The Dark Angels: With Wings (21 page)

"Angel, it's not that! I just don't want those types of pictures of me, of us out there."

"There is no
us
." Angel closed his eyes.

Darius swallowed the lump of emotion and blinked back the tears that sprang to his eyes, "No. Yeah. I know." As if he needed any fucking reminders of that tormenting little fact. "My parents..."

"Yeah, I know. Don't worry." Angel's eyes stayed closed his eyes as if he were going to sleep ending the conversation.

When food came Darius tried to eat. It looked delicious but it had no taste. Several times, he tried to make conversation with Angel but he was shut down each time. Eventually, Angel put in his ear buds listening to his iPod, making it clear all discussions were over. He gave up and tried to sleep but couldn't.

An hour before landing, Angel grabbed his hand and pulled him out of his seat. Without a word he followed him into the bathroom. Thankfully it was a little bigger than those on commercial airlines so there was a bit of room.

Angel's mouth was plastered against Darius's who returned it with fever.
What the hell? This was it.
It was really over after this and they both knew it. They were landing, there were no other justifications to use.

They took all they could from each other with an animal-like intensity. Angel tore Darius's shirt open and all Darius could do was moan when a very talented tongue found his pink tips. A wet tongue teased and taunted his nipple until Dare thought he would go crazy with need. Finally, the bite came and he almost did as well.

Darius couldn't allow himself to be passive. Time was a luxury he didn't have. This was all there would ever be. This had to count for the future when Angel would be in someone else's arms. Kissing someone else, moaning for someone else to bring him pleasure and climaxing in someone else.

Hair was pulled. Hickeys were sucked into skin. Nails raked down backs. No words were exchanged. They seemed incapable of conveying what Darius wanted to say. What he wanted to hear. What he had no right to expect to hear from Angel, he was just "a warm body." A little fuck toy Angel used when nothing else was available.

He wanted to be so much more. But he swallowed that need behind misty eyes and refocused on feeling every single sensation bestowed upon him by his lead singer. It didn't matter to Darius that he was greedily taking whatever he could get like he was starving for him. If that was sad and desperate well, that was pretty much an accurate description of where he was in his life.

Darius's hands gripped Angel's waist to pull him closer. Angel's hands seemed to roam everywhere at once until Darius was whimpering with an outright need that only Angel could satisfy.

"Oh," Darius yelped, a bit surprised at being lifted up and carefully being set on the sink. The reason became clear as he realized the height of the vanity put their hips at an even level.

The urgency cranked up a notch as the "Return to Your Seats" and "Fasten Your Seatbelt" signs came on. They couldn't stop; they were too far gone so they continued even faster. Darius's quick fingers were working down Angel's button and zipper. Angel continued to kiss, lick and suck at Dare's mouth while he opened Dare's pants.

When Angel wrapped his hand around both of them, they tried to hold out as long as possible. They didn't pay any attention to Brad's voice over the loudspeaker commanding them back to their seats. The feelings of Angel's big hand wrapped hotly around them were simply too good to ignore. Their need was too great. They finally surrendered to the sweet relief of orgasm. Lips locked, they screamed into each other's mouths as wetness gushed between them. Slowly, Angel's strokes slowed and finally stopped with a gentle squeeze.

Neither one moved for a long moment. This was their last moment together like this. Ever. Their lips met for the final time. It was soft, sweet and heartbreaking. Angel stepped back with a bowed head to tuck himself back in. Some twisted part of Darius liked that he would be on Angel for a little longer. Though he knew Angel probably didn't wash up just to save time, Darius did the same. It was sick to want to keep Angel on him for as long as possible, but there it was.

It was truly over. Now they needed to go back to reality and pretend nothing had changed. Fuck it all! Life just truly sucked sometimes.

∗ ∗ ∗

Dusty burst out of the soundproof practice room and into the main room. "Angel, please tell me why we are doing another show of our old shit." Clearly the drummer was put out practicing the old while wanting to get into the studio to do the next album. They were spending most of their time on the new songs, but Angel made them run through the old ones at each practice session just to ensure they were still tight.

"To get rid of all those t-shirts that haven't sold. Man, you got to help the vendors out with their old inventory." Angel teased him with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Fuck you, Ang. Seriously, why?"

"For the hundredth time, it is a tradition to end the tour where it began." Angel sighed, not looking in Darius's direction.

Dusty shrugged and shook his head. "Delusional, that's what you are!

Whose tradition is that?" Dusty wasn't really pissed but he seemed to look for any reason to pick on Angel since they had returned from Bali.

"The Dark Angel's tradition," Angel stated as if it were fact.

He snorted. "I see...NOT! You do realize since that was our
first
friggin' tour, therefore we have no superstitions that limit us, you damned dork."

Slapping Dusty on the back, Angel said, "Well, see that's where you are wrong my friend. We have a tradition and we are playing right back where we began our tour."

Everyone knew Dusty was just baiting Angel, trying to get a reaction from him. "Yeah, but Ang, we should be working on the album." Everyone knew Dusty lived for long practices, so clearly he was just bitching to bitch.

In truth, there wasn't much else in his life.

"Dumbass. We are working on the new songs. And after this show we will be back in the studio recording the next album."

Josh snickered, enjoying the pointless pissing contest, knowing neither would admit defeat. This conversation had been going on for the last few days when a change of subject matter was needed to piss off Angel.

Robin walked over to where Darius was standing by the window. He ducked his head down and shoulder bumped him as he asked softly, "You okay?"

He didn't answer right away. It was as if the question didn't quite register then he finally nodded. He pulled his fingers away from twisting his gold thumb ring.

"You should stop by the apartment soon," Robin said. Josh came up and draped an around arm Robin who smiled at him. Why they weren't a couple, Darius could never quite figure out.

