The Decision (3 page)

“I know, but I made a promise to Grandpa that I would be here for Grandma, and I plan to keep that commitment.”

Jonah nodded as though he understood and reached for her hand. “Why don’t you go back to the house and let me take care of the horses? You’ve had a long day, and I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

“You’re right about that,” she agreed with a weary sigh. “And if you’re sure you don’t mind, I think I will go inside and make sure that Grandma’s okay. I’ll fix some chamomile tea, which will hopefully help us both get to sleep.”

Jonah bent and kissed Elaine on the cheek. “I’ll be back sometime tomorrow to see how you’re both doing.”

“Danki, that means a lot.” As Elaine left the barn, she thanked God for bringing Jonah into her life. He was such a kind, compassionate man. She hoped that he wouldn’t ask her to marry him anytime soon, for if he did, her answer would have to be no. For however long it took, Elaine’s first obligation was to Grandma, which meant her own needs and wants must be put on hold.

Sara Stutzman stood in front of her bedroom window, staring at the inky blackness of the night sky. Attending Lloyd Schrock’s funeral today had been hard on her, as it brought back memories of when she’d had to watch her own husband’s body being buried. She and Harley had been married a little over two years when his life was snuffed out by a falling tree, leaving Sara to raise their son, Mark, by herself. Life could be hard, and disasters could occur when least expected. But life continued, and Sara had a reason to live lying right there in his crib across the hall.

Her precious dark-haired little boy would never know his father, but she would make sure to tell him what a wonderful, loving man his dad had been. At moments like this, Sara wished she had a picture of Harley so she could share it with Mark when he got older. But posing for a photo was frowned upon in her church district, so she would do her best to describe to her son what his father looked like.

Biting her lip to keep tears from flowing, Sara wondered if it was right to continue living in Illinois or if it would be better to return to Goshen, Indiana, where her parents and siblings lived.

Sara had met Harley when he’d gone to Goshen to work for his uncle Abner one summer. They’d quickly fallen in love, and when Harley went back to Illinois, they kept in touch through letters and phone calls. He came back to Goshen to visit several times, and a year later, Harley had asked Sara to marry him. They’d lived in Indiana for six months before moving to his hometown, where he’d started a new business making windows. Sara liked Illinois, and she’d made many friends in the area, including Jean Mast, whom she considered to be her closest friend. If Sara went back to Indiana, where she’d been born and raised, it would be hard to say good-bye to those she’d become close to here. Still, was it fair to Mark to live so far from his mother’s parents, whom he would never know as well as his father’s parents?

So many decisions to make
, Sara thought.
But I don’t want to make any permanent changes just yet
. Like Harley’s mother had said a few weeks after his death, “
It’s best not to make any quick decisions about the future until you have had sufficient time to grieve
.”

Betty was right. She still grieved the loss of her eldest son, just as Harley’s father and younger siblings did. It had not been an easy time for any of them, but Sara was thankful they had each other’s support, for without Harley’s family, she wouldn’t have made it this far. And having Mark close by helped Betty, because her grandson was the only part of Harley she had left.

Even though it was dark, in her mind’s eye Sara could see every inch of the property. This home, this land was where she and Harley had planned to live, raise a family, and grow old together. Sara’s heart was in this place as much as her husband’s had been, and in the time they’d lived here, so many good memories had been made. But then this very land they’d loved so much had taken her husband’s life. Would she be able to continue forcing herself to look at the trees lining their property without letting that horrible day override the sweet memories they’d made in such a short period of time?

Sara was thankful she’d been able to lease out part of their land to a neighboring Amish man who farmed for a living. The income from that, as well as money they had saved in the bank, was helping her get by. In addition, both Sara’s parents and Harley’s had given some money to help out.

My year of mourning is almost up, and I’ll need to make my decision soon about whether I should stay here or move back to Indiana
, Sara told herself after she’d pulled the covers aside and crawled into bed.
In the meantime, I need to find an additional way to support myself and Mark, because my savings won’t last forever, and I can’t rely on my in-laws’ or parents’ help indefinitely. I need to ask God for His guidance and strength each day
.

Grandma and Elaine had retired to their rooms a few hours ago, but Elaine was still standing at her window, looking toward the heavens and asking God for answers about what the future might hold. The stars seemed to be twinkling more brightly, perhaps just for her.
Lord, help me to be strong for Grandma. Help me not to lose hope and to understand why, when things seemed to be going so well, everything suddenly fell apart
. Elaine’s body was tired, yet her mind whirled with a multitude of questions.

Finally, Elaine willed herself toward the bed, knowing she needed to get off her aching feet. Pulling back the covers, she slipped into the linens that still smelled like fresh air. Grandma always hung the sheets outside after washing them, and they held their fragrance for several days. Elaine loved to bury her nose into the pillowcase and breathe deeply of its freshness. It was almost like falling asleep outdoors.

