The Duke's Divorce (The Reluctant Grooms Series Volume IV) (27 page)

“Let us only hope the legislation passes.”
Robert said. “‘Twould be a terrible thing if all this work was for
naught.”

“It will pass” William said with solemnity.
“Richard made a sound argument, and I said my piece. But we shall
soon see.”

“Yes, we shall.” Robert bade his cousin and
his wife good-night and locked the front door. Fiona had
disappeared.

He found her in the dining room, helping to
clear away the last of the dishes.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” she said. “I find I am still a
bundle of nerves and cannot seem to settle.”

“Well, would you like to join me in the
library? I’m sure a glass of brandy will help calm you.”

She followed him and sat in one of the chairs
by the dying fire.

Robert poured her a short balloon of amber,
and leaned against the mantle.

“How do you think it went?” she asked.

“I believe it is too soon to tell. However, I
am sure we have definitely given them something to think
about.”

“I took the liberty of engaging the wives to
the cause. Lady Montlake was very concerned as her nephew is with
the Fourth Regiment.”

“That is very thoughtful of you.”

“’Tis the least I can do.” She swirled the
liquid in her glass and took a small sip. “When is the vote?”

“I shall have the first of them on the
morrow. The prospect it shall pass forthwith is too much to hope. I
would imagine the last of the opponents will drag their feet up
until the very last session for the year.”

“And if it does not pass then?”

“Then we shall have to wait until next year.
Unfortunately, with Prinny now seated as Regent and his proposed
changes to Parliament, who knows what shall become of my
legislation.”

“I am sorry,” Fiona said. “I know how much
this means to you.”

“Yes, well. Is that not the English motto –
live to fight another day?”

Fiona finished her brandy and stood. “If you
will excuse me. I think I should like to retire now. It has been a
very long day.”

Robert took her glass and put it on the
sideboard. “I shall walk you up.”

“No. Thank you. I desire to be alone right
now. I have a lot to think about your discussion from this morning
and your company would only prove distracting.”

“I see. Well, then I wish you good-night,
Fiona.”

“Good-night, Robert.” And she left.

Robert stayed by the fire until the embers
turned to ash.

*****

Alone in her room, Fiona undressed and
crawled between the covers. The dinner party had gone exceedingly
well; high praise coming from her mother-in-law confirmed it.
However, she still felt out of sorts. What should have been her big
triumph was merely cold comfort that she had gotten through the
night with no major faux pas attributed to her hand.

This morning Robert had said he cared for
her. Tonight he had shown her. Tonight he acted toward her the same
as his contemporaries treated their wives with respect and
affection. Smiling, flattering, touching her with a gentle
possession that in no way could be denied. It proved only one
thing, that in front of his peers they were a happy couple. She had
no desire to know what he thought of her in private.

For six days after the dinner party, Fiona’s
life was quiet and uncomplicated. She walked with Merry in the
morning, spent her afternoons in Lady Joanna’s company if she was
about, and in the evenings stayed home. She declined all
invitations leaving speculation with her absence. Robert escorted
his mother, which left Fiona alone in the great house to do as she
pleased, and most nights curled up in the library and read
Shakespeare. Edwards hovered, ready for her beck and call, but she
rarely ever called. Fiona did not give a particular reason why she
secluded herself at Cantin House, only that she did not feel well.
In truth, she had finally received her courses after nearly two
months and found they laid her lower than ever before.

She also found, with the weather turned
warmer, she missed Peebleshire. The lambs were due, if not already
there, and she yearned for the joyous wonder of each new birth. Her
father had never thought of them as anything but chattel, but Fiona
loved each and every creature. Her days would be spent in the
fields with the dogs, tending to the flock, watching for the
wolves. Each morning, moving the lambs closer to the great barn to
be marked, and then put out in another pasture. Fiona longed for
the open green earth, the smell of the wool, the sound of the
little voices bleating for their mothers.

