The Devil You Know (20 page)

Anger usually warms me up great, so I tried to summon a healthy dose of indignation to throw at Lugh. I didn’t know exactly what he’d done to me to break the walls around those memories, but it had been a dirty trick. I turned to look at him, ready to let loose with some choice words, but none would come to me. My skin still crawled with the remembered sensation of the demon trying to get inside me, and I shuddered. No wonder demonic possession had been my worst nightmare after that little episode! And how ironic to discover I apparently owed my life to Raphael’s mercy. If you’d have asked me before, I’d have sworn he wouldn’t hesitate to kill someone so potentially dangerous, even if I was only a child. And if my parents made trouble, he could have killed them, too.

Lugh drew me into his arms, and I was too miserable and shaken to object. His body was a solid, protective wall of warmth, and he smelled delicious. I closed my eyes and buried my head against his shoulder. His hair tickled my cheek as he rubbed his chin on the top of my head.

“You bastard,” I mumbled into his shoulder, and his arms tightened around me.

“I’m sorry. But your defenses were weakened. I had to find out what happened before you shored them up again.”

“You shouldn’t have made me remember that.” My words probably would have had more conviction if I weren’t cuddled in his arms at the moment, but I needed the comfort too much to pull away.

His fingers caressed my hair, my neck, my back. “I did what I had to do. And whatever you might think, keeping that memory locked away and not dealing with it is not the best way to heal.”

I shook my head. “So you did it to heal me? Is that what you’re saying?”

His regretful sigh made me feel childish. “You know why I did it.” His hand cupped my cheek, and he pushed me away a bit so he could look into my eyes. “You’ll be all right,” he assured me, giving me a gentle smile that warmed me in ways the fire couldn’t. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

I closed my eyes. It was so easy to fall under his spell, to let myself relax and open up in his presence. Something deep inside me longed to let go completely, to entrust myself entirely to his care—to stop always being so vigilant and guarded. But while the idea tempted me, it also scared the shit out of me. My experiences in life had taught me that you trusted people at your own peril, and I was determined not to endanger myself.

I started to pull away from him, trying to disentangle my body from his while searching out the familiar anger that had always served as my most effective shield. But he just held me tighter, until I could barely move. My eyes popped open.

“What are you doing?” I asked, and my voice was little more than a squeak.

His sensuous lips curved into a smile, but he didn’t say anything. Holding the back of my head, he bent his own head toward me. With a shock, I realized he was planning to kiss me.

Once again, I tried to pull away, a little harder this time. But his grip was like iron. If he didn’t want me to move, I wasn’t moving. The thought sent a chill of fear down my spine. If there was anything I hated, it was feeling helpless.

He hovered in front of me, lips maybe an inch from mine, his unique, spicy scent flooding my senses as he draped one leg over me to hold me even more securely, intensifying my feeling of being trapped. My heart thudded awkwardly in my chest, and my breaths came quick and short. Goose bumps prickled my skin, and I think I was even trembling.

But as he closed that final distance between us, as his lips touched mine, I felt a fire burning low in my belly. I made an incoherent sound, half protest, half pleasure, as he feathered kisses over my lips. I wanted to tell him to get the hell off me, but when I opened my mouth to say the words, nothing came out. I tried once more to squirm out of his grip, but I couldn’t. And though it seemed completely out of place in this context, a bolt of arousal shot through me. He took advantage of what he must have considered an invitation and slid his tongue into my mouth.

I continued to struggle as he tasted the inside of my mouth with gentle, delicate licks. A moan rose from my throat, and even
I
could hear the longing in that sound. If I really wanted him to stop, all I had to do was close my mouth. Hell, a tough broad like me should feel no compunction about biting his tongue to give him the message. It wasn’t like his was a real body anyway.

That wasn’t what I did.

When Lugh’s tongue stroked mine, I felt like my body might melt with the pleasure of it. He tasted so damn good I thought I’d never get enough, a bouquet of flavors I’d never get tired of sampling. His lips were soft and moist, his body a reassuring cocoon of warmth surrounding me. I abandoned myself to his kiss, my tongue tangling with his, my teeth nibbling at his lips.

My brain took a vacation. I forgot all the hell that he’d brought into my life. I forgot the childhood trauma he’d just forced me to dredge up. I forgot that he’d driven my body while I was asleep, and seduced me for his own purposes. All I could think of was how my body burned for him. I drowned in the pleasure of his kiss, abandoning a part of myself in the process.

I don’t know how long it was before he broke the kiss. I think it was a long time. Although I couldn’t miss his massive erection with his leg over mine, he hadn’t even tried for second base, much less a home run—though I think I was far enough gone to let him do just about anything.

When he released me, my first reaction was a mew of protest. I was hot and wet and achy, and I wanted more.

