The Dirty South (18 page)

‘Where's my P's?' Noel barked.

‘Yeah, where's my man's money,' Priscilla repeated. ‘You're messing with
my
man's money and I ain't feeling that.'

Noel turned to face Priscilla and I wondered if I would have to dive in to stop him from pounding her. ‘Squeak again and your feet are gonna get their groove on with concrete and pavement,' Noel warned. ‘Believe it!'

Returning his attention to Nathan, Noel said, ‘I'm gonna ask you one more time. I ain't gonna shout, I'm gonna be calm. Understand these lyrics. You done English at school and by all accounts the subject wasn't as difficult for you as it was for the rest of us.
Where's my P's
?'

Scared as fuck, Nathan stood with his back pressed against his front door. His mouth was open but no words came out. Why did he close the door behind him? I wondered… He glanced to his left and then to his right. Still no reply. Sweat appeared on his forehead. Noel slowly walked up to him, Lee Van Cleef-like. His eyes bored into Nathan's face, never blinking. This shit was even scary for me. Priscilla was proper liking the vibe of it all, shifting her weight from foot to foot, her eyes alive in anticipation like one of them rich white people sitting ringside at a world heavyweight title fight.

‘Where's my P's?'

‘Just give me two more days, trust me! It's gonna come all good. Don't worry about nothing. You know me, Noel, have I ever let you down? I've always showed you love, bruv. Can't we just reason about this like two proper bredrens? You know how it goes when someone fucks up. Well, someone has fucked up with my money but it's coming in two days. If you can just—'

Noel hit Nathan with a perfect right hook. He went down slowly 'cos his back was kinda supported by the door. Priscilla's eyes grew big. Just as Noel was preparing to boot Nathan's back with his Nike-covered
right foot, I stepped in to stop the beating. ‘Not outside his gates,' I said. ‘His mum might come out.'

‘Then tell the brother to get my fucking money!'

I helped Nathan to his feet. ‘Can't you give him something?' I asked. ‘Just give him a gesture for now 'cos if my man wants to pound someone I can hardly stop him, bruv.'

Nathan, caressing his left cheek, thought about it.

‘Yeah,' shouted Noel. ‘Give me a gesture. A twenty pound gesture… Just to save your pounding.'

‘I dunno if I can ask my mum,' said Nathan, almost in tears.

‘NATHAN IS GAY!' Noel suddenly began to yell. ‘NATHAN IS GAY! NATHAN IS GAY! NATHAN IS GAY!'

If it wasn't so surreal I would have collapsed in laughter. But Priscilla proper lost her composure and she was on the floor in stitches as Noel's chant echoed around the thirteenth floor.

‘To stop him you're gonna have to get that gesture,' I told Nathan.

Nathan ran inside as Noel continued his shouting. ‘NATHAN IS GAY! NATHAN IS GAY!'

A brother emerged from another flat, took a look and decided to go back inside. Noel, not giving a shit, kept on chanting.

‘NATHAN IS GAY! NATHAN IS GAY!'

Moments later, Nathan appeared holding a twenty pound note. He quickly gave it to Noel… The right side of his face was now swelling. Noel snatched the money and stopped his chanting. He had this fucked-up grin on his face. He then, Michael Corleonelike, walked over to Priscilla, tossed the twenty pound note at her and said, ‘Now you can stop asking me to use my mobile. Put some fucking credit on your own motherfucking mobile!'

Priscilla picked up the money from the ground, put it inside her handbag and chose not to reply.

We went back to the ride and I realised why I just had to be around someone like Noel. He was unpredictable, spontaneous and crazy. All the things I wasn't. I could see why Priscilla didn't give a fuck about Noel's floozies… She must have assured herself that at least she's the only one who gets to sit in his ride and as far as
I knew she was. I had yet to see Noel be polite to any girl but they wanted to be with him, wanted to be around. None of these chicks were in Akeisha's class but I guess there wasn't no other bitch in her class.

‘Why did you come up with the “Nathan is gay” chanting shit?' I asked Noel.

Keeping his eyes on the road, Noel replied, ‘My mum has this saying.
The squeakiest hinge gets the oil
. Capish?'

‘Yeah, I comprehend,' I nodded, thinking that despite Noel's ghetto mentality there was something poetic about him.

