The Everlasting Chapel (5 page)

I lean forward. “You’re damn right it was
sweet love. I loved it when you fucked me. Every. Single. Time. I
gave you my heart and soul, Michael. But maybe it’s true what they
say: sometimes love isn’t enough.” And shit, no, no, no! The tears
are coming now. I can’t—I won’t let him see me cry. “Excuse me for
one moment.” I stand up quickly before he can notice, and run to
the ladies room. I lock myself into the handicapped stall, and just
let the tears flow.

Maybe that’s what it is. Maybe love isn’t
enough. Maybe I need more. He needs more. Maybe we’d just kill each
other slowly, and that’s why this is so difficult. Some people
should never be together because they just make each other
miserable, and we definitely fit into that category. Although, when
we’re good, it is really, really good. I wad up some toilet paper
and blow my nose.

I just don’t have it in me to try again. I
want a stable life with a stable relationship. Michael and I don’t
even have trust, which is the foundation for any relationship.
There can be love without trust, but there can’t be a safe harbor.
And dammit, I need that right now. I need safe. Warm. Stable. A
friend. Someone more like Spencer.

I strengthen my resolve to keep Michael at
arm’s length, dry my tears, and return to our table.

Michael’s salad has arrived, and my coffee
waits for me.

“Is everything alright?” he asks when he
sees me, rising to his feet.

“It is,” I say. “So tell me how you’ve
been.”

“Do you really want to go there?”

At first, I think, no, but then I realize I
really do want to know how he has been. “Yes.”

“Well, you know everything that happened. I
don’t think we need to linger in the Valley of Death.”

I try not to, but it’s hard to ignore the
pain in his eyes. Suddenly I feel very bad for him. “Michael…?”

“Yes.”

“I’m truly sorry about you mother. I wish
she hadn’t suffered like she did,” I say.

His face goes slightly ashen, and I want to
reach across the table, take his hand, and tell him he can come to
me and talk about it if he needs someone. But I don’t want to give
him false hope that I have any sort of desire to reunite with him.
So I don’t offer.

“Thank you, Scarlett,” he says.

I can, however, give him honesty. “I have
something I need to tell you, and although I really don’t want to,
it’s for the best.” I have to let him know what Diane did. It’s the
only right thing to do, and as I have resolved to start living my
life right again, this is one of the major things I absolutely must
do.

He studies my eyes for a moment. “Okay.”

“Your mother sent me another letter,” I
admit.

His eyebrow peaks. “Oh?”

“I think you should read it.”

“I don’t need to read it. You and me…that’s
what’s important. Not a letter that will perpetuate the secrets and
lies.”

“But two very large checks were enclosed in
the letter,” I say.

“I don’t care about the money, Scarlett. You
can keep it for all I care.”

I’m taken aback by his statement. “But
you…created this entire crazy deal just so you could get your hands
on that money. You dragged me into it, and we…” I slump back in my
seat and let out a loud huff.

“You’ve changed me, Scarlett. I wasn’t
kidding when I said I didn’t truly love a woman until I met you,”
he says.

Tingles shoot up my spine and across my
shoulders. “But you ended it. You divorced me. You…”

He reaches across the table and takes my
hand. “We needed a fresh start. We needed our relationship to start
anew without all that baggage.”

I look down at my hand, not quite sure what
to do. “You hated me for lying to you. I’m a stripper, remember?”
Why the hell am I trying to convince him I’m no good for him? Oh,
yeah, looking into those deep, blue eyes, I forget that I don’t
want to be with this man. He hurts me again and again. Deeply. And
it will only be a matter of time before he hurts me again. I’m not
really into that kind of self-torture.

“I don’t care about that,” he says. “You can
keep stripping for all I care. But it’s the real Scarlett I have
fallen for. The one who takes care of her father. The one who is
coming clean despite the threat of losing billions of dollars. The
one who made love to me and gave herself so freely that it made me
feel loved for the first time during sex.”

“I…I don’t know what to say.”