He smiled gently at me. “Enough for now,” he murmured. “You would hate me if I took further advantage.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to assure him that I would do no such thing. I was ready to say whatever it would take to keep his lips on mine. But as he gave me space and freedom to move, my brain cells started firing again and I recoiled.

“You bastard!” I said, with more conviction than the last time.

He gave me a knowing look that reminded me how much I’d enjoyed that kiss, whether I’d wanted it or not.

“In the morning,” he said, “I’d like you to arrange to speak with Raphael. Whatever it is he’s hiding, it’s time for it to come out in the open.”

I let him distract me, because in truth I didn’t want to talk about—or
think
about—how very easily I could lose myself to him.

“For all I know, you could be calling him right this moment,” I muttered sourly.

“That would be difficult, as I don’t know his new host’s phone number. However, Andrew might have it on his cell phone.”

“Oh.”

“If there’s any chance you could let
me
do the talking…” He took one look at my face, then shrugged. “I know you’re still uncomfortable with the idea of ceding control to me, but—”

“Uncomfortable doesn’t begin to describe it!” I remembered Adam’s description of being dropped into an oubliette when his demon didn’t want to hear from him. Lugh was a nice guy—for a demon—but I knew if he had cause, he wouldn’t hesitate to do the same to me. Just one more reason why I could never again let him take control of me.

Lugh acted as if I hadn’t spoken. “But he’s more likely to talk to me than you.”

I remembered Andy’s description of the brothers’ relationship, and I doubted Lugh was right on that count. From what I knew of Raphael, he wasn’t likely to talk to either one of us.

“I’m not letting you take control,” I said. “You know that already, so don’t waste your breath arguing.”

Lugh shook his head, looking disappointed in me. “Don’t you think it would be better if you could let me take control sometimes? As long as you’re hosting me, you’ll be in danger. If Dougal’s minions attack you, wouldn’t you like to be able to let me take over and protect you?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Nice try, but I’m not buying. We’ve already established that I can find a way to let you in when there’s a dire emergency.” Such as having a mob of fanatics about to burn me at the stake. “That doesn’t mean I have to let you in for a freakin’ conversation.”

“Do you remember how hard it was for me to take over?” he asked. “Do you know how close you came to burning? If Raphael hadn’t goaded us both so much, it might not have happened. The next time you’re in danger, you might not have that long.”

And wasn’t that just a cheery thought!

He had a point, and I knew it. He could protect me in ways I could never do for myself. But the price was just too steep.

“You still don’t trust me,” Lugh said, sounding hurt.

Instinct told me to rush in with reassurances, to soothe the hurt in his voice. But even if he couldn’t read everything I felt, I would have squelched that instinct. He deserved honesty from me. He’d earned that, at least.

I met his gaze and raised my chin. “No, I don’t trust you. Not that much. I’m
never
going to trust you that much. I’m sorry.”

Something stirred in those dark amber eyes of his, but I couldn’t have said what. Hurt, anger, exasperation, cunning? A combination of all, or maybe none of the above.

“It saddens me to hear that,” he finally said.

I was still fumbling for the proper retort when the room faded to black and dreamless sleep overtook me.

I spent what little remained of the morning chugging coffee. When I’d drunk more cups than I wanted to count, I felt tired and jittery at the same time. Not an improvement.

Still, if I waited until I felt great to get in touch with Raphael, I doubted I’d get it done in this lifetime. I scarfed down a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in hopes that it might absorb some of the caffeine, then called Andy.

He was cool and aloof with me, still angry, but he checked his cell phone and was able to give me the number Raphael had called from. Naturally, I asked if he’d heard from his former demon again. He said no, but I wasn’t sure I believed him. It didn’t matter, because he was obviously anxious to get me off the phone, and I wasn’t up to a round of twenty questions.

The food didn’t seem to be helping the jitters, and I wished I’d shown a little more restraint when slurping cup after cup of coffee. I dialed the number Andy had given me. Of course I didn’t recognize the voice that answered.

“Raphael?” I asked.

“Ah, Morgan,” he said, confirming his identity. “So good to hear from you. Or am I speaking to Lugh, in which case it’s even better?”

“It’s Morgan, and I have some questions for you.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“How did Der Jäger get into Dr. Neely? And who’s hosting you now?”

Raphael hesitated. I figured he was trying to decide what he was willing to tell me—which would be only what he thought I could figure out for myself.

“I made the mistake of admitting to my supposed coconspirators that I was going to meet you as Dr. Neely,” he finally said. “The Powers That Be decided that was the perfect opportunity to get Der Jäger in past your defenses, so I moved into another host so that Der Jäger could have Neely.”

I shuddered. “Dr. Neely was a human being. You’re talking about him like he was a widget invented for your personal use. And why the hell did you let Der Jäger take him? Don’t you outrank these mysterious Powers That Be?”