Noel dropped me off outside my gates when my mobile rang. It was Akeisha. She hardly ever called me, it was always me calling her. I felt my heart thump as I answered my phone.

‘Hello, Akeisha. Didn't expect you to call me at this time of night.'

‘I was thinking about your proposal,' she said. ‘And I re-read your long letter.'

‘Oh yeah. Have you changed your mind?'

‘Sort of.'

‘What you mean, sort of?'

‘I think dinner is a good idea. Did you really mean a proper restaurant? No hot chicken takeaway on Bricky High Street?'

Was this happening? Did she just say that?

‘Of course I meant a proper restaurant! You sure about this? You're not playing me?'

‘I wouldn't do that, Dennis.'

‘So Scoffers it is.'

‘Where is it?' Akeisha asked.

‘Eccles Road that is just off Battersea Rise. A number 35 or 37 drops you right outside. You see, Akeisha, I'm a brother that can take a girl places. So what in the letter changed your mind?'

‘That bit about your parents. It was sweet. Also, I kinda got used to chatting to you every night on the phone so chatting over dinner is not too different to that. Besides, I want to see you again. You've learned your lesson.'

‘You really want to see me again?'

‘As long as you don't get carried away the minute you see me.'

‘I won't, Akeisha. Trust me!'

‘It's alright, I trust you.'

‘Valentine's Day is on the Wednesday, shall we go for our munchies on the Friday?'

‘Yeah, a good idea. But, Dennis, I'm paying half.'

‘Don't worry about it, I've got it covered. You don't have to do that.'

‘No, Dennis, I can pay my way.'

‘You sure?'

‘Yes, I'm sure. What time you gonna pick me up?'

‘About seven.'

‘Oh and make sure you shave off your stubble.'

‘What's wrong with my stubble?'

‘Too prickly. I like a smooth man.'

‘But you've never… OK, it's definitely coming off. It'll be smooth like a Harrods chocolate mousse.'

‘Your training has started well!'

‘You know I'm on you in a big way, Akeisha. I would even do that Jewish shit if you asked me to. You know, the snip thing. They say it's cleaner, all hygienic and shit.'

‘That won't be necessary, Dennis.'

‘I'm really looking forward to this, Akeisha. I'm gonna show you I can be a gentleman.'

‘I'm looking forward to it too, Dennis, but bring yourself, not the gentleman… I'll see you Friday. Don't be late.'

‘Bye.'

She ended the call. Was she kidding? Don't be late? I'll probably be two hours early.

I entered my house with a bounce in my step and as I bounded up the stairs I met Davinia on the landing. She had come out of her room and was on the way to the toilet. ‘Evening, baby sis. How was your day? Good I hope.'

I then bear-hugged Davinia and wouldn't let her go until I gave her a noisy sort of kiss upon the forehead. She kicked me twice in the leg but I simply didn't care. After I let her go she looked at me
like I was crazy and then she said, ‘Akeisha agreed to go out with you then? This is all good, it'll cheer you up. Might make you stop moping around the house feeling sorry for yourself. We was getting worried.'

Burn Davinia! Too damn clever for her own good.

My head hit the pillow that night with a satisfied sigh. Then I thought I'll have to get her a present. Something to remember me by. Yeah, a Valentine's Day gift that she'll never forget. There was no way I could return her wooden bracelet to her after all this time but maybe I could buy some kinda replacement… Yeah, something for her wrist. A gold bracelet. Yeah, no High Street, nine carat, white trash black single-mother ghetto shit. The proper bling. Sixteen carat gold from Hatton Garden has to go on Akeisha's wrist. Or maybe even twenty-four. No other shit will do. I'll ask Everton if I can have Friday afternoon off so I can go up West and buy it. Everton was good like that, as long as I put in the hours later on in the week. He was now paying me nearly eight notes an hour and wanted me to go to college. I said I'd think about it. But damn! I can't wait to see the look on Akeisha's face when she sees what I'm gonna get her. She might even kiss me for it.

I
was seriously thinking of wearing a suit for my date with Akeisha but Davinia talked me out of it. She reckoned that I would look too desperate to impress. I thought about it and she weren't wrong. So I wore a pair of black shoes, blue slacks, cream-coloured shirt and my black leather jacket. Earlier, I received a neat trim from my barber at his salon in Lavender Hill and when I looked into my bedroom mirror before I left my gates, I reckoned I looked wokable enough even for daughters of BNP members to shout an interest.

