The Disappearances (29 page)

‘Because he is,’ Raffy said suddenly, sitting up, his eyes dark and thunderous. ‘You’re the one who can’t see it.’

‘So then tell me why,’ Evie said in frustration. ‘Give me an actual reason why he’s so bad.’

Raffy caught her eye, then shook his head. ‘There’s no point,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s too late anyway. He’s done what he set out to do.’

‘Which is what?’ Evie said, her voice at least an octave higher than usual. ‘What has he done? What?’

But Raffy wouldn’t answer; he was lying down again, his back to her, the pillow pulled over his head. Minutes later, Evie could hear the sound of his deep breathing that signalled he was asleep.

She stared at his still body mutinously. How could he sleep? Her whole body was zinging with outrage. How could Raffy be so unreasonable? So unmovable? So … stubborn?

The more she watched him, the more angry she became and she needed to calm down, needed and clear her mind so that she had some chance of getting some sleep. He needed her, she knew that; wouldn’t rest until they were married or living away from all other human contact. But right now the thought of being with him, only him, for ever … It made her sweat, made her breathless, like she was gasping for air, like her oxygen was slowly being sucked away.

It made her feel like she used to feel about marrying Lucas, back in the City, back when she’d thought that the only person she cared about in the whole world was Raffy.

She closed her eyes. Was it her? Was she incapable of being happy, of giving love? She breathed out heavily, opened her eyes again and stood up, then carefully padded out to the kitchen. Perhaps a glass of water would help. She could sit by the fire for a few minutes, let it warm her, let it hypnotise away her dark thoughts and desires. She was angry with Raffy, but she knew it wasn’t really his fault. She was angry at herself, angry at the world. But she wouldn’t be for ever. Things would calm down. And then she would probably be fine again.

She could see Linus and Benjamin sleeping on the other side of the cave, so she poured herself some water then walked over to sit by the fire, to warm herself, to calm her thoughts. But as she approached she saw that Lucas was there, sleeping under a pile of blankets. And she wasn’t sure why she did it, but she found herself walking over to him, sitting just a few inches from where he lay; found herself studying him, his face, the bandages wrapped around his head, his arm, his hand. He looked so peaceful, so calm. She imagined him in the Informer’s camp, so afraid, but still calm and rational, just like he always was. And she realised, as she watched him, that she had never seen him anything other than in control; he was always being strong for everyone, taking the lead. She had never seen him quite so vulnerable, and she found that she couldn’t look away; couldn’t possibly look anywhere else.

And then, without really thinking what she was doing, she found her own hand stretching out, touching his, lightly, then less lightly, her palm over the back of his hand, resting. Her hand looked so small compared with his, so delicate even after a year at the Settlement. She left it there for a few seconds, felt the warmth of his skin against hers. Then, silently, she took her hand away. She shouldn’t be there; she knew that. But whether she had intended to or not, what she’d done had worked; sitting there next to Lucas had calmed her and she felt ready for sleep. Watching his chest rise and fall had slowed her own breathing, slowed her racing mind. So quietly, carefully, she stood up. And that’s when Lucas’s eyes opened. Evie reddened, looked at him anxiously. ‘Sorry,’ she whispered. ‘Go back to sleep.’

But Lucas shook his head and looked right into her eyes. ‘Don’t go,’ he whispered. ‘Stay.’

The hairs on the back of Evie’s neck were upright. Covered with goosebumps, she sat down again.

‘How’s Raffy?’ Lucas asked softly.

Evie managed a half-smile. ‘Asleep,’ she said. ‘Angry with you. Angry about everything.’

Lucas emitted a hollow laugh. ‘Asleep is good,’ he said. ‘And what he thinks about me is irrelevant. Once this is over, he can go back with Benjamin. You can …’ He hesitated, cleared his throat. ‘Both of you, I mean. You can get married, like you were going to.’

Evie nodded slowly, her eyes meeting his, unable to look away. And that’s when she saw something in his eyes, something that gave her hope, something that made her afraid; something that could only be the start of one thing and the ending of another; something that brought to a head everything she had been feeling for so long.

‘Maybe,’ she said. The word came out before she’d been able to mentally process the thoughts that had been tumbling around her head; before she could caution herself, before she could consider the implications.

‘Maybe?’ Lucas frowned, sitting up.

