The End of All Things Beautiful (24 page)

“You
will,” I tell her and when she looks at me the anger and hatred toward me is
gone. “It might not be what you expected, but you will. Do you think I expected
to lose my best friends, that I’d drink myself to sleep every night and stop
talking to the person I fell in love with when I was five?” I ask, shaking my
head, answering my own questions. “As much as it hurts now and will probably
always hurt, you need to find something that brings you joy. You have to repair
what you can.”

Samantha
rises from the table and in response, I follow her. She stops in front of me
and in that instant, I don’t think about it. I hug her and I feel her stiffen
slightly, before she wraps her arms around me and sobs into my shoulder.

I
can’t control myself and I’m sobbing along with her as Benji stands next to me,
leaning in, he presses a quick kiss to the top of my head. I never thought when
we showed up here unannounced that it would end up like this. Samantha’s
forgiveness means more than I can ever put into words. And while none of us
will ever know the exact reason Tommy took his own life, we can be there for
each other.

I
pull back from Samantha, both of us still crying, her hands shaking as I take
them in mine. “I know you don’t know us, but we want to be here for you and
Thomas.” I look over at Benji and he nods in agreement. I can only hope that
she’ll allow this, because we need to set things right and this relationship
might be our only hope.

“You’re
all Thomas has left of his father,” she says clutching my hands. While she
doesn’t come right out and say it, I take her response as a yes. I don’t even
know where we’ll begin, but at least it’s a starting point.

I
didn’t come here to find forgiveness; more to take a step forward in healing.
The fact that I found it makes moving on so much easier. I’m not sure where
we’ll go from here with Samantha and Thomas, but I’m grateful to her for
sharing their story and for allowing us to be a part of Thomas’ life.

We
wish Samantha goodbye and leave without saying goodbye to Thomas at her request.
She had asked us not to because she wants an opportunity to talk to him about
who we are and attempt to explain a few things to him about his father. We have
to respect that. We left our contact information and an invitation to visit
Benji’s house when the weather gets better. And from here, we can only hope
that Samantha allows us to be part of their lives. It’s all we can do.

Benji
left this morning and even though I said I would go with him, I stayed behind
to pack and also to catch up on all the work I’ve missed. I’m sitting at my
desk in my office thinking about how this will probably be the last time I’ll
be here. I have plans to finish packing up everything I need and head out in
the next day or two for Benji’s. The two of us spent the better part of last
night packing so that everything is ready, only leaving a few of the things I
need. I have movers coming over the weekend and I’ll be leaving some things
behind for the renters I hope to have soon.

Jack
has taken care of placing an ad for me and has told me he’ll handle any issues
that should arise with renting my house. While I’m sad to leave, I know it’s
time to start my life with Benji. Up until now I’ve just been going through the
motions, not really living. I’m excited to see where all of this will lead.

“Hey,”
Jack says as he comes into my office. “Didn’t think I’d see you today.”

“Yeah,
I know. I figured I should get ahead of things before I move. Not sure when
I’ll have my office,” I use my fingers to quote the word
office,
“up and running.” Now that I’ll be working from home, I
need to get everything squared away before I can even think about starting
work. Even though most of my job is done through email, phone calls and internet
research, I’d like to have an office set up in Benji’s house so that I don’t
have everything scattered all about. There’s usually a lot of paperwork that
goes along with my job.
 

“I’d
really like it if you’d just take some time off,” Jack says firmly, like he’s
my father or something. Demanding, but still concerned and it makes me laugh.
He’s standing with his hands on his hips, trying to look intimidating, yet
failing. He doesn’t scare me.

“Whatever
you say, boss,” I tell him, rolling my eyes as I flick my hand in the direction
of the door, shooing him away.

“Just
take it easy,” he says back. “You’ve been through a lot and just because things
seem to be settling down doesn’t mean this move and these changes are going to
be easy.”

I
love that Jack is voicing his concern for me. This is something that in the past
both of us would’ve ignored and right now it makes this move a little more
difficult.

“I
know. Things are different now, though. I won’t be bottling anything up
anymore. I think we both know how that turned out.”

Jack
nods with a small smile on his face, but I can tell behind his eyes there’s
sadness. Now that we’ve finally started to form a relationship, I’m about to
leave. But I don’t intend to forget Jack or everything he has done for me.

I
stand up and walk to where he’s standing, reaching up, I wrap my arms around
his shoulders as I pull him in for a hug.

“Thanks,
Jack.”

