The Darkest Dream (The Darkest Trilogy) (25 page)

“This is your third day.”
 
The room swayed slightly.
 
Three days.
 
There was no way I’d be able to find Darren now.
 
“How are you feeling?
 
Doing okay?”
 
I barely even nodded.
 
“Mom and Dad are here—they’re probably talking to one of your doctors or getting some coffee.”
 
My heart suddenly ached even more upon the thought of having to face Ellie and Ryan.
 
“Should I get them?”

“No,
”
 
I
said quickly, shaking my head with a bit more force this time.
 
“No, it’s fine.”
 
The room grew quiet once more.

“What happened, Lucy?”
 
Brayden’s
voice was very tentative and I knew he was almost afraid to hear my response.
 
I was hesitant to give it to him, unsure of what I should say.
 
The truth was obviously out of the question.
 
“The police are going to ask—”

“I don’t really know,
Brayden
.”
 
I responded.
 
“One minute I was…at the diner.
 
The next, I was here.”

“You don’t remember anything?”
 
I shook my head, memories flashing through my mind.
 

“I…I don’t know.”
 
It was a weak lie, and I could tell immediately that he saw through me.
 
“Even if I did remember,
Brayden
, I don’t think that’s something I’m likely to want to talk about.”
 
His eyes shifted, looking away, almost as if he were ashamed.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”
 
When he looked back, he had tears in his eyes.
 
“She’s gone, Luce.”
 
I watched as he turned away, probably so that I wouldn’t see him cry, and I felt my heart clench in my chest.
 
“She’s gone, and we thought we’d lost you too.”
 

“I’m so sorry,
”
 
I
could only bring myself to whisper the words, the depth of my sorrow too overwhelming to even begin to express.
 

“I was so terrified when I saw you.
 
Terrified, but relieved.”
 
Brayden
told me.
 
I nodded, swallowing hard at the lump in my throat.
 
“I’m so glad you’re okay.”
 

He took my hand and gave it a squeeze.
 
I stared at it for a long moment, a few tears escaping from my eyes.
 

The fantasy was over.
 

***

Time continued on, as it always does.
 
It passed quickly, everyday much the same as the last.
 
I was released from the hospital a few days later, after giving the police some manufactured tale about a murderer and a kidnapper.
 
My story wasn’t very detailed, but they didn’t expect much from me.
 
It was obvious I had been through a great deal.

It was obvious to everyone.

I returned to my apartment, despite many protests from
Phe’s
family.
 
They understood, though, realizing how difficult it was for me to even be near the diner.
 
The memories were too strong.
 

Once, I’d made my way to
Marleja’s
shop.
 
I’d walked by several times, relieved to see her inside—she looked healthy and happy.
 
I was glad to know that she’d escaped from the ordeal unscathed, and part of me longed to go inside.
 
She was the only person I knew who could understand what I was trying to conceal, both from myself and the outside world.

She was the only person who might be able to tell me where he’d gone—or, at the very least, if he was okay.

But I couldn’t bring myself to even open the door.
 

Darren had made his wishes very clear, and this woman had no allegiance to me.
  

Besides, opening up that well…it was just asking for trouble.
 

I much preferred to stay numb.
 

It made life easier.

A routine developed with time.
 
School, homework, cleaning.
 
Free time was avoided at all costs.

As was sleep.
 
Sleep was impossibly more difficult now than it had been even before.
 
Lying there for hours, staring at the ceiling—far too much time to remember all that had occurred.
 
All that I longed to forget.

It happened one dreary day as I was taking the long way home from school, busy thinking about the chores I’d planned for myself that weekend.
 
I found myself walking beside the cemetery and I suddenly stopped, my breath catching in my throat.

I hadn’t visited her grave at all.

And then I was walking through the gate, my heart thumping beneath my breast.
 
I wasn’t sure where she was buried, but I was familiar with the layout.
 
I had, after all, buried both of my parents here.

It only took a few minutes to find it, and I hesitated for a long moment, staring at it from a distance.
 
The stone was there, the grass green and full around it.
 
I took a deep breath and closed the gap.
 

Tears were already filling my eyes as I kneeled in front of the stone, reaching out to touch the inscriptions.
 
Loving daughter, beloved sister,
loyal
friend.
  

“Oh
Phe
,
”
 
I
whispered, succumbing to the pain.
 
I let it take me over—let the tears flow, the sobs quake through my body.
 
“I’m so sorry,
Phe
.
 
So, so sorry.”
 
I
 
buried
my head in my hands, wishing desperately to erase the past—to change it and give my friend the life she deserved.
 
Why her?
 

“I love you,
”
 
I
whispered, reaching out to touch the word ‘
friend
’.
 
“I’m so sorry,
”
 
I
repeated once more.
 
In the background, I heard footsteps approaching and I took a deep breath, wiping at my eyes and trying to put myself back together.
 

“We wanted to wait for you, but we didn’t…”
 
I nodded, sniffing quietly.
 
