The Day We Disappeared (35 page)

‘While Dad and Annie go off to
have a snog behind that tree?' Ana Luisa asked. ‘Jesus. This is soooooo
schoolyard.'

Mark, whose eyes kept flickering back to
mine, started to laugh. ‘I love you,' he told his daughter. ‘But,
just for once, will you shut up? I am not going to snog anyone behind a
tree.'

‘Whatever.' Ana Luisa sat
down next to Becca.

Kate Brady was staring at Mark with
absolute wonder. ‘He's a RIDE,' she mouthed at me, flabbergasted.
He was. He was tanned. His hair was shorter. He was so sexy it made my head
wobble.

And, before I knew it, we were walking
away.

‘Um, so, this is a
surprise,' Mark said, after what felt like three hours. He sounded as nervous
as I was. ‘Of all the places on earth I thought I might bump into you, this
was not one of them. Ha-ha.'

‘Ha-ha-HA. Ha-ha. Ha. Er, same. I
thought you weren't coming.'

‘I'm not
competing.'

‘But you came to watch.
Ha-ha!' I sounded totally insane. ‘So, how are you?'

‘Good.' He turned briefly
towards me, but I couldn't
look at
him. I just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. There were
daisies in the grass.

I hated daisies but, these days, I could
deal with them. I could even smell them, and it was okay.

I took a deep breath. I made my heart
slow down. My fists unclench. If I could cope with daisies, I could cope with
Mark.

We were walking further away from the
cross-country course into the lush parkland. Behind us the Tannoy was fading and the
sound of the TV helicopter overhead disappeared into birdsong and rustling
leaves.

I felt giddy with longing. I could smell
Mark's olive soap, and if I squinted sideways I could see the tanned skin of
his forearms. ‘You look really well,' I told him. ‘Nice tan
…'

Mark chuckled. ‘You're not
going to believe this, but I went on holiday. A proper one with a swimming pool and
big umbrellas and people making my food.'

‘No way!'

‘Yes way. I took Ana Luisa and her
best friend to Morocco and we stayed in a luxury
riad
. I put it on a credit
card and didn't worry about money once
.
It was bloody
spectacular.' He paused. ‘
I
was spectacular. I sat by the pool
all week and, apart from keeping an eye on the girls, I didn't do a thing. Who
knew?'

Who knew indeed?

He ran his hand along the arm that had
been broken. ‘It's all working,' he said. ‘I'm back up
on horseback and everything's still fine. I'm lucky.'

‘Wow. I'm so happy to hear
you're riding again, Mark, that's fantastic news.' I sounded like
a distant acquaintance.

I LOVE YOU, my
head bellowed. I'VE BEEN TRYING NOT TO LOVE YOU FOR SIX MONTHS NOW BUT
IT'S NOT WORKING. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS MY FACE, MY CHEST, MY LIFE.
EVERYTHING HURTS BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

‘The physio says I should be able
to start gently competing by midsummer,' Mark said, ‘which was a
surprise.'

‘Surprise. Yes. Um, shall we sit
down?'

We sat down and I regretted it
immediately. In spite of the heat, the longer grass was still wet and I felt the
water seep straight into my shorts.

‘This is nice,' I said, as
the dew seeped through to my knickers. For God's sake, get up! I told myself.
But I didn't want to. Mark's knee was inches from mine. One of his
surgery scars was poking out of his shorts, a timid little pink line among the dark
hairs on his leg. I wanted to kiss away all the pain it had caused him.

‘My arse is wet,' he said
politely. ‘Maybe we could stand up.'

‘Yes. Great idea.' We stood
up and started walking again, because to stand facing each other would have been a
nightmare.

‘So will you start competing this
season, do you think?'

Mark shook his head. ‘No …
I've actually retired.'

Now I stared at him. ‘You've
what
?'

Mark's eyes were on the
cross-country course where someone was galloping up a glossy stretch of grass
towards a fence. Even from this distance we could see the sweat lathered up the
horse's side.

‘I've retired. The press
don't know, yet, but I decided last week.'

‘Blimey!'

‘It's the toughest decision
I've ever made. But people started sending me horses they wanted me to try
out, and they were all such sweet animals. I love horses,' he said, blushing.
‘And that's the trouble. Every horse I tried I just thought, How could I
put you through this? What if you broke your leg too?'

Stop being so nice, I thought.
It's not helping at all.

‘And then I started having the
same thoughts about myself. Did I really want to risk getting myself smashed to
pieces again? Did I want to risk Ana Luisa losing her dad?' He grinned.
‘Did I really want to get up at six thirty for the rest of my life? So I
retired. And I'm selling the farm.'

‘You're WHAT?'

Mark shrugged. ‘I just want a
clean slate,' he said. ‘I want a house that has nothing to do with
alcoholism, or evil wives, or broken bones. Not to mention broken hearts. I'm
moving on with my life.'

‘But – but it's your family
home! For generations!' I ignored the bit about broken hearts.

‘Actually it only goes back to my
grandfather. But even if it went back to an early caveman named Waverley, I've
got to sell it. There are no new starts in ghost houses.'

