Authors: Dima Zales
“You mean to tell me that Readers don’t kill Pushers just for being what they are?” I give him a dubious look. “What about the genocides?”
“That’s in the past. Modern Readers don’t kill Pushers for being born as they are. Or better to say, anyone we have influence over doesn’t, not since we’ve learned of the good that Pushers have done in the world,” Rose says.
“Good?” I blink at her. “What kind of good?”
“Well, for starters, during the Cold War, we know a powerful Pusher prevented nuclear war,” Rose says.
“Possibly more than once, hon,” Edward corrects.
“Wow.” I’m surprised Hillary and the others never told me about such a feat.
“Yes. We have been fascinated by our Pusher cousins for some time now, and any enmity between us is a direct result of the Orthodoxy’s efforts,” Rose says with a touch of regret. “They want things to be like they were in antiquity, and their strategies are succeeding so far. In Russia, our people are still at each other’s throats.”
I nod, thinking about some of the stuff I heard from Eugene. “But something about the Orthodoxy doesn’t make sense to me,” I say after a moment. “If they don’t want Readers and Pushers to be friendly, they’re sure not acting like it. After all, they’re cooperating with each other, like Jacob and that Pusher Caleb killed.”
“Yes, it’s a hypocrisy of the tallest order,” Edward says, looking disgusted. “But cooperation is their only chance of taking us on. They know if we allied ourselves with the Pushers, everything would change, and change in the world is what they fear most.”
“Bear in mind that we have no idea how the Orthodoxy is structured,” Marsha says. “There is a chance that the alliance is tenuous. We certainly hope so. There is also a chance that they plan to eliminate each other as soon as they’ve achieved their goals.”
“And truthfully,” Rose says, “though we’re not out to kill Pushers, this age-old hatred is very hard to overcome, despite everything we’ve learned. It happens to be the focus of my ‘loving kindness’ meditation.”
“So, with those things out of the way, you should proceed to Joining with us,” Paul says, giving Rose a strange look.
“Why?” I ask. “I didn’t like it when I Joined with Caleb, so I’m not all that eager to do it again.”
“You will do it so we can trust you,” Paul says, furrowing his white eyebrows.
“Right, but don’t we have a Catch-22 here? I don’t want to do it because I’m not sure
I
trust
you,
” I say, trying not to sound petulant.
“Your view on the matter is irrelevant.” Paul’s face reddens. “You’re going to do as you’re told.”
He sounds like my uncle Kyle, and that pushes all sorts of buttons for me, so I tell him, “Listen, Grandpa, go fuck yourself.”
“You little—”
“If I may,” Rose says, interrupting whatever insults Paul was about to throw at me. “Darren, let me show you around the Temple some more. I think we should have a nice chat.”
“Please bring me into your Mind Dimension when he’s ready,” Marsha says and walks over to her body. She says it as though it’s a forgone conclusion, and that pisses me off too. Marsha touches her own neck and is gone before I can say anything about it.
As a side note, what Marsha just did is a very cool way to pass the time in this sort of situation. When she’s pulled back in, she won’t have experienced the time during which I was hypothetically being convinced to do the Joining, so to her, even if it takes a year, it will feel instantaneous. In that way, it’s almost like time travelling. Of course, she won’t be pulled in, period, because I have no intentions of letting them convince me.
“I’ll do the same,” Edward says and walks over to his own body.
“I’ll be here,” Paul says through clenched teeth and walks over to what I assume is his place in the circle. “Ask Caleb to keep guard when you see him.”
Without saying anything else, he takes his position in front of an empty spot. It must be where his frozen body would be were it not near the car by the road. He’s now an arm’s length away from the bearded monk at the center of the circles. He settles into the lotus pose, closes his eyes, and, I guess, starts meditating.
Rose takes me by my elbow, and we leave the amphitheater in silence. I see Caleb on the right side of the corridor that runs around the big room we just exited. We turn left and start walking. From the corner of my eye, I take in the stunning view of the intricate stairway that leads to the amphitheater.
“We are
very
patient people, Darren,” Rose says softly. “So we will get what we want.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It’s simple. What choice do you have but to cooperate?”
“Plenty. I can get the hell out of this weird place and go back to Miami to enjoy the rest of my vacation.”
