The Dastard (13 page)

“Yes,” Melody agreed. “We have the soul. Why don't I try to distract him, and you hang the soul on him? Maybe we can get this done efficiently after all.”

“How will you distract him?”

“I think Nada Naga gave me advice on that,” Melody said. She lifted her hem so as to show more of her legs. She drew her blouse tighter. She removed the kerchief from her hair, letting it fall loose. She combed it out, so that it framed her face and settled around her shoulders. Its green color returned, but that couldn't be helped; it was hard to be distracting while drab.

“But suppose that isn't enough?” Rhythm asked.

Melody pondered. “I suppose we have to decide just how badly we want to wrap this up efficiently. Daddy suggested flashing him some panties.”

“Yes, but we agreed that that would be going Too Far,” Harmony said. “We're not Dawn & Eve, you know.”

“Though sometimes I envy them,” Rhythm said. “Dawn likes to show almost too much above, and Eve likes to show more than enough below. You must admit it works.”

“Certainly it works,” Harmony retorted. “But who wants men's eyeballs popping out and falling on the ground? We have standards to maintain.”

“Oh, come, Mel--don't you ever want to make a man do that? Or to freak out and not be able to move as long as you flash him?”

Melody was weakening. “Well, maybe sometimes. But wouldn't it be degrading to--?”

“Not if it put him away in a hurry, and stopped his depredations in Xanth.”

Melody sighed. “All right. I'll shorten my dress some more. But you be good and ready with that soul. I don't want to expose my--you know--one instant longer than I absolutely have to. And you must promise never to tell.”

“We promise!” Harmony and Rhythm said together.

Melody hummed, using her individual magic to hike her dress up almost to the knees, and made her blouse half a size smaller. Each of them had magic that was close to Sorceress caliber, but two of them cooperating had more, and the three together had what was generally conceded to be the strongest talent known. They just had to agree on what it was they were doing at the moment.

“More,” Harmony said.

Melody sighed. She hummed her skirt up to just above her knees, and shank her blouse another half size. Since her bosom didn't shrink, this made her blouse stretch rather tightly.

“Still more,” Rhythm ordered.

Melody adjusted her dress until it was halfway up her thighs, and made her blouse another size smaller. But the others still weren't satisfied. Harmony played and Rhythm beat, and suddenly Melody's skirt barely covered her bottom, and her blouse developed a décolletage so tight and low that it made walking at anything more than a sedate pace dangerous. “Oh, come on,” she protested. “This is ridiculous, not to mention unbearably exposive.”

“Explosive is more like it,” Harmony said with satisfaction.

“His eyeballs will pop loose, bounce off the moon, and fall into your bra,” Rhythm said.

“So we'd better get rid of the bra,” Harmony said wickedly. “Then they'll fall into your panty.”

“Hey!” Melody protested as her bosom abruptly lost what little remaining restraint it had.

“Don't shout,” Harmony said.

“You'll tear your shirt,” Rhythm explained.

Melody glanced down. Indeed, her chest was threatening to push holes in what remained of her shirt, if it didn't leapfrog right out of it. She tilted, trying to get things better settled.

Sim squawked: He was laughing.

“Don't do that,” Harmony said, alarmed. “You must stay vertical, or it won't be just his eyeballs that pop out and droop to the ground.”

“Gee, thanks,” Melody said. She was of course being teased, as she liked to think that “firm” was a better description of her bosom, even unbound, than “droop.”

“And your rear exposure is almost freaking me out,” Rhythm said, giving Melody's skirt a tiny tug downward. It seemed it was unable to cope when she bent forward.

“I'll fix both aspects,” Melody said. “More height above, more depth below.” She started to restore some fabric in both places.

“No!” her sisters said together.

“You're fine as you are,” Harmony continued.

“Just keep it barely confined until time,” Rhythm concluded.

“Well, I don't see you two volunteering,” Melody said sharply. “You have exactly the same figures as I do, you know.”

“No, you're the one of us who always takes the lead,” Harmony said. “We wouldn't be good at that.”

“And we don't want to waste all our tedious effort to make you combine the best or worst of Dawn & Eve,” Rhythm said.