“Of
course, but I don’t need you going soft on me now. I still need the hard ass
bitch who helps run this company. If that goes away, I’m firing your ass.”

I’m
laughing now because I know that has been my go-to method for dealing with this
job and I often wonder if I’ll be as successful without it.

“No
worries, Jack. I can turn it off and on like water from a tap.”

“I’m
not so sure about that,” Jack says, rolling his eyes. “You and Benji are all, ‘baby
this and baby that,’ you’re quite nauseating.”

“Get
out, you asshole,” I say, winking at Jack as I shove him out the door.

I
spend the entire day at the office catching up so I don’t have the extra work
hanging over my head. My phone chimes just as I’m walking out the door and when
I pull it from my purse, I see a text from Benji.

Benji: I’m home and I miss you terribly
already. When are you coming home?

I
laugh at his text. Jack is right we are nauseating, but I love it.

Me: I miss you too and I’m glad you’re
home safe. I’ll be at our house tomorrow night. I promise.

I’ve
debated about when I should leave since I will have to come back in three days
to deal with the movers, but I don’t want to be away from Benji any longer than
I need to. As I’m trying to figure out whether I should contact Jack about
being here to help the movers instead, another text comes through.

Benji: I love that you called it our
house and I love you.

Without
giving it a second thought, I call Jack and ask him if he can take care of
getting the movers sorted at the house over the weekend. In the past I never
would’ve considered relying on someone else for help, let alone my own brother,
but a lot has changed and the fact that he agrees to help me without
questioning it, makes me smile.

I
finish the night out by tagging everything that will be moved to make it easier
on Jack and the movers. Anything that will remain is left on a list on the counter
in the kitchen.

And
when I finally make it to bed, I’m exhausted but feeling like the weight of
everything I’ve carried over the last nine years is gone. It’s like I’m a
different person.

I
wake early the next morning, my car packed and with Jack seeing me off. I wave
goodbye, and as bittersweet as it is to leave my house, my job, and my brother,
it’s been a long time coming. I have very few reservations about leaving
everything I’ve ever come to know, to start over again. But in a way it isn’t
starting over, it’s picking up where I left off. This is the way my life was
always supposed to be. It just took me nine years and far too much bullshit to
get here.

My
car is sliding all over the road the farther I drive north and the slicker the
roads get. I don’t dare tell Benji. One, because he’ll worry and two, he’ll
definitely make me get a new car immediately. I laugh as I think about how
insistent he’ll be about it all, but I also know he worries. After what we’ve
been through, the last thing either of us needs is a car accident to scare the
shit out of the other one.

When
I finally pull in the driveway nine hours later, due to my extra cautious
driving, Benji’s truck isn’t here. I knew I should’ve stopped at the shop
instead of going straight to the house, but I’m tired of driving and I’m ready
to get things settled.

I
send Benji a text to let him know I’ve arrived and that I’ll start making
dinner. I hear back from him quickly telling me he’s finishing up and should be
home within an hour.

Making
it easy on myself since I know I have a lot of unpacking to do, I pull out a
pot, some noodles, and grab a jar of spaghetti sauce from the pantry. Leaving
everything on the counter, I head to the bedroom to begin unpacking and find
myself immediately distracted, forgetting all about starting dinner. The boxes
are stacked all over the room and some of them have already been unpacked.
Benji has made room in the closet and cleared out the dresser for me. He had
started putting away some of the stuff I sent him with when he left, but there’s
still plenty to do.

The
hour passes quickly and before I know it Benji is walking in the door and
happily calls out, “Baby, I’m home!”

A
ridiculous smile is plastered on my face as I yell back, “I’m in the bedroom!”

I
hear Benji take the stairs two at a time, practically running up them and I’m
laughing when he walks into the bedroom.

I’m
sitting on the floor looking up at him, his hair disheveled, his flannel shirt
unbuttoned revealing the white t-shirt underneath, a huge smile across his
face. He smells of freshly cut wood and I close my eyes as he leans down to
kiss me.

“Welcome
home,” he murmurs close to my mouth, his lips softly brushing against mine.

I
fall back, laying down on the rug as Benji crawls up my body, the weight of him
pressing into me. His face is in the curve of my neck as his lips press tiny
kisses against my skin. I wrap my arms around him pulling him closer and enjoying
how relaxed and comforted he makes me feel.

“My
shoulders are killing me,” I say, as the pain of being slumped over boxes for
the last hour hits me. “Will you rub them for me?” I ask.