“All right, walk me through that,” she says, her eyes gleaming mischievously. “Step by step, how are you going to get to Miami?”
“Well,” I start, thinking it through for the first time, “I need to phase out—”
“Is that what you call Splitting? I like it,” she says. “To
phase out
, what do you need to do?”
“I need to touch myself,” I say, my heart skipping a beat. I’m beginning to understand my predicament.
“Please don’t do that here,” she says, the gleam in her eyes turning into full-fledged amusement. “That’s one part of your growing up I don’t mind having missed.”
Realizing what I said, I start laughing. The laugh is partly hysterical, though.
“Looks like you have my sense of humor,” Rose says. “You wouldn’t have gotten it from Paul, that’s for sure.”
I stop laughing. “The bag over my head wasn’t to hide the location of this place, but to hide the location of my body, right?” I say, looking at her. “I can’t initiate phasing out without touching my body, so I’m stuck here, in Paul’s Quiet.”
“Another term you invented?” she says approvingly. “You’re as smart as I thought. The situation is exactly as you described, with two extra bits of information that should persuade you to cooperate. One—Paul is extremely stubborn, and I hope you didn’t get
that
from him. And two—he can keep up this session for many, many subjective years, and he will. So you see, all we have to do is wait you out—something we have a lot more practice with than you do.”
“I could kill myself,” I suggest. “That would get me out.”
“And become Inert? You wouldn’t,” she says, but her forehead wrinkles at the thought. “Besides, Paul and Caleb would only bring you to the Temple and we would wait for your Depth to return.”
She’s right, of course, but that gives me a more desperate idea. Without saying a word, I turn and head back for the amphitheater.
“Caleb,” Rose yells. “Guard the Hall,
now
.”
She must’ve guessed my intentions.
I start running up the stairs, but by the time I get to the Hall, Caleb is already there, arms crossed. Fuck. My idea of how to get out of this Mind Dimension involved killing my newfound grandpa. Since I’m in his Quiet, killing him would’ve kicked me out of it and made him Inert—a sacrifice I’m quite willing to make given the situation the old man put me in.
“You realize if something happens to Paul, you’ll end up in the car with me, right?” Caleb’s smile resembles that of a shark. “And I would be
very
unappreciative.”
Okay, that plan is no good. I’m not even sure I could’ve gone through with it anyway. I probably just wanted to scare the old coot with the possibility of being Inert and blackmail my way out of here. But what Caleb says is true. In or out of the Quiet, I’m still in a precarious situation.
“Are you ready to continue our tour?” Rose asks from the bottom of the stairs. “Are we done with this foolishness?”
I don’t answer. Instead, I run again, down the giant staircase.
In mere minutes, I pass all the frozen monks and race through the gardens until I find myself outside the Temple. The forest surrounds the entire perimeter of the valley where the Temple is located, so I can’t be sure from which direction we came when I was blindfolded. On a hunch, I run toward the trees in the distance, hoping that’s the right way.
I run and run at a pace where it’s actually kind of fun at first, and reminds me of the excursions I took as a kid. The sandals make it easier to run, too, and my feet are very grateful for them. Unfortunately, after hours of running, all I achieve is getting as tired as a dog. I don’t find the road, let alone the car. Stubbornly, I run some more. The fun of this is long gone, slowly turning into agonizing weariness. When I feel as if running another step will make me sick, I have no choice but to admit defeat. I was hoping I’d find my body if I searched long enough, and from there, I’d work on a plan for when I phased out. However, it seems like I might as well be looking for a person without a cell phone in the middle of Times Square—an impossible task.
With my proverbial tail tucked tightly between my legs, I return to the Temple, my slow pace making the trip back mind-numbingly boring. On my way, I decide that Joining with the Enlightened won’t be the end of the world. I wanted to refuse them out of principle, because I didn’t like the way Paul was ordering me to Join. However, I have to admit, a part of me is rather curious about the Joining. When I shared Caleb’s mind—which, let’s face it, was not the friendliest of places—it was less than pleasant. This experience, however, could be very different—perhaps
enlightening
in some way?
When I get back to the Temple, I make my way up the stairs decisively.
