The Crucible: Leap of Faith (8 page)

“We will do a full investigation.
It’s already underway,” Admiral Phelps assured me.

“And what if we
accidentally bring that spy aboard the
Ra’xon?”

“We won’t.” Phelps pressed his
fist into the desk once more, his whole arm locking up into his
shoulder.

I held the Admiral’s
gaze.

I wanted to believe what he was
saying, but it was hard.

It was hard,
because my own goddamn ship had just been attacked. Someone got
past all our defenses, despite the fact the
Godspeed
was one of the most
sophisticated ships in the fleet.

“I’ve already
organized to have your personal effects transferred to the
Ra’xon
.” The Captain
nodded at me. “You’ll find your quarters far more generous than
your old ones. We’ve got a lot more room.”

It took me a while, then I nodded.
My jaw was stiff, and I could barely move it as I parted my lips.
“I need to attend to my crew first. There were no deaths, but…” I
trailed off.

“Do what you need to.” The Captain
nodded at me. “We don’t leave until 0800 tomorrow
morning.”

I pressed my lips together and
took a breath. Then I saluted. “Will that be all?”

The Admiral returned my salute.
“You’re dismissed. You’re lucky to be alive, Lieutenant Commander,
but we thank our lucky stars that you survived.”

I turned to walk away but stopped.
“How’s the ensign who was with me? Ensign Jenks?”

The Admiral appeared to search his
memory.

“She’s fine. She sustained no
injuries and was discharged immediately after her report was
taken,” the station commander answered.

“I guess you weren’t the only
lucky one,” the Captain commented. “See you in the morning,
Lieutenant Commander.” She turned and began to discuss something
with the Admiral in a low tone.

That was my cue to
leave.

I saluted, turned on my heel, and
walked out.

I’d only held my
command of the
Godspeed
for a few short months. And she’d been scuttled
whilst in my command.

I locked a sweaty hand over my
mouth as I walked out.

I startled because Annabelle was
still there.

She jolted off the wall again,
expressive hazel eyes widening as she saw me. “Is everything
okay?”

I didn’t answer. Not for a long
while. My thoughts kept being pulled from memory to memory. I saw
flashes of that wall of fire rushing through the hallway towards
me. Then felt the agony stab at my back as I crawled forward. Agony
that had been nothing when I compared it to the sight of my damaged
ship.

“Nathan.” She reached a hand out
and placed it gently on my elbow.

I took a sharp breath. “It could
be worse,” I forced myself to admit. “No casualties,” I said
through a swallow that punched my throat against my collar, “and
the damage to the station’s repairable.… It could have been a lot
worse,” I repeated again.

If the deck I’d
been on hadn’t held, the
Ra’xon
could have been shunted into the
station….

I shivered suddenly.

“I’m so happy you’re alive,”
Annabelle said again, actual tears shimmering in her
gaze.

They caught my attention, and a
small smile tugged its way across my lips. “You’re not one for
emotional displays, Lieutenant,” I said gently.

“Nathan, I’m just… I’m glad you’re
alive.”

I patted her hand and took a step
back. “I’m bone tired,” I said. “But I’ve got to see to the rest of
my crew. Some of them were injured badly.”

“Give yourself a chance to rest,”
she counselled immediately. “You’re crew are fine. They are
receiving the best medical attention the Star Forces can provide.
You need to look after yourself, Nate.”

“I know they’re receiving the best
medical attention, and no, I don’t need to look after myself. I
still need to see them.” With that, I gave a short nod and walked
away.

When I reached the medical bay, my
body was so tired I could have fallen asleep on the
floor.

I didn’t. Instead, systematically,
I saw every injured member of my crew. I sat with them until the
medical personnel shooed me away and gave me direct orders to get
some rest of my own.

I walked out of the med bay, the
doors swishing closed behind me. Then I stood there for about a
minute doing nothing but feeling the heady lethargy shift through
my limbs.

I knew I should get some rest, but
there was one more thing I had to do.

Though Ensign Jenks wasn’t part of
my crew, I still wanted to check on her, if only to thank her. And
though everybody had told me she was fine, I needed to see that
with my own two eyes.

I found that she
had already been transferred to the
Ra’xon
.

I forced myself to walk to her
quarters.

And then, when I reached them, I
paused for a few seconds. My mouth was dry, heart beating hard in
my chest. I didn’t know why. Latent shock from the explosion? Or
maybe I’d pushed myself so far that I was about to
collapse.

Closing my eyes briefly, I pushed
the sensation away and jammed my thumb into the intercom. “This is
Nathan Shepherd,” I announced myself.

“Enter,” someone said, and the
doors slid open.

An unfamiliar Ensign popped her
head around the door, her confusion obvious. “How can I help
you?”

I glanced past her to see Ensign
Jenks. She was kneeling with her hands rested on her lap, her head
angled down until her short cropped hair cupped her
ears.

She appeared to have her eyes
closed and either wasn’t aware of my presence or didn’t
care.

The Ensign at the door followed my
gaze. “Are you after her? Is she late for her shift or
something?”

“No, she is not late for a duty
shift. I’m here to…” I trailed off.

The Ensign turned around and
cleared her throat.

Jenks didn’t move.

“You have a visitor,” the Ensign
tried, raising her voice high. She half turned to me and lifted an
eyebrow. “She’s done nothing but sit there and stare at the wall
for the past half hour. It’s just my luck to get another crazy
roommate.”

I wasn’t wearing my uniform, so
the Ensign would have no idea of my rank. I cleared my throat.
“Ensign,” I let my voice dip low, “Jenks here was just involved in
the accident. She almost lost her life. I suggest,” my voice dipped
even lower, “you cut her some slack.”

