The Destroyer Book 4 (83 page)

It felt as if I had been punched in my stomach, kidneys, face, breasts, and groin at the same time. I felt my knees hit the rocky top of the cliff first and then the rest of my body crumpled afterward. My lungs did not want to inhale and I could not move. I had almost forgotten physical pain. It had been eternities since I had felt anything this excruciating.

“What is this?” I gasped after a few seconds of agony.

“It’s the pain of doing something that is impossible for a mortal,” he replied. I realized that the pain felt the same as when I briefly touched the rope, but this was much greater and was lasting longer.

“Do you feel like this every time you move objects?” The agony was subsiding and I was able to stand again. The sun was setting and it seemed as if I had lost more than a few minutes to the pain.

“Maybe.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“What if I practice? Will it become easier and less painful?”

“I doubt it. But feel free to try.”

I looked at another rock on the ground and debated hurling it at the man again. But then the thought of the dreadful pain intimidated me too much and I decided to practice later tonight when Kaiyer was sleeping. I needed to observe him and Nadea. I thought about them and the world blurred.

“We need to leave as soon as possible.” Nadea was breathing heavily from her run through the jungle and Kaiyer was unpacking one of their horses.

There were four other people in their group: the chieftain’s small blonde daughter, the large and muscular human with long gray hair who served as her protector, a tall man who stunk of the O’Baarni power but told them all he was a guide, and the young human male with mousy brown hair and a timid disposition. They all began to speak at once and ask Nadea idiotic questions.

“How do I get her to tell him?” I asked Entas over the din of human drivel.

“You could not communicate Vaiarathe’s name before, and I had no ideas for you then either. Perhaps if you help her, she will help you with Kaiyer.”

“What do you mean?” I screamed with impatience.

“Everyone wants something. Our subconscious seeks out our desires while we sleep. Guide her to what she wants in her dreams. She will come to trust you.”

“But she already did what I wanted to wake Kaiyer. She just needs to tell him my daughter's name and lead him to the Radicle.”

“Was that what
she
wanted? You wanted Kaiyer awake. She does not care about Vaiarathe.” He turned to the small campfire and the orange flames reflected in his silver eyes. “Maybe there is something else that she wants.” I followed his gaze and saw Nadea studying Kaiyer while he put a pack on the back of the boy. “You wanted to wake Kaiyer, but it appears that she wants something else from him.”

“I won’t help her with that!” I spat the words.

“You are wise, Iolarathe, and you have been observing humans and Elvens for countless years. You may not want to admit it, but you understand their emotions. You will figure out a way to get through to her.”

“I don’t have years to test different tactics. My daughter needs to be freed now.”

“Then maybe you should begin testing my idea as soon as you can.” He smiled at me and I sighed. The jungle smelled of human fear and fresh rain.

“You are right, Entas.” I hated to say those words, but I knew they were true. “I’ve waited this long. I can be patient.”

“See? You are growing wiser every day.”

I looked at the woman’s back and wished I could smack her on the head and scream at her until she gave Kaiyer the name.

“Believe me, I among all beings can understand how frustrating this is.” The old man began to laugh and it evolved into a gut wrenching cackle. I looked at him and saw Entas rolling on the jungle floor. His bamboo cane leaned against a thick tree and his hands clutched his sides as if he was trying to hold his stomach inside of his skin.

I turned to follow Kaiyer’s human escorts to the base of the cliff and then I followed their climb to the top. It seemed as if Entas was still laughing when I arrived where he had cut the rope.

But I was the only one that could hear him.

The air was chilly and my breath came out in a warm fog that twisted before my eyes like a dancer. It was the soft part of the dawn, just before the sun would rise, when life was at its stillest point. The dark lake over which the Radicle stood was a silent mirror, reflecting the stars of the sky like the scales of the dragons I once battled.

Our campsite lay two hours away by foot. Our band of rescuers, along with a hundred of the empress’s green-armored guards waited there. I could not sleep with the thought of my daughter so close, so I’d left a note for Jessmei and sneaked out of the tent in the middle of the night. The Elven sentries saw me leave, but I informed them I would be at the Radicle. They let me go. They knew they could not stop me.

I walked toward the entrance of the Radicle and considered the path that had led me to this point in my life. Not the narrow path we’d taken through the Teeth Mountains, but the events of my life that had brought me here. It all began when I met Iolarathe. We had changed the world and brought forth a new one. Thousands of years had passed. Thousands of people had died. Everything had led me here, to this mystical shrine that would bring our child into this world.

I was fortunate to survive. Iolarathe had died, Entas had died, my family had died. My generals were nothing but legend and history. But I was alive, my daughter was alive. If these Dead Gods the Elvens believed in were real, I wondered if they weighed the horrors I had inflicted upon these worlds with the good I had done. It was not fair that I lived while my people did not. I hoped Malek had finally found a love to rival what he had felt for Shlara. A love that could be returned in equal measure. I hoped Alexia found peace within herself and someone she could trust enough to share her heart with. I hoped Gorbanni got to spend his days breeding horses and teaching others to ride. I laughed, because when I thought of Thayer I knew all he wanted was to be free from the Elvens and fuck a bunch of women. I was sure he had achieved both goals.

Shlara.

