The Dastard (32 page)

“Why yes,” Terian said. “If you teach us a new card game we can play, we shall let you go.”

Melody considered. Cards weren't used in Xanth, as far as she knew, but the three princesses had encountered a Mundane in Ptero who had carried a deck. He had shown them how to play a game. Maybe that would do.

Melody took the deck. “This is War,” she said.

Princess changes mind.

“No, I don't mean war with you,” she said quickly. “I mean that's the name of the card game I know. War.”

Mind restored.

“Thank you. This is how it is played: Divide the deck into two even parts, from which each player deals one card.”

They divided the deck, and each turned over her top card. Melody's was 5?; Terian's was 9?. “Your card is higher than mine, so you win this battle, and take both cards. Put them in a pile beside the other.”

Terian did that. Then they dealt two more cards: J? for Melody, 10? for Terian. “This time I won, so I take both cards,” Melody said.

The third time they dealt, the cards matched: 7?, 7?. “Now we have a war,” she said. “Deal three cards face down on top of your seven, and I will do the same. Deal the fourth one face up. The higher card wins them all.”

They dealt, and this time the cards were 3? and 2?. Melody won. “That's all there is to it,” she said. “You keep playing until all your cards are gone. Then you take your discard pile and play that. Eventually one player will win all the cards in the deck, and that's the winner.”

Terian nodded. “This seems to be an interesting new game.”

Princess departs, doing no unhappening here.

Relieved, Melody got up from the table.

Harmony and Rhythm appeared. “Come with us, Melody,” Harmony said.

Melody slid into limbo, fleeing them. The two of them could pursue her, but could not stop her from using this magic. She quickly left them far behind.

Where could she go, where they would not follow? Where they would not think of looking for her.

“Castle Zombie,” she breathed. Nobody went there if it was not absolutely necessary.

She slid to the castle. There it was, just as weathered and slimy as it was on Ptero. She would surely be safe here.

She slid through its outer wall and through the interior. She knew that the zombies stayed mostly outside. That was just as well; she didn't want to meet a zombie. But the Zombie Master's wife Millie the Ghost was nice. Of course it would be a real accomplishment to unhappen her relationship with the Zombie Master, but that was impossible; that went back about eight hundred fifty years. Millie had not actually been a ghost for about the last fifty-seven years.

She found Millie's chamber. Millie was there--with two guests. Well, maybe something about them could be unhappened. She would make nice until she learned enough to act. That was the way the Dastard had done it, actually; she was coming to understand him better, now that she had the same talent.

She slid into the chamber. “Three greetings,” she said.

The three looked at her, startled. “And who might you be?” Millie asked.

“Princess Melody.” Now she recognized the visitors. “Hello, Jenny Elf and Breanna of the Black Wave.” She had recognized Jenny because she had pointed ears and four fingers, and Breanna, of course, was black.

“But Princess Melody is only four years old,” Jenny protested.

“And she's in Castle Roogna,” Breanna said. I saw her there, scarcely an hour ago, before riding the carpet here."

“What you saw was an emulation,” Melody said. “Probably done by her friend DeMonica. I am the real Melody.”

“But how is this possible?” Jenny asked.

“The three little princesses had a mission that required adult control,” Melody explained. “So they changed places for four days with their grown selves on Ptero. I'm Melody Grown.”

“Their mission?” Breanna asked.

Melody realized that further details could really mess up the secret mission. Therefore she gave them. “To stop the Dastard from unhappening things. He was traveling in time and interfering with past events, so as to change the present. Only we three princesses could stop him. But enough of this; I'm blank on current events, because on Ptero our year is blank six months either side of the time our Selves live in Xanth. What are you folk up to?”

The three exchanged one old and two young glances. Then they exchanged shrugs. “I am getting ready to retire next year, with my husband,” Millie the Ghost said. “Justin Tree and Breanna of the Black Wave will be assuming our places here.”

Melody realized that she must have missed more than six months worth of events; she hadn't been paying attention. “Justin Tree? How can a tree do anything?”

“He's not a tree anymore,” Breanna said. “Any more than Millie is a ghost. He's a young man. We'll marry next year when I'm eighteen, and move into Castle Zombie. We'll take care of the residents.”

