The Embers Of My Heart (25 page)

"No!"

"You have a drawer full of them, don't you?"

She giggled and looked away. "Maybe. You know, I think you really surprised Todd when you called him uncle."

"I remember him looking surprised," I said. "Why do you bring that up? Other than to distract me."

"I think he's forgotten what a blood family is like," she said. Her gaze dropped down and then away.

I squeezed her shoulder and her hand came up to cover mine. "As long as you don't inflict your fetishes on them, blood families are all right."

She laughed. It sounded a little forced. "I need to get some sleep," she said. "I know you've had an uneventful and boring day, but mine's been full of excitement and danger."

"I believe I'll join you, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind at all." She turned the light off. I put my arm over her and held her close.

Chapter Sixteen

I dedicated the first week in Seattle to recovering my strength. Both my body and mind had suffered from the pressure of the mental fracturing. Star exercised my mind with a series of basic psionic exercises and my body with walking around the city. After that first night, I started sleeping on the couch. She hadn't said anything, but her expression every time I said good night told me she was hurt. I couldn't explain why I was avoiding intimacy.

"So this is the corner where I nearly got run over last month," she said. I focused back to reality and found her grabbing my arm and pulling me back. "I don't need you trying to copy me, dear."

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

"Obviously." She didn't let go of my arm. "I wasn't either. Had to jump backwards and fell right on my ass! He didn't even stop to see if I was all right!"

"Was he cute?"

"Ugh, no! He was smoking, he had a huge bushy beard, and he looked like he was pushing fifty."

"So, yes."

"No!" We crossed the street, heading back toward her apartment. My uncle had finally been able to clear time to meet us this afternoon. She decided we should take a short walk before meeting with him. I only argued a little. I didn't want to admit it, but my recovery wasn't going as quickly as I hoped. "I think we've got time for some coffee if you'd like."

"Sure," I said. "Lead me."

Naturally, she knew every independent coffee shop in walking distance. This one wasn't as much of a hole in the wall as the last one. Once we made our orders, I looked around to see what sort of customers this place attracted. There was a couple in one corner talking quietly, probably on a date. A girl sat at another table with a laptop in front of her and a notebook to her side. The door opened and I glanced over my shoulder as a young couple pushing a stroller walked in. I looked back to Star, then snapped my head back around in a double take.

"Kevin?" The woman stared at me and I found myself speechless. "Is it really you? What are you doing out here?"

"Who's that?" Star whispered to me.

My oldest, closest friend from high school. I had loved her, once. She had shown up at my house over last winter vacation. She told me she was pregnant. I snapped and drove her away. That was only eight months ago, but so much had happened to me since then, it felt like years. "My friend from high school." I forced myself to smile. "Hi, Steph. I'm here on vacation over summer break."

"I see." She smiled back at me. "Well, I'd like you to meet my husband. Joel, meet Kevin."

I exchanged significant looks with him. He was a slick looking character, his hair greased back a bit, his eyes bright and blue and a little quirk to his smile. We shook hands. His grip was a little on the weak side. "Pleased to meet you," he said. "Steph's told me a lot about you."

"Only good things, I hope," I said. "This is Sarah."

"Hi, nice to meet you both," she said.

Steph looked back and forth between us. "Are you two together?"

"It's one of those complicated situations," Star said. "And who are you?" She leaned forward toward the stroller.

Steph's face lit up and Joel gave me another significant look, complete with silent sigh and eyes rolling toward the ceiling. I almost felt bad for him, but the baby was as much his as it was hers. Steph knelt down next to the stroller. "This is Sapphire. We named her after Joel's birthstone. She's about four months old."

"She's adorable," Star said. I heard something wistful in her tone.

"Isn't she?" I could tell that Steph was about to launch into details about the baby, probably including agonizingly personal aspects to childbirth. From the pained look on Joel's face, he was anticipating that too.

I put my hand on Star's shoulder and felt her jump. "I don't meet to cut you off," I said. "But we're going to be late if we get carried away, aren't we?"