I did not recall ever seeing her after Iolarathe’s execution. Maybe she had perished in the fire that destroyed her city. Maybe she survived and the destruction I had wrought only fueled and furthered her hatred of me. If I could have taken back any of the horrible things I had done, it would be that moment when I burned her. Though now I knew that would have left Iolarathe dead at Shlara’s hand.

I would never be able to forgive myself for what I did to her, but I accepted that it had happened and I understood why I had chosen Iolarathe over Shlara. Since I could not forgive myself, I would focus on atonement. I would live a life that would make Shlara proud and grateful I had survived.

Vaiarathe needed my love. I did not know what her personality was like, or what she would expect from me as a father, but I knew that she was made from the woman I loved. I already knew I loved her beyond any other person I had ever known.

Jessmei also needed my love and support while she navigated through her new role as the ruler of this country. The empress had not been pleased to find out that I was back on this world, and the brief conversation between Nadea, Jessmei, Telaxthe, and I indicated that she would attempt to stop me from gathering any of the political power Jessmei could bestow. Her subtle threats were coming from a place of fear, and I knew that I would be able to win her trust after a few years of treating her fairly. And for the time being, she was beholden to Jessmei and I knew Telaxthe would do nothing drastic that might anger the powerful queen.

Alatorict and I had met briefly before I departed on this journey and we spoke at great length about Isslata. The conversation had been difficult due to the complexities of each of our relationships with the Singleborn.

He was the father of the children she carried.

I sighed and turned my thoughts away from the Elven general. He promised to speak with me again when I returned with my own daughter and I knew that I would have to beg the man to forgive me. Though I had killed Isslata in self-defense, it didn’t make our conversation any easier, and I still felt a tremendous amount of remorse over the death of my former lover.

This Radicle was similar to the others I had seen: a gray-green tower that spiraled toward the sky. This shrine had half a dozen stone beds lining the first level. A staircase led up to the room where the Ovule would be placed on the control dais. I carried the leather bag that held the Ovule, but Nadea told me she could complete the ritual without it. As anxious as I was to bring my daughter forth, I knew it was better not to waste the powers of the Ovule, so I waited for Nadea to arrive. I had waited for Vaiarathe for thousands of years. A few more hours should not make a difference.

I sat down on the tile before one of the benches and let my eyes fill with the darkness of the place. For a few minutes there was no sound, sensation, or scent. I forced my mind to think of nothing other than what it would be like to meet my daughter. Dawn couldn’t come quickly enough.

I heard a noise outside of the structure. Footsteps sounded in the forest. I opened my eyes. The first rays of dawn filled the floor of the Radicle. I knew the footsteps and the cadence of her heart.

I would always remember the sound of her heart.

“Nadea,” I greeted her when she stepped into the doorway of the shrine.

“Good morning, Kaiyer.” She smiled at me and my heart skipped. “I couldn’t sleep, and the Elvens mentioned you had left camp an hour ago. I figured you would be here.”

I rose and tried to keep my excitement under control. It would not be long now before I met Vaiarathe.

“Emotions are funny. My father knew I loved him. He loved me. But he couldn’t bear to show me this place. He was afraid that I would figure out how to use it and then leave him.”

“He knew where it was all along?” I asked.

“Yes. When I told him of your daughter, he confessed.” Her smile faded a bit and she sighed lightly.

“What did you say after he told you?”

“Everyone deserves forgiveness. Everyone deserves love.” She smiled again.

“Even me?”

“Especially you, Kaiyer,” she laughed.

“Then why don’t you believe that you deserve love?” I asked her.

She crossed her arms and looked away.

I stepped toward her and reached my hand out to touch her shoulder.

Then I pulled her into my arms.

Her body shook against me and my nose filled with the scent of her hair and the sound of her heart hammering wildly. I could almost taste her skin on my tongue and her arms gently wrapped around my waist. She leaned her head into my chest and let out a deep sigh.

“Do you know how I feel about you?” I whispered.

“Yes. But—”

“No,” I interrupted her. “You know that I love you?”

“You also love Jessmei. You love both of us.” Her slender body leaned into me for another precious second and then she pushed herself away. “It is better that you are with her. She needs you.”

“Do you love me?” I held her shoulder again.

“No.” She averted her eyes.

“Look at me,” I begged. “Tell me you do not love me. If you really don’t, then I will join with Jessmei in marriage.”

“And if I tell you that I do love you?” Nadea’s eyes were suddenly fierce.

“Then you know what I will decide.”

“I don’t love you, Kaiyer. I only want your friendship and the love of your daughter.” She smiled and blinked a few times. “Will you give me your friendship? Will you allow me to return that bond? Will you let me befriend your daughter and treat her as my niece?”

“Yes, of course.” I forced a smile to my lips and let my breath leave my body slowly.

“Should I bring her through?” Nadea asked.

“Can you bring her here now?” I said after we looked at each other for a few more seconds. “Don’t you need Jessmei?”

“She suspected you would leave and come here. She told me she is close enough to sense when I use the Radicle, and she will release the hold then. Do you want to wait for her?”

“No. Jess will understand. If you are here and can do it now, I don’t want to wait any longer.” My heart began to race and I felt the palms of my hands get sweaty. I was more nervous than I could ever recall feeling. Perhaps I had felt this way when I first met Iolarathe and she asked me to wash her feet, but that was many lifetimes ago.