Calling for Akeisha at 6 40 p.m., I made sure I had my gift safely tucked away in the inside pocket of my leather jacket. The sixteen carat gold bracelet was inside one of the cutest little velvety boxes I had ever seen. It cost me over nine hundred pounds in a jeweller's off Chancery Lane where you had to have proof of ID before they allowed you inside the shop. All eyes were on me as I browsed around looking for what I wanted and I'm sure they thought I was scouting the place for a possible grab and run. Anyway, the stush assistants behind the counter were happy enough when I finally paid cash. I could easily afford it. I was making two hundred notes, sometimes three hundred notes a week shotting on top of what I was earning from Everton.

Wearing black slacks, a black crew-neck sweater and a light-brown suede jacket, Akeisha looked a dream. As I was checking her out she caught me unawares by kissing me on the cheek. ‘Hi, Dennis,' she said. ‘Good to see you after so long. You look well! Very smart. And you got rid of your stubble! You don't have to do everything I say.'

I wanted to say that if she asked me to clean a ghetto sewage drain with a fucked-up toothbrush, I would gladly do it. But I checked myself, remembering Davinia's
don't try to impress too much
shit.

Akeisha explained that her mother, Myrna, was out visiting relatives with Curtis so we had the evening and the night to ourselves. I tried not to think about the possibility of sex. For a moment I wished I'd proposed that I'd bring a bottle of champagne around while she cooked something. The black settee looked so like it was ready for rampant sex. It was comfy and long enough to neatly fit us both. Her legs would look so good if they dangled over the armrest. Damn! Can't think about that. Remember, you're a gentleman, not a perv… Focus, Dennis. Concentrate. Rid the image of a naked Akeisha laying on the settee saying, ‘Come here, big boy.' I had to shake my head.

As we stepped out I felt like a road-sweeper going to a film premiere with Angelina Jolie… Of course I insisted on a cab. No fucking 37 or 35 bus for my queen.

Mum and Paps dined at Scoffers for their wedding anniversary last year and Paps said that Mum never complained once about the food, wine and most of all, the service. The place had to be good and to be honest I had fuck all experience of anywhere else save the spicy chicken takeaway in Bricky High Street.

We sat around a candlelit table with a neat white cloth and as Akeisha was sampling her meal of lamb, baby potatoes, mint sauce and veg, I was staring at the candle reflection in her eyes. I was seriously overawed. If Noel had witnessed this he would've slapped me on the back of the head and told me to stop going on like a pussy… But I couldn't help it. We didn't speak much while eating our dinner, I think we both felt a little awkward seeing one
another again after a break but her little smiles and glances gave me confidence.

It was when our dessert of rich chocolate sponge and ice cream was served that I decided to present my gift. Earlier, I had tried to wrap it up with last Christmas's wrapping paper but after about ten attempts and my bin overflowing with paper, Davinia decided to help me out. No need to say she done a wicked job. She even tied a cute red bow around it. If Noel saw it he would have gave me a right hook and booted my balls from Bricky to Brick Lane.

‘My Valentine's Day gift,' I said, all proud like. Other diners turned around to look at us and they smiled. I bet they wouldn't have smiled if they knew I was a shotta. Burn them.

Before she accepted it she gave me a cautious look. I'm sure she was about to protest but she checked herself, looked around and instead offered me a sweet smile… As she unwrapped my present I never blinked. I felt all good. She opened the velvet box and there it was, the gold bracelet, all nine hundred and ninety pound's worth. It wasn't chunky or blingy, like what ghetto people normally wear, but lady-like and elegant. The candle light glinted off the surface of the bracelet and onto Akeisha's face. For a moment, she held it within her hands, not quite believing what I had given her. She then half stood up, leant towards me and kissed me on the mouth. No tongues but on the
mouth
. She even closed her eyes for a split second. I wanted so much to sample her right then but I had to keep control. Mentally, I kicked the settee image of her naked toned legs out of my mind. It wasn't easy.

‘I'm—I'm stunned, Dennis. I really didn't expect this… Thanks so much, Dennis. I hope it didn't cost too much? You didn't spend too much, did you?'