Melody shook her head ruefully. This had better work, because she would expire of shame otherwise.

Becka was still shuddering from the awful experience of Possession by the Sea Hag. She had never in her life felt so utterly helpless and degraded. The Hag had ruled her body and ravished her mind. And it would have gotten worse, had not the Dastard finally caught on and unhappened the Possession.

What an irony: She owed her restoration to the Dastard. She didn't like him, she didn't respect him, but he had saved her from a fate that really would have been worse than death. She wished the Good Magician had not sent her here, but she was stuck with it; she would have to help the Dastard as well as she could.

“Now I figure the Sea Hag will return,” the Dastard said. “She won't be able to get your body, but she'll be back, in some other girl's body. Now I want you to do something for me I may not like.”

“What?” She thought she had misheard.

“I like girls,” he said. “Especially ones old enough to fill their underwear. If the Sea Hag comes in the form of such a girl, you must break it up before she gets to me. Can you do that?”

Oh. “I think so. But how will I know when it's the Sea Hag?”

“You ought to know her as well any anyone does, now that you've been in her thrall. Look for the little signals. When she says 'My pet,' or when she's too eager to summon the stork. Or whatever else might give her away. Any girl we encounter, you check her out, and don't tell me she's not the Sea Hag unless you're sure.”

“But how can I be sure? She might be good at fooling me.”

“No. She will be good at fooling me. I'm a man, and I can't see far beyond her physical appearance. Not at first. But you're a girl, and you know her. You'll be able to tell.”

“I hope so,” Becka said uncertainly. “If I'm not sure, I'll have to say so. I might condemn an innocent girl.”

“Better that, than to let her get at us. I'll unhappen any we're not sure of. That way we should be safe.”

“But you could be safe just by not letting any girl or woman get close to you.”

“That's not an option. I want to marry a princess. To do that I've got to get close to her. Meanwhile, a non-princess will do to pass the time. So I'll need to get close to her too.”

Becka was disgusted, but it was becoming clearer why the Good Magician had sent her. She could indeed help the Dastard. She could do what the Dastard could not: be halfway objective about winsome young women. The question was, why did the Good Magician want to help the Dastard? Why should anyone want to help him? He needed to be gotten rid of.

But she couldn't say that. So she would just have to do her best, though she felt like a--a--well, the necessary word was not in her young vocabulary, but it wasn't a nice term. The Dastard wanted merely to use women, for one purpose or another. She pitied the princess he might marry, if he got the chance. But with luck, no princess would be foolish enough to entertain the idea for even a quarter of an instant, let alone a whole moment.

“I'll keep watch,” Becka said reluctantly.

“You don't like me,” the Dastard said.

“Yes, I don't like you.”

“Good. You're telling the truth. That means I can trust you. When you started acting friendly, I knew something was wrong.”

“It certainly was! I couldn't turn dragon and drive her away. Thank you for saving me from her.”

“You know I did it for me, not for you.”

“Yes. But still, I appreciate being saved.”

“You would never have been Possessed, if you hadn't come to help me.”

“How come you're being honest? I know it's not because you like telling the truth.”

“The lie is a valuable tool,” he said seriously. “But it's tricky. I have to remember what I said before, and make sure it has verisimilitude.”

“Very what?”

“Verisimilitude. That means that it seems true. It's not always easy to craft a lie that has the semblance of truth. So I never waste a good lie. I tell the truth always, unless there is something to be gained by a lie.”

“And I guess you have nothing to gain by lying to me.”

“Nothing at all. You're not going to be fooled into showing your panties, and at this point you're more useful to sieve out the other girls I'll meet. So why bother?”

Despite herself, Becka was getting curious. The Dastard was a jerk, but he wasn't stupid. “How about not hurting my feelings?”

“Why should I care about your feelings?”

That was right: He had no soul, so had no conscience, and no human emotions like love or commitment. He simply wanted what he wanted, for pure self interest. “So I will try to help you better than I have before.”

“You're helping me because the Good Magician sent you. So you're stuck for it regardless. Your feelings are irrelevant.”