‘Wow.'

Selfish little voices piped up in my
head:
But I
want
you to still be at the farm! What about all my lovely
memories? It can't belong to someone else!

‘I don't believe it,'
I managed to say. ‘This is huge.'

‘Isn't it?' He was
watching me now, so I tried to look
encouraging. ‘I'll probably buy somewhere in
Oxfordshire, nearer to Ana Luisa, so she doesn't have to spend her weekends on
the motorway. I'll run a livery yard for now. Carry on training other riders,
while I plot my next move. Oh, and I'm going to work part-time. Thought
I'd, you know … get out in the world a bit more.'

‘Wow,' I mumbled. There was
no disguising the sadness in my voice.

Mark had moved on. Not just from his Bad
Shit, but from me.

‘My crotch is still wet,'
was all I could say.

‘Listen, Kate,' Mark began.
‘Annie. Sorry.'

‘It's fine.
Honestly.'

Mark smiled, but I couldn't look
at him.

‘DAD!'

Ana Luisa was striding towards us, like
a little tiger. She was going to be every bit as gorgeous as her father. ‘DAD,
we have to go, we're meant to be meeting Bea.'

‘Okay, coming.' He turned to
me but, once again, I couldn't meet his eye. ‘Bea's her friend.
Listen, I haven't even asked how you're doing. Joe said you'd all
gone ahead with the prosecution but I have no idea when it starts, or what
–'

‘
DAAAAD!
'

‘Coming! Look, I'll be in
touch,' Mark said apologetically, even though we both knew he would not.

I wanted to cry. ‘Nice to see
you,' I muttered. ‘I'm so happy to hear all your positive
news.'

‘Good luck with the wet
crotch,' he said, as his daughter dragged him away.

‘Bye,' I whispered.

‘She looks much better with blonde
hair,' I heard Ana Luisa say. ‘But you need someone more reliable,
Dad.'

‘Are you sure you don't want
me to come?' Lizzy asked, as she got ready for work. ‘Because it's
not too late for me to bunk off. I don't want you going there alone and having
a panic attack or anything …'

‘I'm not going to have a
panic attack. I'm going to be absolutely fine.'

Lizzy and Tim went off to work and I
giggled as I heard them doing a face-clutchy kiss at the front door. It had taken
quite a while to get used to this business. Sometimes Tim wouldn't be able to
control himself and would clutch Lizzy's face, mouthing, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I
think he thought that by mouthing it, rather than saying it, he would somehow stop
me noticing. I actually enjoyed how fiercely he loved my big sister. She was so
happy. She sang in the shower. She'd stopped drinking and spending so much.
She radiated joy.

After they'd both gone I sat on a
shiny white stool and drank tea at Lizzy's shiny white island in her shiny
white kitchen. The island had one of those taps that gave out instant boiling water,
and plug sockets that slid out of nowhere, and in the middle of it was a bowl of
peaches that was changed every few days but never eaten. Lizzy was insane when it
came to her kitchen and refitted it approximately every two years – she
couldn't live with last season's exposed brickwork and filament bulbs
when
there existed this season's
shiny white units and polished concrete floors. ‘Don't question
me,' she always shouted, when I asked how she afforded it. ‘This kitchen
is my temple.'

It was nothing of the sort. Lizzy was
shit even at frying eggs.

Rain pattered lightly on the windows. It
was one of those ambiguous days, all sharp, needling sunlight, then grey carpets of
rain. It didn't have the look of the Day of Judgment. I finished my crumpet,
remembering with fondness how fanatical and guilt-ridden I'd spent most of my
life being around food. Thank God that was done with. Like so many other things.

I sat silently in Lizzy's vast
kitchen like something from an Edward Hopper painting, watching the May showers wash
clean the streets of Chelsea. It was time to go. The trial began today.

I didn't need to be there, of
course. It would be at least a week before I was called by the prosecution, and none
of the other girls wanted to be there. But it felt important to me. I wanted to be a
part of it. No more hiding.

‘I can do this,' I said.
‘And I can deal with anything that arises from it.'

The skies were clearing as I left
Lizzy's swanky building. I left my leather jacket in her hallway. The weather
would work out, and so would the next few hours.

I felt my breath quicken as I passed
under the railway bridge and saw the grim façade of Southwark Crown Court ahead.
This was it. Just me, alone. Taking part in all aspects of my life, good and
bad.

Only I
wasn't alone.

Mark was standing on the steps outside
the court.

I stopped walking. Mark was standing on
the steps outside the court?

I went to take off my sunglasses, but I
wasn't wearing any.

Mark?

Mark?

Mark. He was walking towards me, and he
was smiling, and he was so sexy and lovely that I nearly fainted right there on the
street.

‘Ah,' was what I managed to
say. Ah?

‘Hello.' He had stopped in
front of me and he was perfect. ‘Um … So, hi. My name's Mark, and
apparently your name is Annie. I wondered if you fancied going for a drink with me
some time?'

‘Ah …'

‘I'd really like to get to
know you.'

‘Ah,' I said, for the third
time. Great.

