The Ex Files (26 page)

K
ENDALL

Kendall couldn’t drive fast enough.

The needle on the speedometer pushed past seventy-five. Still, Pastor Ford’s voice kept up with her, repeating it over and again.

Vanessa passed away today
.

From the moment Pastor Ford had brought them the news, Kendall felt as if her words were prophesy. Soon, it would be her sister. And if she lost her sister, she’d lose her father. He would blame her, never forgive her. To him, she’d be as dead as Sabrina.

Kendall sobbed. Now, she knew. She never wanted her sister to die. It was just the pain of the betrayal that she wanted to pass away.

Kendall veered off the freeway and minutes later, she swerved into the driveway. The car had barely stopped before she bolted out and dashed across the lawn.

She banged on the door. “Daddy!”

At first, nothing. She wondered if he were at the hospital. Or could it be worse—was she already too late?

She sobbed. “Daddy!” She bashed on the door again.

Then, “Baby girl?”

“Daddy!”

“Where is your key?” she heard him say as he fumbled with the locks.

The door swung open and Kendall wrapped her arms around her father.

He gripped Kendall’s arms. “Baby girl, you’re trembling.”

She had to wait a moment, for the shaking to stop, for the quivering to leave her lips. And when her heart began to beat once again, she said, “Daddy, yes.” She hugged her father. “I’m going to do it…for Sabrina.”

“Oh, thank you, baby girl.” Edwin pulled her tight and the two wept together.

Her butt hurt.

Kendall twisted, opened her eyes, and tried to focus.
Where am I?
And then it came rushing back. The anguish.

She rolled over in the twin-size bed that she’d slept in until she moved into her first apartment. Her eyes focused on the matching bed across the room, the space where Sabrina had slept.

She pushed herself up; she was still dressed in the sweat suit she’d worn yesterday, and she wondered how she’d made it to this room. She didn’t remember. Just remembered sitting with her father, deep into the night. Edwin had held his baby girl as she told him about Vanessa. He soothed her with his voice, told her of the things he knew about God.

“The Lord doesn’t cause these kinds of things to happen, but He allows it. So He knows best.”

After a while, she’d sat at the foot of his recliner as he leaned back and told her stories of his youth in St. Thomas. She’d heard these tales before, but last night, she needed the comfort of the connection.

“Baby girl, are you up?”

She rolled from the bed. “Yes, Daddy.”

“I made some breakfast,” he yelled through the closed door.

She smiled. Wanted to ask what kind of breakfast he’d made. But no matter what, she’d fix it up when she got out there. “Give me a few minutes.”

Her eyes wandered around the bedroom. Edwin had done nothing to change it even though his girls had been gone for years. The fading
We Are the World
poster still hung on the walls. Dingy photo frames holding pictures taken long ago sat on the dresser. Even the bedspreads were the same.

This space was full of their good life, their good times.

She took in every inch of the room. All she had to do was remember that—the good times. And then she could save her sister’s life.

Edwin was scraping a pile of scrambled eggs onto two plates when she stepped from the bedroom. He looked up, grinned. “Did you sleep well?”

She nodded as she slipped into the chair.

He dropped the pan into the sink and then joined her at the table. Taking her hand he said, “We have a lot to pray about. I spoke to Dr. Hudson. He wants you to come right in.”

She tried to return his smile, and when he bowed his head, she did the same. But she didn’t close her eyes. Wasn’t sure that she wanted to pray. Just wanted to get all of this over with so that she could go back to living her own life.

A
SIA

Asia blew Angel a kiss, then rushed toward the main sanctuary. She mingled with the masses flowing in for the first service. Her eyes scanned the crowd; she’d never talked to Sheridan or Kendall about which service they attended, but something told her that at least Sheridan would be at this one.

She sauntered through, searching, finally spotting Sheridan in the third row.

“Asia!”

They hugged and Sheridan moved her Bible and purse from the seat next to her. “Sit here.”

“Are you sure? I thought you’d be waiting for your man.”

Their smiles were framed with a bit of melancholy, remembering the day in the prayer meeting when Asia had made that joke. Remembering that Vanessa had been with them then.

“So, how are you?” Sheridan whispered, as the praise singers took their places on the platform.