“If I’d refused, I’d have had to say why. No one would have believed me if I’d claimed to be defending poor Dr. Neely’s rights. I did the best I could under the circumstances, which was to call and warn Andrew as soon as I had the privacy to do so.”

“Yeah, that was really nice of you. You’re a real prince.” I regretted the choice of words—because, of course, he
was
a real prince.

He sighed. “One wonders why I bother helping you and Lugh when all I get for my troubles is scorn and insults. I’m doing the best I can, but that’s never good enough, is it?”

“Every time I start to feel sorry for you, I remember some of the terrible things you’ve done and the feeling goes away.”

“Bitch,” he said, but he sounded more resigned than angry. “If I had any sense, I’d give up on you and throw in with Dougal for real. It certainly would make my life easier.”

“So why don’t you?” I asked, genuinely curious.

He laughed. “That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? If I figure it out, I’ll let you know, but right now I’m not in the mood for soul searching. I thought you should know that Der Jäger won’t be bothering you again anytime soon. His orders were to kill Lugh and to be inconspicuous, and he’s failed on both counts. Dougal has locked him up again, and I suspect this time he’ll throw away the key. One less thing to worry about, though I’m sure Dougal will come up with something else unpleasant. He’s nothing if not creative.”

That should have been good news indeed, only it opened up a whole other line of questioning. “How the hell would you know that? There’s no direct communication between the Demon Realm and the Mortal Plain.” At least there wasn’t as far as I knew.

“True, but there’s plenty of
in
direct communication, and when you’re the regent’s brother, you get the best gossip. Perhaps this will remind you why it’s a good thing to have a man on the inside, even if the things I do to keep my cover don’t meet with your wholehearted approval.”

I wisely let that one slide. “We still need to talk.”

“So talk.”

I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see it. “This isn’t a conversation to have over the phone. Can you come to my apartment?”

“I
can
. But I won’t.”

“Excuse me?”

“How exactly am I supposed to explain that I’m popping in to visit with you? Andrew’s no longer staying with you, and I’m no longer Dr. Neely.”

“You can say you’re coming to force me to tell you who’s now hosting Lugh. Or who hosted him right after me.”

Raphael chuckled. “So I should come over to torture you? Sounds like fun.”

“It’s not like it would be the first time,” I said before thinking it through.

I hoped he would assume I was talking about the burning-at-the-stake incident, but the deafening silence on the other end of the line told me no such luck. I listened to the drumbeat of my heart as I tried to think of some way to explain away my words, but nothing came to mind. I sighed.

“I guess we’ll do this on the phone after all,” I said.

“I gather you’ve been doing some digging.”

I couldn’t tell from his tone of voice what he thought about my digging. Was he worried about what I’d learned? “Lugh helped me access some repressed memories. Your name came up.”

“There are times when I fervently wish neither of my brothers had been born.”

“I’m sure the feeling is mutual.”

“I never tortured you, Morgan. I may not win any Humanitarian of the Year awards, but even
I
would not stoop so low as to torture a child. It hadn’t occurred to me that a drugged thirteen-year-old would actually resist. I didn’t know the methods Cooper and Neely used until afterward.”

“Ignorance is bliss, huh?”

“For what little it’s worth, I’m sorry. As you know, I have no qualms about necessary evils, but what they did to you was unnecessary. You did not have to summon a demon yourself for the purposes of the experiment.”

That wasn’t even worth “little.” It was worth
nothing
. “Are you sorry you tried to have a child forcibly possessed? Or doesn’t that count as torture in your book?” He didn’t answer, but I didn’t care. I had more important questions. “Why did you do it? Who or what was my father? Why was it so important to try to have me possessed?”

“This has nothing to do with the issue at hand. I’m not answering your questions, either on the phone or in person, so you might as well forget about it and move on with your life.”

“Oh, no. You don’t get off that easy!”

“Yes, I do,” he said, then hung up on me. I don’t think anyone has ever hung up on me as often as Raphael.

I tried calling back, but I wasn’t exactly shocked when he didn’t answer. I figured I could have Adam trace the number and find out who was hosting Raphael at the moment. But I knew Raphael had been telling nothing but the truth when he said he wouldn’t answer my questions. I doubted even the demon Adam’s most ruthless methods would persuade Raphael to talk if he didn’t want to.

Of the people who I knew were directly involved in whatever had happened in that hospital, my parents were MIA, Dr. Neely was dead, the demon host was a mystery man and would probably stay that way, and Raphael wasn’t talking. That left only Bradley Cooper.

With a shudder, I had to admit to myself that my kinder, gentler methods had failed to give us the information we needed. Which meant it was time to call in the big guns, no matter how badly my soul recoiled at the idea.

