The Dom with the Dragon Tattoo [Masters of Submission 5] (Siren Publishing Everlasting Classic) (14 page)

Rebecca knew exactly where the conversation was leading, but talk of children made her feel inadequate. Why the fuck hadn’t she told him already? She’d had numerous chances, but she’d always taken the coward’s way out and put off telling him for another time. The time was now.

Tell him.

“Marry me, Becca.” He kissed the top of her head.

“Yes,” she whispered, knowing full well she deceived him.

Coward. You’ve got to tell him. You’ve got to tell him now
.

He hugged her closer still and tenderly brushed his lips over her ear. “You’ve just made me one happy guy. I’ll row us back to shore, and we can get started on those kids right away.”

Tell him, tell him, tell him. What the fuck are you doing, woman? What you’re doing is not fair. If you can’t give him the children he craves, let him go. Leave him. Let him find a woman who can give him children—a real woman—not some barren vessel.

No, no, no, I won’t leave him. I am a real woman, and I love him, and I won’t let him go, because I can’t live without him.

You can, and you will. Leave him before it’s too late. Leave him before you see the disappointment etched on his face.

Leave him!

Tears trickled down her cheeks and dripped into the boat. She was so confused. She just didn’t know what to do anymore.

A breeze was getting up and he stroked a stray hair from her eyes. “Why the tears, honey?”

She wiped them away with the back of her hand, but however many times she did it, they just kept coming. “I’m so happy, Ty,” she lied.

“That’s just great, honey, now let’s get you home.”

Rebecca had crossed the line in the sand. She’d promised herself she’d tell Tyler the truth before their relationship got to this stage. That way, she’d have given him the option of moving on without her. She hated herself at this precise moment, because she knew she’d trapped the man she loved with her lies and deception, and it would be impossible for him to continue loving her once he inevitably found out the truth.

She knew she would love Tyler Stone until the day she died.

In the sweltering heat of the cab, Tyler opened his flight bag and took out Rebecca’s letter. When he’d first discovered it three weeks ago, the day after he’d proposed, he was so fucking angry he’d screwed it into a crumpled ball and thrown it away. Later, when he’d calmed down, he’d taken it from the trash can and smoothed it flat. Now he slid the letter from the battered envelope again and began reading, already knowing the words by heart.

My Darling Ty, I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I’ve done to you, but I hope an explanation will go some way to helping you understand the position I find myself in.

I know when you read this letter you will be sad and disappointed, as well as angry, and, my darling, I fully understand you have every right to feel this way.

You’re better off without me, Ty. I always thought of myself as a strong, independent woman who made her own luck in life, but I was too weak and selfish to tell you face-to-face what I’m about to reveal to you now. You may think I am a coward, and you have every right to believe that, because in truth, I am. I just couldn’t find my courage when it was needed most.

You see, my darling, it deeply saddens me to tell you that I am unable to have children, and because you were adopted yourself, I fully understand how much it means to you to have a family of your own. Please believe me, Ty, it was always, always my intention to tell you before I fell so deeply in love with you, but the time just never seemed right. I suppose I just couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the disappointment in your eyes.

Please believe me, even if you had comforted me and told me everything was just fine, I know the nagging disappointment would return and haunt us both a year or two from now, when the realization finally hit home what you’d sacrificed by marrying me. I told my previous Master, Mitch. Like you, he longed for children, and our relationship eventually finished. I love you so much, Tyler. I couldn’t bear to see you react in the same way as him. When I looked at Mitch, I saw a face frustrated and disappointed by my infertility, and I hated the way it made me feel. Barren, fruitless, desolate. Not a real woman.

I was diagnosed with leukemia when I was barely ten years old and spent the next two years fighting the disease. While the chemotherapy helped save my life, it unfortunately had the side effect of destroying my fertility. Over the years I have seen endless doctors, and they’ve all told me the likelihood of me producing a child of my own is realistically zero.

No one can understand the gnawing ache I feel deep inside when I see a happy little boy or girl walking hand in hand with their mother. The ache in my heart at times seems unbearable, knowing that I cannot enjoy and savor what millions of other women take for granted. I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me, Ty. I don’t deserve your sympathy. All I’m trying to do in my own clumsy way is to try and explain as best I can.

My dearest Master, yesterday, the day you asked me to become your wife, was the most wonderful day of my life, and despite me writing this letter, I’m so glad I got to share that perfect day with you. I know if we’d become man and wife, you would have shown me many things, but because I love you so much, I have to let you go.

Be safe, be happy, but above all remember I will always love you so very much. Have a wonderful life.

With all my love, Rebecca.

“This is the address, senhor.” The cab driver’s broken English announced his arrival.

Tyler glanced across the street at the low-level property. It looked like a thousand other beachfront houses. White stucco walls, with landscaped gardens.

In irritation, he dragged a hand across his face, feeling the stubble rasp beneath his fingertips. Fuck, it was hot, probably more than a hundred degrees. Three weeks ago today, he’d woken to find Rebecca gone and just a handwritten note to take her place. The waking nightmare had continued until he’d been given this address by the private investigator he’d hired at considerable cost.

He shook his head. Was it really only three weeks since Rebecca had left without a word? Shit, he still felt so fucking angry, but he felt compassion, too. Each day seemed a lifetime without his Becca and he missed her so badly, he’d hardly slept in all that time. The icy chill that had gripped his heart when he’d discovered her letter lying on the pillow next to him still remained. Tyler glanced across at the unassuming property again. He had every right to be angry, but he also understood her reasons for leaving, even if they were totally fucked up.

