The Exception (22 page)

“But you did do that to me, Cane,” I said angrily.

“No. No, I didn’t,” he said emphatically. “I never moved on. I know I technically did go to Payson, but that wasn’t me running from you. That was me knowing I was in over my head. And if you want the truth, I wanted you to call me. I wanted to know that you wanted me as much as I wanted you.”

He took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

“I’m sorry for leaving like that. Honestly, there was a part of me that did think if we fucked, I could move on. Because needing someone, Jada, is not something I know how to do. But you know what? It made it worse. I wanted you
more
, not
less
. I didn’t know how to handle that. I wasn’t sure what I was even feeling. Fuck, feeling anything at all is against every rule I’ve ever made.”

Cane looked briefly at the floor before raising his eyes to mine.

“Me leaving was me trying to give us both time to wrap our heads around everything.”

I wanted to latch on to what he was saying, but there was a fear of being rejected that I just couldn’t shake.

What if I was somehow misreading everything he said? What if he just wanted five nights instead of one?

Choosing to go the safe route and guard my heart, I decided to let him get everything out before responding. I didn’t want to look like a fool by jumping to conclusions. “Did you decide anything?”

He turned around and lay down beside me. I scooted backwards, allowing space between us. I didn’t want him that close because I wasn’t sure how things were going to end.

And it always seemed to end.

“Yeah, I decided that being with you is this conundrum. I want to be with you, but you deserve the best and I don’t know how to be a nice guy, Jada.”

“That’s not true. You are one of the nicest guys ever when you aren’t being an ass. But here’s the thing about that,” I turned, squaring myself up with him, “you choose to be an ass. I really believe that. You did that thing at the bar to intentionally hurt me, Cane. And it worked.”

He flinched. “That thing last night was one major fuckup. I can’t believe I did that and I won’t even ask for you to forgive me because I won’t forgive myself.” He didn’t continue until our eyes met. “I am embarrassed. I regret that. And I am sorry.”

I weighed his words in my mind.
He said he was sorry and that means something, but is it enough to offset the pain he put me through on purpose?
I felt my shoulders sag as I realized … it wasn’t.

“I don’t know that I can forgive you for that, Cane. Knowing for a fact that you knew you were hurting me, I don’t know if I can get over that.”

He looked down at the blanket and I watched his body droop. He slowly raised his eyes and they landed on my arm, the blue turning into a violent storm. “When Max called about …
that
, I realized something. I feel like you’re mine, Jada. That’s stupid and out of line, I know, but that is how I feel. I’ve felt that way for a while.”

“That
is
stupid and out of line, Cane.”

“
You
were what I worried about when I saw you with Simon. That’s why I had Max keep an eye on you.” He looked to the ground, biting his lip in hesitation before continuing. “That’s why I asked your dad to assign Zack to the Solomon Place account.”

“You did
what
? Why would you do that, Cane? I can’t even believe this! You totally overstepped your bounds.”

“You don’t understand! I had to make sure you were safe! And you obviously found a way around that, anyway. But part of that is my fault. I knew last night that something was different for me, something really different, when I hated myself for leaving that bar without you.”

I spun my ring around my finger as I absorbed his words. When he left that bar without me, I felt so inconsequential. And that was the same thing Decker had always made me feel and the one thing I swore I would never feel again.

“I realized that there are things out there worth fighting for, both literally and figuratively. Things were put into perspective for me tonight. The idea of you being hurt killed me, Jada. The thought of some other man’s hands on you had me seeing red. My reaction was worse than I even thought it would be. I could have killed him. Fuck, I still want to kill him.”

“I may have listened to you if you would have just told me. I felt like you were trying to impose your will on me and I don’t do well in those situations. I don’t know.”

He placed both of his hands on the sides of my face and stared intently into my eyes. “All I know for sure is that I want to be with you. Just me and you. Give me a chance. Have some patience because there’s a learning curve for me, but I promise you that I won’t hurt you. Not on purpose. I can’t believe this is even coming out of my fucking mouth, but I can’t control it. I can’t get anything done; I can’t focus on anything besides you because you are the one thing that’s hanging out there. I just … nothing feels right until the moments we are together.” He grinned nervously. “I just want to be with you.”

No matter how badly I tried to tell myself I didn’t want him and that I couldn’t need him, no matter how hard I pushed him away or how angry he made me, I still wanted him. It didn’t make any sense why I would be drawn to him after everything I had been through until I broke it all down.

In spite of all of his imperfections—he was real. He wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t pretend like he was. He didn’t try to feed me a line about Lesley and he didn’t lie to me, even though it would have saved my feelings a little. And he went after Simon, right or wrong, as soon as he heard what had happened. If Simon would go to the police, Cane could be in serious trouble. But his first thought was
me.
And that was the difference. In my relationship with Decker, it was never about me. He would lie, cheat, steal and pretend to be the perfect husband. Cane and Decker, while appearing on the outside to be the same, were actually very opposite.

But that didn’t mean Cane was the right answer for me.

“I’m scared,” I whispered.

“Don’t be afraid of me, baby. Don’t be afraid of this. I’ve fought it for so damn long, but I’m tired of pretending. When Max called me tonight and told me what had happened, it was like he wiped away all the fog. It was all of a sudden crystal clear,” he said as he stroked my cheek with his thumb. I couldn’t help but lean against his hand. “Let’s just take it slow. See what happens. Just let things happen because if the past few weeks are any indication, things are going to happen anyway. We can’t seem to stay away from each other.”