Becka nodded. That was the case. At least they understood each other. Certainly his brutal honesty was better than Possession by the Sea Hag. “So where are we going?”

“I'm sniffing another nexus, maybe. It's not far ahead.”

“Maybe? Don't you know?”

“Nexi aren't necessarily simple. Some are minor, some are significant. I have to study each to be sure. And since the appearance of the Sea Hag, they may even be dangerous.”

“Dangerous for you, you mean.”

“Of course. What else could I mean?”

“How about the people you hurt?” she demanded.

“I don't hurt anyone. I merely change events. They never know what they are missing.”

He had a point. Not a great one, but it was true that he wasn't actually harming others, just denying them benefit. So as bad men went, he was mediocre.

A dim bulb flashed. That could be why the Good Magician wanted to help the Dastard. To make some use of him, since he had a very strong and devious talent. And--a second bulb flashed--that must be what that spell of Awareness Humfrey had given her did: It enabled her to remember things the Dastard unhappened. Because otherwise she might never have realized what the man was doing.

“What were those flashes?”

She was tempted to say none of his business. But it was his business, and she didn't want to lie, albeit for different reason than the Dastard had. To her a lie was not a valuable thing, it was a dirty thing. So she told him. “I just realized that the Good Magician must want to make some use of you, and that's why he sent me. And that he gave me a spell to enable me to remember your unhappenings.”

The Dastard actually paused in his walking, looking at her. “You must be right. The old codger never does a favor for anyone without demanding a year's Service or the equivalent. So he fixed it so you could help me. But he's an idiot if he thinks I'll do anything for him in return.”

Becka doubted that the Good Magician was any idiot, but she didn't argue the case. They resumed their walk toward his next nexus.

They rounded a bend in the path and saw a girl looking confused. She was dark of hair and eye and unusually pretty for her age. “Who are you?” the Dastard demanded.

“I am Nadine Naga, daughter of Prince Naldo Naga and Mela Merwoman.”

“You're a princess!” the Dastard exclaimed.

“Of course. Shouldn't I be?”

“But you're young.”

“I'm eight years old,” she said proudly.

Becka realized that the Dastard was trying to figure out how to marry a princess when she was too young to marry. This needed to be broken up. “What are you doing here, alone?”

“I wasn't alone. I was with my mother. But she gets tired of walking on legs, so she slipped into a pond and made her tail, and I walked around exploring and then I got, well, lost. So I was wondering how to find my way back to the pool. Then you came. Do you know where it is?”

“No,” the Dastard said, in his careless-of-feelings way.

Nadine angled her head, looking canny. “Suppose I show you where the leak in the Fountain of Youth is? Then will you help me find my mother?”

“The Fountain of Youth?” the Dastard asked. Becka could almost see the wheels turning in his head. He was old, at least twenty-two, and surely felt the ravages of age. If he had a secret source of Youth Elixir, he would never have to grow yet older.

“Yes. There's a leak, and the water dribbles out and forms an underground streamlet that winds secretly o'er hill and dale and comes out near an ancient farmstead known only to me. I'll show you that, and maybe more.” She twitched her little skirt.

At that point Becka became suspicious, but she wasn't quite sure. Maybe the girl was just inventing a story in order to enlist the Dastard's help.

“Yes, show me that,” the Dastard agreed eagerly.

It had to be the Youth Elixir he wanted; he couldn't be interested in the skirt. Becka hoped.

“Certainly.” The girl assumed her naga form, with the body of a serpent and the head of a person, and slithered off the trail. In the process, she left her clothing behind. Becka picked up shirt, skirt, and shoes, and followed. The naga girl would need them again, at such time she changed back to full human form.

They lunged through thick and thin forest, and o'er hill and dale, and came to a farmstead in a small hidden valley. But it was hardly ancient. The house looked as if it had been built last week. The farmer's boy seemed to be about twelve years old, and his sister eleven. The crop seemed to be youthful lollipops.

“See? There it is,” Nadine said.

The Dastard plowed right ahead. “How old are you?” he asked the farmer.

“Three hundred and two,” the boy said. “And my wife here is two hundred and ninety-eight. We haven't seen another person for fifty years, and that was an old hag who filled her canteen with our water and hobbled away. How many lollipops do you want for your family?”