“You mean the zombies?”

“We prefer to call them living-impaired.”

Melody decided not to debate terminology. “How did you get together with Justin Tree? Why are you taking up with the living-impaired?”

“It's a long story, but I love to tell it. Two years ago I--”

“Thank you.” Melody had little patience with long stories. She already had what she needed: the time span. She would go back two years and see what she could unhappen. There would surely be a way to stop Breanna and Justin from meeting, and to prevent them from taking over Castle Zombie. That would be a terrific unhappening. With luck it might send the zombies on a rampage that would horrify all Xanth. “Why are you here, Jenny? I should have thought you would have found your way home to the World of Two Moons by now.”

“No, her cat Sammy can find anything but home,” Millie said. “So she could never go back.”

“Actually that's no longer true,” Jenny said. “My home is now in Xanth, so that's what Sammy can't find. Sammy could find the World of Two Moons if he wanted to. But we don't want to, anymore.”

Could she find a way to unhappen Sammy Cat? No, he had been with Jenny too long. “That doesn't explain why you are here at Castle Zombie.”

“Breanna's my friend. She helped me find my husband. So Jeremy and I accompanied--”

“Jeremy?”

“Prince Jeremy Werewolf--my husband. We met two years ago, when--”

“Thank you.” Now she had the time scale on that relationship too. So Jenny Elf was now a princess. Melody could ruin that in short order. She made ready to slide into limbo.

Her two sisters appeared. “Oh no you don't, Melody,” Harmony said. “We're taking you back to Ptero now.”

“You can't,” Melody retorted. “I have no soul.”

“You will have to take yours back,” Rhythm said. “Then you will be the sweet sister we have known so long.”

“The sweet nothing sister!” Melody exclaimed disparagingly. “So limited, so dull, so boring. I'd rather have fun.”

Millie, Jenny, and Breanna were staring at her as if she had said something weird. Well, who cared about them? She slid into limbo and fled the castle.

There was no sense going after Jenny and Breanna now; her stupid sisters would expect her to do that, and have them covered. She had to surprise them, and go where they would never expect. Where could that be?

A bulb flashed over her head. Princess Ida, at Castle Roogna--they would have to return to her to exchange back with their younger Selves in good order, so no one would expect her to go there voluntarily. Maybe she could find a way to mess up the return, and leave her younger Self stuck on Ptero. That would serve the little brat right. Without a soul she was pretty sure she couldn't go, but they might find a way to give her one, so she had to run some interference. She would see what offered.

She slid to the castle. There was Princess Ida's chamber, and there was Princess Ida herself, sitting quietly with her moon peacefully orbiting her head. How tiny that world looked from Xanth! Would it be possible to steal that moon, and hide it, so that they couldn't return to it? Probably not; there was a whole lot of magic associated with it.

She left limbo and landed before Ida. “Hello, Auntie dear,” she said sarcastically.

“Hello, Melody,” Ida replied, seeming unsurprised. “I wonder--did you ever meet my child on your world?”

“Oh, you mean Idyll? With the talent of suppressing all thought? Sure, we know her. What about her?”

“I was just curious. Perhaps some day she will come to me in Xanth.”

Melody realized that Ida had no way of directly knowing folk who lived on her worlds, because she was the one person who couldn't go there. Too bad she hadn't thought to deny her aunt the information. Oh, well, it didn't make a whole lot of difference. “So how are you doing, Auntie dear? Not that I care.”

Ida gazed at her. “So it is true that you have lost your soul. That's unfortunate.”

“No, that's great. Now I am free to do anything I want.”

Ida's gaze seemed sad rather than hostile. “And what do you want to do?”

“To have fun. To make mischief. To ruin people's lives.”

“Why should ruining other lives make you feel better?”

“Because my life is not ruined, so I'm better off than they are.”

“But wouldn't you have more fun helping others?”

Melody stared at her. “Why should I do that?”

“Doing good normally makes people feel good.”

Melody laughed. “What a crock of spit!”

“Didn't you like doing good when you had your soul?”

“I had no idea what a drag that soul was until I lost it.”

“Yet you do not seem to be happy now.”

“Well, I would be, if I could just get my stupid sisters off my tail.”