I spent a lot of time brooding, trying to come up with some alternative other than questioning Cooper with Adam at my side. No brilliant ideas leapt to mind. I considered going out to Cooper’s place and interviewing him on my own. I even went so far as to call a cab to take me out there. Then I called back and cancelled. If I talked to Cooper, and he refused to tell me anything, he could vanish before I ever got a chance to sic Adam on him. After all, I’d already seen how fast the Spirit Society could make someone disappear.

Resolved to my course of action, I’d have loved nothing better than to rush to Cooper’s house immediately and get it over with. Unfortunately, the demon Adam was currently inhabiting Dominic’s body. If I was being honest with myself, I had to admit that the chances were frighteningly high that Cooper might not survive this interview. However, if Adam
did
let him live, it wouldn’t do for Cooper to know Dominic was possessed, even temporarily. That would officially brand Adam as an illegal demon, and that would be…bad.

And so I had to bide my time, waiting until Adam had had the chance to heal Dominic’s body. To keep myself from thinking too much, I spent the afternoon dealing with some of the endless hassles involved with trying to get my life back on track after having my house and all my earthly possessions burned to a crisp. It didn’t do much for my temper, but at least it kept my mind off torture and death.

I had taken the tape off my fingers when Raphael told me Der Jäger was in prison once more, but paranoia had me putting it back on before I went out. I believed Raphael was telling me the truth. Despite all his flaws, even Andy, who hated him the most, said he was loyal to Lugh. But I would feel like an idiot if Der Jäger had told his comrades all the little details of his interrupted interrogation.

It was slightly less than twenty-four hours since Dominic had been hurt when Adam opened the door of his house and let me in. At first, I wasn’t sure which Adam it was. He ushered me into the living room, where Dominic lounged on a recliner. I never thought of myself as being particularly observant of body language, but it didn’t take more than about fifteen seconds for me to know that the demon Adam was still in Dom. Something about the way he sat, or the facial expression…

“How’s Dominic?” I asked, and Adam answered through Dom’s mouth.

“Much better. We’ve been discussing when I should move back into Adam.”

I had to suppress a shudder. It was just too weird hearing Adam’s words coming from Dominic’s mouth. “What have you decided?”

Dominic grinned one of Adam’s grins. “I think Dom’s ready to get rid of me. He tells me I’m a little too much of a good thing.” He frowned. “I think there’s a compliment in there, but I’m not sure.”

“Only
you
would think that,” his host grumbled, but he smiled when he said it.

Dominic sobered and met Adam’s eyes. “Are you ready to take me back?”

Adam’s brow furrowed, and he looked around the room as if searching for something. Then he shrugged. “I can’t see any pressing reason why I should hang around.” He turned to me and smiled, not looking in the least perturbed at the idea of once again being a passenger in his own body.

“It was nice talking to you,” he told me, holding out his hand for me to shake.

Not knowing what else to do, I took it. “Uh, yeah. You, too.” The awkward truth was, despite the many differences I had with Adam, I kind of wanted him back in his own…that is, his
original
body. Things were just too…weird this way.

Dominic heaved himself out of the recliner and came to stand near Adam. “Ready?” he asked, holding out his hand for a very different reason.

Adam let go of my hand, nodded briefly, then clasped Dominic’s.

I held my breath for a moment as they stood there, holding hands and not speaking. I couldn’t help worrying that Adam had been wrong, that somehow this time Dominic wouldn’t be able to stand losing his demon.

Until Dom made a fist with the hand Adam wasn’t holding and punched him in the shoulder.

“Ow!” Adam complained, letting go of Dom’s hand to rub his shoulder. “What was that for?”

“For being a pain in the ass,” Dom said, but he didn’t look terribly pissed off, despite his words. And it was clearly
him
speaking, not Adam the demon.

“How was I a pain in the ass? I thought I took damn good care of you.”

Dominic looked at me with a grimace. “I’ll forgive him eventually, but I just had to listen to twenty-four straight hours of lectures about how I shouldn’t have come charging down the stairs like an idiot. I’d hit him again if I didn’t know he’d like it too much.”

I grinned, feeling like at least one tiny corner of my world was back to normal. “Would you like to hear
my
version of the lecture now?”

He groaned theatrically, then covered his ears and started singing “La, la, la, I’m not listening.”

Adam grunted. “And he says
I’m
a pain in the ass.”

I pulled one of Dominic’s hands away from his ear. “Welcome back,” I said.

“Thanks. Now, since Adam was so busy lecturing me he didn’t cook dinner, let’s retire to the kitchen so I can remedy that situation.”

I didn’t think what I came to ask about would make good dinner conversation. Nor did I think I’d want to eat afterward, no matter how tempting Dominic’s cooking was. Unfortunately, with his Italian upbringing, he would be mortally offended if I didn’t stay.

“Is it okay if Adam and I have a little chat before we join you?” I asked.