He glanced up at the unprepossessing
building above us. ‘I know you've got some business here first, but
perhaps we could go on a date afterwards. You can pick the venue. In fact,
please
pick a venue, because I was brought here from Paddington and I
have no idea where I am.' He grinned. ‘On that note, you may have to pay
for the date as that taxi cost me a week's income.'

I was still staring at him.
Unfortunately I didn't seem able to do anything else.

‘Um, I'm joking,' he
tried.

Nothing. My brain was in a freeze.

‘I'm going to try again.
Annie, please can I take you on a date?'

‘Aaaah
…'

He shook his head despairingly.
‘Now listen here,' he began. There was a bit of haylage on the collar of
his poloneck. ‘I've never asked anyone out in my life and I'm
bricking it. Will you help me out here? Say something? Anything?'

If you say ‘ah' again, I
told myself, I will literally kill you. And just like that, the freeze thawed and
sunshine poured in. ‘Mark Waverley.' I smiled. ‘I would love to go
on a date with you. I would love that more than anything else.'

Mark sighed. ‘Well, thank God for
that. This date is going to be appalling if the asking-out is anything to go
by.' He ran his hand through his hair, which was all clean and shiny and nice.
I wanted to smell it.

‘We're going on a
date.' He grinned suddenly. ‘A date! I'm excited! I've been
wanting to go on a date with you for a very long time.'

A huge tidal swell of joy surged through
me. ‘Me too!'

Mark had come here for me! He had driven
up from Exmoor at the crack of dawn to navigate a city he didn't know or
like!

‘So.' He jammed his hands
back in the pockets of his jeans. ‘Date sorted, back to the matter in
hand,' he said. ‘You.' He gave me another of those huge smiles and
I melted just a little bit more. ‘I thought I'd come and offer you some
moral support. This is a big day, isn't it?'

‘How did you know I was doing this
today?' was the best I could come up with.

Mark looked shifty. ‘I received a
tip-off.'

‘One of my friends?'

‘Pretty much all of your
friends.'

I felt myself
relax. I love you, I thought. I love you, and I love my friends. ‘This is the
nicest surprise,' I said, smiling up at him. ‘Probably the nicest
surprise I've ever had.'

Life was a miracle! There was so much
happiness, if you let yourself reach out and take it.

‘How are you feeling? Are you
doing okay?' He was smiling right back at me. Not just his shy half-smile, but
the big beautiful one.

‘I'm going to go in and
watch, if that's what you mean.'

He nodded. ‘Of course you
are.' He reached over and squeezed my hand, then withdrew. ‘Sorry. We
should go on that date before I start grabbing you.'

Grab me any time, always, for ever, I
thought giddily.

‘Well, I just want to say that I
think you're being incredibly brave and brilliant. When I consider what
you've been through, I just sort of want to explode with pride.' His
cheeks reddened, but he held firm. ‘You're totally capable of doing this
on your own,' he said, ‘but I wanted you to know I cared. And that
I'm so very proud of you.'

There was a long pause, during which we
just gazed at each other and I thought I would keel over and die if I didn't
get to kiss him.

‘Um, how did you know I'd be
here at this court?' I asked eventually. I could still barely believe he was
there.

‘My informants were very clear
about which court you'd be at, and at what time.' He looked at something
over my shoulder and chuckled. ‘If you'd changed your plans I think they
might have intervened.'

I looked behind me. Lizzy was leaning
casually against a lamppost. Across the road from her Tim happened to be standing
under a tree. And right in the middle of
Pocock Street, like a tiny bulldog, Claudine stood with
her arms folded across her chest.

I burst out laughing, and Mark joined
in.

‘Do not speak to 'er,'
Claudine instructed the others. ‘Annie, listen. We are 'ere for you. We
love you. Please go and do this thing, then please go on a date with Mark. The
penalty for disobedience will be severe.'

I laughed again. Happiness and strength
swelled in my chest. I could do
anything
! ‘I'll see you
afterwards,' I told them. Then I turned back to Mark.

‘Do you want me to come in with
you?' he asked.

I stroked a finger down the side of his
lovely face, and I didn't care. ‘I definitely want you to come in. But I
think I should do this alone.'

‘I'm here if you need
me.'

‘Thank you,' I said, taking
his hand. I kissed it and the smell of his skin sent tremors through my whole body.
‘Thank you so much for coming. You are wonderful.'

I did have to do it alone. For me, and
the girls, and all the other women Stephen had tried to destroy. Most of all, I had
to do this for Mum.

‘Your mother would be very, very
proud of you,' Mark said quietly. ‘If it helps, my mum is crazy with
pride back in Somerset.'

‘Oh, Sandra …'

‘Good luck, my beautiful Annie. Be
the strong and fearless woman I know you are.'

And then he took my face in his hands
and kissed me on the mouth. ‘My sweet girl,' he whispered.

He squeezed my hand one last time and I
walked up the steps into the foyer.

I had no idea
what would happen. I had no idea if Stephen would be convicted, or what would happen
if he was not.

But I was up for the fight. This was my
time.