The Destroyer Book 4 (42 page)

“Alright. I’m going to go tell Malek. I’ll tell Gorbanni to go with him.”

“Is that because you are angry with the man?” He stopped his laughing abruptly and his face hardened.

“Yes.” I realized that I could never twist the truth with the strange old man, so I had stopped trying long ago.

“Good. Go tell them then.” He waved his hand and I took three steps out of the tent before I realized that he had dismissed me from my own tent. Part of me wanted to walk back in and ask him how he managed to command me so easily, but I would have been given more riddles instead of an answer. I just shook my head, laughed, and continued on my way to speak to Malek.

The footsteps rolled down the empty hallway of the dungeon like thunder across a desert basin. They awoke me from the memory of the conversation with Entas and I felt the usual disorientation that accompanied the transition from one of my recollections to the present. I thought of my old teacher for a few more seconds and wondered about the last mission he asked Malek to lead. I knew exactly who my handsome friend would find during the quest and this made me wonder about my teacher’s knowledge of the future.

The steps neared and I swung my body out of the cot and onto my feet. I knew who they belonged to and I did not try to keep the smile from my face as they approached.

“Nadea,” I greeted the beautiful woman when she stepped in front of the bars of my jail cell.

“Hello, Kaiyer.” She wore an emerald dress of thick velvet that hugged her arms, chest, and stomach before it billowed out from her waist. Her dark brown hair was held up by a series of complicated knots bound together by delicate pearl and amethyst hairpins. Across the smooth skin of her neck a tight band of white metal held matching purple gems and pearls.

Escorting the duchess were two Elven guards wearing the empress’s green armor. The male carried a small loaded crossbow in his hand and the female rested her hand on a short spear with a wicked-looking tip. They both had the same pewter hair and red eyes as Vernine. I wondered again if the soldiers that reported directly to the empress were born that way or if there was some process that changed them.

“It is good to see you again,” I said to Nadea and I reached out of the bars of my cell toward her. I stopped short when she didn’t return the gesture and take my hands.

“It is good to see you as well.” She smiled halfway, but her heart began to beat a bit faster.

“May we speak alone?” I asked the guards that stood behind her.

“No,” the female answered.

“The empress said this was the only way we could speak to each other.” Nadea quickly explained. “Just pretend they aren’t there. That is what I do,” she seethed the last sentence, but the guards ignored her words.

Our eyes met and neither one of us spoke for a few moments. I studied the torch reflection in her dark eyes and wondered what could have been between us if I had succeeded in stopping the empress. It hurt my heart to know that I had failed my friends.

“I am sorry,” I said at last.

“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms in front of her chest. My own hands hung outside of the bars but she didn’t acknowledge them.

“You awoke me with hopes that I would stop the empress and her armies. I failed you and your kingdom. Thousands of humans have died because of me. Paug is dead.” The pain from the loss of my friend would always lurk in my chest.

“Is that all you are apologizing for?” Anger came across in her voice and her heart began to beat faster.

“Is there something else I should apologize for? Am I missing something?”

“Yes. You are.”

“I should have been more upfront about your mother. I wanted you to see your father first and I didn’t want to distract you before we escaped the castle and you saw Beltor.”

“No. Damn it, Kaiyer.” She shook her head and then covered her face with her left hand. “Do you love me?” She tore her hand away from her face and looked at me. Her eyes reflected the light from the torches but the tears had not descended to her cheek yet.

“Yes,” I said without hesitation.

“You are a good liar. As always, I want to believe you. Maybe that is my fault.” She shook her head and frowned.

“Why do you think I am lying to you? I know how I feel.”

“You don’t love me, because you fucked Jessmei!” she growled through clenched teeth.

“I am not allowed to love you and others at the same time? My love for you must be exclusive?”

“So you love Jessmei?”

“Yes,” I said again.

She shook her head and sighed. “I told you how I feel about this. I explained that I never wanted to be a notch on your bed post and that I wanted more from you. Remember when we spoke in your tent before Isslata took you as a hostage? I told you of my dreams and I thought,” she shook her head again and sniffed before continuing, “I thought that you were interested in that. But you just say whatever you need to get what you want.”

I opened my mouth to argue but stopped. She was right. But I knew that I did love both women. I had blamed the state of war that I lived with for my beliefs on love and fidelity and how they differed so greatly from Nadea and Jessmei’s ideas on marriage, but I knew what it meant to love one person over all others. Though most of my soldiers had multiple relationships and avoided commitment because death was unpredictable, I had never lived that way. I had spent my entire life loving only one woman. I could never commit to Shlara because of her. I killed Shlara because of her. I killed thousands because of her.

“I am sorry.” I meant the words sincerely and our eyes made contact again.

“Do you love her?” she whispered the question again after a few moments, as if she didn’t want it to be true.

“As much as I love you.”

“Damn you, Kaiyer. You can’t say that.” She shook her head and her brown eyes reflected the light of the torches like tiny beautiful mirrors.

“It is the truth.” My heart thumped painfully in my chest. I had hurt her tremendously. I could not fix this.