“None at the moment. I'm more interested in a drink of your water.”

Meanwhile Nadine had slithered behind a young silo and reverted to human. Becka hastily returned her clothing to her. “Thank you, my pet.”

“You're the Sea Hag!” Becka exclaimed.

“Curses! Foiled again.” She changed to full serpent form, deserting her clothing again, and slithered instantly out of sight.

Becka ran up to the Dastard. “Nadine's the Sea Hag!” she cried.

The Dastard paused in his negotiation. “How do you know?”

She realized that he might not appreciate the significance of the phrase, “My pet” or the shaking of an underage skirt. So she tried reason instead. “She has to be. She said she couldn't find her mother at a nearby pond, yet she knew her way unerringly to this long hidden farmstead. How could she know its secret, when no one has been here for fifty years?”

“What secret?” the farmer asked. “We have no secrets here. Just good clean living and hard work keep us young.”

“They don't know,” the Dastard murmured appreciatively. “You're right, girl: She must be the Sea Hag. Where is she?”

“She turned serpent and slithered away when I caught on to her real nature. We'll never find her now.”

“Find who?” the farmer asked.

“She's dangerous,” the Dastard said. “She's probably setting a trap for us, now that she has us isolated.”

“I can turn dragon and defend us,” Becka said.

“Dragon? Where?” the farmer asked.

“Not from her devious devices. She might douse you with Youth Elixir and make you a baby. Then there would be no bar to her getting at me. I'll have to unhappen this whole sequence.”

“What are you talking about?” the farmer asked.

Then the Dastard focused. He slid into limbo, but this time he grabbed Becka's hand and hauled her into limbo too. She hadn't realized he could do that, but it figured, because she was part of the sequence being unhappened.

They slid back and forth in limbo, watching the vague scenery pass. They located a lovely buxom woman and her daughter walking through the forest. The daughter was Nadine Naga. The woman paused at a pond, and lifted her skirt. Becka put her hand before the Dastard's eyes just before the woman's plaid panties showed, so that he didn't quite freak out. “Thanks,” he said, somewhat gruffly. Becka almost thought he wanted to be freaked out, but of course that was ridiculous, because that would prevent him from doing the unhappening.

This was obviously Mela Merwoman. She pulled her dress the rest of the way over her head and off, then stepped out of her panties. She set them carefully on a dry rock. Then she walked into the pond. Her two nice legs became a nice tail, and she plunged into the water.

“What can I do?” Nadine asked. “I'm dying of boredom.”

“Pick some posies,” Mela called. “But don't talk with any strange men.”

“Oh, pooh,” the child muttered. “I can handle strange men, and strange women too.”

“That's what you think,” Becka whispered.

Nadine wandered on, picking posies. Then she paused, looking surprised, then horrified, then smug. The spirit of the Sea Hag had Possessed her. Becka understood her feelings perfectly.

They slid back to just before the Possession. They emerged into Xanth, just out of sight of the girl. “Give her a herb,” the Dastard said tersely. “She'll believe you.”

That was right, because her mother had warned her against strange men, and the Dastard was the strangest of men. So Becka walked out to intercept the girl.

“Hello,” she called.

“Hi,” the girl replied, happy to encounter someone halfway close to her own age.

“I'm Becka. I found some nice herbs. They protect me from Possession. Would you like some?”

“Sure,” Nadine said.

So Becka strung three herbs on a vine and made a necklace, and Nadine put it on over her head. In return she gave Becka three pretty posies.

“I have to go now,” Becka said. She knew these unhappenings had to be brief, because the Dastard didn't like to stay long in the past. Maybe it was a strain on his magic.

“Awww.”

“Maybe we'll meet again.” She walked back to the spot where the Dastard hid.

“Good job,” he said. Then he hauled her back into limbo, and slid forward to wherever the present was. That turned out to be the forest path where they had originally met the naga girl who was the Sea Hag. But now the path was empty. They left limbo and walked on.

“You did a nice thing for Nadine,” Becka said. “You freed her of the Sea Hag, and protected her from reinfestation.”