The Devil's Lair (9 page)

“That is very possible.”

I hold her head in my hands, kissing her deeply. “Thank you for forgiving me.”

“Whoa…who says I forgive you?”

“Um…”

“You need to make this up to me, my way.”

A groan escapes. “This can only mean I have boring churches, naked statues of David, and god-awful museums in my future.”

She nods at the look on my face. “Yep, that’s right, hot shot. Starting tomorrow. Get some sleep.”

She kisses me and says, “Now, I’ll take that bath.” Disappearing into the bathroom, she leaves me thinking that being castrated would have been an easier fate.

I came clean to the guys. It was inevitable, and only a matter of time before one of Trey’s jokes centered around me anyway. It was easier to just come out with it. Besides, I had to explain why I couldn’t hang out with them and instead had to tour the sights with Mandi. I’d rather them think of me as a perv than a pussy-whipped geek.

I warned Mandi I would be telling them. She was smart not to question my motive and has come to terms with the fact that my behavior has, and most definitely will always manifest severe embarrassment at every turn. It’s who she married.

My wife was gracious enough to excuse me from my hell when she met up with the rest of the girls to go shopping. As I sit here now, being berated by these three assholes, I’m wondering if shopping with the girls would have been the better choice.

“You should have seen the look on his face when he asked me if I had it,” Trey shares. He lets out a low, menacing chuckle. “She had it the whole time. Fucking priceless.”

“Shut up, dickwad.”

“Here I thought you were truly going through something awful, Hunt.” Jack rolls his eyes, annoyed at my truth. “Christ, I kept thinking something terrible was happening to you or Mandi. The reality is a fucking sex tape? Really, dude?”

“Hey, when did you become so self-righteous?”

“Fuck off.”

“What the hell crawled up your ass?”

“I have a lot of shit on my mind, you included. Sorry if I find this whole thing trivial.”

I’ve dealt with him and his shit more than anyone. How soon he forgets some of the trivial crap he’s made me deal with. He doesn’t get it.

“I can’t help the fact my life has been fairly boring in comparison to yours,” I admit, clearly showing my frustrations in my tone. “I get that you equate bad things to pregnant ex-girlfriends or people trying to kill you. Because of it, you and Leila have very realistic expectations of the media and all that comes from being famous rock stars. Thank God my wife hasn’t been exposed to that yet. This is a big deal for the Amattos. Having my wife bared in her most vulnerable state would kill her.”

Jack’s facial expression morphs from one of anger to one of compassion after my statement. “I’m sorry.”

“Whatever. It’s over now. Lesson learned, and all that fucking crap.”

He scrubs a hand over his face and shrugs. “I have a lot on my mind. I lumped you into it all. Honestly Hunt, I get it. You’re right.”

“You’re forgiven.” I point to Trey and Scott. “You two hear that? Mark the date. Jack Lair said I was right.”

“And he’s back to being a jackass,” Scott mumbles under his breath.

“You two gonna kiss now?” Trey asks.

Jack throws his empty beer can at Trey’s head.

“What’s the update with Shane?” I ask Jack, trying to steer this conversation away from me.

“She wants us to think about it more. She is concerned we are jumping into things too quickly.”

“Are you?”

He immediately shakes his head. “No. We both feel the same way. Shane was meant to be in our lives. We can’t walk away from that, from him.”

“It’s a big decision, dude.”

He stares me straight in the eyes and says, “It is and we are confident it’s the right one.”

Jack fills us in on Paula’s plan to return back home to get Shane settled before things quickly get worse for her. He explains the reasons behind her decision. Fuck, that’s awful. The more he shares, the more his torment is evident in his mannerisms. Understandably he’s distraught over Paula’s situation. It’s affected each of us, yet he’s much closer to the circumstances than we are. He has a lot on his mind, traveling with his family on a world tour, and now desperately wanting to help a little boy who clearly stole his heart. No wonder he lost it on me.

Jack lets out a heavy sigh, “Fuck, I don’t know how to handle this. Lei and I do not want Paula to expose Shane to foster care, but it’s not our decision. So we try to convince her he’s better off with us. The alternative is to leave her son behind with strangers anyway? This is all so fucked up.”

He’s met with silence. It’s clear we have no idea how to respond. I know I don’t. Our friend doesn’t get angry at our lack of vocal empathy. I suspect he appreciates it. There’s really nothing we can say to make this right.

Jack

It’s going to be really hard to beat Italy as a tour stop. Besides the kick-ass rock star parties we were invited to, the culture, the food, the gorgeous beach we had the privilege to live on for a week, the best part of Italy was spending that time with my wife and kids. We also had Shane with us overnight the day before we left. Paula had an appointment and said she would meet up with us at our next stop in Paris. Jen accompanied her so she wouldn’t be alone.