"Oh. Yeah." Star stood up quickly and looked over her shoulder. "Our orders have been sitting there, haven't they? I'll get them."

Steph stood back up and looked at me. Joel looked at her, then moved toward the counter to place their order, leaving the two of us alone for a moment. "Are you all right now?" she asked quietly.

"I think so," I said. "Better, at least."

"Good. I'm glad."

Star came up and handed me my cup. "Ready?"

"Yeah." My eyes met Steph's again. "It was good to see you again, Steph. I think you'll be a great mom."

"Thanks, Kevin. That means a lot." She smiled again.

"Take care," I said with a smile. I didn't need to force it this time.

Star didn't say anything until we were a good block and a half away from the store. "We didn't need to hurry out of there, you know. We have time before Todd's going to show up."

"I know," I said. "But she'll talk forever if you let her. And she doesn't have a filter."

"And you were uncomfortable."

"Yeah. Weren't you?"

"In a way." She sipped her coffee. "Have you thought about it?"

"About what?"

"Getting married. Having children, a family. Just in general."

I took a sip of my coffee to give myself a moment to think. "I don't think I'm ready for that sort of thing yet. I want to finish school first. Well, that was the idea, at least. Finish school, start working, and then worry about the rest. Those plans might be changed a little."

"I understand that." She sighed. "Do you know how jealous I am of my sister? Jess is going to get to do all those things and I'm not. She's got a normal boyfriend, a normal career path ahead of her, and I know she's going to want to start a family."

"I don't think calling Max normal is strictly accurate," I said.

"You know what I mean."

"I know what you mean. He's latent."

"Huh." She considered that for a few steps. "Well, that shouldn't change anything for her. She's got nothing to pass on, so their kids will only be latent at best."

"What do you mean?"

"Twin Theorem," she said. It rang a faint bell, but I couldn't remember where I had heard it before. "There are hundreds of years of studies on how our talents are inherited and passed on. Most of the studies end up contradicting each other. No one has a solid grasp on the genetics behind it, if it even is genetic. Your Establishment's the most advanced in the world, though. Not even the Illuminati have pieced it together yet, as far as we know."

"So what's this twin thing?"

"It makes no sense whatsoever," she said. "So, say you're having a kid, and the kid's going to be talented. But early on, the embryo splits. Twin time. Normally, you'd think they both have the same genes, right?"

"Sure, that's how identical twins work, if I remember my high school biology."

"It's impossible for talented parents to have completely identical twins." Her tone was flat. "If you did a genetic comparison between me and Jess, there would be a series of significant differences, enough that you'd question if we were identical or fraternal."

I frowned. "That doesn't make any sense. You are identical, right?"

"Barely. Once genetic testing became feasible, everyone tested twins like crazy. One gets all the genes for talents. The other gets nothing. Jess is as normal as humanly possible. The comparison would show that we're sisters, definitely related, but there'd be too many differences to say we're definitely twins."

"So you got the rest."

"Sure did." She flexed with her free arm. "I got all the good shit."

I tried to remember more of my old high school biology. "Not to overly simplify things, but doesn't that mean that if we compared your genes with Jess's, we'd figure out where the genes that provide us with our talents are?"

She nodded. "Some of them. It's far more complex than the simple Punnett square they teach in high school. Some genes suppress psionics. Some genes prevent it entirely. Different combinations have different effects. To make it even worse, there are significant differences between a psion from China and one from England, for example. Even English and American psions have a notable genetic drift over close to three hundred years. Everyone's trying to analyze how it works, but no one's come up with a unifying theory yet."

"Do you think Todd knows? He was part of the Establishment for a while."

"Ask him," she said. "He doesn't tell me shit about those days. Maybe he'll tell you."