Asia shrugged. “I didn’t think it would be this rough,” she said as the singing began. “We’ve only known each other a few weeks.”

Sheridan nodded. “That’s the prayer connection. We bonded.” She squeezed Asia’s hand when she noticed her eyes filling with emotions.

The two stood to join in the worship, and Asia pushed back tears. She was tired of crying—that was all she’d done since she’d heard the news. But her cries were for far more than Vanessa. Yes, she mourned for the woman she was just beginning to consider a friend. But she also grieved for what she’d done.

It was amazing, the way death brought clarity. Made you look at your life—who you were, what you’d become. And she was a murderer, killing the relationship between Bobby and Angel. Now her daughter would never know the love her father had for her. And with what happened with Vanessa, all Asia wanted was to surround her child with love.

“Good morning, church.”

Asia jumped slightly. She hadn’t seen her aunt walk up to the altar.

The pastor waited until there was nothing but silence in the sanctuary.

“I wanted to come out for a moment before we continue praise and worship.” When she paused to take a breath, Asia grabbed Sheridan’s hand.

“We’ve had a tragedy here at Hope Chapel. One of our members has passed away…committed suicide.”

Moans of shock and despair hummed through the place where just moments before they’d been making a joyful noise.

Pastor Ford said, “I stand here still not believing it. But I will tell you this—the kind of woman that Vanessa Martin was, the love that, I believe, she had for God in her heart…she was one of His.” Pastor Ford stopped, pressed her lips together. “That means that though He’s saddened by what happened as much as we are, He will turn this evil into good. So while I’m surprised at Vanessa, I can tell you that I have great expectations for what’s going to happen because of her. I can’t tell you how, but because of Vanessa Martin, people who’ve thought about suicide will come to understand. People who are depressed will find hope. People will learn that there’s nothing that can be thrown that God can’t catch. Vanessa’s death is going to become a testimony for life.” She paused again, took a long moment to look through the congregation. “It’s about learning to truly live with God in the center. Learning to let go and let God be the one to make things right. And God will make this right.” She nodded. “Because of Vanessa Martin, I expect miracles.”

Slowly, Pastor Ford strolled from the altar. The crowd stirred and whispered until Jackie, the minister of music, played the first chords of “Blessed Assurance.”

Around her, as audible cries mixed with the music, Asia bowed her head and said a prayer for Vanessa, then said one for herself.

Her aunt Beverly was right—miracles were going to happen. And she was going to make sure that hers was the first.

A
SIA

“I cannot believe you’ve been going through all of this,” Sheridan whispered as she leaned forward on the couch in Pastor Ford’s office.

Asia nodded and peeked into the outer space where Tori sat with Angel playing checkers.

Angel laughed, jumped up, and said, “King me!”

Asia turned back to the inside office. “This is what I wanted to talk about at prayer meeting the other night.” She kept her voice low. “But I’m going to call CPS tomorrow morning and drop the charges.”

“Why?” Sheridan hissed. “If Bobby’s molesting Angel, he needs to go to jail!”

“I don’t think he’s been molesting her.”

“What makes you say that now?”

Asia shrugged. “I don’t know. Angel’s been fine. Maybe she just wasn’t feeling well when she was with Bobby last week.”

“The key words you just said are ‘I don’t know.’ You don’t know. That means you can’t take the chance. Let Child Protective Services do their job, Asia. If Bobby’s innocent, that’s great, nothing lost. But if he’s not…. Go ahead with the meeting tomorrow.”

Sheridan patted her hand and Asia simply nodded. There was no need to say more. She’d never be able to explain this to Sheridan, which meant that she’d never be able to convince her aunt. She’d find a way to get out of this herself.

The two eased back, sinking into the couch’s leather, and waited for Pastor to finish with the last of the second service parishioners.

Finally, Pastor Ford sauntered past Tori and Angel, came into her office, and stretched out on the chaise.

“I don’t know how you do two services every week,” Sheridan said.

“It’s a lot, but it’s what God wants me to do. So, I love it.” She sighed. “It was tough today, though. Did you see how many people came up for prayer?”

Asia shook her head. “It’s so sad; that many people have considered suicide.”

The pastor said, “Think about all the others who were too embarrassed to get out of their seats. Depression is no joke.”