Leila and I wondered if leaving Shane with us instead of taking him was a test. Did Paula want us to experience how Shane would fit into our family? How our kids would react to his presence? If it was a test, we all passed with flying colors. Madden followed Shane around like a puppy dog. Siarra, who is normally shy and reserved, got along with him beautifully. My only regret was Paula wasn’t there to witness it. Watching my kids and Shane interact for those thirty hours was a gift. I had already told Paula we didn’t have a doubt that we wanted Shane to be part of our family. Spending that time with him took an already ironclad decision and encased it in titanium.

My wife and I spent hours discussing how we could convince her to not put him in foster care. Every option still had Paula doing the unthinkable, leaving her son behind. We don’t want to upset her. She hasn’t been feeling well and said it’s harder to hide her fatigue from Shane. While in France, Leila arranged for us to take the kids to
Disneyland
Paris on our day off. She loved that idea, saying Shane has always wanted to go to
Disneyland
. It would make another of his dreams come true.

The morning of, Paula woke up feeling worse than ever. She debated on staying back at the hotel, but decided she needed to be there for selfish reasons. The joy on Shane’s face when we arrived to the park was overwhelming. He was so happy. It was adorable watching him volunteer as he diplomatically announced that he would be happy to take the twins on the baby rides to make them happy. Whenever his height allowed, I would take him on any adult, scary ride that he wanted to experience. The kid has no fear.

The day was bittersweet.

By the time we returned to the hotel, Paula was physically and mentally exhausted. The day took its toll on her in more ways than one. She asked if we wouldn’t mind keeping Shane in our room. The medication she was taking often made it difficult to wake up if needed. She could easily ask Beverly to step in, but he’d be happier with us. Of course we obliged. It was a really nice day. Being together with so much joy, fun, and happiness gave us all a false sense of contentment. The mood followed us home.

The kids were out minutes after their heads hit the pillow.

My wife and I took advantage of the fact and made love. We took our time, reveling in each other and wanting to savor every moment, every kiss, every touch, and every release we gave each other. It wasn’t sexy, erotic, or frenzied in any way. It was a merger of our souls and our hearts. We’ve had many nights such as this one. Usually after something traumatic occurs in our lives. It’s a confirmation of what we are all about. It’s a cleansing of outside elements and a reminder that we are one.

Just as it always does when we have one of these soul-searching nights, it left Leila raw and emotional. We are now sitting on the balcony, each lost in our own thoughts.

My thoughts focus on the rest of this tour and how it will play out. I can’t seem to get excited about any of our tour stops any longer. All I can think about is Paula and Shane and what will be. It’s been consuming me and draining me of any enthusiasm I would otherwise be feeling. Our last show in Paris is tomorrow night, and then we head out to England. My band is the most excited about this stop, especially Trey. He’s always wanted to go to England and retrace the steps of some of his favorite musicians.

Leila reaches over and takes my hand. Tears are falling freely from her eyes, otherwise I’d have no hint to what she’s thinking at the moment. I squeeze her fingers within mine, admitting to her that I’m no better off.

I’ve never been exposed to death. My wife has been, at too young of an age to have to deal with it. Shane is even younger. She once shared how something like losing a parent forever alters you as a person. The only loss worse would be to lose a child. Leila said even at her happiest of times, there’s always a pinching feeling inside her heart, always a subtle reminder that someone is missing.

“She’s right, you know?” Leila cuts the silence with her question.

I turn to stare at my wife’s profile. She continues to stare straight ahead, almost as if she’s in a daze. “About what?”

“I wouldn’t want the kids to see me fighting and losing a battle. I wouldn’t want them to see me any other way than being happy.”

I gently bring her hand to my lips, placing one single kiss on her knuckles. The lump in my throat is preventing me from responding normally. The thought of ever losing Leila makes my blood run cold.

“Jack, I don’t know what to do for her.”

“Baby, there’s not much we can do, except to keep her happy and comfortable.”

She finally meets my gaze, the pain she feels etched deeply in the furrow of her brow. My wife is a fixer. A compassionate, loving, and selfless fixer, she can’t fix this.

I tug on her arm and coax her to sit on my lap. She does so willingly, immediately burying her face in my chest. The sobs wrack her body, and there isn’t a fucking thing I can do to comfort her.

Except hold her.

With the three of them laughing and yelling, it’s a wonder we heard the knock. The kids just ate breakfast and are playing rock stars in the middle of our living room, Shane’s idea. Lei and I need to get to rehearsal and are expecting Beverly to come over to take over.

When Leila opens the door, it’s Paula waiting on the other side.

“Hi, come in.” My wife hugs her before moving aside to let her pass. All three heads pick up to see who’s there. Shane bolts across the room, straight into his mother’s arms.

“Hey, buddy. How was your night?”

“It was fun. We’re playing rock band. I’m teaching Madden how to play the bass.” She drops her overnight bag by the door and carries him deeper into the room. Leila and I make eye contact as she listens to her son’s play-by-play of his morning.