‘Maybe,’ she whispered, biting her lip.

He reached out, his right hand cupping her jaw, his thumb caressing her cheek. ‘You deserve to find peace, Evie,’ he said then, his eyes looking into hers so intently she had to look away.

‘No,’ she shook her head. ‘No, Lucas. I don’t deserve anything. She reached up to the bandage on the side of his head. ‘What happened?’

‘Linus,’ Lucas said with a shrug, ‘threw me off a cliff.’

She removed the bandage, brushed her thumb against the wound, felt the rough edges. ‘Does it hurt?’

‘Not really.’ Lucas’s voice was barely audible.

Evie nodded. Her hand moved down slowly so that her palm was against the back of his neck. She wanted to show him that there could be happiness and joy as well as pain and suffering; needed him to know that at least one person saw him as he really was.

‘You should go to Raffy,’ Lucas said huskily. ‘He’ll be waiting for you.’

‘No,’ she said, and as she spoke she realised that she’d known for a long time. Known that Raffy was the boy she’d grown up with but not the man she loved; not any more. ‘You should go to Raffy,’ Lucas said again, breathlessly, as he moved his arms around the small of her back, pressed her towards him, his hunger for her evident in every touch.

She shook her head, brought her other hand up to Lucas’s face, pressed them into his hair, then she moaned as his lips found hers, as she felt her whole body ignite with desire, with need, with a connection so strong it almost overwhelmed her.

‘Evie,’ she heard Lucas whisper. ‘Evie, Evie …’ Again and again he said her name as he pulled her to him, as his lips moved around her face, her neck, as she clung to him, pressed herself against him, knew that she would surrender to him completely, knew that things were about to change for ever.

Raffy sighed and opened his eyes, then frowned as his hands patted the bed, stretched out, but were met with nothing. He sat up, looked around, tried not to feel the familiar clenching fear that consumed him every time Evie was out of his sight. She’d gone to the bathroom, gone to get a drink. She’d be back in a minute. But a minute went by and still there was no Evie and with every second he felt his chest constrict with terror, terror that she’d left him, that she’d been taken from him, that he was all alone, that she was with Lucas …

He stood up, slowed his breath, put his hand against the wall of the cave to steady himself. He had to calm down, had to take control of himself. She wouldn’t do that to him; she wouldn’t, no matter what that guy Thomas said. He was wrong; he didn’t know Evie.

Although he’d been right about everything else.

Raffy closed his eyes, then opened them again when images of Evie and Lucas flashed into his head, images that had tortured him ever since she’d admitted to him that they’d kissed that night, the night they’d left the City. Evie and Lucas; Lucas and Evie – the very thought brought him out in a cold sweat. Lucas, who had everything else, could not have her; would not have her, not if Raffy was still drawing breath.

He started to pace; she would be back. Thomas was wrong. He had to be. And yet Raffy could hear his words so clearly still, could hear the solution he had offered …

Raffy took a deep breath, counted to three, then counted to ten. He had to calm down. Lucas hadn’t come to steal Evie; he had come to help them, just as he always had. Raffy knew that and yet his resentment had only grown again. Lucas the hero; Lucas the saviour. Lucas the elder brother that Raffy had hated his whole life, hated so much it had become integral to his identity, as though if he were to stop despising his brother he would cease to exist. That’s what Evie didn’t get, what she didn’t see. Discovering the truth about Lucas had only made Raffy hate him more.

Because Lucas’s courage and determination only emphasised more clearly Raffy’s own failings. Because against Lucas, Raffy would always be the also-ran, the let-down. And because one day Evie would see it, and leave him for his big brother.

He shook himself. He was being paranoid. He was letting that Thomas person play with his head, and his head was messed up enough already. Evie wasn’t with Lucas. She loved him. When this was all over, they’d go back to the Settlement with Benjamin, help rebuild it, get married. Everything would return to normal. Everything.

But she still wasn’t back. Maybe he’d just go and check. Just in case.

He picked up his torch and made his way down through the tunnel towards the computer room. If Evie wasn’t in the kitchen or the sitting room he would wake Lucas, ask him if he had seen Evie. Not that he needed help, but more because it would give him an opportunity to talk to Lucas. To be mature. Reasonable. Just like he knew Evie was desperate for him to be. He’d do it for her. He’d thank Lucas for coming. He’d ask how things had been in the City.