She slipped into the shower as soon as we made it back to her apartment. I sat on the couch and let my mind wander. I did want a normal life. I did want to marry and possibly have a family. I didn't know anyone with psionic powers who actually had a stable family. Star's family thought she was dead. I knew that Absynthe had had a fling with Shade, but nothing serious. Nikki never told me much about her family, which was telling enough. Serious relationships didn't seem to work out. What did that mean for Star and I?

I heard the bathroom door open and she walked out into the living room. "Just got a text from Todd while I was in the bathroom," she said as she dried her hair with a towel. The rest of her was air-drying. "He's grabbing some lunch on the way over. What are you making that face for? It's nothing you haven't seen before."

"It's been a while," I said as I carefully studied the floor.

"You're being weird," she said. "Fine, I'll be modest. You can look now." I looked up and she had wrapped the towel around herself. "Better?"

"As long as you get dressed before he actually arrives," I said.

"I get it, you don't want to share." She winked at me and let the towel slip as she walked into her bedroom. "Are you sure you don't want to help me get dressed?"

"I'm pretty sure helping you get dressed isn't what would happen."

She looked around the corner, stuck her tongue out at me, and then ducked back in. I rolled my eyes and settled back in on the couch. Nikki had almost never been so aggressive toward me. I almost never felt wanted with her. Star always made me feel wanted. Sometimes it was a bit too much. Sometimes she got on my nerves. I let out a deep breath and shook my head. It felt better to be wanted too much than not to be wanted at all.

Her door opened and she walked out, dressed in a sheer yellow tank top and white shorts. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and her feet were bare. I stood up and walked to her. "What?" she asked as she finished tying her hair back.

"You're beautiful," I told her.

Her eyes widened and she looked down. I lifted her chin to see her eyes tearing up. I kissed her. Her arms slid around me and tightened and she clung to me as if I was the air she needed to breathe. When our lips finally separated, her eyes were dry again. "So that's where you've been," she said.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been distant," she said. Her hands slipped down along my arms until she was holding my hands. "You've been far away, ever since you got here. It's like you didn't remember your feelings."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I know you've gone through hell in the past few weeks and I haven't been able to be there for you." She squeezed my hands. "Just...just be true to me, ok?"

The surprise on her face as she said that must have mirrored my own. I squeezed her hands back. "I will."

"You mean it?"

"Of course I mean it."

A knock at the door interrupted any further developments. We both jumped backwards, and then laughed. She brushed her hip against me as she walked to the door and threw it open. "You better have brought a ton of food or I'll kick you right out. I'm starving," she said.

"Kick me out?" My uncle walked into the apartment. Without my head breaking apart, I was able to get a better look at him. He was tall, unreasonably tall, well over six feet. His hairline was receding and he had a few lines on his face, but he definitely resembled my mom. His eyes were gray, not as dark as I had thought before, but his hair was the same shade as mine. He handed Star a bag, but his eyes didn't leave mine. "You're taking liberties when you talk to me like that, you know. I might be old, but I can still kick your ass." He stepped past her and stopped just out of arm's reach from me. "Hello, Kevin," he said quietly.

"Hello, Todd. Uncle Todd." He was broad across the chest, obviously the type who hit the gym a couple times a week. I stepped forward and offered him my hand. His grip was strong.

"So. You're Patsy's kid, all grown up. I haven't seen you since you were five or six." He grinned. "Hope you've got her appetite. I did pick up a lot of food."

"Good, I'm starving too," I said.

"Better not let her eat it all," he said, jerking a thumb toward Star. "She eats like a horse and I'm pretty sure she cheats, because she never gains any weight."

"Youthful metabolism," she said around a forkful of fried rice. "Bet you can't remember what that was like."

"One day, you'll realize you have to put effort in," he said. "Come on, Kev. Let's dig in before it vanishes."

We ate and made small talk around the table. Todd wanted to hear about the family. Star didn't say much, but I could tell she was listening intently. I told him about some of the highlights of the past few years, up until my first attempt at college. Once we reached that point, I fell silent and the conversation died out. After a moment, I looked up. "So. What is the Resistance?"