The young woman stiffened, her
eyes growing wide. “What, you were involved in the explosion?” She
shifted her head quickly towards Jenks.

Jenks finally stood, the movements
of her body graceful as she lifted onto her feet. Her shoulders
dropped down, and then, with just a slight pause, she turned to
face me. “Yes, I was involved in the accident. No, I am not hurt.
As I am uninjured, I didn’t think it was worth mentioning. I assume
you have come to check up on me, Lieutenant Commander?”

“Lieutenant
Commander?”
The young Ensign’s face
practically went blue. She swiveled her gaze back to me. “I’m so
sorry, sir. You weren’t wearing your insignia,
and—“

I put up a hand. “It’s fine,
Ensign. Do you think you could give us a couple of
minutes?”

The Ensign scurried from the room
without another word.

I took a few minutes to stare at
Jenks. My gaze shifted down her body. There really was no sign of
injury. She was poised on her feet, had a balanced stance, and
though she didn’t have a powerful build, there was something
powerful about her demeanor nonetheless.

I found myself swallowing again.
“I just wanted to check how you are. And… thank you for saving
me.”

“I didn’t save you, Lieutenant
Commander.”

“If you hadn’t stopped me, I
would’ve crawled all the way through the corridor to get to my
ship,” I said honestly, voice cracking with emotion.

She dropped her gaze, and I
realized that for the first time she’d actually been looking at me
when she’d been speaking.

Despite everything that had just
happened, my natural curiosity flared again. “Are you sure you’re
alright though? That explosion came out of nowhere….”

“It was an accident. Nobody was
killed. Why wouldn’t I be alright?”

There was something about the
direct way she spoke that was so off-putting.

I pressed my lips
together, briefly looked at my feet, then managed a nod. “You make
a fair point, but it’s not always that easy. Sometimes even the
smallest things can affect us. That’s why it’s always important to
have… someone to talk to. Do you… need… anyone to talk to, Ensign
Jenks?” I pushed my words out. I wasn’t sure if it was wise to
utter them, but I couldn’t simply stand around and do nothing.
There was clearly something torturing Ensign Jenks. She hadn’t been
a member of my crew before, but now I’d transferred to the
Ra’xon
, technically she
was under my command. Though I wasn’t her captain, I was still her
superior, and I still had an obligation to ensure every member of
the crew was okay.

She didn’t appear to understand my
question. She blinked. “Why would I need anyone to talk
to?”

I had to take things carefully. I
wasn’t a counsellor. But that didn’t mean I could walk away.
“Ensign Jenks, you’re quiet and subdued. Every time I’ve seen you,
you’ve been distracted. I may not be the most empathetic man in the
world, but I can tell when a member of my crew is going through
difficulties.”

She took a step backwards, that
trapped look returning to her gaze. “I have no… difficulties,” she
managed. “Sir, you must be tired from your injuries. I assure you I
am fine. Please go get some rest. And I’m not a member of your crew
anyway,” she added at the end.

“You are now. I
was transferred to the
Ra’xon
a few hours ago.”

“Oh.”

I’d lost her gaze again. She was
staring at some patch on the carpet, and no matter what I did, she
wouldn’t glance my way again.

I cleared my throat. An awkward
silence descended between us. Technically, this was my cue to
leave, but I wouldn’t. “The Star Forces expects the best from every
crewmember. If you’re distracted, you may not be able to give your
best,” I defaulted to saying, relying on the line they’d rammed
down my throat at the Academy.

Her demeanor changed. She sliced
her gaze to the side, staring at the wall. “The Star Forces will
get everything they can from me, Lieutenant Commander. You don’t
need to worry about that.”

It was an odd
statement.

Perhaps she realized that, as she
took a stiff breath and added, “I am not distracted, and my duties
are not affected. I will complete my tasks as ordered.” She took a
step back. “You are tired, sir, and I insist you get some
rest.”

I could have pointed out that her
insistence was irrelevant – I was her superior, and she had no
right to order me around. Instead I nodded and took a step back.
“See you around, Ensign.”

She saluted, then turned, before
I’d had a chance to return the salute, and sat back down on her
knees.

I stared at her for a few moments
before pushing myself from the room.

The young Ensign was loitering by
the door. As soon as she saw me, she winced. “I am so sorry, sir. I
didn’t realize—“

“It’s okay.” I lifted a hand
quickly.

“I didn’t mean to be rude about my
new roommate, either. She didn’t tell me she’d been in an
accident,” the Ensign blabbered.

“What’s your name?”

She winced again, clearly thinking
I was about to get her in trouble. “Ensign Larka, sir.”

“Ensign Larka, do me a favor. Keep
an eye on Jenks, will you?”

Larka saluted. “Of course. Are you
worried the explosion traumatized her somehow?”

I didn’t answer immediately. I let
my gaze flick towards the closed door. “Something like that. Just
keep an eye on her. Let me know if… she needs help.” I stopped
short of telling Larka to tell me what Ensign Jenks said in her
sleep. I wanted to know, though. I wanted to piece this puzzle
together.

And yes, I was doing this as a
distraction.

Throwing myself into the troubles
of a woman I barely knew pulled my mind from my own
troubles.

With a nod, I turned and walked
away.

I took barely two steps before the
magnitude of the situation struck me once more. My ship had been
attacked, and the resistance – a group I’d once thought was a myth
– was on the rise.

The Alliance was on the
line.

The Alliance was
on the line.
That harrowing thought echoed
through my mind as I finally set out for my own
quarters.