“Just say you’ll date me. I won’t even ask
it to be exclusive. You can date the other guy if you want to. Just
give me another chance.” He lifts his other hand to my face and
gently strokes my cheek.

“I need to think about it.” He’s being far
too reasonable. He must be hiding something.

“Take as long as you need. I’m not going
anywhere,” he says.

I narrow my eyes at him.

“I’m not. I will prove to you that I have
changed. And soon you’ll see that we are worthwhile. That you can
trust me. I trust you, Scar.”

If I say yes, that means I’ll at least have
to try to forgive him for all the things he put me through. The
whole fucking deal. The mother-in-law. The lies he made me tell.
The lies he held onto. The rejection when he found out I was a
stripper.

But if I say no, I might regret it for the
rest of my life and always wonder what could have been had we given
it a fair shot. Because he’s right. There was no way we could have
lived a happily ever after with that deal. I don’t even think I
know who Michael truly is. Everything was a fabrication. He was a
fabrication. I was a fabrication even though I don’t really want to
admit it.

Are we worth another shot? Will it be worth
it to me to find out? To risk having my heart broken again? Because
what he’s asking me to do, I can’t do it half-assed. I’ll have to
give it my all.

I take a deep breath. I suppose I’ll never
know unless I try. I can’t believe I’m saying this. “Give me a few
days to think about it.”

My heart swells in my chest, but it’s not
full. It’s nothing but a huge hollow cave where the anger used to
be. What should I fill it with? Should I really agree to this? I
have to think about it. I have to discuss it with Anne. She’ll say
hell-no! But she hasn’t been here to see the man change. And has he
changed?

5

The next day is Tuesday, and since the bank
is finally open, I decide it’s time to deposit the check. However,
I also decide that I’ll only use the money to pay for my father’s
medical bills, and nothing else. I still don’t consider it
my
money, only money I am borrowing until times get
better.

At the bank, I quickly get an audience with
the bank president, Mr. Thompson. I find out he knew about the
checks Mrs. Manning had written and he has been expecting me. Of
course she knew where I banked.

I almost ask him if the check is indeed
valid, or if it might be a cruel joke the late Mrs. Manning is
playing on me, but I bite my tongue, feigning trust and confidence.
Once the check is deposited, he tells me that since the amount is
so large, it will be several days before the funds are available.
He suggests I look into buying stocks and bonds, and offers me the
business card of a prominent financial advisor. I give him my word
that I’ll look into it. I still feel guilty and am still not
certain I won’t return the money. It just doesn’t seem right.

But oddly enough, just moments later I feel
slightly giddy…okay, fucking marvelous that three billion dollars
is just waiting to clear in my account. What a rollercoaster
ride.

I call Anne on my way to work, and tell her
the news. She is super excited on my behalf, saying I deserve and
earned every penny of it. She immediately reminds me that I owe her
a few cars and a house, and I assure her that I will come through
on my promise. She says she was just kidding, but I tell her that I
am not. I think she almost passes out on the other end she’s
hyperventilating so much. After I have purchased her those things,
then
I won’t spend any more money.

Lunch is here in no time, and as planned,
Spencer shows up. Today he’s wearing a suit and tie, and I almost
have to catch my breath when I see him. Knowing now that he used to
work as a stripper, I can tell he has learned how to move in a very
appealing way.

We head to Word of Mouth café again, and
this time I order the turkey Panini.

“How was the rest of the day yesterday?” he
asks.

“Well, after you left, Michael paid me a
surprise visit and forced me to go to lunch with him.”

“Forced you?” he asks with a puzzled look on
his face.

“I have sworn to leave my past behind,
Michael included, but he insisted I meet him.”

“And…?” He doesn’t seem phased or jealous at
all, which is rather awesome. The more I get to know Spencer, the
more I like him. In fact, he’s the epitome of a likeable guy.

“I went out with him, and I broke down
because it still hurts, you know?” A lump starts to form in my
throat.

“You never told me what happened.”

“Are you sure you want to hear this?” I
ask.

“Of course.”