Fighting her homesickness, sitting alone
every night, her mind wandered far and wide, and one of the topics
it landed upon was children. Penny had shared she might be
enceinte
, and Mrs. Gaines, nearly seven months along, glowed
with such happiness Fiona wanted to weep every time she saw
her.

Fiona had never entertained the thought of
having children. Living under her father’s roof, there was no need
to contemplate the desire, but here in London, she was made
increasingly aware that it was every woman’s fondest wish. Marry
the man of your heart, produce an heir, and live the rest of your
life in protected bliss. Fiona had no illusions it wasn’t that
easy, however, there was something to be said for giving the man
you love what he wants most in the world.

Fiona wondered if she and Robert would ever
find their way into the marriage bed. He doted on her excessively
now, lavished her with jewels and trinkets, even went so far as to
have a carriage made for her, a miniature version of the great
Cantin barouche. Touched he thought so highly of her, yet there was
still something disheartening about his manner. Yes, he praised
her, yes, he flattered her, yes, he was so attentive to her she
sometimes wished he would go back to Cantin Park as she couldn’t
stand his oft overbearing consideration. Because she couldn’t help
feel there was something missing from it.

She couldn’t get past the idea he was only
playing her in a fool’s game, that once he had her heart and soul,
he would turn away from her again. He acted no differently than he
had during the weeks after the incident at the dock, but Fiona
couldn’t trust that his affection was real. In the past, whenever
she got close to him, whenever she let her heart open, he crushed
it. Perhaps this time her heart wouldn’t allow her to believe him,
that it was protecting her from the devastating heartbreak that was
sure to come. Inasmuch, if she admitted what she really felt, and
he refused her, she would never get over it.

She loved him. There was no denying it. Oh
yes, sometimes she wanted to slap him for his supercilious attitude
and nonsensical ideas, but even with all his faults, she loved him
desperately. She wanted to be his wife in every way, bear his
children, keep his house. And she knew her love was futile.

The promised pain from another, greater
rejection kept her silent. Overwhelming sadness bore down on her
like a noose around her neck, trapping her in a half-life she
couldn’t live, yet wouldn’t give up to the ghost. If she told him
she loved him and he didn’t reply in kind, she would
look
the fool. And if she told him and he annulled the marriage anyway,
she would
be
the fool.

On Tuesday morning, attending Penny’s
at-home, she found herself tucked away in a corner with Lady
Olivia. The old woman had a fondness for her, and Fiona took great
comfort in that. She’d never had a grandmother and Fiona found
herself drawn to the woman’s wisdom and no nonsense approach to
life. Used to having the duchess speak her mind, Fiona was barely
bothered when the dowager asked if she and Robert had come to an
understanding.

“He has told me he cares for me,” Fiona
replied glumly. “He does the pretty very well in front of his peers
and even at home, but I cannot make myself believe him.”

“Why not?” Lady Olivia demanded. “It is nigh
on time. Listen to me. I have known that boy since he was in
leading strings. He has never shown any great affection for another
woman in his life, save one. And that chit was absolutely gormless
to let him go. You, on the other hand, would be a bigger simpleton
if you did. I can see how much you love him. You are dying inside
every time you look at him, and he wears the same look. You two are
wasting valuable time with this game of yours. Go to him. Go to him
now and tell him you love him.”

“I cannot,” Fiona said.

“What are you afraid of? That he will not
tell you in return.”

Fiona couldn’t speak, only nodded.

“He will tell you, of that I am certain, but
he will not be the first, therefore, you must be the braver of the
two. You will both be happier once it is out in the open.” Lady
Olivia took up her hand and patted it.

“What if he does not say it? What if…”

“What if he does?” Lady Olivia rebutted. She
took a sip of her tea. “You have changed, dearest, since Robert
first brought you home. You are not the meek and mild creature he
knew in Scotland. You do not bow and acquiesce to his every whim as
you did with your father. You have found yourself and your place in
Society as the Duchess of Cantin. You stand up for your own
convictions even when they go against his. You have shown everyone,
including him, you are strong and powerful in your own right. No
one can take that away from you. You do not need him. Not the way a
woman ought. And that scares him. Men, I’m afraid, do not know what
to do with a woman who feels a man is not essential to their
happiness. Therefore, it is a question of want. You must tell
Robert how much you
want
him, then tell him how much you
love him. And, unfortunately, you must be the first to declare your
heart if you wish to stay in this marriage.”

