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Authors: Sean McGinty

The End of FUN

BOOK: The End of FUN
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Copyright © 2016 by Sean McGinty

Cover design by Matt Roeser

All rights reserved. Published by Hyperion, an imprint of Disney Book Group. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher. For information address Hyperion, 125 West End Avenue, New York, New York 10023.

ISBN 978-1-4847-6747-4

Visit
www.hyperionteens.com

TITLE PAGE

COPYRIGHT

DEDICATION

EPIGRAPH

01. MAY HAVE SAVED MY LIFE

02. YOUTHRIVE
®
ACADEMY

03. ZAZZ
®

04. FUN
®

05. THE SHIT

06. TICKLE, TICKLE, BOOM!

07. PARTY™ TIME

08. A BOY AND HIS ROBOT

09. THE BIRD

10. SMÓKZ™

11. KING COWBOY

12. LUCKY PEDRO'S

13. GLITCH-OUT

14. MORNING WHEEL

15. AMAZING GRACE

16. THE DOG

17. SPARKL*JUICE™

18. SHOES

19. HEART TO HEART™

20. THE FREEZER

21. AS SEEN ON

22. LITTLE BAGGIE

23. TAMING OF THE SHREW

24. SO SOFT

25. SHE WAS A SPACE AMAZON

26. BONUSES

27. …BOOM!

28. BUNNY_LUVR21

29. OSO

30. INFINITE WEIGHT

31. LOOT

32. ZAZZ
®
II

33. DARKSIGHT
®

34. EVIL, HAIRLESS RABBIT OF TRUTH

35. ROMEO AND JULIET

36. PRIDE ≠ COURAGE

37. MORNINGSUN™

38. VINTAGESHACK™

39. FLASHLIGHT

40. BUCKET MOUSE

41. RMS MARY

42. LOAD ALL

43. COYOTE HEIGHTS

44. LIGHT IS LIGHT

45. PENCIL VS. FUN
®

46. CODECRACKER™

47. ANSWER CRANE

48. KOMBUCHA

49. SUNFLOWERS AND STARS

50. BOO! FOR MATH

51. BLISTERS

52. HAZMAT

53. ASS MOUNTAIN

54. LATHAM SISTER ARCHETYPE DILEMMA

55. DAILY INTELLIGENCER

56. PIZZAZILLA™

57. MEG WIG

58. EC0G33K

59. FOREIGN LANGUAGES

60. PURE RADIANCE

61. ARSE

62. ♥LESS™

63. THE CHEESE

64. INTERACTIVE CHEMISTRY

65. THE SOFTEST ROLL

66. NANOBUBBLE

67. DECODER

68. HAPPYTIMES™

69. INTELLIGENCER AGAIN

70. DANGER IN SLOW MOTION

71. FLAMEPROOF

72. THE BIRTHDAY PARTY

73. NO ESCAPE

74. THE OTHER BIRTHDAY PARTY

75. BEST CHOICE

76. THE PART THAT SUCKED

77. THE PART THAT CONTINUED TO SUCK

78. WACKER

79. BACKHOE

80. GOOSE

81. PRIMALTRAVEL™

82. FEVER DREAM

83. BARBECUE?

84. JOLLY RANCHERS™

85. REVELATIONS

86. THE LAST COWBOY

87. LOCK

88. LIVIN' ON A PRAYER

89. A HUNDRED WAYS TO SAY ADVENTURE

90. THE PINES

91. IT DOES NOT DIE UNDER ANY CONDITION

92. THE LAND OF THE LOST

93. ACE DEFENDER PETER JULIET

94. FROM THE HEART

95. TRUE

96. DUMP TRUCKS

97. OSMOS™IV

98. YAY!

99. TRUE TALES OF BURIED TREASURE

100. AND THEN HE TURNS INTO A BIRD

(THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP ALONG THE WAY)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tara & Cedar

My continuous word of warning is that you should never be discouraged by failure, and never expect success. Then if you don't find the treasure, you will not be too disappointed, and if you are successful, you'll be able to stand it more gracefully.

