matt ever again, or never being able to touch him again, and agony unlike any she'd ever known cut through her.