“But you always liked being with them.”

“That was before I shed my soul. Now I am objective, and I see how deadly dull my life was. We never did anything dastardly. Now I know better.”

Harmony appeared. “In fact we came here to stop dastardly deeds from being committed,” she said.

“Oh, fudge!” Melody swore, and slid into limbo.

And bounced. Dazed, she stared at the invisible wall that shut her off from it.

“Rhythm is barricading that entry,” Harmony said. “You can't use it to escape us any more, Melody.”

“Curses! Foiled again,” Melody muttered. She fled physically out the chamber doorway, and slammed the door behind her. She ran down the hall. Where could she hide?

She looked back, and saw the door opening. She ducked into the next chamber, and shut its door quietly, so that her sisters would not be able to tell which one it was. Then she turned around and surveyed the chamber.

There was a woman with lovely long hair sitting at a table, facing away, writing something. She was so intent on her business that she had not noticed Melody's entrance.

“Rapunzel!” Melody cried, going to the table. There could be only one person with hair like that.

The woman looked up. Her face was hideous. “No, I'm her twin sister, Repulsive. Who are you?”

“I am--” Melody hesitated. Maybe it would be better to conceal her identity, so that Repulsive could not give away her hiding place. “A visitor. What are you doing?”

“I'm preparing a question to ask the Good Magician Humfrey. It's my one chance of a lifetime, so I'm making sure not to waste it.”

“You want to know how you can become as beautiful as your sister?”

“Oh, no, I'm satisfied with my appearance. After all, it is quality of character that counts.”

“What a crock of--” But she caught herself. “That's nice,” she said insincerely as she sat down opposite the woman. “What's your question, then?”

“It's complicated, which is why I'm trying to phrase it carefully. So he won't give me some technically accurate but useless answer. I have to make it so that he has to be responsive. If I mess it up, I'll never get another chance, and will go to my end cruelly frustrated, knowing I could have had my Answer and lost it. So this is absolutely vital.”

“What is your question?” Melody repeated restlessly.

“Well, back in historical times, in the year Ten Forty-Three, in the Time of No Magic, all the magic suddenly left the Land of Xanth, making it just about like drear Mundania. I understand it was an awful time, for about a day, before the demon Xanth returned, and the magic was restored. The lesser demons became mere whirlwinds, and magic plants wilted and sagged, and the people lost their magic talents, and--”

“What's the question?” Melody asked again, about to explode with impatience. She already knew all about the Time of No Magic; it was part of history. The centaur tutors taught the dull details to all human children.

“Well, I'm coming to that. The thing is, the magic is supposedly conveyed by the magic dust. It leaks from the Demon Xanth's being into the surrounding rock, and as that shifts and weathers it reaches the surface, and the good folk of the Magic Dust Village arrange to waft it into the air so that it spreads widely, refreshing the whole of the Land of Xanth. It's a slow, steady process, taking eons to run its course. Wherever that magic dust goes, there is magic, but there's only so far that the winds can carry it, so Xanth is the only land where there is much magic. Even the Demon Xanth himself, when he visited Mundania in another body, had to get some magic dust delivered so he could perform magic there. He--”

“What's the bleeping question?” Melody snapped. She knew all about the magic dust, too.

Startled, Repulsive finally got relevant. “How could there have been instant loss of magic, when the Demon Xanth departed this region? Why didn't the dust hold its magic, the same as usual?”

Melody paused, considering. She had never thought of that. Repulsive was right: The magic should have lasted at least a millennium after the Demon Xanth departed. Certainly it would have been good for a mere day, just about undiminished.

But she didn't see how she could use this situation to her advantage. So she explored it a little more, making nice. “So are you going to go to the Good Magician's castle, and struggle through the stupid challenges, so you can ask your careful question?”

“Oh, no, I don't have to do that. I was in a position to do him a small incidental favor, a while back, so he said he would Answer one question for me, and I could use a magic mirror to reach him. That's why I'm here.” She indicated a picture on the wall, which Melody recognized as one of the castle's magic mirrors. Such mirrors weren't common; in fact Castle Roogna and the Good Magician's castle and maybe Castle Zombie were the only places she knew of where they were.