Tyler slid the letter back in its envelope then put it in his flight bag and zipped it up. Typical fucking woman. Didn’t she realize that his happiness was linked to her? He still loved her. That was why he’d proposed to her at the lake. Why the fuck hadn’t she confided in him? Was he that much of an ogre? But sneaking away without a word, after they’d made love three times that night, was unacceptable behavior, and when he finally caught up with her, she would be severely disciplined.

As if reliving the whole sorry episode again, Tyler clenched his fists into hardened balls of steel. How dare she disrespect her Master by leaving like that?

It had taken a private detective nineteen days to find her. Nineteen fucking days of wondering if she were dead or alive. Rebecca was an intelligent woman and had made herself hard to find. Mark Johnson, the PI he’d hired to track her down, had eventually traced her to this very address, in Ponta Negra, Maricá, a largely unnoticed municipality north of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Completely shattered and in need of sleep after the eleven-hour flight from Houston Intercontinental Airport, Tyler decided to get some rest and a shower at a local hotel before returning. He needed to be more in control of his emotions than he was at present. If only this godforsaken country wasn’t so fucking hot.

He tapped the cab driver on his shoulder. “Take me to the best hotel in Rio.”

“Sim, senhor.”

Rebecca strolled aimlessly along the beautiful sandy beach, her thoughts with Tyler as always. The cooler evening wind whipped the hair against her face, stinging her cheeks.

Melancholia was her constant companion now, and she breathed in the salty sea air as she took in the golden sands stretching out to infinity. At least down here in Ponta Negra, she felt more in tune with herself. During her course of chemotherapy, which started when she was ten years old, she’d often visit this very beach with her nurse as part of her treatment. She’d longed for her mother to take her, but Sophia Miles always seemed to have far more pressing engagements to attend. As a child, it had raised her spirits when she’d seen the Atlantic Ocean in all its glory. The intense chemotherapy would have been extremely debilitating for an adult woman, let alone a young girl, and she’d often become depressed, wondering if it were all worth it. The regular bouts of nausea and vomiting were particularly unpleasant. At times she hadn’t wanted to continue with the chemo, but just witnessing nature at its most powerful, had given her the will to fight on.

Now she wasn’t so sure. That was why she’d retreated to the friendly refuge from her childhood. Without Tyler, she wasn’t sure she wanted to carry on. What would be the point? No other man could ever take his place in her affections, because she would love him, and only him, until the day she died.

Damn it to hell.
She wiped away a teardrop before sidestepping a huge breaker that came crashing in. The day she’d left Tyler had been the worst day of her life. It had almost destroyed her to leave him sleeping peacefully, especially after he’d repeatedly told her how much he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

Her hand had trembled with emotion, and tears had streamed down her cheeks as she had written her farewell letter. Rebecca calmed herself with the knowledge that eventually he would find a woman who could give him what he needed and deserved—unconditional love and children. She just wished it could have been her.

The fine sand felt warm beneath her bare feet, and it scrunched agreeably between her toes as she made her way up the beach toward her villa. Thanks to her privileged upbringing and education, she spoke fluent Portuguese, and therefore had no difficulty renting the modest, yet comfortable beach house for the next three months. God alone knew what she would do after that, because she didn’t have a clue. Without Tyler to guide her, an unhappy rudderless existence lay ahead. She was angry with herself for being so goddamned unprofessional. She’d left Cerberus Technology without even completing the project she’d been hired to do. That was unforgivable of her. She’d let herself and her team down, and she had no illusions that Tyler wouldn’t be angry with her. Leaving an important project unfinished would only have pissed him off more.

The sun set quickly in this part of the world, and by the time she reached her house, the other coastal properties were lighting up, sparkling into life like Chinese lanterns floating in the night sky.

A set of stone steps rose from the sand and led to a low-walled sun-trap. It was a relaxing place to spend the early morning, when the first golden rays broke on the horizon. She’d often sit out here with a cup of strong black coffee, watching Mother Nature at her most magnificent. It saddened her to realize that such beauty meant nothing without Tyler beside her. After climbing the steps, she walked past the solitary sun lounger then headed toward the glass patio door.

Rebecca suddenly froze as her fingers curled around the handle. That was odd. The sliding partition lay open an inch or two, yet she felt certain she’d secured it properly when she’d left the house for her evening stroll less than an hour ago. She shook her head. In her current state of mind, she barely remembered to eat, and when she did, it was almost nothing. So maybe she shouldn’t be surprised that she’d left the door unlocked on the way out.

Still, purely as a precaution, she would check the place out, just to make sure no one had broken in. Despite its vitality and cosmopolitan nature, the area around Rio was rife with crime, so she needed to keep her wits about her. Carefully, and very quietly, she slid open the glass door and stepped inside. The interior appeared quite dark now, and mysterious shadows seemed to be everywhere, so she flicked on the lights. She put her hand to her chest in relief when the living area instantly flooded with a reassuring warm glow. It was just as she remembered, all perfectly kept, with its white-washed interior walls and golden terrazzo floor tiles. Her latest read,
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
,
still lay open on the coffee table, at the exact page she’d left it. Everything was fine. It was just her imagination playing tricks on her. However, the rented beach house had two bedrooms and a bathroom, so just to be on the safe side, she’d check those out, too. Knowing full well that it would make a useless weapon, she grabbed the table umbrella from the stand by the door and held it out in front of her like a charging knight on horseback. How sad was that?

When she heard a door creak, she shouted out, “Quem está aí? Who’s there?” Her voice was shaky, and she didn’t think her tone would frighten anyone away.

Using the parasol as a tool, Rebecca tentatively prodded the door to the first bedroom. It swung wide open, revealing the simple rustic furniture inside. Nothing seemed amiss here, and she allowed a relieved outward breath to flow freely from her lips.