She tucked the quilt, lovingly made by her grandmother, under her chin, while wiggling her toes to get the cramps out. What she wouldn’t do right now for her friend Leah to give her a good foot massage. Leah practiced reflexology and was quite good at it. Reflexology dealt with a lot more than massaging feet, but right now, Elaine would have settled for just that.

She reflected on how Leah and Priscilla had been happy with the daffodil bulbs she’d given them. Even before Elaine had suggested it, both friends had said the flowers would be planted in memory of Grandpa Schrock, an affectionate name they had called him by all these years.

Elaine closed her eyes, and even with both doors tightly shut, she heard Grandma’s muffled crying from the room across the hall. As Elaine drifted fitfully to sleep, her last words of prayer were for Grandma to find the strength to go on.

Elaine sat straight up in bed and glanced at the clock on her dresser. It was nearly midnight, and she’d only been asleep a few hours. A noise seemed to be coming from the kitchen. She tipped her head and listened, trying to make out what it was.

Then Elaine caught a whiff of something cooking. But that was impossible; Grandma had gone to bed hours ago.

Pushing her covers aside, Elaine crawled out of bed and put her robe and slippers on. Opening her bedroom door, she padded down the hall toward the kitchen.

When she stepped into the room, she was surprised to see Grandma standing in front of the stove, flipping pancakes with an oversized spatula.

“Grandma, what are you doing out of bed, and why are you making pancakes at this time of night?” Elaine asked, joining her at the stove.

Grandma turned to look at Elaine. “I’m sorry, dear. Did I wake you?”

“Well, I…”

Grandma placed one hand on her stomach and gave it a pat. “I’m
hungerich
, and I had a craving for
pannekuche
. Would you like some, too?”

Elaine shook her head. “I’m not hungry, and after the long day we’ve had, you should be tired, too.”

“I couldn’t sleep, and I was thirsty.” Grandma’s mouth twisted grimly. “My bed seems empty without my dear husband to share it.”

Elaine wanted to say that she understood, but having never been married, she couldn’t fully comprehend the scope of what Grandma must be feeling right now. “Would it help if you slept in one of the guest rooms upstairs?” she suggested.

Grandma shook her head vigorously. “I am not leaving the bedroom your grandpa and I shared for so many years.” She sighed and turned off the propane-operated stove. “It’ll take me awhile to get used to sleeping alone, but I’ll manage somehow.”

Grandma placed the pancakes on a plate, grabbed the syrup bottle from the cupboard, and sat at the table. “Even in my loss, I can give thanks for all that the Lord provides.” She bowed her head and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, Elaine took a seat beside her.

“Are you sure you’re not hungerich?” Grandma asked, taking a drink of water from the glass she’d placed on the table. “I’d be happy to share some of these pannekuche with you.”

“No. I’ll just sit here and watch you eat,” Elaine replied. She guessed it was good that Grandma was eating now, as she hadn’t had much to eat at the meal after Grandpa’s graveside service, and neither had Elaine.

“As you like.” Grandma poured syrup over the pancakes and took her first bite. “Your grandpa loved pure maple syrup. He liked buttermilk pancakes the best, but I think he would have eaten any kind that was set before him.” Grandma chuckled. “As much as that man liked to eat, it was amazing that he didn’t have a problem with his weight.”

“I guess it was because he always worked so hard,” Elaine commented.

“Jah, and before he retired from farming, he labored in the fields, so it was no wonder he had such a hearty appetite.”

Grandma went on to talk about how she and Grandpa had met at a young people’s singing many years ago—a story Elaine had heard several times. But she listened patiently, knowing it did Grandma good to reminisce like this, and it would no doubt help the healing process. Truthfully, Elaine never tired of hearing it. She was comforted by hearing about how things had been when Grandpa and Grandma were young.

When the grandfather clock in the living room struck one, Elaine suggested that they both head back to bed.

Grandma yawned. “I guess you’re right; I am awfully tired. Danki for sitting here so patiently while I rambled on and on about the past.”

Elaine placed her hand over Grandma’s. “It’s all right. You needed to talk, and I hope you’ll share things about Grandpa with me whenever you want, because I enjoy hearing them.”

Tears welled in Grandma’s eyes. “We who grieve will never forget the ones we’ve lost, but we can be thankful for the years we had with your
grossdaadi
, for he filled our lives with love and laughter and gave me a sense of joy beyond compare.” She squeezed Elaine’s fingers. “And if I’m not mistaken, someday soon you’ll find that same kind of love, laughter, and joy with Jonah Miller.”

“I hope so,” Elaine said in a near whisper. Truth was, she wasn’t sure Jonah would be willing to wait until she felt ready for marriage. And if he wasn’t, she wouldn’t blame him for that.

W
hen Elaine entered the kitchen the following morning, she found a stack of Grandma’s good dishes sitting on the table, and Grandma was at the sink, washing glasses.