“But these are church people,” Asia exclaimed. “How can they think about suicide? It’s the unforgivable sin—they’re going to hell.”

Pastor Ford lifted her head. “Who told you that?”

Asia shrugged. “I heard it somewhere. I think I heard that it’s the only sin that you can’t ask to be forgiven because you’re already dead.” Asia frowned as if she’d confused herself. “Or something like that.”

Pastor Ford chuckled. “If that was the unforgivable sin, God would have made sure it was in the Bible.”

“But I’ve heard ministers say that.”

Pastor Ford said, “I’ve heard lots of people speak lies in the name of God. That doesn’t mean anything to me. I go by His word. The Bible makes it clear what the unforgivable sin is, and it’s not suicide.”

“What is it?”

Pastor Ford smiled a little. “Look it up. Matthew twelve, thirty-one. Anyway,” she began again, her smile gone now, “I forgot to announce this at the first service. Vanessa’s services are going to be on Thursday.”

Sheridan exhaled a long breath. “Is there anything we can do?”

Pastor Ford shook her head. “No, we’ve got everything covered; I’m doing the eulogy and a few of the deacons are going to assist. Vanessa’s best friend, Louise, is going to sing, along with Jackie. It’ll be a nice homegoing. But I would like you two and Kendall to visit her mother, especially after the services. Wanda will need us then. We’re going to have to watch her.”

“Oh no,” Asia moaned. “I can’t go through this again.”

“You won’t. We’re going to have people with Wanda as long as she needs us.”

Sheridan said, “I’ll give Kendall a call; maybe we can go over tomorrow evening and then we can visit her again afterward. What do you think, Asia?”

“Tomorrow’s fine; just let me know.”

Sheridan called for Tori and they said their good-byes. As she hugged Asia, she said, “Let me know how it goes tomorrow.”

Once alone, Pastor Ford asked Asia, “What was Sheridan talking about? What’s going on tomorrow?”

“Nothing.”

She frowned, but her expression changed—as if another thought came to mind. “Have you heard from”—she paused, looked at Angel—“CPS?”

Asia hesitated. “They called, but they haven’t set anything up yet.”

“I’ll have to get on this.” Pastor Ford shook her head.

“No, Aunt Beverly. You focus on Vanessa’s mom and I’ll take care of this.” The look on her aunt’s face made Asia add, “I promise.”

Pastor Ford hugged Angel and then Asia. “Take care of it and do it soon. Just keep me posted on everything.”

“I will, Aunt Beverly. I promise it will all be taken care of tomorrow.”

K
ENDALL

Kendall balanced the coffee cup in her hand and stretched her legs atop the deck’s rail. The April sun shone brightly, but still the morning chill made her shiver, even though she was wrapped in her chenille bathrobe. Around her, pages from the Saturday and Sunday
Los Angeles Times
flapped in the breeze. She loved this deck. Wondered if she could live her entire life out here.

The cordless phone rang and she glanced at the screen. Saw the number, ignored it again. She didn’t know how many times her father had called; she’d stopped counting after ten, stopped listening to his messages after the first one.

“Baby girl, call me back, please. We just want to thank you for what you did….”

She’d deleted the rest of the message.

Kendall leaned back, closed her eyes, and listened to the soft song of the surf. The phone rang again, barging in on the sea’s music, but soon the ringing stopped. After ten minutes of silence, Kendall prayed that her father had given up.

She didn’t know why he wanted to talk about it. She didn’t want to. If she was going to be her sister’s donor, then it had to be this way, on her terms.

She probably should have explained it to him before they left his house on Friday morning. Before they got to the hospital, before they’d met Dr. Hudson.

“What floor is the doctor on?” she had asked her father when they stepped into the lobby of Cedar Sinai.

“The third. But he’s going to meet us in the lab on the second floor. He’ll be paged when we get there.”

When they stepped into the elevator, Edwin pressed 5.

“I thought we were going to the second floor.”

“We’re going to see your sister first. She wants to thank you.”

Kendall shook her head, pressed 2. “No.” The elevator stopped. “I’ll meet you back here,” she said over her shoulder.