Brayden
stood behind me, his eyes on his sister’s name.
 
“She was so young.”

“Too young,
”
 
I
agreed, rising to my feet.
 

“They buried her in her prom dress, you know,
”
 
I
shook my head, my eyes flooding with tears once more.
 
I quickly dabbed them away, hastily attempting to bring back the numbness.
 
“She was so excited about that dress—she even called me to tell me all about it.”
 
In the back of my mind, a memory of the two of us spending hours upon hours searching for the perfect dresses fluttered to life.
 
She had finally settled on a pale pink gown, long and elegant.
 

“She looked beautiful in it,
”
 
I
recalled, the familiar numbness already beginning to return.
 
It was a slight relief, returning to my daze.
 

“The school is having a memorial for her at prom.”
 
I nodded, recalling in the back of my mind someone mentioning something about this before.
 
“They’ve asked me to be there.”
 
I nodded again.
 
“You’re going as well, aren’t you?”
 
The numbness stirred, fading a bit as I looked at him, bewildered.
 
“To the prom.”
 

“I—I wasn’t really—”

“It’s this weekend.”
 
His hazel eyes found mine, probing me.
 
They reminded me so much of his sister’s.
 
“We could go together.”
 

“I—”

“You have a dress.
 
Phe
told me all about that, too.”
 
I stood, mouth agape, unsure of how to respond.
 
“You and I both know it’s what she would have wanted.”
 
He had a point.
 
The prom was, by far, the thing
Phe
had been looking forward to the most.
 
It was a rite of passage, she had declared—and aside from our wedding night, the most romantic night of our life.
 

Which was something I didn’t care to think about.
 

“Please, Luce.”
 

“I’m just—I’m not up for much celebrating,
Brayden
.”
 

“I know.
 
Neither am I.
 
Which is exactly the reason why we should go together.
”
 
I bit my lip, uncertain.
 
“It’s for
Phe
, Lucy.”
 

And finally, I gave in.

“You won’t make a big deal out of it?”
 
He shook his head.
 
“I’m only agreeing to this because I owe it to her.”
 
I glanced at the grave marker, ignoring the flare of pain.
 

“Fair enough.”
 
He sighed, looking around and noticing my backpack.
 
“You on your way home from school?”
 
When I nodded, he reached down and took the bag from the ground.
 
“I’ll walk you the rest of the way home.”

“You don’t have to—”

“I don’t like the idea of you walking around alone, Luce.
 
The neighborhood…it isn’t what it used to be.”
 

If only he knew how true his words were.
 
I decided not to protest, though I much preferred to be alone.
 
It was easier to remain distracted that way.
 

And distraction was definitely what I needed.

“Shouldn’t you be at school still?”
 
I questioned.

“I took the rest of the semester off,”

“Oh.”
 
I nodded, understanding.
 
I’d always dealt with grief in a very efficient manner, throwing myself into anything I could in order to divert my attention—to lose myself in the tedium of things so that I didn’t have to suffer through the pain.
 

“Nobody would blame you if you wanted to take some time off, too,”
 

“Oh, I know.”
 
I shrugged.
 
“I just…deal better if I stay busy.”
 
He nodded.
 
“How is the diner?”
 

“Closed indefinitely.”
 
I nodded once more, wondering if it would ever reopen.
 
“Mom and Dad really miss having you around.”
 

“I know,
”
 
I
really did feel horrible about how I was treating them.
 
But going back there—it was too risky.
 
“I’ll stop by to see them soon.”
 

“How are you doing?”
 
His question took me by surprise and I hesitated a moment before responding.
 

“Keeping it together.”
 
It was the best I could manage.
 

“You remember anything more about—?”
 
He broke off, knowing that I would understand immediately.
 
I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly going dry.

“Little bits, here and there.”
 

“You remember who you were with?”
 
I shook my head again.
 
“How you got out?”
 
I shook my head again.
 
“Because I’ve been thinking a lot about the night I found you.
 
I thought…I thought you were saying ‘
Phe’s
gone’, but the more I think about it, that wasn’t it at all.
 
You were saying ‘He’s gone’.
 
Like someone left you.”
 
It felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me and I struggled for air for a moment while he continued on.
 
“
That make
any sense?”

“Who knows,
Brayden
.
 
I was probably delirious.”
 
I tried to brush the memory away, tried to push it deep down inside.
 
It was too painful.
 

“And the hospital said you weren’t malnourished or anything—”

“I don’t know, maybe I had a sympathetic kidnapper.”
 
I forced myself to sound sarcastic, shrugging indifferently.
 
Brayden
frowned beside me, and I could tell that he wasn’t going to back off.
 
“Please don’t push this,
Brayden
.”

It was strange how suddenly it happened—how so quickly, the walls I had built could shatter.
 
It worsened now as we neared the park.
 
I had later recalled this to be the place—the place he had left me.
 

Brayden
turned then, holding my tear-filled eyes once more.
 
“I’m sorry.”
 
My building was in view and I reached out, taking my bag from his shoulder.