Fiona sat and drank in Lady Olivia’s words.
Oh, to just believe them!

“Do what I tell you to do and go home and
tell Robert you love him. It will ease your mind and Joanna’s as
well. I should not tell you how much she longs for you to stay in
the family.”

Fiona knew Lady Joanna cared for her very
much. It would break her heart if Robert annulled the marriage.
Yes, she would have to be the braver of the two of them.

But not yet. She would wait a little while
longer. The thought of Robert’s rejection was still too fresh in
her mind. She couldn’t take the chance. She would give it another
week or two. Until their ball. She would know by then if what
Robert felt for her was true.

*****

Robert noticed a change in Fiona as soon as
she returned from her afternoon at Penny’s. The ennui that hung
about her since the day after the dinner party was gone, and in its
place an innocent coquettishness. She smiled, and laughed, and did
not turn away from his advances. She seemed to like him again and
he was exceedingly grateful to whoever had brought it about.

That night she returned to the ballroom on
his arm, and they danced, and talked among their friends. Fiona was
gay and vibrant, and Robert was glad they had somehow found their
footing again. They also resumed their nightly kiss in front of her
bedroom door and he could barely wait for the night of the ball. He
had decided that would be the night he shared her bed and told her
how much he loved her.

Eight days passed and Robert was gob-smacked
that Lady Olivia’s advice had been right. Waiting for Fiona to fall
in love with him had been the right course. He could see it in her
eyes when she looked at him. He could also see the hunger. The
night of their ball would be their destiny.

Finding Fiona in the conservatory two days
before the festivity, he asked, “How are the preparations coming
along for the ball?” She did not seem as nervous or as fretful as
she had been for the dinner party.

“Very well. Edwards has taken care of
everything.” She smiled as she picked the dead bloom off a
miniature rose.

“What color is your gown for that
evening?”

“A deep red, like this flower. Why?”

“I should like to buy you a new jewel to
match.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him. “There
is no need. I shall wear my pearls.”

Pearls? A knot formed in Robert’s stomach. “I
have never seen you in pearls, and I have not given you pearls.
Tell me, are they from Greenleigh?”

Fiona laughed. “No, do not be daft.”

Robert clenched his fists. His voice rose.
“Do you have another admirer I do not know about? Is that what you
were doing all those nights at home alone, meeting your lover?”

Fiona turned to face him with a half-smile,
curiosity in her eyes. “Are you jealous, my lord?” she asked in a
light tone.

“No, I am not jealous, but if you remember, I
will divorce you if you cuckold me. Tell me, Fiona, are you having
an affair? If you do not tell me the truth and I find out…”

Fiona placed the plant she had been trimming
back on the table. She took off her gloves and wiped her hands on
her apron. He waited for the shrill barrage that was her denial.
When she looked at him, he fully expected to see storm clouds
raging in her eyes. What he saw, however, stunned him, for her eyes
were filled with sorrow so grave they had drained of all color.

“I am not having an affair, my lord,” she
said quietly. “But I do want to thank you for reminding me of our
agreement.” With that, she walked out of the room, leaving him to
wonder why she hadn’t railed against him as she usually did. Why
she carried herself with the air of tragic defeat.

Robert’s annoyance with himself over the
imagined affair gnawed at him for the remainder of the day. Of
course, Fiona told the truth. It was not in her nature to be
duplicitous. But the pearls…who were they from? Yes, he
acknowledged to himself, he was jealous, truth be told, insanely
jealous, and it was a woman’s vain amusement when a man admitted
it. However, he hadn’t participated in such folly in over a
decade.