“It is your truth, but it isn’t mine. Why didn’t you tell me at the camp?” she asked. I had no answer. “What if I were to ask you to choose? Would you commit to either one of us?”

“It doesn’t matter. I am leaving this world and cannot return.”

“Telaxthe hinted at that.” Nadea frowned. “We do not speak often. We have dinner every few nights but the conversations are guarded. I get the feeling she doesn’t want to tell me things while you are still alive. Your decision to leave also angers me.”

“I apologized for—”

“No. Stop,” she interrupted me with a wave of her hand. “I judge based on actions, not words. You say you love me, but you make love to someone else. Someone close to me. You say you love me, but you leave when I need you. You say you love me, but you are giving me up so easily. I hate the way you have made me feel. And I cannot just change how I feel because you say you are sorry. Your words are meaningless.”

“I am not giving up.”

“But you are leaving. There is something more important to you than I am.”

“Yes there is.”

“I don’t want that kind of love.”

“I have a daughter,” I said after a few seconds of consideration.

“I recall you telling me of her when we last spoke. Are you bringing that up now to excuse your actions?” She was livid.

“No.” I sighed. “My daughter is like you.”

“Oh.” She made the connection.

“I don’t know anything about her, but Telaxthe has knowledge of Iolarathe and studied my history extensively. She said she can tell me more about my daughter if I cooperate with her. It is the last piece of my past that I have not been able to remember. And it is the most important part. I need to know more about her or I can never put my past to rest.”

Silence hung between us for almost half a minute. Finally, Nadea nodded and reached for my hand. Our fingers wrapped around each other and I thought again of what would never be between the two of us.

“I understand.”

“She will hand me over to Turnia soon. Turnia will take me to the Radicle with the empress. Before I leave, Telaxthe will tell me what she knows of my daughter.”

“What will happen once you journey through the Radicle?” Nadea asked.

“I will be brought before the leaders of the O’Baarni and have to explain myself.”

“Will they kill you?” she whispered.

“Kannath seemed to think so, but I doubt that will happen. I’m sure they can be reasoned with.” I forced a smile to my face and hoped she did not sense my true feelings. There would be no reasoning. There would be bloodshed.

“So I will never see you again?”

“Do you want to see me again?”

“Of course, Kaiyer.” She shook her head with a slight smile and her dark hair waved in the torchlight. “You are still my friend. Jessmei will be devastated by this news. The empress wants her to speak with you after I do. We were both told you would be leaving this world by your own choice.” Her voice trailed off and her fingers tightened around mine.

“How are your people now that Telaxthe is ruling?”

“It is better than I expected. She held the agreement she submitted to Jessmei’s father. She participates in the Council and advises Jessmei. They spend most of their time together, actually. I’m a bit jealous because she is my mother, but the other part of me hates her. I suppose I should be grateful that no one else has died and we are given the illusion of power.” She leaned closer to the bars so that she could whisper in my ear, but I was sure that her Elven escorts still heard what she said.

“Jessmei is happy?”

“She will be crowned queen after Nanos is executed next week.”

“Oh.” I was surprised.

“For the murder of the king, Paug, and the betrayal of the Kingdom of Nia. It is ironic that the empress is assisting in the Council’s decision to execute him.” Nadea smiled faintly. “They decided on a hanging instead of a beheading. I would be lying if I said I was not looking forward to watching him dangle. Everything might be different now if he had not betrayed us.” I nodded at her words but the thought of Nanos’s execution did not bring me any pleasure. His death wouldn’t bring back the king or Paug.

“How is Beltor?”

“He’s taken the lead advisor role of the Council, though Telaxthe is spending more time actually advising Jessmei. There is a mountain of work to do on castle repairs and trade guild support. Many of our craftsmen fled the city during the invasion, so he is more than busy. I help him where I can, but part of me feels he is so involved as a way of coping with the loss of his brother and the kingdom. I don’t want to be sucked in just yet.”

“Greykin?”

“He is never less than twenty feet from Jessmei. Even when she speaks privately with the empress.”

“Has Greykin told you what they speak of?”

“He cannot remember. He says they start talking of magic and then the next thing he recalls is walking out of the suite with Jessmei. Jessmei did tell me that Telaxthe is teaching her how to operate a Radicle. You should ask her when she comes here. She may be more forthcoming with you.” She smirked rather bitterly at that thought.

“Danor? Runir? Maerc?” I asked.

“Helping my father,” she answered plainly.

I could think of a thousand other things to say to her, but none of it felt like enough.

“Are you happy?” It was a stupid question, but I wanted the answer almost as much as I wanted to know about my daughter.

“I have much to be grateful for. I am alive. My people are safe. I do not know how long this peace will last, but as long as Jessmei and I have some leverage over the empress, Nia will be safe. My heart hurts. It will never be the same as before I met you.” She looked down and shook her head, then smiled as she looked up at me. “I do not regret it. I listened to the dreams, and they led me to you.”

“Dreams?”

“Dreams?” She echoed my question and her head tilted in confusion.

“You said that the dreams took you to me. What does that mean?”

“I have no idea what you—” Suddenly, a wind howled through the hallway like a flood of water. The two guards struggled against the gust and yelled with surprise while the torches flickered dangerously.