—Edward Rowe Snow

Dear To Whom It May Concern Or Whatever,

This is Aaron O'Faolain and I've got some Issues. The directions say I'm supposed to
briefly discuss reasons for Application for Termination of FUN
®
. But in order to
briefly
discuss one reason, first I have to explain something else, and before I get to that there's
another
thing, and in order to cut through the crap and get it all straight in my head, it's going to take a little more space than the space provided provides. Which is why I'm doing it here in the YAY!log. I hope you don't mind.

But if you are checking this out and you
do
mind, please understand that I'm not here to troll or anything. I just got a little behind on my FUN
®
—and that's my second issue. To even be
allowed
to file an Application for Termination, I have to get my YAY!s back up to +100. Which is crazy, but what can you do? So here I am. And if you feel like throwing me a YAY!, that's awesome. Please feel free to YAY! me so hard, and I will YAY! you so hard right back, and we can live out our lives together in peace and harmony forever with eagles and rainbows amen.

OK, here's my rundown:

name:
already told you
username:
original boy_2
age:
17
region:
america
mood:
sleep depraved
status:
fail
history:
(see below)

So as for History, that's where it gets kind of complicated. A lot has happened, and it's going to take some explaining. Before I get to the part about the werewolf pills, or the hidden treasure, or the amazing holy wonder, I should probably go back to where it all started, aka my childhood, aka what it was like to grow up in a craphole town in the middle of nowhere, aka Antello, Nevada.

At first it was OK, I guess. Lots of bike riding in the brush. Blue belly lizards. Abandoned trailers. That kind of stuff. The main bad thing that happened was when I was 10 and my mom left town to be with this guy named Hawk. Seriously, that's what his name was.
Hawk
. Mom met Hawk on a dating site, and they bonded over their deep affinity for being irresponsible asswipes and therefore moved to Sacramento, California. The rest of us handled it in our own ways. Dad drank box wine, Evie wrote sad poetry, and I tried to kill myself, which first of all I do NOT endorse, and second of all *** spoiler alert *** I did not accomplish.

Pro tip: do not try to kill yourself at age 10—or any age, really—and especially not by knocking back a bottle of liquid sleep aid and then tossing yourself off the roof of a garage in the middle of a snowstorm. Which, by the way: YAY! for Doze+
®
SleepStrong
™
liquid sleep, and a big shout-out to its gag-inducing harvest apple flavor, which may have saved my life that day, seeing as right after I chugged it, I barfed it all back up on the carpet. Instead of cleaning the mess (a fate worse than death), I decided,
Why not jump off the garage?

So I climbed the crab apple tree to the roof of the garage and stood there in my jammies with the snow whipping round. And as I gazed down from those lofty heights, I knew—I mean, I just couldn't deny it—those heights weren't even
remotely
lofty enough to kill me. Still, I did in that moment exhibit perseverance and follow-through. I mean, I
did
jump.

But right after I jumped I had this thought—or more like a series of thoughts:
What up, A-dog? Whatcha doin'? You think this is a wise decision? This is not a wise decision at all.

I swear I was out there for a good ten seconds, just floating in midair with my thoughts, cartoon-style. But then gravity kicked in and I began to fall, and as I fell I managed to make a grab for the rain gutter, which is how I sliced open my hand, and also how I got distracted from my very imminent landing. And as I very imminently hit the snowy concrete, I did detect with my ears a most terrible
POP!
emanating from the general vicinity of my left anklebone area.

Pro tip #2: when your sister finds you on the driveway with blood all over and a foot pointing in the wrong direction, and when she asks what happened, do NOT tell her you tried to kill yourself. If you tell her you tried to kill yourself, she'll freak and tell your dad, and he'll send you to some doctors, and those doctors will medicate you to within an inch of a lobotomy, and you'll lose the next six years of your life in a slightly damp, slightly bitter lavender-flavored brain fog.

Don't do it.

I'm telling you.

Just say you fell.

BOOK: The End of FUN
6.62Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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