Dusty continued his diva fit with Angel rather loudly. "Yeah, which is why practice is twice as long." He pointed to Robin and Josh. "There are child labor laws you are violating."

Josh walked by and simply slugged him in the arm. "We are twenty-two and twenty-three, ass wipe."

"That's Mr. Ass Wipe to you, youngster," Dusty said as he grinned as he managed to land a swipe at the back of Josh's head.

"Ouch!"

"Ready to go home, brother dearest," Robin teased, trying to pull him out of the fray. He rubbed the back of Josh's head for him.

As the back of his head was rubbed, Josh might have grumbled, "I am not your brother." But no one could be sure that's what he said and no one wanted to touch that one with a ten-foot pole. Watching the two of them was as sweet as it was painful. Robin refused to think of Josh as anything other than the brother he was raised with, and Josh was clearly in love with him.

Then Josh looked at Robin for a moment to grin his intent. Josh slipped off of Robin to take another whack at Dusty before he darted out the door. "Yup, I'm ready now."

"Pay back's a bitch, and so are you Josh!" Dusty called after the laughing man.

Robin was shaking his green-blue head of hair as he watched Josh run out of the door. That made him one up on the drummer. "Have a good night guys." Robin smiled at them before following after Josh.

The remaining three said, "Good-bye."

Distraction gone, Dusty got right back on subject like white on rice.

"Ang. Seriously, dude. You are going with
tradition
?" He was laughing as if the very thought of the non-conformist singer placing any value on standard patterns of conduct let alone superstition was hilarious.

Darius went over to grab his guitar as he quietly added his two-cents, "Megan booked the venue again as a thank you prior to our last show. You know this show isn't a surprise, Dusty." He shrugged as if it didn't matter to him. Though nothing seemed to matter to him these days. "We do one last show from the current album to cap it off. Then go record the new album.

Why give him grief?"

Shaking, the drummer pointed at him. "Oh, so you do speak." Dusty's eyes narrowed, a trace of anger entered his voice. "What a great question.

Why give him grief? That's the question I have been asking..."

"Shut up, Dust." Angel spoke quickly to cut Dusty off just glaring at him. After a small nod from Dusty, Angel continued, "It was planned months ago and you know it. So stop your whining. It's not like you have a life."

"I resent that." Dusty frowned for a moment before he started laughing, "Even if it is true, it is rude to mention it."

Angel rolled his eyes. Then his eyes landed on Darius who felt like a bug under a magnifying glass, but he couldn't look away. He never could. It was the first time since they'd been back that Angel seemed to notice him.

His fingers twisted at his thumb ring just staring back wanting to say something.

Dusty frowned as he looked from one to the other like he was watching a tennis match. It was clear he was aware of the tension between the two of them. Angel finally blinked and it seemed to release the paralysis Darius was under.

Looking down and away, Dare picked up his guitar case at his feet.

"Well, have a good night guys." He moved to the door but failed when he tried not to look back.

Angel was still watching him. He wished he could find a way not to act like a freak where his lead singer was concerned. He did try to act normal but it was impossible. There was nothing normal about the entire situation.

Sighing, he headed out the door with his guitar. Another night of fun stretched in front of him.

∗ ∗ ∗

He decided to pretend life could go back to normal so he stopped at the grocery store. Usually this time of night the store was dead and those there didn't notice him. But Darius threw on a ball cap and a pair of glasses just in case. Walking up and down the aisles pushing his near empty cart, he realized how depressing it was shopping for one. Looking at the contents of his cart he was shopping for none.

Shaking off the negativity, he restarted walking up and down the aisles filling up the cart. When he looked at the half filled cart, he realized he was picking up another item Angel liked. The entire cart was filled with Angel's preferences. He wanted to scream. Not that he didn't like the sugary cereals and whole wheat pasta...well, actually he didn't like whole wheat pasta, he hated it.

He needed to get a grip! It was over. Angel didn't want him. He just wanted Dare when nothing else was available. Filling his bare cabinets with shit that Angel liked wasn't really going to be helping him move on. He left the cart and headed home.

What was wrong with him?
He couldn't watch TV. It wasn't fair, his favorite shows were on and he was home but he didn't watch them. Every program reminded him of what he and Angel had watched in Bali. How it was in front of the TV that he got comfortable being physically close to Angel. Hell, he even became a cuddler.

So he sat and played nothing on his guitar. Because he found if he tried to play or write anything the subject always morphed into the same.

Angel. It was always about or for Angel. One night he tried to pour his heart out into song but instead of helping him to heal or move on, it just made his love get stronger. He wrote a song answering
The Anthem of Heartbreak
.

But what did it matter now?

Later that night he spoke to his mother on the phone. She knew something was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her.
What exactly
could he say? That he was a fucking idiot? That even though he was pretty
sure he wasn't gay he'd fallen in love with a man who only saw him as a
friendly hook up? That he'd finally fallen completely head over heels in love,
and the person he'd given his heart to used him for a convenient piece of
ass? Wouldn't that make her proud?

The conversation disturbed him. Now even though he was exhausted mentally and physically, he was brimming with nervous energy. He paced around his small apartment like a caged animal. Looking around he realized it really was time to look for a new place. All the other guys had improved their digs but he hadn't bothered since he was rarely there. But maybe if he had a nicer place to come home to it wouldn't be so bad. Right?

He sat down at his computer. He didn't want to answer emails. No way was he going to read fan fiction about The Dark Angels, too many stories about Angel. What was left? Porn.

Darius surfed for porn and almost laughed when he realized he was on a gay web site.
Why not?
It was really for educational purposes, because it didn't even give him an erection. Once again evidence proving he wasn't gay!