Confusion was carved in Edwin’s forehead when he followed her. “I thought you’d want to see Sabrina.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re doing this.”

“Just this, Daddy. I’m only getting tested and nothing more.”

The wrinkles in his forehead deepened.

“Look,” Kendall said, her voice sounding tired, “I’m going to do what I can to save Sabrina’s life, but I have no plans to make her part of mine.”

In silence, they waited for Dr. Hudson, and Kendall could feel her father’s bewilderment and disappointment. But she knew he’d say nothing. Knew he didn’t want to speak a word that might chase his eldest away.

Kendall had barely listened to the doctor when he finally showed up. All she could think about how her blood was going to save the life of the woman who had taken her life away.

“It’s a simple blood test,” Dr. Hudson said, “and the nurse will also take a swab from your cheek. We’ll know first thing Tuesday.”

“That long, Doctor?” Edwin had asked.

The doctor nodded. “We’re still checking the NMDP Registry—so far, nothing. As I told you before, the statistics aren’t good. Seventy percent of patients who need bone marrow transplants are never matched.”

Kendall had frowned. “What does that mean?”

Before the doctor could speak, Edwin took her hand. “It means you’re our hope, baby girl.”

The doctor nodded.

The statistics didn’t faze her. She knew what would happen now. She’d be a match, and save her sister’s life. This was what their lives had always been about.

It hadn’t taken long—the nurse drew five tubes of blood, rubbed a swab against her cheek, and it was over.

Edwin had waited right outside the room. And when she’d finished, his eyes pleaded with her to make this the time of reconciliation.

She’d looked him straight in his eyes. “Do you need a ride home?”

He got her message, shook his head. “I’m going to stay here with Sabrina for a while.”

She’d hugged him and then marched right out of the hospital. Hadn’t spoken to him since.

The ringing phone forced her eyes open, and this time when she looked at the screen, she pressed Talk.

“Kendall, this is Sheridan.”

“Hey.”

“I called your office; your assistant said you hadn’t been in for a few days. How’re you doing, girl?”

“I’m good. What about you?”

Sheridan sighed. “Still reeling from Vanessa. Her services are going to be Thursday.”

Kendall didn’t say a word.

“And Pastor wants you, me, and Asia to visit Vanessa’s mom. How’s this evening for you?”

It didn’t take her a second to say, “I won’t be able to do that.”

“Is tomorrow better?”

“Nope. You and Asia go on. I don’t need to be there.”

Kendall could feel Sheridan’s frown. “Is everything all right, Kendall?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

“I know everyone reacts differently to death.”

“I’m sure they do, but I’m not reacting. I barely knew Vanessa.”

There was a pause. “Kendall,” Sheridan said softly. “What’s wrong?”

Suddenly, she wanted to cry. “Nothing. Listen, I have to go. I have my own issues over here.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“Nope.”

Another pause. “Listen, why don’t we ride together to the funeral? I’ll pick you up.”

“I’m not going. I told you, I hardly knew her.”

“But she was our friend.”

“I’m not going.” Kendall closed her eyes and wished she could take back her tone.

“Okay.” Sheridan spoke slowly. “Well, we won’t have prayer meeting this Thursday. But let’s start it up next week.”

“Sure,” she said. It was only because she wanted to end this conversation that she didn’t mention she wouldn’t be back to their little group. She didn’t care what kind of SOS Pastor Ford would send out.

“And, Kendall, call me anytime you need me.”

When she hung up, Kendall brushed the tears from her face. She hated that she was crying. Didn’t know why. She was never supposed to care again.

Call me anytime you need me
.

Those were Sheridan’s words.
Yeah, right
. Kendall knew that wasn’t true. She knew she couldn’t depend on Sheridan. Just like she couldn’t depend on Anthony. Or Sabrina.

And now, Vanessa had let her down the same way.

Anytime you want me to say an extra little prayer for you, any of you, just tell me
.

That’s what Vanessa had said at the last meeting. Just proved that she couldn’t be trusted either.

Kendall folded her arms. Wanted to scream her anger at the ocean. How could she have opened her heart again? Let people in just so they could walk right back out?

“I’m done!” she yelled to the sea. Once this was over, she’d go back to the life she knew best. No connections. Just herself and her business. That was all she could depend on.