With
his mouth next to my ear, his warm breath against my skin, tickling me and
making me smile, he says, “Funny, because my dick is killing me. Will you rub
it?”

I
burst out laughing, pushing him off me as I sit up. With Benji sitting in front
of me, a sly grin on his face, I can’t help but find him completely adorable.
“Cheeky boy,” I say, as I kiss the tip of his nose. “How about we have dinner
and then you can seduce me with your terrible attempts to lure me into having
sex with you.”

“Terrible?”
he questions, his hand over his heart as he fakes like I’ve insulted him.

“Yes,
baby, terrible. You can do better than that. Actually, you don’t need to. I’m
pretty easy. It wouldn’t take much to get me in your bed.”

“Oh,
believe me, I know. This coming from the girl who lost her virginity to me in a
tent when we were fifteen.”

Benji
puts out his hand and I take it as he helps me up off the floor. His beautiful
blue eyes are locked on mine as if he’s recalling the memory of that night. He
was perfect then and he’s still perfect now.

“Do
you ever wonder why our parents still allowed us to sleep in a tent together
when they obviously knew we were fooling around?”

“Nope.
Never. I didn’t care. I was just happy to get you alone and naked.” He shrugs
his shoulders as if that’s seriously the only thing that crossed his mind.

“You’re
hopeless.”

And
suddenly I find myself locked in his arms as he walks me backward toward the
bed. Benji’s hands already under my sweatshirt as he runs them along my spine,
his fingers leaving my skin burning everywhere they’ve touched.

“I
might be hopeless, but you love me and you love what I do to your body; the way
I make you feel.” His voice is deep and throaty and sexy as hell, and if we
were planning to eat dinner, it’s definitely been postponed.

“Aren’t
you hungry?” I ask, and Benji chuckles, his mouth next to my ear as he begins
nipping and sucking on my earlobe.

“Oh,
I’ll have something to eat,” he responds, as he lays me down on the bed and his
hands immediately move to the waist of the yoga pants I’m wearing. Within
seconds he has my pants and my underwear off. Tossing them to the side, he
whispers, “You need to wear these pants every single day. Easy access.”

I
laugh, my head falling back against the bed as Benji pushes my shirt up
exposing my bare stomach. His mouth begins to kiss a path of warm kisses, his
teeth grazing as he goes and he stops at my hipbone, biting lightly.

“Benji…”
I moan and he settles himself between my legs. My body is aching with
anticipation with what he’s about to do. I’m desperate for him.

But
he’s teasing me, taking his time. I feel him grip my thighs as his mouth
continues kissing and biting as he goes. I’m squirming in his grasp, waiting
for that moment when his mouth is finally on me.

“Please,”
I beg out loud in frustration, and when his mouth finally touches me, I bury my
hands in his hair and call his name again. The word echoing in the silence of
the large bedroom.

He’s
slow and deliberate, taking his time, making me beg him, and teasing me with
his tongue. My hands are pulling at his hair, forcing him closer to my body as
my legs begin to shake. I’m close and he knows it and desperately I want more,
but he pulls his mouth away from me. His hands leave my body as he slips out of
his jeans and begins to kiss his way back up to my mouth.

Before
I know it, he’s inside me and we softly moan in unison at the feeling.

“I
love the way you feel inside me,” I murmur, my eyes closed. The weight of
Benji’s body is pressing against me and there’s nothing like it. I want to be
surrounded by him; I want him to cover me. I wrap my arms around him, pulling
him closer, and he begins to move slowly.

I
feel like I’m on fire and his skin is warm to my touch. I can feel the light
sheen of sweat on his back as I dig my nails in, urging him to move faster.

“Faster,
harder,” I plead and Benji grins against my mouth as I wrap my legs around his
hips.

“Baby,
you feel so fucking good. Let me enjoy it,” he murmurs back, his hips pushing
against mine.

The
tension builds in both of us despite his slow movements and Benji pushes up on
his hands. When I open my eyes, I see where our bodies are connected, I see him
watching and that’s when I come undone. Calling out his name, I feel him push
into me one more time and that’s when he falls apart too. Groaning out his
release as his body collapses on top of mine.

Hot
and sweaty, both of us exhausted, but sated. We lie together, neither of us
moving as I run my hands up and down Benji’s back, feeling the lines of his
muscles and the softness of his skin. The perfection of this moment, of this
day, and of the last few weeks hits me and reminds me how lucky I am.