A knot of uncertainty was wound tightly in the pit of my stomach and I couldn’t work it free. The last time I allowed myself to believe another man’s promises led to the destruction of my heart.

“It’s not that easy for me. You hurt me on purpose last night, just like Decker used to do. No matter how attracted to you I am or how much I want to be with you, there is a part of me that feels like it is really ridiculous to even consider it. Why would I?”

“There is a difference,” he said simply.

“What’s that?”

“I have never given you my word. I have never made a commitment to you. Hell, I’ve never even wanted to think about making a commitment to anyone before. But I want to make one to you. I want to give you my word that I want to see where things go with us and I want you to give me yours, too.” He tilted his head, his forehead wrinkled in thought. “I don’t break my word, Jada. I’ve never said this shit to anyone else. You are the one exception to every rule I’ve ever made.”

My heart swelled and I fought back the tears that were congregating. He flashed me one of his brilliant smiles and it warmed me from the inside out.

“For someone that doesn’t like words, you are doing pretty good with them right now.” I bit my lip as he leaned in closer.

“You just said a second ago that you know who I am. Jada, you know who I have been. But I can be who you need. I’ll do my best to be that man. I
want
to be that man.”

I reached up and touched the side of his face.
Please don’t let this be a dream.

“Are you sure about this? What if you wake up and hate the person that you’ve become?”

“Stop arguing with me. You know I always get my way, so just say you’ll try with me.”

I closed my eyes, trying to listen to my head over the pleadings of my heart. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, thoughts flying in from every part of my life, every part of my body.

“Agree to try with me. Let me make you happy.”

I stilled.
“Let me make you happy.”
No one had ever said that to me before. His simple request was the most complex thing anyone had said to me. My brain started processing everything that could go wrong, while my heart nearly burst with possibilities.

It all boiled down to trust.
Do I trust Cane enough to hand over my heart?

Cane sat quietly, his eyebrows furrowed, his bottom lip between his teeth. Outwardly, he looked relaxed, but I could see the anxiety behind his eyes. He was nervous, too. Knowing that gave me a little comfort.

Head up, heart strong.

“Okay,” I breathed.

He pulled back and raised his eyebrows. “Really? You’ll try?”

“We can’t seem to stay away from each other and you are too stubborn to argue with. So do I really have a choice?” I bit the side of my lip to keep from smiling as he absorbed what I had said.

“I don’t care why you agreed, just as long as you do.” He lay on his side behind me and pulled me in close.

“Thank you,” I whispered, letting the rise and fall of his chest soothe me.

He squeezed me tighter, making sure to avoid my arm. “For what, baby?”

“For everything, I guess.”

“If you had asked me to do anything, you could thank me. But everything I did, I did for me.”

“How do you figure?”

“Because I had to know I did everything in my power to protect you. You were mine even though you didn’t know it.”

I couldn’t stop the grin on my face. Maybe this could work out. I thought back to the parking lot and to Simon’s face as he grabbed ahold of me. “Do you think it’s over? Do you think he’ll come after me again?”

Cane stilled behind me. “Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t think so. Did you get pictures of the bruising?”

“Yeah, Kari took pictures after Max left to get you or whatever happened.”

“Do you want to call the police?”

“Can we figure it out tomorrow? I just can’t deal with this tonight. I’m so tired.”

Cane’s chest began to rise and fall again in a steady pattern. “If that’s what you want.”

“Don’t you need a shower?” I asked, my eyes getting droopy.

He kissed the top of my head. “I just want to hold you while you fall asleep.”

I snuggled into him, closing my eyes. I had fought against being in that exact position for so long on the basis that it would leave me feeling incomplete. There I was, wrapped in his arms, and I felt more comfortable there than I ever had anywhere before.

“I could get used to this.”

“It is pretty nice.”

“I’m afraid to close my eyes,” he whispered against my ear as I began to drift off.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess I feel like we just got our shit straight and I want to live in this moment a little while longer.”

“I told you that you could be a nice guy.”

Chuckling, he kissed the top of my head again. “You tell anyone and I’ll deny it.”

“Your secret is safe with me, Cane.”

JADA

The Arizona sun was relentless the following morning. Despite the drawn curtains, the bright light woke me early. I groaned, turning to look at the clock. I held my arm in the air to get a better look. There were distinct purple marks, but it wasn’t too bad.

I glanced over beside me to see an empty bed. The covers were torn back, reminding me that Cane had been there with me. It hadn’t been a dream. My eyes roamed the room, searching for any sign of him. There was nothing, besides my memory and the wrinkled comforter, to indicate he had ever been there at all.

My stomach sank.
I’m a fool. He woke up regretting everything, just like I knew he would.

I took a deep breath and seriously contemplated staying in bed for the rest of the day.
I’ve been through worse. I’ll make it through this, too. Get up. Get some coffee. One foot in front of the other.

I forced myself up and into the en suite and looked in the mirror. I really looked no worse for the wear. I looked at my reflection and realized that the majority of the pain I was feeling was internal and had nothing to do with the bruises on my arm. It was more about waking up alone.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face, pulling my hair into a messy bun. I smiled at myself in the mirror.
Fake it ‘til you make it, remember?

Throwing on a soft white robe from the back of my bathroom door, I pulled it tight against me, wishing it could somehow fill the little void that had made its way into my chest. I lifted my chin as I walked through my room. Life would go on, it always did. So I may as well just catch the next rotation. I need to figure out what to do about Simon, anyway.