I tell him about how the entire deal went
down, how Michael asked me to marry him so he could get his
inheritance, about Diane, and how sneaky she was, how I fell for
Michael and he fell for me, how we couldn’t make things work
because of the broken trust, and how we got married and divorced
shortly after. When I’m finished, I look at the time.

“Shit! I’m late! I’m so sorry I talked the
entire time,” I say.

“Well, having gone through all that, I can
understand why,” Spencer says. “You need to get it all out.”

“Thanks,” I say.

“I can’t imagine what you must have been
going through. Just listening to you gives me goosebumps.” He
strokes a hand over his muscular forearms.

I pull out my credit card. “It’s my turn to
pay. Sorry, but I have to get back.”

“Put your card away. I invited you,” he
says.

“No, I insist,” I say.

The waiter comes over and Spencer hands him
his credit card before I have a chance to hand him mine.

“Fine, you sneaky bastard, but if you don’t
promise to let me pay next time, I’m not coming with you,” I
say.

“Is that your way of saying you’d like to go
out again?” he asks, giving me an, oh, so charming smile.

“I suppose it is. I enjoy talking with you.”
Although there is little to no spark between Spencer and me, I
truly enjoy his company. I just wonder if he expects more, and if
so, how much and how soon? “Is that okay?”

“Is that okay?” He throws his head back and
laughs. “I’d never turn down spending time with a sexy,
intelligent, and amusing woman.”

He really thinks that about me? I don’t know
what to say in return to that, and not wanting to lead him on, I
just smile. “Well, it has been a pleasure.”

We exit the restaurant, and Spencer walks me
across the street.

“Same time tomorrow?” he asks.

“Sure,” I say.

He looks me in the eyes, and there’s a
moment of silence as our faces are only about six inches apart.
Then he leans in closer, and for whatever reason, I stiffen. I
don’t want to kiss him. I don’t want him to kiss me. Thankfully, he
doesn’t. Instead, he gives me a hug, his soft cheek against mine,
his cologne filling my nose.

“See you tomorrow,” he whispers into my
ear.

I pull back. “Tomorrow it is.” Walking
backward a few paces, his gaze drops from my face to my chest to my
abdomen and all the way down to my feet.

Oh, he is definitely interested. Way more
than I am at this current moment. I need to make it even clearer
that I am not looking for anything right now. Unless we’re both
clear that this would only be a no-strings-attached, sex-only
fling. Damn Anne and her ideas. I swivel around and head to
work.

* * *

On my way to job number two, I call Anne
up.

“Hey, honey,” she says.

“Hey. Why did you have to suggest I have a
fling with Dr. Jamison to get over Michael?”

She gasps. “No way! Did you sleep with
him?”

“No! I just…” I produce a growling moan.

“Spit it out,” she says.

“Well, it’s a long story. I met him by
chance at the bank, and he asked me out to lunch. Thing is, now
we’re on for lunch like for the rest of the week, and after lunch
today, he gave me the look.”

“The I-wanna-fuck-you look?”

“Precisely.”

“Honey, what do you want?” she asks.

“What do you mean what do I want?”

“It’s not a complicated question. Do you
want to get laid, or what?”

“No!” Yes.

“Then don’t do it.” She pauses, and then
says, “Wait, is this about Michael?”

“Well you know I’m still not over him.” I
tell her what he said during lunch and how he thinks we should try
again, but without any of the deals or money involved.

“He really wants you, doesn’t he?” she
says.

I inhale and hold my breath. “I just don’t
know if I can trust him again. He completely…” I can’t say the
words as they get caught in my throat.

“Broke your heart,” she says. “I know. I
should give him a piece of my mind for doing that to you.”

“No offense, but somehow I don’t think it
will help,” I say.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. At least you
got your money.”

“I almost don’t want it anymore,” I say.
“It’s like it’s been tainted by everything that’s happened, and by
Diane. You know, like she’s still controlling me from beyond the
grave.” Thinking about it makes me sick to the stomach.

“Scarlett, listen to me. Don’t let him bully
you around. If he truly has changed and loves you, he will wait. I
mean, are you in a hurry to get married to him again?”