He walked purposefully, his ears on high alert. And then he stopped; he could hear something. Evie. Her voice was muffled, a whispered cry, but it was definitely her. He moved quickly, anger flaring up inside him. If someone was hurting her he’d kill them; more than that, he’d rip them limb from limb, cause them more pain than they’d ever known before. He raced towards the sound of her voice and then he stopped, and his mouth fell open, and his whole world came crashing down around him.

She was not in trouble.

It was something else completely.

Evie crept back to bed, and when she saw Raffy lying there, his head on the pillow, unknowing, unsuspecting, she started to cry. Even her tears made her hate herself more because she had no right to cry; had no right to feel anything, not when she had just betrayed the boy she had always loved, the boy who depended on her for so much.

She lay down, closed her eyes, tried to sleep. And sleep came, eventually, but with it were feverish dreams that made her toss and turn, that made her sweat, that made her scream out and sit up. And when she opened her eyes and saw that daylight was creeping in through the cave’s natural skylight, she reached over to Raffy.

And that’s when she realised that he had gone.

Not gone, she told herself, just not in bed. He could be anywhere. Was probably mooching around. He didn’t know anything. Couldn’t know anything. He would be talking to Benjamin, arguing with Linus. Of course he would.

Quickly Evie got up, dressed and rushed out, trying to look relaxed, trying not to look guilty. But when the first person she saw was Lucas, when she saw his eyes, she knew that what happened between them couldn’t stay a secret, not when he was looking at her like that, his eyes naked, every thought and emotion clearly visible in them, just as they were probably visible in hers.

She forced a smile. ‘Seen Raffy?’ she asked, her voice light but shaking because she was trying to sound normal, but she’d forgotten what normal sounded like, because nothing was normal, nothing would ever be normal again.

Lucas shook his head and his forehead creased. ‘He’s not …’ Evie knew the end of the sentence: ‘with you’, words that Lucas couldn’t bring himself to say. Had he suffered all night knowing that she was returning to sleep in bed with Raffy, she wondered? Had his night been as fitful as hers had been?

She shook her head. ‘You didn’t see him out here?’

Lucas shook his head again; Evie started to move more quickly through the cave. She called out Raffy’s name but was met by silence. Soon Lucas was calling out too, walking then running through the cave, checking everywhere, shooting each other concerned glances as they searched.

‘What’s up? Lost Raffy?’ It was Linus, emerging from his sleeping bag.

‘He … he was asleep. But now …’ Evie said worriedly. ‘I’m sure he’s here somewhere.’ An image filled her head, an image of Raffy waking in the night, coming to find her, seeing her with Lucas … But she pushed it away. No. No …

Linus looked at Lucas, whose face was more serious than Evie had ever seen it. ‘We can’t find him,’ he said.

Linus’s face fell, went a grey colour. ‘The Informers got in here and took him? No, it’s impossible. No one can get in here. Not unless you know how. Not unless …’ He ran to wake up Benjamin. ‘Benjamin, did anyone follow you? Did you check? Double-check?’

Benjamin woke with a start, then slowly stood up. ‘No one followed me,’ he said, quickly. ‘So what’s going on?’

‘Raffy’s gone,’ Linus said grimly. ‘They must have got in. But how? And how did they take Raffy without waking Evie? It doesn’t make any sense.’

‘I was not followed,’ Benjamin said categorically. ‘I know I wasn’t. Could they have found us some other way?’

Linus was pacing up and down, his arms wrapped around his chest. ‘No. I mean yes, obviously, because they did, but no, it’s impossible. And to get in, to take Raffy without us hearing anything …’

‘Either way, we have to find him,’ Lucas said. ‘I’ll find him. I’ll go out, they can’t have got far.’

‘You’re not going anywhere,’ Linus said, his eyes narrowing.

‘Yes I am,’ Lucas replied, his blue eyes full of determination. ‘We can’t wait for you to work out a plan. Raffy’s in danger and I’m going after him. I’m going to find my brother.’

‘No, Lucas,’ Evie said anxiously. ‘They might be waiting.’ It wasn’t the Informers. That wasn’t why Raffy had disappeared. She knew it, knew it in her stomach. He had known something. Somehow he had found out. But she couldn’t say anything, because she knew no one would blame her; she knew they would blame only Lucas.