Caleb sees me coming and gets up from his lounging position next to the Hall. Was he just meditating? Though I guess this place would drive anyone to try it, Caleb doesn’t strike me as the meditative type at all.
“I’m not here to hurt anyone,” I tell him and raise my hands. “I’m ready for the stupid Joining they want to do.”
“You’re such a fucking idiot,” Caleb says, and before I can respond, he enters the Hall and slams the door behind him.
Belatedly, I realize I should’ve nicknamed Caleb ‘Mr. Personality.’ As I wait, the thought of entering that moniker into my phone and one day ordering it to ‘call Mr. Personality’ helps me deal with my jitters.
Rose peeks her head around the door. “Thank you for coming back.”
I enter the room. I have to hand it to Rose—she doesn’t gloat or say, “I told you so.” Neither does Paul, really. Instead, they methodically bring their spouses back into the Quiet.
“So we’re doing the Joining now?” Edward asks when he appears in the room.
“And if so, how many of us?” adds Marsha, who appeared in time to hear Edward’s question.
“Might as well be everyone,” Paul says. “We only need to look back a few weeks. I can handle that much.”
Everyone looks at one another excitedly. I ponder over the ‘handle that much’ comment.
“Let’s get the others,” Edward says and walks over to another old man frozen in meditation.
My newfound grandparents, their spouses, and the people they bring in all touch more of the white-clad figures—a ritual they seem to have performed many times before.
When everyone is in
,
I realize this is the largest crowd of live people I’ve ever witnessed in the Quiet. The ‘handle that’ comment makes sense now. I recall Eugene telling me how, when you bring people into the Quiet, you share your Depth with them. That means Paul’s depth is split with everyone here, yet he doesn’t seem concerned. But I guess even he has limits, and it sounds as though the Joining will have to be limited to ‘a few weeks,’ which I’m guessing means those weeks of my memories are what they’re most worried about.
I’m mesmerized as each of the Enlightened sits in front of his or her own frozen self, Grandpa being the only exception. They end up forming an inner circle—the very circle I thought was potentially missing earlier. Rose and her husband leave a bit of extra space between them.
“Sit next to me, please,” Rose says, pointing to the empty spot.
I walk over and take my designated place, mimicking the dignified lotus pose everyone is sitting in.
“Place your hand on the Abbot,” she says, pointing to the white-haired man in the middle.
I reach out and gingerly touch his shaved head with the tip of my index finger. As I do this, I notice each person in the circle does the same. Together, we make a strange bicycle-wheel-looking circle—our hands and arms serving as the spokes, our bodies forming the rim, and the Abbot guy being the hub in the middle.
Once everyone is touching the monk, Rose says, “Read him and then let us in, the way you did with Caleb.”
I close my eyes and slow my breathing. And then I’m in the head of the monk.
Chapter 5
O
mm.
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Omm.
Our mind is incredibly blank. We are completely in the moment, one with our breath, one with nature, one with the universe. Omm.
Our lungs are not pulling air; the universe is breathing life, breathing air into our lungs. Omm.
A mundane thought in the form of a recollection surfaces. It’s trivial, really. A memory of that verbal disagreement the two acolytes had earlier today, a disagreement we had to mediate. We experienced a rare moment of anger and frustration. Now, we treat this intrusion on our meditation as we always do when intruding thoughts arise. We don’t feel guilty or upset about them. We let it go. Thoughts will always come. We need to put our attention firmly and gently back on our breath. Thoughts are like soap bubbles or clouds in our mind. They float in, they float out. They cause no disturbance. Omm.
We delight in our breath, focusing on the exact moment the ‘in’ breath is over and the ‘out’ breath begins. We note how our body subtly moves with our heartbeat and breath. We do not feel our body at all—not the strain on the back, which is straight without any support, and not the ankles that are crossed in the lotus pose. We are overcome with a sense of calm that is building, slowly reaching new heights. Omm.
I, Darren, reluctantly disassociate. I have never experienced the kind of inner peace and quiet that is the Abbot’s mind. Nothing has ever come close. The feeling of not thinking, not worrying, not analyzing was incredible. I never realized how my mind is like a beehive with all the thoughts and ideas buzzing around in it. I never imagined how awesome it would be to have those distractions dissipate, the way they do for the Abbot.